74. Let the guests know the restaurant is out of something before the guests read the menu and order the missing dish

My pet peeve

NAMETAGS!

No need to thank me, really. All in a day's work.

I once had a waitress accuse me of shedding hair into food I had prepared. I had to point out to this high-school genius that while I wore a hat and had my hair in a pony-tail, she did not and was also responsible for the checking the final presentation before delivering the food.

I like a waiter to be friendly, and be knowledgeable of the food their serving. I also think it's a really bad idea to let a customer pour their own wine. If you're doing that you might as well be at home preparing your own meal too.

these tips are for real restaurants...not Applebee's.....
I absolutely hate it when a waiter takes my plate and i am not finished and/or my silverware doesn't cue him to take it.

I disagree with this one. I had gastric bypass a while back and now MOST of my plates are left largely full at the end of a meal. I go for social aspects, eat what I can/should, and leave the rest. It's very frustrating when a well-intentioned server keeps asking me what's wrong with the meal, why haven't I eaten more, can they get me something else, etc., when this is simply the result of a medical procedure. I usually have to explain my medical status for them to leave me alone.

I understand the reasoning behind the rule, but I don't enjoy being badgered. Ask once and let it go if the patron says things were fine.

"42. Do not compliment a guest's attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else."

Seriously, are people so juvenile that someone else can't receive a complement without them feeling left out and insulted? Geez. Grow up and read some self-help books people.

My pet pieve is when the person that takes the order is not the person that delivers the food. I want one person accountable for my satisfaction.

@cameronl: It sounds to me like maybe you're a low-talker? What you described is abnormal behavior that I'm sure most wait staff don't want to engage in. But if kneeling down by you to take your order so that the waitstaff can hear and understand is the only way they can hear you, can you really fault them for squatting next to you?!?

I could be wrong about this, maybe you talk at a really good volume. I don't know you from Adam though, so it's possible to that maybe you don't. What I do know is this, my sister gets squatted near a lot when ordering and I never do. She thinks it's because she's a girl and I'm a guy. I think it's b/c I have a booming voice that would make you go deaf if you were right next to me, whereas my sister has a dimunitive voice that often times fails to even carry across the table.

@mythago: Yeah, except most people don't. Most people who pay cash leave the remainder for the waiter. A lot of the time I get asked for change back it's when the waitress picked up the money on the table but didn't really look at it or count it out.

Plus Mythago it makes total sense to ask if you want to include the tip in the payment. If you think a $12 tip is too much, just ask for $10 back! I think if you worked as a waiter or waitress you'd realize that most people who pay cash anticipate that they will leave the cash for the waiter or waitress. Especially if it's loose change. I've heard people bitch hundreds of times about loose change coming back to them like it's a major inconvenience to use it in factoring the tip or put back in their wallet.

@Opoponax: How are you calling these meaningless questions? Bottled water or tap, fresh pepper. etc. Is how restaurants take care of people. That is catering to the customer! Otherwise you don't ask the questions and assume that fresh pepper is or isn't needed. Etc.

I guess what I'm saying is, would you prefer to have your server not ask those questions?!?

I'm also pretty sure they ask these question almost as much at fancy places as they do less fancy ones. What I suspect is that you take more notice of it when it's a "low-level" restaurant b/c you're already put off by it being a "low-level" restaurant.

I have only two bugbears with some restaurant employees:

1. Do what the customer asks you to do.

Why they find it so difficult, I cannot fathom. I'm not asking for something unreasonable (i.e. demanding a free meal because it took a long time). I simply mean, bring me what I ordered.

- I don't mind if it takes 20 or 25 minutes to cook, what don't want is uncooked meat. Time is not important, getting it right is.

- If I say "No ice" in a drink or ask not to have something on a meal/sandwich/burger like salt, mayonnaise or whatever, I expect not to see it.

- If I point out that a utensil is dirty, bring a clean one back before the food arrives. I don't expect you to return within one minute, but I do expect it back by the time you bring the plate. Not bringing me a clean fork means I'm not paying for it since I wasn't able to eat it.

2. Bring the food to me. Don't put the plate down on the far side of the table and expect me to get up, walk around the table and bring it to my chair. That's your job.

And right now I'm far too poor to be picking up my friend's end of the check, as much as I'd like to.

People who split checks can usually do math just fine, but it's the age of credit and debit cards that have made it difficult for them to juggle it properly. If we were a society that still ran solely on cash, your comment would be completely accurate.

