But cadmium batteries can be hazardous to make. In southern China, Wang Fengping worked for years in plants that produced cadmium batteries for the likes of Mattel Inc., Toys "R" Us Inc. and Wal-Mart Stores Inc. Like hundreds of her colleagues, Ms. Wang regularly inhaled the toxic red cadmium dust that filled the air in the plant.

Now, at 45, Ms. Wang is often too weak to walk. Her kidneys have failed, and her doctors have identified cadmium poisoning as the likely culprit. About 400 other workers at her former employer, Hong Kong-based GP Batteries International Ltd., have been found to harbor unsafe levels of cadmium, a toxic metal like mercury and lead that can cause kidney failure, lung cancer and bone disease.

Some toy-makers, like Hasbro, have eschewed the use of cadmium in their products because of their toil on the environment and the health of the workers who manufacture the batteries. Mattel, however, still uses cadmium batteries, claiming that they have "performance advantages." Walmart says it doesn't buy or use cadmium batteries produced by the manufacturer that employed Ms. Wang, but declined to comment further.

Toxic Factories Take Toll On China's Labor Force [Wall Street Journal] (Thanks, Aaron!)
Ms. Wang's Blog [Yahoo!]

They also changed the goal of the game from accumulating the most money to earning the most "life points." Supposedly this a combination of wealth and life experiences, but it's not hard to see parallels between "life points" and the reward points and airlines miles offered by certain credit cards.

For their part, Visa says they're simply responding to what consumers want:..

(Photo: Mia3mom)

Integration into THE GAME OF LIFE: Twists & Turns Edition was a natural fit for Visa," said Susanne Lyons, chief marketing officer, Visa USA. "The latest enhancement is a powerful illustration of consumer preference to pay with Visa for everyday purchase and once-in-a-lifetime experiences. The game also highlights the importance of education and experiencing life to its fullest, which synch up nicely with the Visa brand.

But do not fret. Visa will provide handy material to be sure your kids don't get sucked into thinking racking up credit card debt is ok:

In addition to incorporating a Visa-branded card as its official currency, THE GAME OF LIFE: Twists & Turns Edition will feature elements of Visa's award-winning financial literacy curriculum Practical Money Skills for Life.

Here's the translation for all this crap: Hasbro was looking for a way to pump life into an older board game. Visa was looking for a way to introduce a younger audience to their brand and get them used to paying for everything with a credit card (I can just hear them now, "Let's get the kiddies comfortable with credit cards so when they hit 18 they'll be like the cavalry and CHARGE!!!!!") Voila! A partnership was born. It doesn't say whether or not money or other promotional efforts (think inserts for Twists and Turns in Visa statements) were traded back and forth, but we wouldn't be surprised if it happened.

How about a new version of Ants in the Pants where the ants make it so terrible for the wearer that Terminex has to show up and kill them all. The cross-marketing possibilities are endless!

— Free Money Finance

New Edition of THE GAME OF LIFE Now Takes Visa [Hasbro]

"The Easy-Bake Oven is a purple and pink plastic oven that resembles a kitchen range with four burners on top and a front-loading oven. "Easy Bake" is printed on the front of the oven. Model number 65805 and "Hasbro" are stamped into the plastic on the back of the oven. The Easy Bake Oven is an electric toy and is not recommended for children under eight years of age. Ovens sold before May 2006 are not included in this recall."

If you have one of these ovens, you can contact Easy-Bake tor a receive a free retrofit kit with consumer warning. Caregivers should keep the Easy Bake Oven away from children under eight years of age. —MEGHANN MARCO

Easy-Bake Ovens Recalled for Repair Due to Entrapment and Burn Hazards [CPSC]

Advertising Age commissioned us to write up the top ten biggest business debacles of 2006.

1. AOL refuses to cancel customer's account
2. Comcast tech falls asleep on customer's couch
3. BOA employee sings U2 cover about MBNA merger
4. Sony recalls potentially exploding batteries
5. Bausch & Lomb recalls fungus causing contact-lens solution
6. AOL releases users' search records online
7. Northwest tells laid-off workers to dumpster dive
8. Wal-Mart's fake blogs exposed
9. Hasbro markets Oozinator with suggestive video
10. Cingular cans contracts of unprofitable customers

This list appears in the print edition of Advertising Age on newstands now. Some of the list items were suggested by the readers, and several of the original stories came out of reader tips. Nice work, people!

