@harvey_birdman: As long as you pronounce it \"ess-aitch-oh\" and not \"show\". Because the latter is unbelievably stupid.

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H3ion

@harvey_birdman: Didn't the older SHO use a Yamaha engine?

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cuchanu

@harvey_birdman: Sort of off topic, but \"sho\" means \"shut the fuck up\" in Guatemala.

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AirIntake

@cuchanu: In English-land it means Super High Output

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12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich

@harvey_birdman: How about a newly manufactured 2010 SHO with the EcoBoost V6 (365hp)? (although I think it's automatic only)

[www.fordvehicles.com]

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UX4themasses

@12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich: It does have a manual mode (there are shifters on the steering wheel).

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pz

@12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich: Wasn't the power that made the original SHO so cool -- it was the 5-speed paired with an engine that revved to 9000+ RPM while sounding amazing.. It was a blast to drive.

The new SHO is... meh. It's not bad, it's just not exciting. Too quiet.

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pimpybra

@12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich:

Yep, the new SHO's are automatic only, which is a total fail in my book. Everything else in it looks pretty decent (besides it being a Ford), but auto, ehhhh.....

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UX4themasses

@pimpybra: This isn't quite true actually. You can shift to M and use the shifters on the steering wheel.

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Starfury

@pimpybra:
If Ford was serious about a performance car it would be a stick shift/rear wheel drive. Not an automatic.

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gover57

@Starfury: it has AWD, so it's likely better that RWD - ever been to a tuner night at the drag strip? 4x4/AWD card launch way better, since all the wheels are pushing, not just the rear two or front two...

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12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich

@pimpybra: And if it didn't cost 40k...

Makes it completely unreasonable in my book...

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G.O.B.: Come on!

@12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich: LOL. Have you heard the radio ads for the SHO? They're pushing it as an alternative to a luxury vehicle. \"Oh yeah, I used to drive a Mercedes but then I saw the SHO.\"

Yeah fucking right. For that amount of money, you may as well buy yourself an entry-level luxury car.

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Alternate

@G.O.B.: Come on!: Except that entry level luxury cars are generally crap. More often than not, they are simply redesigned models from non-premium lines (ie, entry Lexus' are usually just Toyotas with more electronics).

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Quake 'n' Shake

Pffft...
Call me when GM starts selling 1984 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supremes again.

9 replies

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your new nemesis

@Quake 'n' Shake: I concur, but they could put a performance package in them, like a 350 rocket. *dreams*

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Jfielder

@Quake 'n' Shake: Forget about the supreme, it's all about the 1989 Cutlass Calais! Complete with Bondo reinforcement and speed holes!

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@Jfielder23: AWESOME. You get a red heart for knowing the Calais :)

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palland0

@Jfielder23: Don't limit the Bondo to just the Calais! My '82 Supreme was held together mostly due to the stuff! Horrible car, btw, but you can't beat free.

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lpranal

@Quake 'n' Shake: If you find a gray '87 with forks and knives holding the ceiling liner in, that's mine. I lent it to someone and never got it back, I'm still technically the registered owner, but I never bothered to report it stolen. I traded my ps2 for it in 2002.

and no, I'm not kidding about any of the above :-|

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Blueskylaw

@lpranal:

Who pays the taxes on it and where does the bill get sent?

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lpranal

@Blueskylaw: I haven't re-registered it, looked up the license plate, received any fines or notification of any kind. What's weird is, I still have the title, somewhere; I don't think someone could have transferred ownership (assuming it lasted that long)

I'm guessing it's in a junk heap somewhere, but then again there's always the chance that it's transporting large amounts of drugs in mexico.

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@lpranal: See my comment below, I think I know where it is :)

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moore850

@Quake 'n' Shake: Call me when GM starts selling 1969 Hurst Oldsmobile 440's again .

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Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!)

@Quake 'n' Shake: I drove a Ciera for YEARS. I LOVED that thing!

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@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): My first car was an '88 Olds Cutlass Calais... LOVED that coupe.

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Malicious A

GENIUS!

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halcyondays

I'll take an '87 Grand National, please.

2 replies

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EarlNowak

@halcyondays: Give me a GNX. The car Darth Vader would drive.

