Apart from the quite adequate assortment of calculators, it's all a big heap of plain-Jane articles slotted into categories by simple tags.

...maybe you're better off thinking of it as a fat news feed, packed with ads and a layout that can get tiresome for long articles.

From CNET:

The Time Warner division told subscribers last week that beginning July 27, it would raise its monthly dial-up rate from $9.99 to $11.99 per month. Subscribers who specifically sign up for a plan with limited technical support can keep the $9.99 rate, though, but they won't get phone-based help unless dealing with an Internet connection issue.

Hey, mom? What's dial-up? [CNET]

"We've seen a fall in customer service as we've gone into a recession," says a customer service consultant in the article. "As the cost cutting occurs . . . they start to cut the wrong things." But that implies that AOL had good customer service before the recession, doesn't it? Wait, what?

All but one of the top 10 companies are either in communications or finance, with the one weird exception of Abercrombie & Fitch (4th place, 38%).

"Most of these companies actually aren't thriving," said Michael Shames, the executive director of the Utility Consumers' Action Network, a California nonprofit that monitors business practices. People don't look at companies with poor customer-service scores and say, "Here's where I should invest," he said.

"The Customer Service Hall of Shame" [MSN Money]

I could not find a way to contact AOL to stop my service. So I took a yellow marker, drew a line though that line item on my credit card bill, and wrote on the bill...."Do not pay, account in dispute". I paid all the other items on the CC bill that month. It took AOL about 2 weeks to call me.....I told them what I thought of their service, and instructed them to terminate my account, while I was still on the phone. It worked. They seem to understand when you tell them you are not going to pay.

A few months ago Azureus petitioned the FCC, which led to a FCC hearing in February. One of the complaints from the commission was that there is little data available on the scope of BitTorrent throttling, a gap Azureus now tries to fill by collecting data on the prevalence of TCP-resets among ISPs worldwide.

Last month Azureus published a plugin through which users can help distinguishing the good from the bad ISPs, and today we have a preview of some early findings. A massive 1,000,000 hours of data from over 8000 users has been collected over the past few weeks. The preliminary results again confirm that Comcast continues to use TCP-resets to manage BitTorrent traffic on their network, but they are not alone.

BitTorrent Throttling ISPs Exposed by Azureus [TorrentFreak via Digg]

AOL lies to their customers and has a policy of refusing to escalate to supervisors:

If you refuse to pay your bill, AOL will threaten to ruin your credit (with AOL):

AOL's abusive relationship with its "members" is not new, but it is surprising how enthusiastically they have embraced the standard lies and deceit peddled by the debt collection industry. According to our tipster, the guide is from 2006, but the tactics and policies remain unchanged.

The only way to fight back against scummy collectors is to know your rights under the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act.

Read AOL's full collections guide, complete with other despicable practices, here.

PREVIOUSLY: EXCLUSIVE: Old AOL Cancel Script vs. New
AOL Retention Manual Revealed
Quit AOL By Fax, Mail, or Phone

Klausner is estimating damages and future royalties from AT&T and Apple at $360 million. From the press release:

Klausner Technologies was founded by Judah Klausner, the inventor of the PDA and electronic organizer. Apple's original groundbreaking PDA, the Newton, was, in fact, covered under an OEM patent license granted by Judah Klausner over twenty years ago under his landmark US Patent 4,117,542.

The iPhone violates Klausner's intellectual property rights by allowing users to selectively retrieve voice messages via the iPhone's inbox display. Apple has called iPhone's Visual Voicemail "one of the greatest advances in the history of mankind ... without question."

Apple Inc. Sued for Patent Infringement on iPhone by Klausner Technologies, Inc. (Press Release) [Yahoo!]

Parties to a contract have no obligation to check the terms on a periodic basis to learn whether they have been changed by the other side. Indeed, a party can't unilaterally change the terms of a contract; it must obtain the other party's consent before doing so....

...Nor would a party know when to check the website for possible changes to the contract terms without being notified that the contract has been changed and how. Douglas would have had to check the contract every day for possible changes. Without notice, an examination would be fairly cumbersome, as Douglas would have had to compare every word of the posted contract with his existing contract in order to detect whether it had changed.

[via CL&P Blog]

In the settlement AOL did not admit to wrongdoing but did promise to make it easier for its few remaining customers to cancel. AOL also agreed to pay $3 million. From the AP:

"Consumers who called were put on hold or transferred repeatedly until they hung up in disgust," said Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal, [ed. note- Rock Star!] who described AOL's practices as "outlandish and underhanded."

The settlement requires AOL to issue refunds to consumers who can show they were still charged monthly fees after trying to cancel their services. AOL's fees currently range from $9.95 to $25.90 per month. Tiede said the multistate investigation didn't estimate how much money AOL might have to refund.

AOL to pay $3M, reform cancel policies [Yahoo!]
(Photo:Maulleigh)

PREVIOUSLY: Happy Birthday To Cancel The Account!

You can help celebrate Cancel The Account Day by looking at your credit card bill and see if there's a fee for a recurring service you don't need or want.

Then, call up the company and cancel your service! Save money! Hooray! — BEN POPKEN

AOL's beta site looks like Yahoo [BoingBoing]

• Former Elite AOL Retainer Interviewed
"America Online gave him trips to Mexico and thousands of dollars in bonuses. He was in the elite, an expert at getting people to not cancel AOL. But he didn't there by being Mr. Nice Guy. Consumerist.com interviews a former AOL retainer."