Story behind the stories, inside...

1. AOL refuses to cancel customer's account

Vincent Ferrari called to cancel his AOL account, and a 20-minute battle with the customer-service rep ensued. Little did AOL know Vincent recorded the call, and it became an internet hit that spread to radio and TV. AOL publicly apologized and revamped its call centers to make canceling easier. Subsequently, AOL began to hemorrhage subscribers at record levels.

2. Comcast tech falls asleep on customer's couch

Brian Finklestein recorded a Comcast tech asleep on his couch while waiting on hold with HQ. The video spread across the web and onto national TV. Comcast apologized and sent a crack team of seven technicians to solve Brian's problem. It took them five hours. And the sleeping technician? Unceremoniously dumped. Which is a little sad, since it was HQ who had him on hold for so long.

3. BOA employee sings U2 cover about MBNA merger

Ethan Chandler covered U2's "One" at a company lunch to pep up the troops about the 2005 merger with MBNA. At the time, the employees were kept in the room by the open bar, but the internet watched in rapture. Thanks to the video's popularity, Universal Music may be suing Ethan, and Bank of America affirms its identity as a major toolshed.

4. Sony recalls potentially exploding batteries

Sony and all the major laptop makers launched the largest product recall in the history of mankind after it was found that certain Sony batteries could combust while in use. Several incidents were documented and distributed online before the recall launched. In one, a hunter's laptop went off while sitting on a box of ammunition in his truck, forcing him to dive for cover as the truck spewed live rounds in every direction.

5. Bausch & Lomb recalls fungus causing contact-lens solution

B&L withdrew popular lens-cleaning solution ReNu MoistureLoc after outbreaks of fusarium keratitis fungus emerged in users' eyes. At least one user went blind as a result. Cases were first reported in 2004 in Singapore. In reaction to the news, B&L's stock dropped. After the company announced the recall, the stock went back up.

6. AOL releases users' search records online

In a misguided attempt to aid academic researchers, AOL released the search records of more than 500,000 users. Not surprisingly, the move didn't go over well with privacy advocates (or AOL critics). User IDs were blacked out, but it didn't exactly take a hacking genius to exploit the records and follow searches back to the source. Reporters at The New York Times were able to correlate one user's searches and discover said user's identity.

7. Northwest tells laid-off workers to dumpster dive

After broad staff cuts, Northwest distributed a handbook for thrifty living to pink-slipped employees. Some of the suggestions were relatively sound, but others were insulting. Among 101 ways to save money, the booklet advised, "Don't be shy about pulling something you like out of the trash." So much for dismissal with dignity. Also: "Bicycle to work." That would be good advice, provided the recipients had a job to bike to.

8. Wal-Mart's fake blogs exposed

Unable to tell the true story about Wal-Mart through press releases, Wal-Mart's PR agency, Edelman, turned to the blogosphere. One blog followed a couple who decided to "Wal-Mart Across America," parking their RV in a different Wal-Mart every night. It was later discovered that the people writing the blog had their entire trip underwritten by a pro-Wal-Mart group, which in turn received most of its funding from Edelman.

9. Hasbro markets Oozinator with suggestive video

One of the latest Super Soaker water guns is the Oozinator, which shoots a sticky polymer in addition to water. Hasbro's spot showed an older teen shooting younger boys with the goo. The results were suggestive and disgusting, and Hasbro removed the video from its site. Hundreds of innuendo-laced reviews flooded Amazon but were later deleted. A few archivists managed to save and publish the video and comments, where they continue to delight viewers.

10. Cingular cans contracts of unprofitable customers

Former AT&T customers and other "unprofitable" customers had their service degraded. Cingular: raising the bar, then lowering it on their customers' necks.

— BEN POPKEN

Consumerist's 10 Biggest Business Debacles [AdAge]

LA improvers The AV Club imagine what must have happened in those heady moments just before Hasbro unleashed the Oozinator upon an unsuspecting nation. One voice of reason tried to explain, "The Money Shot," but his voice was drowned in a cacophonous sploogeathon.

America will never walk without limping again.