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Quake 'n' Shake

@halcyondays: In '97, I could have bought one with low miles and in great shape. However, I was 6 months out of college and my '84 Olds was rusting out on me. At the time, I couldn't justify buying the Grand National as my sole vehicle, and I couldn't afford 2 cars either.

/ Bangs head for the 1,621st time over this

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logie-al

Conan approves.

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Costner

Where can I get a 6000 SUX? You find me one of those and I'm buying it.

4 replies

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CumaeanSibyl

@Costner: Something with leather seats and really shitty gas mileage!

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AllanG54

Those were really customized (?) Buick Regals. But the cops did drive the Taruses (Tauri?).

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lannister80

@Costner: I'd buy that for a dollar!!

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pimpybra

@Costner:

I'd buy that for a dollar!

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bender123

85 Chevy Celebrity...That was a rockin car.

5 replies

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HesNoKennedy

@bender123: The Celebrity! I turn 16 in the middle of winter, my ma throws me the keys to a $100 '86 Chevy Celebrity WAGON and never looks back. Drive the Shaggin Wagon for three weeks, someone rear ends me. Insurance says it's totalled and sends me a check for $1200. Talk about an investement.

Three years of driving that 'totalled' beast later, I make the biggest of upgrades: the '88 Celebrity sedan. Twelve years and six cars later, still my favorite one.

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Buckus

@HesNoKennedy: Those other six cars must have REALLLLLLY sucked.

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Coralvillain

@bender123: Eurosport baby.

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econobiker

@Coralvillain: Or go upscale with the Caddilac Cimmaron...

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sp00nix

@bender123: Do you know how many times i almost died in one of these?

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pegr

To think that Ford is doing far better than the rest of them, yet has to suffer this indignity.

Oh, who am I kidding. That's pretty funny!

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JGKojak

Atcually this isn't a bad idea-

Make a basic car based on proven technology for 5K or so new.

2 replies

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Buckus

@JGKojak: Production of the Volkswagen Golf Mk1 just ended...that's the first-gen Rabbit to you and me. In countries without a buttload of auto regs, old cars continue to churn out in huge numbers. Take Mexico, for example. One of the best-selling vehicles (don't know if now or not, but a few years ago anyways) was the old, old, 88-92 Nissan Sentra (they called it something else down there) and the original Beetle stopped production only a few years ago.

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jeffbone

@JGKojak: No problem, just move to India:

[jalopnik.com]

...or wait for them to make a model to meet US safety and emissions standards. Suspect that'll be a long wait, though.

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tinycorkscrew

Primus sucks.

5 replies

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Alex Chasick

@tinycorkscrew: I used to bump Tales from the Punchbowl out of my 1990 Taurus when I drove to high school. This article is a little too close to home.

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ARP

@Alex Chasick: I'm having the same problem, but was my friend's 89. We listened to Primus, Mr. Bungle (sideproject from some from Faith No More), Butthole Surfers, and Public Enemy.

Ugh, I'm old.

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Alex Chasick

@ARP: I was listening to Mr. Bungle this morning! It makes me feel less old that Mike Patton is still making lots of new music.

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Sanspants

@tinycorkscrew: They sure do. I was listening to them this morning. I hope they decide to do another tour in the next year.

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ARP

@tinycorkscrew: I'd go with Pork Soda as their best album, but Jerry Was a Race Car Driver, was pretty fun.

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Sanspants

@ARP: Frizzle Fry's number one for me. I really love everything until Antipop.

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tailstoo

1982 Nissan Pulsar, baby!

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korybing

Dear GM, I'd like a '92 Grand Prix identical to the one I just had to put down, thank you. I don't know why you decided it would be a good idea to make a solid car like the Grand Prix into a shitbox in the late '90s/'00s, but my ol' car was nothing but faithful to me and I would like it cloned, please.

7 replies

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jeffbone

@korybing: Maybe you could convince them to sell the tooling to the Cubans.

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Oranges w/ Cheese hates what Christmas has become

@korybing: My mom would do anything for another new '97 Grand Am. Sans the electrical and air conditioning problems, though.