• AOL Wants to Sell "Internet" to the Dead
"AOL doesn't even care if your mom is a corpse. They still want to proposition her for access to the magical walled garden world of America Online."

• AOL CSR Not Making Enough Money, Robs Bank
"One CSR took unscheduled time off work to try to rob a bank. Another was arrested for stealing credit card numbers from members. Then there was John Edgin whom she reported for threatening to shoot up the call center."

• AOL User 2281868: Looking For Gay Black Superman With An Overbite
"But here's another great one: meet AOL user 2281868. What do we know about him?...He's also curious whether or not "niggers are Satan or gremlins or demons.""

• AOL Hates Hugs
"Although several hundred 14 year old boys lose their virginity to portly displaced man-children pretending to be women in AOL's chat rooms every day, AOL has bigger fish to fry: the sleazy, nefarious hug. Or "((Hugs))" as it is known in AOL chat parlance, where 'Hugs' is replaced with the name of the recipient."

AOL didn't care, they just wanted more opportunities to pitch their cross-marketed crap.

Read his tale, inside...

Anonymous former AOL employee writes:

o Part of Member Connect for tech support was called "One Call/One Resolution" which sounded great, right? Call once and get your problem fixed. Sadly, this policy was more literally named. When you call, you get one attempt to fix the issue, then you have to call back. Here's how this crowd-pleaser worked:

+ Consultant: "Thank you for calling America Online, my name is [Corporate Drone]. How can I help you have an even better online experience?"
+ Member: "Well I can't get online."
+ Consultant: "I'm sorry to hear that, I'll be happy to help you with that issue. Have you restarted your computer since the problem began?"
+ Member: "No, I didn't know if I should do that."
+ Consultant: "No trouble at all, If you could please restart your computer, I'm confident that will resolve your problem. Here is a case number if you ever need to call us back for any other issues. Now before I let you go, I wanted you to know that AOL has arranged for you to receive a free computer lesson from Video Professor, I'll transfer you now for more information. Ok?
+ Member: "Aren't you going to stay with me and make sure this works? "
+ Consultant: "I'll transfer you now. Thank you for calling AOL and have a great day."

o ...One Call/One Resolution meant that when you received a call from a member you were only allowed to do ONE STEP in Sherlock before you had to end the call. HOWEVER, you weren't allowed to tell the member that, nor were you allowed to tell the member that you weren't allowed to tell the member. It made for heartbreaking interactions with people who had called multiple times in the same day who continued to be processed through the ringer rather than helped at all. Techs were particularly vocal about this policy, they hated it because from their perspective, they were there to fix the problem the member called about. Unfortunately, the ones who actually stayed on the line and fixed the issue were cited as failing to comply and written up. YES, written up for fixing the problems the members called about if they performed more than one troubleshooting step to get to the fix.

Another drawback was that a simple issue took forever to fix because the member had to keep calling back in after every step. From the revenue side of things this was explained as a perfect way to increase the number of "Smart Transfers" that could be sold.

+ Smart Transfer was a program whereby each customer who called would be pitched some product as a "member benefit." Video Professor and various others were pitched to every caller.

o The criteria for complying with Member First was a) Number of calls per hour b) Member Satisfaction c) Smart Transfer Rate and d) Attendance, but they were not all weighed equally. Actually, calls per hour and smart transfer rate were the most important.

It was clear that in order to not get written up you had to crank out as many calls as possible while selling products you had no faith in. People with 100% member satisfaction were fired for not hitting the metrics because they didn't take enough calls per hour, or didn't sell enough Smart Transfers. To make it even harder the policy changed again and you were not allowed to mention the Member Satisfaction survey that was sent at the end of each call, so even when you did fix the problem the focus was more on the shortness of the call and a successful sale than the member's satisfaction.

Here's a look into the mind of a consultant (myself) while performing a Smart Transfer:

o Consultant thinks to himself: "Shit, the call is ending and I fixed the problem, but it took twelve minutes and was supposed to be under 7:30, but at least I got it fixed... so I'll mention the Member Satisfaction Survey so I'll at least get that going for me. Dammit, that's right, I'm not allowed to mention the member satisfaction survey anymore... oh well, at least I fixed the problem and if they get the survey they'll be sure to give me an excellent rating."
o Member: "Hey, that's great! It's working now. Thank you!"
o Consultant: "You're very welcome, glad I could get that fixed for you."
o Consultant then clicks the mandatory Smart Transfer button since you cannot click the "End Call" button until you've pitched the Smart Transfer... silently praying he won't have to pitch Video Professor to another eighty year old who thinks he's great because he actually fixed the problem.
o Consultant thinks: "FUCK. It's a Video Professor pitch, it's a damned shame that I actually care about these people who call in, it'd be a lot easier to sell this crap if I didn't know exactly how this will play out. Oh well... here goes."
o Consultant reading script verbatim as required: Before I let you go, AOL has arranged for you to receive a computer lesson from Video Professor and a chance to receive a free digital camera. Please stay on the line for more details, OK?
o Member: Sure, thanks again.
o Consultant Transfers the member to Video Professor.
o Consultant in revulsion with himself: "Yeah, free computer lesson my ass. If I didn't have to read that damned script verbatim I could actually have told her this instead: AOL is getting paid to force me to send you to Video Professor for a free computer lesson. Well, free if you somehow manage to follow the hidden rules I'm not allowed to mention to you. For example the lesson will be sent to you in a package with three lessons, and you have to keep one of them and send the other two back within ten days. Oh, and you have to pay for the return yourself. Oh, and it's not ten days from when you receive it, it's ten days from when it is mailed out to you. Oh, and you'll also have to make sure it arrives back to them before the ten days, and isn't just post-marked before the ten days. Otherwise you'll get hit with a charge for $69.95, and another one next month, and the month after, because they're gonna keep sending you new lessons that you'll have to keep sending back at your own expense to ensure that you aren't charged again. Why do I keep doing this job again?"