Times have changed. We no longer climb into an iron, a top hat or the rectum of a cast iron Scottish terrier to hop around Atlantic City. The Boardwalk costs significantly more than $400. And Mr. Moneybags (god rest his soul) would be more likely to be strutting around in a head-to-toe Adidas vinyl jumpsuit covered in bling than a top hat and tails.

So Monopoly is no longer the ultra-realistic simulator of real estate and financial affairs it once was. Consequently, Hasbro is releasing a special version of the game where all of these laughable anachronisms are purged. The biggest change? You won't use money anymore; you'll use a credit card.

This is apparently ultra-realistic. We are assured by Hasbro real human beings don't carry cash anymore. "For a $3 purchase, I use my debit card," says Krisi Lee, Monopoly Enthusiast. We assume Krisi Lee is just crazy.

In the interest of Hasbro's vaunted attempts at Monopoly realism, it's worth putting in perspective how much going around the board nets you now: 2 Million Pounds. That means Boardwalk costs 4 Million Pounds. We may be incorrect here, but while Krisi Lee's daily Beefaroni allowance may well be put on her debit card, we doubt that many multi-million matters of high finance are conducted with a swipe of a piece of plastic through a debit machine's buttocks.

New Monopoly Game Uses Debit Card, No Cash [Raw Story]

Read the Oozinator thread to see why we cream over this Super Soaker squirt gun.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-
Item Subtotal: $24.99
Shipping & Handling: $7.94

Sales Tax: $2.76

Total: $35.69

Just you wait, kiddies, we're gonna have some fun. By that, we mean hardcore, probing, undercover investigative journalism to determine how far it shoots, its volume and capacity, how well it holds up to other squirt guns, both ooze and traditional variety. Hell, we should probably try to pitch it to Consumer Reports. Covered in ooze.

Such a campaign was recently initiated in response to Hasbro's planned line of "Pussycat" Barbie dolls: a campaign so full of prudish self-righteousness that it caused Hasbro to cancel the line of dolls two days later. With bare midriffs and sultry plastic gazes, the dolls were modeled after the Pussycat music groups, a band that once sang the immortal words "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?" Hey, who doesn't?

In response to Hasbro's decision, a co-founder of the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood (eyeroll) explained: "[The Pussycat Dolls] was a ratcheting up of the kind of precocious irresponsible sexuality that is being marketed to little girls." We here at the Consumerist are against the precocious irresponsible sexuality of little girls, just as much as we're for the precocious irresponsible sexuality of big, preferably busty girls. So we win, we guess.

Have the heirs of Barbie hit limit for risque dolls? [Christian Science Monitor]

Subject: RE: Request for SuperSoaker Oozinator interview.
From: [redacted]
Date: 5/23/2006 3:36 PM
To: Ben Popken

Hey Ben-

Thanks for thinking of Hasbro and the Oozinator for your story. I'm happy to send you Super Soaker press materials but unfortunately a Hasbro spokesperson is not available for comment.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Very best,
[redacted]

We wrote back, "When would a Hasbro spokesperson be available for comment?" but have not received a reply.

It may be time to purchase an Oozinator and conduct a thorough product review.

Tame questions, after the jump.

Thanks for your help, readers, by the way, though we must apologize for only using one of your suggestions. We did want to try to get approved, after all.

—-—-—-
Slimer from The Ghostbusters, the slime on Nickelodeon in the 80's, what is it about kids and slime?

What was the Oozinator's inspiration?

What is the Ooze made of? Does it have any other unique physical properties? Does the Ooze stain?

Have you received any complaints about the unique squirt gun? What were
kids' reactions like in the focus groups?

A caution for the toy reads, CAUTION: Do not aim at eyes or face. What
happens if the ooze gets in your eye?

What have sales been like and how do they compare to other Super Soaker
products at this point in their release cycle?

Will we see other ooze-orientated Super Soaker offerings?
—-—-

Maybe Hasbro read our Oozinator thread and thought better.

Our first stop is the Oozinator PR people. They are happy to forward our request to Hasbro, but they would like to see a few sample interview questions first.

Sample questions we had in mind:

• "The ads depict teenagers squirting boys who appear under 10. Is it Hasbro's intention for this product to be marketed to older males?"
• "What was the inspiration for the Oozinator? Perhaps a rare animal or something else found in nature only in special circumstances?"
• "In business, as in war, it's found that groups begin to function less efficiently if their size is greater than 150 persons. What is the maximum amount of people Hasbro recommends for a group Oozinator fight?"

