2 replies

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Taliskan

@RecordStoreToughGuy_IsBeing(pur)SuedByAMonster: I love this thread.

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hi

@Taliskan: I second that.

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squinko

It seems as though there's a higher amount of cats going on to secondary education compared to dogs. What is Congress doing about the disproportionate levels of education between felines and canines? When will the discrimination end?

14 replies

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Laura Northrup

@squinko: Dogs are able to easily obtain employment without a high school or college degree. Cats, being more cerebral and unsuited to work in narcotics or as guard animals, need more education in order to pursue their ideal careers.

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ThinkerTDM

@squinko: The problem is all the dogs coming in and taking jobs away from the cats. Oh, and they smell bad, too.

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dadelus

@squinko: You're missing the obvious here. Dogs are admitted, but they don't last long in academia because they keep eating their own homework.

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pecan 3.14159265

@dadelus: Ahh, good point. Good, good point. But then again, wouldn't hamsters, mice, gerbils, and rabbits end up shredding their homework for bedding?

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floraposte

@squinko: Are you saying that just because you don't need a diploma for sniffing butts that it's not hard work? Speciesist.

@pecan 3.14159265: Bunnies are smart, but they have poor study rabbits.

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TCama

@squinko: But if diploma mills are allowed to use affirmative action to get more dogs in, then that's discriminatory against the cats! What about the cats, huh? Is no one thinking about the poor cats who keep losing in this situation? Obama's a racist!

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squinko

@TCama: The dogs would only get in based on their abilities, not just because they were dogs. Giving a preference to a specific species is just wrong.

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Real Cheese Flavor

@squinko: I'm not a speciesist but dogs just aren't as smart.

Everyone knows it but they're just afraid to say it.

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@Real Cheese Flavor: but i suspect, based on his credentials and popularity on the student council, that Chester Ludlow would have been a shoe-in for Mr Congeniality
[en.wikipedia.org]

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squinko

@Real Cheese Flavor: Next you'll tell me they're better at sports because they have longer snouts and jump higher.

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Real Cheese Flavor

@squinko: The snouts make them more aerodynamic.

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pecan 3.14159265

@squinko: What about the bunnies? They're smart!

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JayXJ

@pecan 3.14159265: You mean I've been eating brain food?

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Joewithay

@pecan 3.14159265: But they are too busy getting knock up

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squinko

@Joewithay, MostlyHarmless: What's with all the stereotyping comments? Rabbits are hard workers.

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Blueskylaw

@squinko:

Rabbits are not hard workers, they're always screwing around.

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squinko

@Blueskylaw: It's that kind of attitude that keeps the cats in power and harms all other species.

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pecan 3.14159265

@Blueskylaw: Not my rabbit. Not since he took a trip to the vet a few years ago.

@Ayarkay: The majority of pigs in higher education tend to go into drama. They're such hams.

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subtlefrog

@squinko: What about rats and gerbils and hamsters? Don't see rabbits et al. running on wheels like them...talk about hard workers.

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@subtlefrog: rats, gerbils and hamsters go to trade schools

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Laura Northrup

@catastrophegirl: Yeah, that's how they become electricians.

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Trai_Dep

@Laura Northrup: This is clearly one of my most favorite threads ever. Every other comment a LOL, alternated by an obliging set-up.
:D

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squinko

@Trai_Dep: You'd think it would get someone a star. ;)

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pecan 3.14159265

@subtlefrog: But what are the hamsters and gerbils working for? Do they generate electricity? If not, they're just spinning around for nothing. At least rabbits understand the futility of this. Rabbits make the best agricultural engineers because of their focus on greens and their stake in a good carrot crop.

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subtlefrog

@pecan 3.14159265: Oh, they're working for something, alright. Just wait, one day, you'll find out.

\"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?\"
\"I think so Brain, but the burlap chafes me so.\"

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dadelus

@subtlefrog: A list of all of them if you're interested...

[en.wikiquote.org]

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pecan 3.14159265

@subtlefrog: Well if you're going to include Pinky and the Brain, squinko is going to have to add a provision for labratory mice. Clearly, work experience has to factor in the admission process.

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squinko

@subtlefrog, pecan 3.14159265: Alright, we can allow Rodents, Mustelids and Lagomorphs into the affirmative action program.