ARchived: ValuPoint Transfer Offers and Rebuttals

Follow these guidelines the next time a member hesitates to accept a ValuPoint Transfer offer.

Last Updated On: 6/7/05
<< Back | Forward >>

Many of you have asked about using rebuttals during ValuPoint Transfer offers. Rebuttals are not mandatory in ValuPoint Transfer opportunities, but if you do want to offer a rebuttal to a member make sure it does not specify anything in general or take away from the meaning of the script. Why not try these recommended rebuttals:

If the member asks a question about the offer:

"I don't have all the details, but let me bring someone on the line who does, okay?"

If the member seems unsure of accepting the offer:

"This is a great benefit for our members so let me bring someone on the line to give you the details, okay?"

Remember: You are not selling the product for the partner or doing anything more to the member except raise their level of interest.Trying to do more than that risks creating a negative experience or providing wrong information to the member.

Following these simple suggestions will help your Transfer effectiveness and help keep the Member experience the best it can be!

Archived: Current ValuPoint Scripts

Our current scripts, all in one place.

Last Updated On: 11/27/06
<< Back | Forward >>

Here are the current scripts for ValuPoint. Each entry also has script non-compliant reasons that apply to that particular offer.

More general non-compliant reasons can also occur on any call. Improperly Set Expectations can occur if you give a time guarantee, or present as a personal favor or gender-specific reason. The two blind transfer reasons are; if the member does not know they are being transferred, or the member does not verbally accept being transferred.

Video Professor

Before I let you go, AOL has arranged for you to receive a computer lesson from Video Professor and a chance to receive a free digital camera. Please stay on the line for more details, OK?

HSIO DSL

Before I let you go, I want to let you know that you may qualify for one of our great broadband offers. I am going to connect you to a specialist to see which offers are available, OK?

HSIO Cable

Before I let you go, I want to let you know that you may qualify for one of our great broadband offers. I am going to connect you to a specialist to see which offers are available, OK?

Verizon DSL

Before I let you go, I want to let you know that you may qualify for one of our great broadband offers. I am going to connect you to a specialist to see which offers are available, OK?

Time Warner Cable-AOL Bundle

Before I let you go, I want to let you know that you may qualify for one of our great broadband offers. I am going to connect you to a specialist to see which offers are available, OK?

o Now you'd think that since member satisfaction was the goal that this wouldn't be very effective, but AOL loved Member First, just the way it was. In fact when asked about why the metrics were so very different than the originally proposed Member First, the reply was:

"\Why change the performance measures?"
+ We want to reward the right people: our high achievers.
+ We want to align the metrics with our business imperatives. In other words, consultants will be measured on the same things that are important to member satisfaction.

...AOL never seemed to overcome the schizoid view of things like this. I suppose they were thinking, "If we call it Member First and then implement the policies in such a way that totally prevents any successful member interaction then the member's satisfaction must increase!"

— BEN POPKEN

Check it out, inside...

Anonymous former AOL employee writes:

Another change that occurred was the Saves queue abandoning long held policies (which you have already seen in the training material) although the reason wasn't solely due to the Ferrari call.

The timeline here is a little jumbled, but from what I recall the company had already decided to move to the ad-revenue based Free AOL by the time the Ferrari call made such a splash. The reasons were plentiful, but all the corporate doublespeak boiled down to "We're hemorrhaging members!!! No one wants our "services", and the gadzillion bucks we spent on all those flashy commercials set us back and we're still not tricking people into paying for our re-wrap internet."

Some of the other behind the scenes changes going on were:

* Member Exodus led to lower revenues and lower profits.

* To maximize on the profits that were coming in, internal employees (who had benefits and higher wages) were being phased out in exchange for new call centers overseas where outsourced employees (who had no benefits
and miniscule wages) would "provide the same excellent customer service at low low prices" [sarcasm mine].

* When this began going into effect and the Jacksonville, FL call center was closed, the official excuse was that members were becoming more savvy and weren't calling in as much so the jobs weren't necessary so the company closed the call center. What they didn't mention was that they then opened several new centers and hired new employees to do the same jobs out of the country.

* So if the members are becoming savvy enough to help themselves, and the call center employees that were fired were no longer needed, why were they replaced by outsourced employees in new call centers around the world?

* Wouldn't the company have been a bit more credible saying, "Yes we closed all the internal call centers and fired all the internal call center employees to reduce costs in light of diminishing revenue."

The Vincent Ferrari call certainly lit a fire under the right asses to get the ball rolling, but the plan was already drawn up and ready to go before hand. It actually served AOL's interests in a way because the company hid behind the view that the call centers were closing due to the Saves queue being phased out. In reality the Saves queue was already undergoing changes and was now known as the MRM (Member Retention Management) queue and is still around. The call center closures in Ogden, Albuquerque, Tucson, and Jacksonville did not only affect Saves reps, but also Tech, SUBP (Sign Up By Phone), Billing, and others.