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gparlett

@korybing: I had a '92 Grand Am, paid $800 for it, got 20 some odd miles to the gallon and lasted 3 years, drove like a dream, great car.

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korybing

@gparlett: My Grand Prix was a hand-me-down from my sister who used it all through college and took it with her to Nebraska. When she moved to Mississippi she was going to leave it for dead on the side of the road, but my dad took it from her and fixed it up a bit and gave it to me, and I used it all through college and a few years after until the brakes finally went bad and a minor accident ended up totaling the poor thing. It was a zombie-monster car and it served our family well for over a decade, and I can't for the life of me find another car that will be as faithful as that one.

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h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes

@korybing: If this technology is possible, I would like to clone my '99 Camry for the rest of my life. It is the only car I've ever owned, a veritable tank, and my heart will break more than a little when it's time to put her out of her misery.

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RandomZero

@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: I feel the same way about my '95 Saturn. He's been through more than his fair share (the wife decided he was male, mainly because he takes no shit from anyone), including flying metal plates at 130 km/h and a rear-ending by a car doing 90 km/h (we were stopped cold) with only minor scratches to show for it. It's breaking my heart even to think about getting a new one.

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korybing

@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: That is how I felt when my poor Grand Prix finally died. I ran that thing into the ground, regularly neglected to get it's oil changed, and took really crappy care of the thing (I didn't do it on purpose, baby! Please don't leave me), but it still ran like a tank, routinely got 20-23 miles to the gallon, and ran like a dream. The brakes finally went bad, and I wasn't aware of this fact until they failed me all together a few months ago and I got into a minor fender bender because of it. I think the car was a Viking that wanted to go out in a blaze of glory, as that little crash was enough to total the poor guy. I've been looking for a replacement, but honestly I just want another early-90s Grand Prix.

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Homerjay is utterly alone.

WHY am I laughing so hard at this?????

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Does it come with the external CD accessory? You know, the one that is velcroed to your dash with the CD to cassette tape converter?

Also, you mention working brakelights. Will I have headlights as well? I pray every night for a car with a dome light so I can see the cocaine lines I'm slicing easier. (The mirror I cut on has a huge glare off the street lights.) How hot does the heater get? Will it heat up a spoon? How about the trunk- is it big enough for sneaking in a couple Mexicans?

Thank you Ford, for yet again- providing families with fiscally sound resolutions to our everyday needs.

Oh shit, the cops... gotta go!

4 replies

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Awjvail

@lpranal: My mom's Taurus had gone pretty fast. Especially when the CRUISE CONTROL WAS STUCK ON.

That's some quality cruise control you've got there, Ford.

It only lasted 8 years before she gave out, though. She gave up and bought an Accord. It's going on 10 years old and it goes like f-ing clockwork every morning... they've never had to replace anything except for the usual maintenance items and consumables.. battery, muffler, etc.

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Awjvail

@Verucalise(countingcalories):

My mom had a 94 Taurus. The trunk was frickin' huge...

I've had 3 people in the trunk of my 02 Civic coupe.. so you might be able to fit 4 or 5 in the trunk of a Taurus.. rather uncomfortably...

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lpranal

@Awjvail: absolutely, it also depends on your definition of \"adult\". I'm talking 18-20 year old guys, so pretty much full-grown.

Despite having what's probably half a cubic kilometer of space, the vehicle was remarkably front-heavy if you ever had the pleasure of driving it on slick roads (did 180s on the highway twice. not fun.)

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lpranal

@Verucalise(countingcalories): I shouldn't know that 3 adults can fit in the trunk (somewhat) comfortably, but I do.

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invormation

I have a 1994 Ford Taurus, and yes, it is just what I needed - a car.

Now what I would KILL for is my 1986 Chrysler LeBaron back. Sadly, it'll never happen.

1 replies

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jeffbone

[washingtondc.craigslist.org]

@invormation: If you're near DC, here's your chance:

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lpranal

I had a '91, and the fact that \"ford taurus\" made a perfect anagram of \"fraud o' rust\" was no mistake, i'm convinced. I dubbed the color of mine \"caramel apple red\", thanks to the quickly growing rust on the bottom 1/3 of the vehicle.

Awesome video though.