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hi

And now for a cat rap.

+ Watch video

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MostlyHarmless

@pecan 3.14159265: Yeah, I think their priorities are having a big family, not higher education.

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pecan 3.14159265

@MostlyHarmless: Some rabbits choose not to have families. You can't stereotype.

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pecan 3.14159265

I let out a very audible gasp when I saw the cat photo. That is just the cutest cat photo you guys have ever, ever posted. Holy crap.

I have a problem with the Wikipedia page - there are no photos. Anyone want to spend the afternoon helping me Google these cats to find photos so I can edit the Wikipedia page and add photos?

5 replies

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MostlyHarmless

@pecan 3.14159265: Which cats?

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pecan 3.14159265

@MostlyHarmless: All of them! I demand a Wikipedia page full of cat photos!

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MostlyHarmless

@pecan 3.14159265: oh nevermind. we could. when im taking a break from work.

Also, isnt it a pain when you search for something so you can find info to put on wikipedia, and then all that google gives you is wikipedia results?

Also: \"Hmm... this article looks like it could use some more info. Let me check it out... on wikiped- UGH! nevermind!\".

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Taliskan

@MostlyHarmless: Link/cite it to itself and create an endless loop!

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evilrobot

@pecan 3.14159265: You can taste the disdain of a cat that has been decorated.

I HAZ SPITE.

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Michael Belisle

In several cases, pet animals (most often cats[citation needed]) have successfully been \"enrolled\" in suspected diploma mills

Ah, Wikipedia. Is there no topic about which you won't argue?

I propose that someone edit the article to state that elephants are most common type of animal to be enrolled in diploma mills.

4 replies

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Smashville

@Michael Belisle: Meh...I deleted that bit. Doesn't belong in the lead anywho.

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pecan 3.14159265

@Michael Belisle: Wikipedia is the ultimate time-wasting resource. A few weeks ago, I spent an entire afternoon reading articles on memes. It's amazing how long the Leeroy Jenkins page is, considering how relatively obscure the meme is.

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Michael Belisle

@pecan 3.14159265: I spent some time reading about memes too. I was amazed/disappointed at the people who spend time nominating every new meme article for deletion.

Particular attention is paid to deleting articles about internet cartoons. No ma'am, you shall not read about Charlie the Unicorn on Wikipedia. Unicorns don't exist, even if 42 million people have seen him.

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Michael Belisle

@Michael Belisle: Actually, now you can because I fixed it by redirecting it to the epically long List of Internet Phenomena with its extant mention of Charlie the Unicorn. This list just might have the most extensive talk page I've even seen.

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DangerMouth

@Michael Belisle: Hah, I confess to reading talk pages with some fascination. That one is impressive, but doesn't come close to the 33 archived pages of faux civil discussion on NPOV under abortion, for example. OK, you'd expect that, but peeking behind the scenes at other pages offers a rare glimpse into worlds I didn't know existed, worlds where people are still fighting the Peloponnesian war, or waging revert wars regarding the correct spelling of a small Roumanian city.

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MostlyHarmless

@Michael Belisle: Hahahaha I would, but i have a semi-decent standing with some admins, and I dont want to tick them off.

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h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes

We're thinking Sports Medicine for Tank.

Maybe Liberal Arts for Phoenix.

6 replies

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@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: fraggle is going for fashion design

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subtlefrog

@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: Philosophy may be a good one for Phoenix, too. Nevermind, he's probably not argumentative enough...

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Joewithay

@subtlefrog: I was thinking maybe bio-research for Phoenix so he can play with all those mice.

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Kimaroo - 100% Pure Natural Kitteh

@subtlefrog: You may have just decided what Alfred's field of study will be. If there is anything Alfred can do, it's argue.

At first I was thinking Linguistics.. but you may have nailed it better than that.

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Chris Walters

@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: Yeah, I think that's probably the best strategy for Phoenix.

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Oranges w/ Cheese hates what Christmas has become

@Chris Walters: If the current trend is anything, Phoenix might do better in Criminal Justice - its what all the football players are majoring in these days.

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Zenatrul

Thats one smart looking cat in glasses. I wonder if he would do my taxes and let me pay him in scratches, pettings and catnip.