AOL didn't spend any time in correcting the perception that the sites were closed because of the Vincent Ferrari call and the sudden focus on "Member Satisfaction." In fact, AOL was applauded by some for eliminating Saves (which they hadn't done).

It was odd to witness from the inside because AOL is a place of constant contradiction. For years consultants were told on the one hand to provide a "World class customer support interaction" and on the other to keep call times low, pitch products like Video Professor, and adhere to policies that effectively prevented the consultant from providing satisfactory customer service.

— BEN POPKEN

This is a revision of their previous policy, shown in the second screenshot, mandating hanging up on customers who said they were recording the call.

AOL saw this story was blowing up and figured that people might try to duplicate Vincent's call. Rather than telling them to buzz off, which could've created another infamous bad customer service call, AOL told its reps to "continue to provide the outstanding customer service all our members deserve and expect." Clever, very clever.

Screenshots inside...

"Though it doesn't happen often, we have all experienced abusive caller situations. In some rare cases, after repeated warnings, these have resulted in our having to disconnect the call. This document clarifies AOL's hang-up guidelines and provides a consistent policy on when to escalate to your coach — and when to disconnect. NOTE: This does not apply to members who have disabilities that require them to record the call. (e.g. a Lifeline Service, etc.) It is not acceptable to disconnect a call with a disabled member if he or she is using this or any similar sort of service.

Currently, our Legal Department guidelines list only one situation where a call cannot continue.Because AOL does not allow callers to record our conversations, we may, after advising the caller of our policy, terminate or escalate the call when the caller refuses to discontinue recording. The following are guidelines for handling this type of call:

Required Warning Approach and Phrasing (A four-step process)

"Mr/Ms Member, I will be able to work with you on this; however, AOL does not allow our conversations to be taped. I cannot go further unless you discontinue taping the call. Are you ready to turn off the tape, so I can help you?" (A "Yes" answer allows the call to continue. A "No" requires the reading of the next statement to the member.)

"Mr/Ms Member, as I mentioned before, I will be able to assist you with this today; however, I cannot go further unless you discontinue taping the call. Are you ready to turn off the tape, so I can help you?" (A "Yes" answer allows the call to continue. A "No" requires the reading of the next statement to the member.)

"Mr/...Ms Member, At this time, because you continue to tape our conversation, I must disconnect the call, unless you are willing stop taping now. Are you ready to turn off the tape, so I can help you?" (A "Yes" answer allows the call to continue. A "No" requires that the call be ended at this point using the following statement.)

"Mr/Ms Member, I am now ending the call." End the call unless the caller will allow escalation. Regarding all other calls: Follow guidance as presented by the Training Department, Management, and your coaches. Consultants should use Customer Profile's scripting and approaches as determined by listening to the caller's identifying behaviors. Each call must be handled with the profile approach most closely matching the caller's behavior. Making an accurate initial assessment of the caller is an important part of the process. Should the call reach a point where the caller is too irate and/or abusive to allow a productive conversation to continue, the consultant should obtain callback information and escalate the call to a coach. The coach will use this information to initiate a follow-up contact with the member.

Example: Suggested Escalation Phrasing

"Mr. Member, I apologize for any inconvenience that this may have caused. Let me get a number where you can be reached, so I can have a supervisor return your call. Would daytime or evening work best for you?" As with any policies, if you have any questions, please see your coach. Article Audience: AOL, CS and Wal-mart Connect ______

Do not distribute this article in any form, to individuals who are not employees or agents of America Online, Inc., its parent, subsidiary, or affiliated companies."

"What to Do If a Member Informs CCC the Call is Being Recorded
Proper call handling procedures when a member is recording a call with Member Services.
Last Updated On: 6/23/06

Audience: All Queues

How to Properly Handle a Member Interaction if the Member is Recording the Call

While rare, the situation can arise where a member informs a consultant that they are recording the call. On the Phone or via eSupport: Member Advocacy Rules

Whether the interaction is over phone, e-mail or chat, you should always fulfill our shared commitment to Member Advocacy. Therefore, AOL's policy is if a member informs you they are recording a call, you should stay on the call and continue to provide the outstanding customer service all our members deserve and expect. This is the same expectation for eSupport Live and E-mail consultants — no matter the medium we use to offer assistance, our goal is to be the best Advocates possible. Please see your coach with any questions!

Do not distribute this article in any form to individuals who are not employees or agents of AOL LLC., its parent, subsidiary, or affiliated companies."

— BEN POPKEN

Truth 505 says,

"Whats up the consumerist I love the site, me and all my pals in Alb NM before we got laid off would get a good laugh the way u stick it to AOHell, anyways I'm writing you to let u know I'm a hiphop artist and I wrote a song about some of the stuff that went down @ aol the title of course is "F AOL" feel free to put it on your site and play it as much as you want, AOL has been a greedy company for years and its a shame they have no more call centers in the USA but call themselfs still AOL,, I'm not sure if u guys knew that but there are no more US reps there all outsourced to mexico india and the phillipians what a shame.........

HERES THE LINK TO MY SONG GIVE IT A SPIN IF U WANT PEACE"

Hot. When is the video coming out? — BEN POPKEN

f*** AOL [TRUTH 505]

Advertising Age commissioned us to write up the top ten biggest business debacles of 2006.