@floraposte: I don't think you understand. You're not in a situation where ONLY the server provides a name. In most cases, people now pay by credit card, which some places even require seeing an id for. Therefore the staff at these restaurants usually have access to your name, and maybe even your address info and or telephone number, I don't think it's unreasonable to therefore want the name of the person that I'm entrusting all that info with!

But the biggest reason that servers give you their names is that it's a measure of accountability. If I have a crappy experience at a restaurant (or a great one) and want to complain about (or praise) the waitress it makes sense if I can go to the manager and say something like "Ann really made me feel welcome here." Rather than "My waitress did a good job making me feel welcome." In the second scenario everything is fine as long as we can easily figure out what waitress I'm referring to, but if it's busy, if the waitress looks like another staffer, etc. it becomes troublesome for a customer to leave that feedback.

Do you also feel that CSRs on phone calls shouldn't leave their names?!? It's the same rationale for why they do it.

When the reality is that I have a very picky taste for desserts and cheesecake is one of those things I don't eat at restaurants because it's always so rich that I can't finish it and end up wasting money. Their suggestions almost always end up being something I'd never eat, or have tried and don't like.

But I do sometimes ask if I'm conflicted, "Would you get the chocolate cake or the sundae?" I do like asking waiters to help me pick between two options, because I'm indecisive.

He was a complete creepster though, to the point where we were about to complain to management about him, so that was far from his only problem.

@Coelacanth: This to me was the funniest part of the whole article, albeit that it was in the comments section of the OP. Several commentors said they would rather be called Miss rather than Ma'am (as ma'am made them feel old.) Maybe it's cause I'm a nerd obsessed with Etymology (word history), but I had to laugh.

Miss is a much more inappropriate title of address than Ma'am, because Miss implies that the person you are addressing is unmarried. If you know the person is married the correct address is Misses. And if unsure the title becomes Mz. Ma'am is a contraction of madame, and is literally an French word anglicized Ma Dame = My lady, ergo, ma'am = my lady. Ma'am therefore is one of the only titles that you can address a woman with that does not imply either an age restriction or a marriage restriction (compare to miss, misses, or Mademoiselle.) That so many women apparently think ma'am refers only to old women is really a testament to our failing educational standards more than anything else. Additionally in the south Ma'am is a term of respect given without regard to age. I'm just as likely to refer to a customer younger than me as a ma'am as I am someone older than me, b/c here in Texas we're polite like that, everyone gets called Ma'am, provided that they are a woman. I've even heard teenage girls addressed that way, as in "and what would you like to drink ma'am?"

A lot of the things on his list I think are management, not the server. Substituting vegetables, offering wine labels or samples.

@qwerty001984:

Again, it completely depends on the restaurant. I used to work at Applebee's taking empty plates and other items obviously not in use is the norm. But now I work at an uptight country club and the rules are completely different. I still clear empty plates thought and have never had a problem.

I neither said nor implied this. What I am saying is that I'll risk appearing rude if I feel there's a reasonable chance I cannot guarantee the food will be free of the offending ingredient. One day at a previous place of employment, the owner and I were opening for brunch and a woman who had received her take-out the day before had spent the evening in the emergency room due to the fact an item contained shellfish (this is not mentioned in this item's ingredients on the menu). I sternly warned the owner that we needed to reprint the menu to include this information, and that we were extremely lucky the customer did not threaten legal action; the information went in one ear and out the other.

Currently as a producer, I frequently have to cover my boss's ass. I'm also forbidden from mentioning certain other details, so I also often have to lie. During most instances in which I've given a client a subtle warning in the interest of what's best for everyone and the project, they have little or no appreciation that I'm putting my job on the line for their benefit.

@catastrophegirl: You're welcome!

@thesadtomato: you're an idiot. Asking who ordered the shrimp is not the waitstaff *forgetting* who ordered the shrimp. It's a form of verifying that they have it right. Think of it this way. I can take an order, right it down, and then come out and deliver it and assume that I've written it down correctly, or I can reverify one last time who is getting a meal before I place it in front of them. Now when you include the fact that in a good many places the food is brought out by more than one server even though it's usually taken down by one waitress you can see why reverifying is a better alternative. A lot of times your food will be brought out by someone other than who you placed the order with. I always assume that when they ask who got what as they're bringing it out it's a last chance to verify the order before it's too late to do so.

It would be a fairly stupid life-rule, but I don't think it's a bad service-industry rule at all. I can think of a few things people have said to me in my life that either came across as backhanded compliments, or that accidentally hit on a tender spot, and it made me feel uncomfortable or awkward. That's not what I want my patrons feeling. (And I can remember a couple people who went out of their way to be bitches while in a service position, but I think we can all agree that's a bad idea.)