Pray tell, what should we ask the Oozinators?

Previously: Oozinator thread.

Skeet Skeet, fothermucker.

http://oozinator.ytmnsfw.com/

For the uninitiated, a wikipedia entry on what a YTMND is, what to do in case of an attack, their eating habits, and how they can save your life.

Using the power of Google cache we uncovered some but many were missing like the special personal publications hidden behind the bed after our mom cleaned our room. Woe.

Thankfully, reader Tralfamador is handier at search engine manipulation and he scraped out more of the missing reviews from the sticky crevices they'd been secreted.

Read the taint, after the jump...

Here's what customers said about the Oozinator, at least until Amazon removed the reviews this week.

*****************************************************************

"1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

= Durability = Fun = Educational = Overall
Ooz or Lose!, May 4, 2006
Reviewer: Ima Retard "Ima" (USA) - See all my reviews

I'm not sure if any one else is having this problem with their Oozinator but mine developed sores and started to flake. It also started to turn redish and became itchy to hold. I usually pump my Oozinator with much force while tightening the belt around my neck but now it just hurts to hold the Oozinator. I asked my wives if it seemed a little odd looking and they had a conserned look on there 13 year old faces. My Oozinator usually shoots out the 10 ounces of Goo its supose to, but now it sprays a vibrant red mist wich is starting to concern me. So I went to Toys-R-Us where I first discovered the Oozinator in the kids area and ask the clerk if they could check my Oozinator. I wipped it out and 3 employees vomited at the site. I never got my money back and am now righting from a prison cell. Good news is my cell-mate loves my Oozinator and I cry my self to sleep.....thank you Oozinator!?"

*****************************************************************
amazon.com product review quotes:

I swear half of the reviews on Amazon were made to be full of innuendo. That's horrible.

"Downside- All the pumping and excitement really tuckers you out for about half an hour after you use it, but before long you're all set to give'er another go even if your tank is running low!"

"Use a microwave oven to warm the goo up before you load it into the oozinator for an even more fun time "

"if you ever run out, you can just fill it up with more! all the kids in the neighborhood will come, and play with you!"

"One of the best innovations in group fun since the sleepover. I tested this toy out with some of my best girlfriends, and they all enjoyed being splattered with ooze. The only downside is your hand gets a might tired after pumping your gun during long durations, so be sure to have a friend to help you pump it out. Once I had pretended the gun was stuck, and had my friend pump it while the nozzle was pointed at her face. She gave it a cock and was disdained to find her face covered in ooze! Some got in her mouth and she choked on it, she swallowed some but said it tasted kinda salty. I wouldn't recomment swallowing it, but it's non-toxic, so it won't kill you to try."

"This toy is outstanding. I bought one at Fascinations Adult Store. You can refill the cartridges by yourself if desired. The first batch of goo that came with it was not warm or salty, but I've since corrected that problem."

"This toy is wonderful! I love spraying all the neighborhood boys with my bio-ooze. This toy shoots for quite a distance and the tank holds quite a sticky load. We laugh and play then afterwards we go in the back and get the boys all cleaned up."

"I just love hosing down the neighborhood kids with my bio goo. Thank god this toy came around. It's so much easier to save up your bio goo rather than running around with your pants down if ya know what I mean"

"especially effective on neighborhood girls"

*****************************************************************
-NO DATE-
My uncle who got me the Oozinator always wants me to ooze all over my own face over and over while he records it with his new handy-cam... Sometimes he likes me to hit myself in the face with it. I wish i never got this stupid oozinator now. I am confused.

*****************************************************************

Fun with all the boys, April 30, 2006
Reviewer: Father O'Mally (Boston) - See all my reviews
This toy is wonderful! I love spraying all the neighborhood boys with my bio-ooze. This toy shoots for quite a distance and the tank holds quite a sticky load. We laugh and play then afterwards we go in the back and get the boys all cleaned up.

Was this review helpful to you?