1. AOL refuses to cancel customer's account
2. Comcast tech falls asleep on customer's couch
3. BOA employee sings U2 cover about MBNA merger
4. Sony recalls potentially exploding batteries
5. Bausch & Lomb recalls fungus causing contact-lens solution
6. AOL releases users' search records online
7. Northwest tells laid-off workers to dumpster dive
8. Wal-Mart's fake blogs exposed
9. Hasbro markets Oozinator with suggestive video
10. Cingular cans contracts of unprofitable customers

This list appears in the print edition of Advertising Age on newstands now. Some of the list items were suggested by the readers, and several of the original stories came out of reader tips. Nice work, people!

Story behind the stories, inside...

1. AOL refuses to cancel customer's account

Vincent Ferrari called to cancel his AOL account, and a 20-minute battle with the customer-service rep ensued. Little did AOL know Vincent recorded the call, and it became an internet hit that spread to radio and TV. AOL publicly apologized and revamped its call centers to make canceling easier. Subsequently, AOL began to hemorrhage subscribers at record levels.

2. Comcast tech falls asleep on customer's couch

Brian Finklestein recorded a Comcast tech asleep on his couch while waiting on hold with HQ. The video spread across the web and onto national TV. Comcast apologized and sent a crack team of seven technicians to solve Brian's problem. It took them five hours. And the sleeping technician? Unceremoniously dumped. Which is a little sad, since it was HQ who had him on hold for so long.

3. BOA employee sings U2 cover about MBNA merger

Ethan Chandler covered U2's "One" at a company lunch to pep up the troops about the 2005 merger with MBNA. At the time, the employees were kept in the room by the open bar, but the internet watched in rapture. Thanks to the video's popularity, Universal Music may be suing Ethan, and Bank of America affirms its identity as a major toolshed.

4. Sony recalls potentially exploding batteries

Sony and all the major laptop makers launched the largest product recall in the history of mankind after it was found that certain Sony batteries could combust while in use. Several incidents were documented and distributed online before the recall launched. In one, a hunter's laptop went off while sitting on a box of ammunition in his truck, forcing him to dive for cover as the truck spewed live rounds in every direction.

5. Bausch & Lomb recalls fungus causing contact-lens solution

B&L withdrew popular lens-cleaning solution ReNu MoistureLoc after outbreaks of fusarium keratitis fungus emerged in users' eyes. At least one user went blind as a result. Cases were first reported in 2004 in Singapore. In reaction to the news, B&L's stock dropped. After the company announced the recall, the stock went back up.

6. AOL releases users' search records online

In a misguided attempt to aid academic researchers, AOL released the search records of more than 500,000 users. Not surprisingly, the move didn't go over well with privacy advocates (or AOL critics). User IDs were blacked out, but it didn't exactly take a hacking genius to exploit the records and follow searches back to the source. Reporters at The New York Times were able to correlate one user's searches and discover said user's identity.

7. Northwest tells laid-off workers to dumpster dive

After broad staff cuts, Northwest distributed a handbook for thrifty living to pink-slipped employees. Some of the suggestions were relatively sound, but others were insulting. Among 101 ways to save money, the booklet advised, "Don't be shy about pulling something you like out of the trash." So much for dismissal with dignity. Also: "Bicycle to work." That would be good advice, provided the recipients had a job to bike to.

8. Wal-Mart's fake blogs exposed

Unable to tell the true story about Wal-Mart through press releases, Wal-Mart's PR agency, Edelman, turned to the blogosphere. One blog followed a couple who decided to "Wal-Mart Across America," parking their RV in a different Wal-Mart every night. It was later discovered that the people writing the blog had their entire trip underwritten by a pro-Wal-Mart group, which in turn received most of its funding from Edelman.

9. Hasbro markets Oozinator with suggestive video

One of the latest Super Soaker water guns is the Oozinator, which shoots a sticky polymer in addition to water. Hasbro's spot showed an older teen shooting younger boys with the goo. The results were suggestive and disgusting, and Hasbro removed the video from its site. Hundreds of innuendo-laced reviews flooded Amazon but were later deleted. A few archivists managed to save and publish the video and comments, where they continue to delight viewers.

10. Cingular cans contracts of unprofitable customers

Former AT&T customers and other "unprofitable" customers had their service degraded. Cingular: raising the bar, then lowering it on their customers' necks.

— BEN POPKEN

Consumerist's 10 Biggest Business Debacles [AdAge]

All Floridians who filed a complaint with the AG's office are eligible to take part in the settlement. Visit Myfloridalegal.com for more info.

See, this is why it's important to file official complaints! — BEN POPKEN

AOL settles over consumer complaints [Miami Herald] (Thanks to Sean!)

NEW YORK TIMES READERS:
Here is the Vincent Ferrari AOL cancel call mentioned in the article. For good measure, here's a complete scan of their call center training manual.

NEW YORK DAILY NEWS READERS:
Here's the $55 mac and cheese story, and two followups: The $55 Mac And Cheese Guy Speaks, and The Menu Said 'Truffles'

HOW TO USE THIS SITE:

What are you? We're a blog. We write at least 18 stories a day. They appear from top to bottom, newest to oldest. You can tell you're reading a different story because there's a new big bolded headline.
How do I send you my story/tips/question Type it up and email to tips at consumerist.com. We can't promise a post, but we will read.
How can I become a commenter?
How do I submit audio or video? Email us the file directly.
What are you guys all about?
How do you decide what stories to run?
How do I record phone calls?
You ran a story on such and such, how can I find it? There's a handy search box at the top right of each page. Or you can type site:www.consumerist.com into Google along with what you're looking for. See example.