5 replies

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Veeber

@Zenatrul: I thought we were paying in gum now?

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Taliskan

@Veeber: Trident layers!? No one ever pays me in gum. :(

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pecan 3.14159265

@Zenatrul: There's a cat down the hall who won't even lift a paw for less than a Big Mac. It's insane how these smart cats are so entitled.

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Michael Belisle

@Zenatrul: I must confess that Duke is way cuter than Tax Cat.

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Kimaroo - 100% Pure Natural Kitteh

@Zenatrul: And Cheesburgerz.

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treimel

Well, this is all well and good, but I don't think my cat is ready for diploma-mill level work. Frankly her life experience amounts mostly to scratching furniture and vomiting hair-balls. And sleeping. Always with the sleeping.

I demand a remedial diploma mill for \"special\" kitties.

4 replies

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NatalieErin

@treimel: Wait... your cat has experience sleeping, vomiting, and destroying someone else's furniture, and you don't think she's ready for higher education? You clearly did not go to the right college!

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Cogito Ergo Bibo

@NatalieErin: That's experience for a real college. Not diploma mill college. This cat may be genius material!

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treimel

@Cogito Ergo Bibo:

You guys are right--Harvar, Stanford, et al. look out!

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barb95

@treimel: University of Phoenix - Kitty Campus?

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Julia789

@barb95: Too funny! I hate to say it, but the large corporation I work for throws any resume in the trash that says University of Phoenix. A lot if other companies do the same, I hear from friends. I feel badly for people who spent their money there.

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pecan 3.14159265

These diploma mill cats are giving real degree-earning animals a terrible name. Also, campus photos: [cuteoverload.com]

2 replies

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squinko

@pecan 3.14159265: While that is insanely cute, it's also horrible because none of those are wild rabbits. They're probably all abandoned pets that people got tired of when they realized that the cute bunny gets bigger and actually needs to be taken care of.

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pecan 3.14159265

@squinko: Well, actually, they are wild rabbits. All or at least most of those rabbits are descended from rabbits that were domesticated, and were released as pets in the 1970s. That part was obviously a bad thing, but these rabbits thrived in the wild and the current population of rabbits look domestic, but are actually all wild.

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@pecan 3.14159265: that's actually apparently a problem at the university of chapel hill too. i don't know when the problem started but every time i used to visit a friend who lived in barely off campus student housing the yards were full of domestic looking wild bunnies at night.
the good news is they never had to mow the lawn

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squinko

@pecan 3.14159265: Oh wow, that's really cool. I still feel bad about the poor house bunnies getting tossed outside. But I wouldn't mind finding a little rabbit hidey hole and stealing away a family or two. :D

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Donathius

I'm thinking psychology for my cat. The vet actually told us that she's insane, maybe with a psych degree she can figure out what's wrong with herself.

3 replies

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KittensRCute!

@squinko:

i guess you are right having that many baby bunnies is definitely a full time job!

@Cameraman:

OMG!!! you have laughing so hard out here!!!

that said if i told my cat she couldnt \"haz\" something, i would be in the ER for bites and scratches!!

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Oranges w/ Cheese hates what Christmas has become

@Donathius: Everyone in my office is wondering why I am laughing so hard.. Thanks for MMD.

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lehrdude

@Donathius:

Either that or a Sex Ed degree so she could...

...BaDumDum

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Cameraman

Ironic, as most cats on the internet have terrible spelling and grammar skills.

Seriously, guys, cheezburgar? No you cannot \"haz\" one until you can spell it properly.

2 replies

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RecordStoreToughGuy_starcommandseries.com

@Cameraman: Hey! That is racist! They can't help that they talk that way! Instead of educating them properly, we should accommodate their grammatical idiosyncracies.

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pecan 3.14159265

@Cameraman: Well, you can argue that cats make the best linguists. They did, after all, create their own language.

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DoubleEcho

This is really mean, you know. How could the pet owners put their cats through such shame?

I imagine that Colby Nolan was extremely proud of himself when they told him he qualified for an Executive MBA. Now he knows it was all a lie.

Shame on them.

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Oranges w/ Cheese hates what Christmas has become

I'm tempted, if only for a lark - to find the cheapest diploma mill and get one for my cat Wallace. He's such a doofus, I fear he wouldn't be able to succeed in the workforce without some bribing :( alas.