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sp00nix

Re-release a 245DL and ill hop all over that.

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UGAdawg

Give me an '87 Pontiac Fiero!

3 replies

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UGAdawg

@UGAdawg: Make that an '88.

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bohemian

@UGAdawg: I would love to get my hands on a Fiero.

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sniplover

@bohemian: one of my best friends had one of those (not her primary car)- until some stupid 16 turned out in front of her and drove over the top of it in an F150, killing her and the car in Sept. They're not the safest, but I'm not sure she would have been any better off in her firebird. :/

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gparlett

It's funny because it's true. Most Americans would be much better off buying a 20 year old car cheap than buying a new car and getting stuck with $250 payments for 5 years. The 93 Acura Integra I bought six years ago for $1500 is still on the road, my father in law drives it now, the only work its needed in that time is a water pump.

2 replies

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Buckus

@gparlett: But this begs the question: If no one buys new cars, where will the used cars come from?

Answer: See Cuba

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ARP

@gparlett: Integra's FTW. My parents had one of those and it would not die.

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bohemian

My dad has an older Ford Taurus. He has had it forever and it never seems to need repairs. Meanwhile my much newer, more expensive German status symbol has nickel and dimed me to death and averages breaking every six weeks.

2 replies

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EarlNowak

@bohemian: German cars are fast, luxurious status symbols. They definitely aren't cheap.

I figure what I spent on my '99 passat was about half what I spent on maintanence and repairs. And I do my own fluid changes.

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EarlNowak

@bohemian: Oh yeah- and now I own a honda.

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AirIntake

I'd rather have a Pontiac 6000 STE. Auto-leveling air shocks, air compressor in the back, power & digital friggen everything, stereo controls on the wheel. It was like driving KITT without the effeminate talking.

2 replies

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admiral_stabbin

@AirIntake: Did you ever have to replace one of those air shocks?

I had an air shock blow out on my '88 Lincoln Continental one time...$150 for a used one and borrowed free labor from my best friend got it going again. Yes, $150 for a used shock was the cheapest I could find anywhere (in 1997 money too). ;-)

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TVarmy

@AirIntake:

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schiff

The 94 SHO was a nightmare in terms of reliability. It took its first transmission at 70k, its second blew at 140k and was ultimately the reason I got rid of the car. The check engine light was on for one reason or another from 90-140k. It was always the most difficult piece of electronics to get to. Last but not least, the car took 3 power steering pumps and 1 replacement rack. But it did have working brake lights, heat, and mirrors! No cans of tuna or AC though...

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EtherealFlame

Kudos for including Primus! I <3 Sailing The Seas Of Cheese!

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vladthepaler

Thanks, but I'm waiting for a Studebaker.

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savvy999

So long as it comes with an extra transmission, I'm in!

We had a brown Taurus for years. We called it \"The Turd\" (in an affectionate way). Had a nice big front bench seat, excellent for fooling around at drive-in movies.

1 replies

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catnapped

@savvy999: And a spare engine in the trunk if it's a 3.8

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VagrantRadio

1995 Saab 900s FTW!

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thewriteguy

You can have it in any color as long as it is teal blue.

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coffee412

Oh but there is nothing like a buick Century. You know the one with the faulty intake manifold gasket, The power windows that break, The brakes that fail, The climate control switch that fails, the dash lights that fail, The abs failures, The gas gauge that fails in the tank.

You know, The car that consumer reports loved?

hummm....

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pot_roast

My wife has a 1992 Ford Taurus. It only has 109,000 on it. Yes, one hundred and nine thousand original miles. The thing is in great shape, and she loves it.

Which is good, because it's been paid off for years and requires minimal maintenance. No complaints at all with the car.

Screw car payments.

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MFfan310

We had a 1995 \"widow blue\" Taurus that looked exactly like that '93 Taurus in the Onion video, minus the peeling Dole/Kemp '96 bumper sticker (ha!). It lasted over 200,000 miles before we gave it to a different owner, who's still using it to this day.

Though an '06 Toyota Avalon replaced it for us, we still have good, fond memories of the ol' Taurus.

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H3ion

I'd like a Corvair with a license tag that said \"Nader.\"

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danno5-0