Be sure to check out the stories in our "Consumerist Kit." They're chock-full of money-saving, time-saving tips and definitive ways to fight back against companies screwing us over.

Click around, have fun, let us know what you think, and thanks for stopping by! — BEN POPKEN

Reader Robert saw a new tab on his AOL inbox with his screenname on it. When he clicked it, this showed up...

Which then brought him to FreeCreditReport.com, a site under investigation for, ""failure to adequately disclose negative option enrollment ... deceptive advertising, misleading domain name, and failure to honor cancellations."

Robert asks, "You would think AOL could pick a better partner ????"

We're sorry, Robert, that you're operating under the delusion that AOL cares about you.

Highlights include:

ONLINE BACKUP All free AOL account holders get five gigabytes of free online storage for backing up data, transferring big files to other people, and so on. Windows users even get a free backup program that automatically copies selected folders to this virtual hard drive (called Xdrive) on a schedule. The software is clean, easy to use and extremely convenient.

CUSTOM E-MAIL ADDRESS: AOL lets you choose an address ending in @aol.com or anything else you want, as long as it's available — so you can be david@thepogues.com or david@poguefamily.com. Then you can set up other addresses with the same suffix for friends or family. (To enforce its "one custom address per person" policy, AOL requires that you sign up using a cellphone number. It insists that it does nothing else with this information.)

Right. We trust AOL with all of our personal information. Cute, but we'll pass.—MEGHANN MARCO

Free AOL Stuff, Courtesy of Bubble 2.0 [New York Times]

Our tipster thinks this is so AOL can avoid responsibility for bad customer service/evil retention operators by blaming any shortcomings on a third party.

Not to mention it nicely dovetails with Time Warner Inc's overall strategy of acquiring communication companies and running them into the ground while squeezing out every last penny possible.

The sale is said to be finalized on 12/15, just in time for Christmas.

A reliable tipster reveals the buyer of the Ogden, UT, AOL call center that spawned John and Vincent's "Cancel The Account!!!!" call.

"Teleperformance USA is buying this call center — talk about taking a step down for those employees - they pay less and don't give a crap any more than aol

A moment of silence for these poor souls. May they some day complete their GED's and get better jobs.

UPDATE: A lively discussion about this has surfaced on a local newradio messageboard in Ogden. There's comments from both the "Merry Christmas AOL you SUCK" and "I work for AOL in Ogden. It is one of the best places I have ever worked" crowds.

AOL will close its call centers in Albuquerque, N.M., and Tucson, AZ, and sell its Ogden, UT call center. The online provider will also fire 1,400 call center employees.

These AOL call facilities contained hundreds of people trained to trick you into not cancelling your AOL account.

The centers will close in mid-December, just in time for Christmas.

Which means we only have sixty or so days before one-thousand, four-hundred, soulless, job-hungry, zombies are unleashed upon an unsuspecting American public.

AOL to lay off 1,400 call center workers [Cnet] (Thanks to Vincent!)

Needless to say, the lawsuit is about the colossal act of incompetence that breached the privacy of practically everyone who'd ever used AOL and led to hilarious YTMDs like this one

The attorney who filed the suit says that AOL should at least be trying to shut down the mirror sites of the search database and be forbidden from collecting data like this in the future. Given that AOL obviously can't be trusted with it, that seems pretty reasonable.

AOL Subscribers Sue Over Release of Search Data [Komotv.com]

Last year, Yahoo was forced to provide access to the e-mail of a U.S. Marine killed in Iraq to his father, who got a court order in the matter. Google will provide access to a deceased Gmail user's account if the person seeking it provides a copy of the death certificate and a copy of a document giving the person power of attorney over the e-mail account, said a Google spokeswoman.

America Online follows the same policy, according to spokesman Andrew Weinstein.

"In terms of tips for estate planning, it's much easier if a family member already has the password."

Got that kiddies? Give your passwords to someone you trust, just in case you die. Or, conversely, be sure not to save any email you wouldn't want your mom to read after you're dead.

Trouble is: They don't know who the hell they are suing. Target has asked for the help of AOL, Microsoft and Yahoo, INC in searching for "John Doe," an unknown blogger believed to live in Georgia.

"John" shared Target's loss-prevention policies (sent to him by an unknown Target employee) on several websites including Targetunion.org and uses the screenname "Target Sucks." What did "Target Sucks" have to say about Target's lawsuit?

"I didn't sign any confidentiality agreement with them and really don't give a rat's ass if they like it or not."

The real test will come not from the results of the lawsuit, but from the response of Microsoft, AOL, and Yahoo, INC. When a big box store comes calling about a user who allegedly violated their confidentiality policy &mdash which company will refuse to violate theirs?

Then again, if Target waits around long enough, AOL might just accidentally post "John's" search queries. Anyone searching for "pecans" and "I fucking hate target" ... ?

One CSR took unscheduled time off work to try to rob a bank. Another was arrested for stealing credit card numbers from members. Then there was John Edgin whom she reported for threatening to shoot up the call center. He then proceeded to harass her by phone and constantly mailed her and people on the floor saying she was, "a lesbian, was fat, and fired people for no reason." Iit wasn't until his arrest for assault and battery of a police officer three years later that the abuse stopped.