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pecan 3.14159265

Clearly, Maru is meant to be a structural engineer.

1 replies

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@pecan 3.14159265: i love maru. one of my cats looks a little like maru [with white legs instead of brown] but isn't nearly as entertaining. i give him a box and he searches it for treats and then flattens it with his huge butt

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KittensRCute!

ok, what is the cheapest way to get a real looking diploma for my cats. seriously.

I am thinking Stewie (6 months old) should get a degree in Otology

[img689.imageshack.us]

and Bella (7 Months old) should get a degree in psychology because she is crazy

[img689.imageshack.us]

2 replies

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gStein_*|bringing starpipe back|*

@KittensRCute!: your cat is laying on top of harry potter books.

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h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes

@KittensRCute!: If you don't want them to be listed on the books at any university, you can probably Photoshop one.

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Smashville

\"now there's a Wikipedia page to keep track of animals with fraudulent diplomas\"

Ahem...this article's been there since December 7, 2004.

1 replies

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treimel

@Smashville_now with Monster Energy:

hey! you tryin to use some of that fancy book-larnin from your haigh-falutin' \"accredited\" college.

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DoubleBaconVeggieBurger

@pecan 3.14159265_Now On Twitter as Pecan_Pi: Well if having their own language matters, then pigs should be well-represented in higher education. Atin-lay is ard-hay!

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circusgeek

My cat fruitbat is currently going to school at night to get her GED and her associates in business management!

1 replies

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h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes

@circusgeek: Omg! Wonderful name for a cat.

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calchip

It's fun to talk about animals with fake degrees (and remarkably easy to get your pet one), but the issue of diploma mills and academic fraud is getting to be an epidemic problem. It's been going on for at least 50+ years but has completely exploded with the Internet.

Some businesses-masquerading-as-schools have gotten sophisticated and have elaborate fake websites (sometimes lifted, with search-and-replace school names, from real schools.) Others set up fake accreditors to \"accredit\" their fake school. Still others make you do a tiny amount of work (write a book report on a 300 page popular book) to earn a Ph.D. All are worthless, but it is thought to be a billion-dollar-a-year industry.

At degreeinfo.com, there's a message archive dating back 8+ years that has information on just about every school, legitimate and fake.... including stories of animals with degrees and the like. It's sad how often otherwise intelligent people get suckered because a school *looks* legitimate, and equally sad how often people will knowingly get a fake degree, expecting it to help their career... but later having the fake degree get exposed, resulting in loss of job and often tarnishing an otherwise good career.

(Full disclosure: I am one of the owners of degreeinfo.com)

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DangerMouth

I can has diploma?

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huadpe

What schools has Captain Duvel Moneycat graduated from? I wonder how many credits he's gotten for oatmeal nomming so far.

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H3ion

What would be your mental state if your cat was accepted to a particular college...and you were rejected?

Extra catnip to the first cat who attends on a football scholarship.

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RedwoodFlyer

@pecan 3.14159265: Way to leave out ferrets? Not even Adolf showed so much hatred towards creatures with prominent noses!

1 replies

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shoegazer

@RedwoodFlyer: I call Dogwin's Law!

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ApupnamedShamus

I don't know, even with the ability to get a college degree, I have a feeling my cat Mikey will still end up a college drop out.

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Kaellorian

The University of Phoenix is taking animals now?

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calchip

UoP, while not very highly regarded by many, is at least a legitimate school with the same regional accreditation as other universities in its home region.

Among the unwonderful schools we've found over the years at Degreeinfo.com that would probably be happy to issue a diploma to a kitty, there was

-- a \"university\" run out of a janitorial service office in Connecticut

-- a group of 4 \"universities\" operating out of a mobile home in a trailer park in North Carolina

-- a \"law school\" operated out of the back of an insurance agency in Kansas

-- a university with the same name as a legitimate school, but operated out of a wooden lean-to shed in the backyard of the proprietor's home in rural Pennsylvania

For most of these schools, the only evidence of academic achievement necessary was a Visa card with enough credit to pay for the degree. :)

November 18, 2009 4:52 PM

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eggynack

This cat is a fraud!