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It puts the lotion in the basket.
4 replies
It puts the lotion in the basket.
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Yep, because when I'm harvesting fat, Peruvian peasant farmers immediately come to mind as a high-yield source...
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@diasdiem: Exactly since when are peasants fat? They're near starving.
Fatness seems more like a lazy middle class, middle aged office worker problem.
@joshuadavis: and when I'm harvesting people who don't have a grasp of sarcasm, I know who will be on the top of my list...
@joshuadavis: Ever been to a county fair in the South? Try finding something to eat that isn't deep-fried. They've even discovered a way to deep-fry Coke!
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@Ihatephonecompanies: I'm guessing they're more focused on people who wouldn't be noticed if they disappeared.
@pecan 3.14159265: Like they said... you'll only be charged with killing 3/5ths of a person if you get caught in Alabama
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The disappearance of many fat Americans would be noticed by changes in Earth's gravitational field.
Soy la carencia completa de la sorpresa de Jack.
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@diasdiem: Me alegro de que Google Translate existe, de lo contrario no podría decir que mis caballos se están comiendo el guacamole.
Tyler sold his soap to department stores at $20 a bar. Lord knows what they charged. It was beautiful; we were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.
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@TechnoDestructo: Actually, poor people are overwhelmingly fat because of the low-quality, high-carb diet they consume.
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@nycdesigner: Poor people in America, because of the way food distribution works here. Not necessarily poor people everywhere.
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@floraposte: Not to mention we all have to work 8 hours a day and sit in a cubicle all day and are so tired when we get home we just want to sleep and not exercise... or cook a decent meal.
note: I'm not over weight, but I'm sure someone out there is that will attest to this fact nobody ever seems to bring up.
@hi: also the drugs doctors put people on for depression and other things makes people gain weight.
btw: I know we dont all work in cubicles ..
EDIT FEATURE COMING SOON TO CONSUMERIST... 2020
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@G.O.B.: Come on!: Seriously, saw the headline and this was the first thing that popped into my mind. Didn't even get to see the picture on my phone before that came to mind.
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Oh Lawd... What are these other \"bodily fluids\" they traffic? I hope it's just blood...
@Nintenboy01: Funny, as I was reading that, I remember hearing that some people drink human urine because it apparently cures some diseases. And there are of course illegal suppliers who sell it to them, certified pure and still sterile.
Of course, in this case, it would really make more sense to kidnap people and get them drunk off their asses if it's urine that they're after...
Another more morbid story involved people trafficking human livers, because apparently some people believe that consuming ground up human livers cures liver disease.
@Saites: I guess. Then there's rejection, though. Whatever, I'm certainly not going to defend their position.
@humphrmi: I'm not seeing any curative claims or even hypothesis in the article you linked to--was there another pee-piece that was doing that? I've heard of the urine-drinkers and I'm intrigued by the notion somebody's finding some actual use in it.
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I wonder if they were staking out the local WalMart because that is where I would go if I was looking for fatties.
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this can't be real.
someone tell me it's not real.
this seems like the plot of a movie
you know, the kind of movie where the main character is insane, and (SPOILER ALERT) actually is the other main character?
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Nope. Not real. Find me a place that would pay $15,000 for a liter of human fat - who???
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@mamalicious:
No kidding. This seems like a great source of income.
Eat McDonalds constantly, get lipo once a year, become rich.
Wouldn't it be more financially viable to:
- Confine them in an all you can eat paradise
- When they're ripe, knock em out with gas
- suck the fat out of them
- repeat.
I mean, if you kidnap 'em and kill 'em, eventually, you'll run out of resources (assuming you're killing 'em faster than they can reproduce).
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Hell, if they bring me a fifth of good Vodka and some sharp scalpels, they can have all of my fat.
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Cash4Fat. Receive patented envelop, stuff with fat, mail, profit.
1) Kill people for their fat
2) ?????????
3) Profit!
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@Preyfar: Except they will only give you 1/3 the value of your fat unless you call them to say that you don't accep their initial offer.
(also, +1 to you!)
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Does this mean that someone will offer me a free liposuction simply to be able to sell the fat they remove?
Human fat for cosmetics is readily available in large quantities. Ask any plastic surgeon. There's no evidence that these Peruvians ever sold any human fat. They're just batshit insane.
A certain German dictator required it for his skin rejuvenation treatments...
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I saw the headline on the BBC webpage and didn't click. Now I see it was about exactly what I thought it would be about. Glad I've already eaten.
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If there is some bizarre European group looking to put this into makeup, they would need to go the illegal route, I'd assume. Sure there is accessible fat via lipo, but that would have to be regulated heavily (i.e., sterilized, treated).
And - if this is real, I wonder if whoever was buying was planning on declaring it as actual rendered human fat, or were planning on marketing it as something else. That would likely be much easier to sell.
(Oh gods - \"Product of the rainforest\"! Nah - Huanuco isn't rainforest. They wouldn't sink that low, right?)
I'm thinking I'd be glad to sell someone a litre of my fat for $15,000. I'm sure it would more than pay for the lipo required to get it.
After reading this article, I'm going to be scanning the label on all the cosmetics I buy looking for something that reads, \"Not made with human fat\".
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I can turn my fat into soap?
What a clean way to lose weight!
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looking forward to waking up in a bathtub in tijuana mexico after being drugged then liposuctioned
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Ewww
Oprah=profit. Did the consumerist un-break itself? Tsk tsk...black box testing yo!
The first rule of Fat Club is you don't talk about Fat Club!
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Sooooo GROSS. I'm scared of my soap now!
Truthiness Meter not moving much on this one. Chucacabra approves.
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I am Jack's Utter Lack of Suprise
This whole story really is pegging my B.S.-ometer.
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Whoa, I would really be worth my weight in gold in Peru!
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I can hear the double locks on doors in South Carolina now.....
$15k? Why aren't docs doing free liposuction?
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This is a cover up. If you know the history of Peru's police , you'll know that the people the gang \"killed\" were most likely killed by the police. The fact that they are insinuating that these \"gangsters\" are mythical creatures from Peruvian history makes it even more suspicious.
I make my own fat at home.
Wait. That sounds reasonable.
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Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait....
I can sell my fat??
hey what happened to the chocolate factory and the 5 yr old kid who had diarrhea story? it just disappeared
ew
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Teehee -- they \"remain at large\".