As she writes, AOL hires "Only the best for our members!"

Read more...

Especially since this might be the only customer AOL's ever treated right.

Kimberly (not pictured) was treated well by AOL. Astonishment. Kimberly created an account with AOL in 1998. She used it once. 8 years later, NCO Financial Systems — collection trolls — nailed her with a bill for $95.60.

Okay, that all sounds pretty bad so far... hardly a thumbs-up for AOL. But when Kimberly called AOL, they very quickly fixed the error and called off the collection agency. All is well. A single angel claps her hands in heaven for AOL.

Kimberly's email, after the jump.

Hi Consumerist,

Just got off the phone with AOL. I've been reading your continuing coverage of their fuckwittery, but I just had to write and let you know that calling them to dispute charges went smoother than I could have imagined.

I used gethuman.com (thanks for the tip!) to call AOL and reach a human y...uh...not pressing or saying anything, which took quite a while. But finally I reached a representative, and I told her my sob story.

I received a collection notice from NCO Financial Systems - another company that sort of stinks; I've been calling them all morning and I keep getting a British-sounding ring and a weird answering service - saying I owed AOL $95.60. Since I've only used AOL once in my life, back in 1998, I was pretty damn confused.

I had to tell my story to 3 different people, but lo and behold, the final one waived the charges in 3 minutes flat. I had found out from the second representative that a screen name was set up that sounded suspiciously like my personal email address, and we realized that this was a classic case of identity theft. Basically, I gave them my addresses (past and present), told them I did not set up this
account, and they got rid of it. End of story. They are also going to send NCO Financial a letter verifying the cancellation. Of course, I called them too - by the time I finished writing this, I got someone on the phone who said he'd take care of it.

Just thought I'd pass this on. Keep up the great work.

They mean...

The billing has been cancelled, not the account, which is still yours and active. Which means you're still ours.

They say....

"First, your free service is active. This new service, which takes effect immediately, includes..."

They mean...

Just so you know, you're tacitly agreeing to this "service."

This is the same as local newspapers giving away free subscriptions to boost circulation numbers. Except in that case, they need your okay to start delivery, whereas in this, they're just tricking you into staying on the roster.

Previously: AOL's Guide To Just A Super Fun World-Class MRM Call

Previously: AOL's Guide To Just A Super Fun World-Class MRM Call

Click to expand.

OLD

NEW

Digg this story.

Our anonymous AOL call center insider mailed us again, this time with a scan of the Rosetta Stone that AOL's CSRs use to translate your strange gibberish asking for account cancellation into a language that they can understand: "Keep me signed up!"

Click on it to enlarge. The most important thing to notice here when trying to cancel your AOL account is the "Cancel Billing Close", located at the bottom of the scan. It reads:

Okay, I'm canceling billing on your account as of today. Keep in mind you can continue to use your AOL Mail and Software for free as long as you'd like to use them. Since we are no longer providing your Internet connection, we still want you to be able to enjoy AOL. You'll no longer be charged a monthly membership fee! for AOL. Does that take care of everything?

Most people at this point say "Yes!" but our correspondent warns us that, really, what you want to do is emphatically say "No. I want to be completely cancelled, not migrated to the free service." AOL's free service, after all, is a slippery slope. Our correspondent says: "If you say NO to the Cancellation Close - only then can we cancel and give a cancellation number."

Why you don't want AOL Free: "Even if the member completely cancels their account, they can go online to AOL.com and log in with their old/existing user name and password and their account will work just as the free account does, except they don't have an active billing account just a free unattached email service."

Of course, this AOL CSR "Guide to a World-Class MRM Call" script flow should only really have two branches. "If member says he wants to cancel, CANCEL immediately. Otherwise, try to retain."

There's just way too much observation in our correspondent's email to summarize. Specifically, there's a fascinating look at how AOL internally reacted to Vincent Ferrari, how the service got better for a time, but the introduction of AOL Free led to 7 out of 10 calls being cancellations, which just sent the customer service spiraling again into frustrating obfuscation.

The full email of our AOL insider, after the jump.

I have enclosed AOL's cancel script/flow. It's a 16x12 paper that is placed on our pods. I had to scan it in 3 sections and then use photoshop to stitch it. The original scan in photoshop (psd) extension is 63MB so I had to image size it several times to bring it down to 2 MB.

The script you are looking for is towards the bottom of the scan. It's called the "Cancel billing close"

Cancel billing close

Okay, I'm canceling billing on your account as of today. Keep in mind you can continue to use your AOL Mail and Software for free as long as you'd like to use them. Since we are no longer providing your Internet connection, we still want
you to be able to enjoy AOL. You'll no longer be charged a monthly membership fee! for AOL. Does that take care of everything?

After reading this script, almost all members say "YES". In their mind they think AOL is now closed and AOL is just being nice by offering courtesy services.

When they say YES, we have to read a second legal disclosure that makes the free service legal.

Free services disclosure.

"First, your free service is active. This new service, which takes effect immediately, includes unlimited access to AOL via a high-speed Internet connection or a different dial-up ISP purchased separately from your local cable or telephone
company.

This service plan does not include dial-up Internet access and does not include live customer support. Due to the immediate update in your account status you are agreeing to waive any prepaid dial-up time remaining in your current bill cycle.