I mostly go out to casual places when I go out to eat where the servers chat with you and it's very friendly, and it doesn't bother me a bit. But this list is clearly aimed at a particular upscale dining "experience" where they're trying to create a certain atmosphere, and you're going to set a much higher standard of "eggshells" for that.

We went to a Fuddruckers this weekend, and while paying for the food, I looked into the kitchen and saw an employee grab a bite of food (looked like a potato wedge) out of a serving container with her fingers and shove it into her mouth. She saw me looking at her, and she glared at me. When I looked back a minute later, she was still staring at me.

Add that to the fact that even though it was only 11:30AM, the bathrooms smelled horrible (as if they hadn't been cleaned in a while), the mile-long condiment bar they had in the 90s is down to a few standard condiments, and a crappy chicken sandwich combo was $10 (I can get better for half of that at Sonic!)...we won't ever go back to Fuddruckers.

And yes, I sent a complaint letter to corporate. We were in a hurry to leave afterward so we couldn't talk to the manager.

I agree that there shouldn't be any jokes or flirting, but I don't mind my server telling me their name.

I don't agree with #43. Some fancier restaurants will prepare every dish on the menu and have the staff taste them all. Why? So they know what they're selling. If I'm trying to decide between two items, the server's opinion matters.

But seriously, fifty "don'ts"? Fifty? Lighten up, people. Give me a clean table, be friendly, answer my questions, take my order, get it right, serve me tasty food, correct any problems and don't make me wait forever for the check. And never, ever, EVER sit down at the table with us to take our order.

What. The. Hell.

This is definitely an urban, upscale list. I have to say that I take the majority of these things for granted, unless I am eating at a diner, on the road or fast food. When I am paying more than $30 a head before ordering alcohol, I expect professional service.

If management feels the need to impose 100 rules on their staff, then management has said that they hired people they can't trust to use good judgement when dealing with customers.

@foodfeed: I'd kind of rather have good service ahead of time, rather than getting crappy service and trying to educate them by means of the tip amount.

@goodfellow_puck: If you've never worked food service, why do you think it is demeaning not to be allowed to touch the customers or to be told that you should bring them a clean glass for a second drink?

The 'demeaning' thing is that good waiters don't have to be told these things.

@Rectilinear Propagation: I would totally watch Law and Order: Food Service Unit.

@quail: No, it's not "standard training". It's a dumb question from a server who is either trying to keep a bigger tip than they might get otherwise, or who is so new they don't understand this pisses customers off.

If I give $20 on an $8 bill, I expect to get $12 brought back to me in change, no questions asked.

@richcreamerybutter: I understand that you're offering the best solution given the situation. But the situation is not "the customer is unreasonable for expecting that an order will be relayed accurately to the kitchen staff, who will then understand the order and prepare the food accordingly."

I realize that the restaurant industry is a tough, tough business. I don't see that excuses a business model where, in order to make money, the restaurant offers something it doesn't actually deliver.

@whylime: Yup. And there's a difference between offering guidance ("the trout is very good") and making it all about you ("I like the clams").

@xtc46 - thinksmarter on twitter: That's nice. What does your girlfriend think? Because really, I don't know many women over the age of 13 who get all excited when a perfect stranger interrupts their job to compliment their eyeshadow.

@floraposte: Well, I know what I'll be doing when *I* open a restaurant.

@Michael Belisle: Actually, what management wants to avoid is servers offending their customers through "independent thoughts" that are offensive, stupid and/or rude. Really, I doubt the restaurant owner has a deep desire to see bar codes stamped on the waiters' foreheads.

After reading I realize how classist I really am. Damn my mother for raising me like I was going to be the next Jacqueline Kennedy!

Though more than that, I hate it when they interrupt me with a mouthful of food. Unless I am choking, go away.

I think what I wanted to draw attention to is that this kind of over-solicitousness is becoming the norm, and it's at the expense of what I consider truly good service.

My manager used to say "The best waiter is invisible." I.e., the best waiter doesn't let the customer know he's there, he knows when to approach the table and when to remove things and doesn't have to be asked. You have to have a skill set to do that and it's a stressful job.

Well. . .When DID you last see your mommy?

Of course, it depends on the customer, and you're free to use your judgement on a case by case basis. If the guest asks for your name, or asks what your opinions are on the menu, you're free to share. But as a general rule it may be wise to keep personal remarks to yourself.