*****************************************************************

"4 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

= Durability = Fun = Educational = Overall
I love my GUN, May 2, 2006
Reviewer: Robert K. Lancaster - See all my reviews

I love my gun, however i have discovered a potential problem for others. My big problem is my Wife. She never lets me shoot it inside. She is always saying "take it out, take it out" I tried telling her that for some reason it just feels better to shoot it inside. She says it makes a big mess. I asked her if there is anyway to compromise on this and we came up with an awsome idea. In stead of shooting it inside she is willing to let me spray the warm good anywhere outside it want. So yesterday afternoon I tackled her to the ground and shot the warm sticky goo all over the small of her back. Gotta love the GOO! "

*****************************************************************

" = Durability = Fun = Educational = Overall
Ooze just shoots too quickly, May 4, 2006
Reviewer: Harold Carroll (Richmond, KY) - See all my reviews

As much fun as this toy is while it lasts, it does indeed tend to shoot the ooze much quicker than I would want. It's good for me but my partners don't enjoy it. "

" = Durability = Fun = Educational = Overall

*****************************************************************

Make sure to lock your door, May 4, 2006
A Kid's Review
My parents are strongly against playing with my oozinator alone, they want me to know a someone first and WAIT a while till I can use my oozinator. I thought this was stupid so I often lock my door and play with my oozinator alone. I also get with my buddies and friends, and we play with our oozinators together when we leave the house. And sometimes, we get on the computer or read magazines to help us learn how to shoot ooze better

Afterwards, we go around, oozing everyone in town. Everyone loves our ooze! They also like the gun, and often want to play with it too! We're nice, so we often let them ooze us, too.. BUT MAKE SURE YOUR PARENTS DON'T CATCH YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR OOZINATOR. They say it's unnatural, but we just want to have fun!"

*****************************************************************

Previously:

• Oozinator's Origins, Revealed!
  
• The Oozinator Squirts Its Way Into Our Hearts
  
• The Oozinator Delights Children

From the Hasbro website:

Check out the original of the cartoon for full live video effect (we had to screenshot and paste two images as the last frame, sorry Graham, please don't sue us).

UPDATE: The Amazon reviews have been deleted, but no one is safe from the almighty power of the Google cache. See what spunk we dug up, after the jump [NSFW]...

So here's what we were able to retrieve from here. There's a second page of reviews that we can't access. Let us know if anyone knows how to go to a sub-page on Google cache so that sub-page is also the cached version (or otherwise access the information).

According to the press release pointed to by Adfreak, the limited edition fragrance, released "just in time for Mother's Day," is intended for "highly-creative people, who seek a whimsical scent reminiscent of their childhood."

1oz is $19 and 4oz is $39.50 over at the Demeter Fragrance Library.

There's probably some funny date scenarios to envision but we're drawing blanks. Maybe we're just not highly-creative enough or we haven't huffed enough wallpaper cleaner - what they were trying to invent when they stumbled across the iconic children's toy - lately.

I think something may be wrong with my oozinator. As I understood it, this is a toy that can be enjoyed by a beginner. However, having tried to use it on some of the neighborhood girls yesterday, I found that it begins to pump out its ooze within a few seconds of encountering a target, well before any fun has begun! Some of them said that they still had fun playing with it, but I got a feeling that they were disappointed in mine. I spoke to my grandfather about this problem, and he said I should be thankful it shoots at all, apparently he has an older version that no longer shoots out ooze, even after extended pumpings!

We're sure you've got some innuendo-saturated mock reviews of your own to put up. Get to it, me buckos!

Oozinator Blaster Product Review Page [Amazon] (Thanks, fizzer fits!)
Previously: The Oozinator Delights Children

UPDATE: The Amazon review pages have been deleted. We've got some archived here.

Hasbro Marketing Executive, a glowing light bulb bouncing merrily above his skull: "I've got it! First, we'll design our new Supersoaker water gun with the shape and hue of a grotesque alien phallus. Then, instead of water, we'll make it squirt ropes of thick, opalescent ooze! Finally, we'll market it with a television spot in which a pan-ethnic rainbow of small children are the gleeful recipients to load after hot, sticky load shot all over their chests and faces! It's a win!"

Even the Oozinator sounds like someone's pet name for their masculinity... post venereal disease. Thanks, Joel!

UPDATE: There were some damn funny Amazon review pages of the product that have since been deleted. have been deleted. We've got a few archived here.