Although you will no long! er be charged any monthly membership fee, you will be responsible f or any other charges you might have incurred since your last billing date as well as any outstanding balance on your account and any premium services to which you have separately subscribed. An additional $5 monthly
charge will still apply if premium services or additional fees are paid through your checking account or telephone bill.

If you need further assistance or have any questions about your current services, please visit KW: My Account.

Thank you for calling today. "

Also take note of the highlighted part at the bottom. This is what gets me. If the member is irate or frustrated with AOL service and they want their service canceled, we are to read the cancel billing close. If they say NO - only then can we cancel
and give a cancellation number.

If they say YES, then when we read the "free services disclosure", when we say " your free service is active" then th! ey start yelling again at which point we will read
the cancellation disclosure. It is honestly the most ridiculous script I have had to read in all my years here. We are making an already frustrated member even more frustrated.

Anyhow you can draw your own conclusions from the member connect call flow.

I was also reading some of the post-replys of your readers. One of them mentioned "It is illegal, he didn't think AOL can do that - he is right. The FTC regulates this however when we read the second disclosure, where we say "your free services is now active" the member has now given permission to AOL to keep his account open and active.

The next one showed her account being debited a penny. This is proof positive that AOL has kept her account open and never closed it. Closed accounts show "Account closed" or "Account terminated"

The only way ! to show "account closed" is to close down the account. Tell you r readers to get a cancellation number.

Here is a secret:

Even if the member completely cancels their account, they can go online to AOL.com and log in with their old/existing user name and password and their account will work just as the free account does, except they don't have an active billing account just a free unattached email service.

The only way to make sure an AOL account has been canceled is to have the consultant give you a cancellation number. Canceled accounts don't originate billing or marketing and their emails and other services can still be used. If I
didn't get AOL for free and I had to use it, this is exactly what I
would do.

Believe me when I tell you, my piers are not too thrilled about what we have to read. Many consultants including myself have appealed to our supervisors and their managers but AOL corporate truly believes this action can turn t! he tide of
cancels. After the Vincent Ferrari scandal, AOL took a huge PR hit and told all consultants to be nice and cancel accounts on demand. They even changed our pay, we no longer get paid by saving accounts. It was all about helping the member whether canceling or otherwise. Then the free service was announced and 7 of 10 calls were cancels. After a couple of weeks of this, AOL corp introduced the new script which basically turns 90% of those canceling into free services.

Sorry about the long email. There is so much I can tell you about AOL but my goal here is simply to raise eyebrows at AOL corp, enough to change the script flow to a script that is not duplicitous.

What they are having consultants do is shady at best, illegal at worst. Either way - wrong.

It sure the hell is.

The Southern Poverty Law Center has some interesting factoids about Davis Hawke, born one Andy Greenbaum. That's right, even as he told Fox News that, in his position of Commander of the Neo-Nazi group he founded in high school, "I plan to make the Final Solution a reality," and telling Rolling Stone, "sterilization is a must" for every Jew, he was hiding that his father was in fact Jewish!

After the SPLC discredited him and fellow white nationalists began deriding his as "The Kosher Nazi," Hawke turned to a life of spam, selling penis-enlargement pills.

Do you like the collage we made of Hawke photos?

AOL, leave these poor people alone. They've suffered enough having such a fruitloop in the family.

According to information we received from a current retention consultant, while charges are supposed to stop, all the billing info stays active, and the account is, "subjected to AOL marketing and third party marketing by email and by mail."

After working at a call center for seven years, he said, "billing errors were very common and by making your account free, this is no guarantee that the account will never be billed."

In addition, the retention consultant noted that AOL members can switch to the free service by going to Keyword: Change Plan, and choosing the free services option. "But now we are forcing them to have the free service anyway when they call to cancel even if they never want to use [AOL] again."

Why? "AOL Corporate is alarmed at how many members are canceling their accounts and not choosing the free services option, far more than previously expected," said the retention consultant.

America Online, will you never learn? No? Okay, good, because this stuff makes for great material. Really, you're a pleasure to work with.

Greg writes, "I am saddened by this news. It is very disappointing."

Yes, the feeling of melancholy it creates is something akin to the sensation the your personal search history had been released on the internet with enough info that people could identify you and knock on your door.

Linden is the same fellow quoted in NYT as saying of the history release, "I don't think there is a real privacy concern... especially in a day when we see millions of credit card numbers leaked by one group and millions of Social Security numbers released by another government agency."

Very sad, indeed.

Badware isn't as bad as malware, spyware or scumware, but it's still pretty... bad. According to StopBadware.org, AOL 9.0 interferes with computer use to meddle with the IE browser (a small crime) and the Windows taskbar. It also has been accused of "deceptive installation." On top of that, some components don't install at all.

To be fair to AOL, they've already taken steps to address StopBadware's concerns, but it's not good when a consortium of web experts dedicated to exposing malicious software underline a fact everyone already knows: AOL sucks. Thanks to Brandon!

AOL 9.0 Accused of Behaving Like Badware [PC World]

"Leading the AOL Search & Navigation group in terms of research, evaluation and design of over 70 AOL search Systems for CNN, CompuServe, Netscape and AOL."

Gawd, what else has he fucked up?

(We also enjoyed the title of one of his papers, "Temporal Analysis of a Very Large Topically Categorized Web Query Log")