True, the owner could hire legal kitchen staff, and pay all their employees a living wage with health benefits (on top of all the insane licenses to operate a restaurant, which are necessary to protect the consumer). Are you willing to pay more of a markup on the product?

Exactly my point when I emphasize that this is written from management's perspective.

Although I can see why management thinks it's a good idea to limit the ability of your minions to exhibit independent thought, this is also why I hated working for corporate-run chains in the service industry. Corporate would dictate rules from hundreds of miles away, with the expectation that employees were to strictly follow instructions, and never deviate from the script. If a situation arose that wasn't foreseen by corporate, then we were supposed to get a manager, rather than solve it ourselves.

More often, we'd just try to get the problem to go away, because that's less work for the same amount of pay. These 100 rules of operation isn't the way to build employee morale. And more often than not, unhappy employees directly results in unhappy customers.

From what I've seen, more people will complain about poor/missing service than they will about overbearing service.

However to your point, I feel like there is a distinction between service, and overly-solicitous service as you've mentioned.

I'm not excusing rude or overbearing service by any means. I see from a previous post that you are or have been a server; I have as well. As I'm sure you've seen in your experience, there are servers who come to your table every 5 minutes, readily interrupt conversation, and are generally obnoxious by being in your face way too much, or inappropriately conversing with the table when it's obvious they're not welcome.

I don't mean to defend *them* here, so I'm willing to wager we're on the same page. My main point is that there are also servers who are legitimately concerned with the diner's experience, and some of them believe that certain things will enhance that (the example I've been debating today is the pre-bus). For as many people as find that annoying and pushy, a similar number find it helpful or expected (especially when you bring families with children into the picture).

In my opinion, it's a matter of how it's handled - it's one thing to wait until it's obvious someone is done, and during a lull in table conversation walk over and ask "may I take that out of your way for you" - it's a completely different beast to hover at the drink station staring your table down, and run over and grab plates as soon as each person finishes.

That's why I have a problem with these kinds of lists - it all depends on the situation, and it's hard to say "this is always right" - what's right for diners A and B might be offensive to diner C. It's the server's job to determine what's best whenever possible, based off their experience and their interaction with the table - not some random writer that's just about to open his first restaurant and decided to blog about what he *thinks* will work. :)

Also - speaking of removing plates - the awful phrase "Are you still working on that?"

@BrazDane: You are a prince for not glaring at the server and saying "Well, since you've inserted yourself into an otherwise romantic moment, a threesome would be nice."

@sir_pantsalot: So either you've never talked to a feminist, or you're saying "Ma'am" in a snotty tone and pretending that gosh, you said ma'am, what are they getting upset about? *bambi eyes*

I went to a restaurant with some friends last night and the waiters called me "Miss" the entire time. I'm visibly middle-aged. I wasn't offended, but WTF?

@richcreamerybutter: From the customer's POV though, what you're saying is "Sorry, we can't get your order right because we don't care to hire people who can understand it." Obviously as the waiter that's not your fault, but it's not the customer being totally unreasonable here.

@mazzic1083: Don't let your friend ever walk into a strip bar, at least not unless you have confiscated all of his ATM cards, credit cards and cash first.

Hooters, btw, has run into some major legal problems because they want to pretend to be a strip bar (so they can only hire cute women) and at the same time, pretend to be a restaurant (so they don't have to comply with zoning laws aimed at strip bars).

@Michael Belisle: It could also be equivalently read "Do not assume that everybody shares your personal tastes and, unasked, really wants you to talk about them."

If a waiter tells me "Here's our dessert tray. I really like the chocolate upstart!", he's not going to be selling me a chocolate upstart, because I don't like chocolate. He hasn't just proven to me that he's capable of independent thought.

@LeChiffre: Yes, yes, we get it, you've got a hot European babe and Europe is so much cooler than America. You can stop posting it now.

@LeChiffre: Some of us have in fact worked for tips. That means we have worked alongside whiny-ass people who see only their perspective and not the customer's, which, you know, is sort of the point of a customer-service job. LOL.

@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: I don't think anybody was arguing that the proper response to any of these boo-boos is "immediately bite your waiter's head off". The original article was from the perspective of a restaurant manager, directed at waiters.

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): It probably says that he wishes the hot waitress would hit on him, and his wife needs to STFU about it. I'm not aware of any country in Europe where it is considered appropriate to openly flirt with somebody's SO in front of them.

@LeChiffre: Our gain is Europe's loss.

If you are in a state that makes you so sensitive as to burst into tears at a compliment about your dress, you might want to reconsider being out in public.

Seriously, the restaurant industry is hardly the only field where professional behavior is expected of employees.

this is why it's okay to tip a little or a lot.

@pollyannacowgirl: At last someone who is familiar with REAL etiquette. If my waiter sees this plate in front of me I fully expect it to promptly vanish.

The point I am trying to make has more to do with whether or not some people's expectations are reasonable.

And, in my humble opinion, some of the ones on the list are not.

And I would totally go to a restaurant named Chez Fancy-Pants!!

When you go out to a sit-down restaurant, you are fully aware that you're going to be served, by a server. If the server were to, say, not come to your table for 30 minutes, you'd probably be pretty quick to complain, or leave. Thus, you're coming to a restaurant to get *served* food.

That said, obviously my husband is coming home with me, and I'm not jealous when other women try to get up on him, because he's not interested. But flirting with someone else's spouse is tacky on any continent, and I do not DO tacky. Nor do I tolerate tacky well. I also don't like unprofessional behavior in a professional setting, and that is wildly unprofessional.

But perhaps the fact that you think it's about jealousy and control says a lot about your nature, rather than mine?

you're expected to proactively pre-bus, as a manager's rule. *But it's not for a faster flip of the tables* (at least with the managers I worked for) - it's a matter of making the customers happy. I guess in those kind of "fast food" restaurants, people have a different expectation? They seemed to generally prefer to have their place cleared as they finished, in my experience.

And 3 seconds earlier is an unfair estimate - if you've been sitting with your plate in front of you, empty, for 10 minutes, and the person you're with is just half-ass picking at their fries and moving their veggies around with their fork, what exactly am I harming by coming over and clearing stuff out of your way? Even if you're just trying to have a conversation and relax, I'm not coming over asking you to order more, I'm just asking you if I can take some crap out of your way - wouldn't you rather talk to your friend/date at a clean table?

More importantly, we're still debating that it's about bottom line. I know in some places it is, and I don't like places like that. But in a lot of places, it's just the server (or, if it's a rule, manager) trying to make sure their guests have a good experience - which includes keeping the table clean whenever possible.

And I agree, pushiness is never acceptable, neither is trying to clear a plate when it's obvious the person is still working on it. I think we're debating different things at this point. I wasn't saying it's ok to grab the plate the second you're done - but there's an obvious point where a person has finished, and I see no harm in clearing their spot for them. Some people prefer it, while some obviously don't - and neither is wrong here - just a matter of preference. There's no way to know which kind of customer you're dealing with at the time.

It is real easy to spot who has and who has not worked in a restaurant before, based on their comments.

But, in my experience in many years as a server, more often than not people were very thankful when I cleared their place for them, especially around the lunch rush when they're also trying to sit and have coffee and converse with a friend, or do work. I see nothing wrong with noticing that someone is done their plate (having signaled by putting their napkin or silverware on it), and politely asking "may I take this out of your way for you" - and perhaps it's just where I was serving, but people seemed to be appreciative.

I've also had customers say to me, and I'm not kidding, "Yo, are you going to clean up these dishes, or what?" - and I don't mean as a one-time thing.

FWIW, my side is partially based on what I as a customer think - but also the responses I'd get from customers when I was on the business end of the equation as well.

Keep in mind, you're assuming, possibly incorrectly, that they're trying to rush you out of your seat. More often than not (in my experience), that's not the motive, just your interpretation - a server like me, anyway, is just trying to make sure you have a tidy place to eat. You can take as long as you want. And I'll only come to your table to bus it when it's obvious you're done.

Setting aside the servers who are terrible at their job, and in your face the second you finish, or anything pushy like that - if any customer is so offended by me, as a server, trying to keep their table clean for them and removing bulky, messy plates from in front of them, regardless of whether there's one or two stragglers still pickign at their fries - well, that customer is probably going to cause problems in other areas, from my experience. It's not like they're slapping you in the face with the plate, they're (potentially) just trying to keep the table neat for you.

I speak for the good servers only. I fully admit some (many?) are pushy, and suck at their job.

All I'm saying is, try not to assume they want to push you out the door by taking your plate. It could be a perfectly innocent thing, and just as many people (from what I've seen) are upset when they're forced to sit in front of a pile of food scraps for more than 10 minutes after they're done.

@thesadtomato: @floraposte: Exactly. When a server asks me how my day is going, I reply accordingly, and then ask them how theirs is - it's just polite.

But I don't expect or want a server to delve into their personal life - if I'm at the office and I'm meeting someone for the first time, I wouldn't expect or want them to go on about their personal lives - why should I want that from a waiter, who is also a complete stranger to me?

It's not about the server - it's about the stranger. The fact that the stranger is a waiter makes no difference to me. It's just etiquette. Cordial is great - polite chatter, banter is great sometimes, and can make things smoother and more enjoyable. But like you would have a very light chat with a person at a person in the line at the grocery store, you would do the same with a server.

It's the ones who think a restaurant is a good place to talk personal details who irritate me.

Every single restaurant in creation wants the wait staff to engage in what is called "pre-busing". It is the clearing of plates before everyone is done. Done with that salad plate? Let me take it. Done with your steak? Let me get that out of the way.

And yes you are being hurried along. Save your cribbage board for Denny's, order another drink, order dessert or leave.

Restaurants opperate on a very slim profit margin. They have to "turn and burn" the clientele in order to drive sales. It's not just a customer experience while you are at the table, it begins when you walk in and in some cases have a long wait for a table. People don't come back if there is always a long wait.

@floraposte: I agree with this. Clearing a table 3 seconds earlier may seem to help you with your bottom line, but so will keeping customers. I've had wait staff clear off plates way too early before, and I still go back to the restaurant because I know I'm likely to get someone different next time. In that case, it's up to the individual server. If it was an across the board restaurant policy to clear off plates early, though - I wouldn't go back because there's obviously no way any particular server would act differently.

But it's based on who won't come back, not the server's preference for a clean table, and if those of us who don't like our plates taken while the table's eating pass up a return in greater numbers, any business manager worth her salt is going to tell you to let go of the "clean area" notion and serve the tables according to what the customers want, so as to maximize business.

I, for one, would like to know my server's name. I came out to be served, and I'd like it to be a personal experience. I want to know who's serving me, and know what they like at their restaurant, since they eat there all the time and I don't.

Other people may not. I fully admit that.

However, you can't say anything is a "rule" because for every person who wants one thing, another will *prefer* another.

I'm not saying customers shouldn't care, just that some do not, and others actually prefer something you may not. The restaurant will never win with everyone, so a lot of them bank on making it a personal experience to set themselves apart (or, at least they clumsily try, with rules like 'always introduce yourself'). I see both sides of it, but I don't think "So you can skip personal remarks and lose nobody, or keep them and lose some customers." is a fair comment. It could be better written as, "So you can skip the personal remarks and make floraposte happy, or you can be personable and friendly and make stephennmcdonald happy. Either way you're going to upset and potentially lose someone."

@LeChiffre: Your examples of:

"this ain't right, it's too hot"
"you brought me the wrong food"
"it's too cold"
"where's my tea"

Can all be legitimate complaints. Respect is a two way street, but you're the only one of the two of us who brings out the food and gets the drinks, and you're being paid for it, sooooo you should pay attention to how to do your job more effectively.

@pecan 3.14159265: Try being a 22 year old officer in the military. My first sergeant was in the Army when I was born, but it was "yes, sir" all day long. Once you get used to it, you don't even notice it. If you are Southern or spent time in the military, it's a hard habit to break.

@mac-phisto: I see it as being kind of demeaning. The resaon why a waitress would call my husband hon and not my father in law is because of their age difference. Despite my husband being an adult, the waitress insists on speaking to him as a child. That's what bothers me about waitresses calling people hon. I recognize that to me, it's annoying, but they don't see the problem with it so I have tried to learn to see it how they see it. I know they don't necessarily mean any offense, but I'm (apparently) a yankee who just doesn't like it.

The only reason I might want to know my waitron's name is if I have a complaint. In other words, when I want your name, I'll ask for it, and it'll be because you screwed up BIG TIME (I avoid confrontation, so you practically have to spit in my face for this). If I need you, I'll say, "Excuse me." because chance are I forgot your name anyway. I don't want to have a conversation with the waitstaff, I have my friends and I can assure you that the level of familiarity I have with them means that I prefer talking with them than exchanging chit-chat with you. To the morons who argue that I should just stay at home, might I point out that I want my food cooked for me, and served to me. I don't have a personal chef or servant at home, that's what I go to a restaurant for.

That said, this list deals with defaults. Of course some customers are going to want their plates taken, or suggestions, or chit-chat, he's not saying they shouldn't have it given to them, but that you should wait for them to ASK for it or invite it in some way. That's because for every customer that wants their plate taken, there's another who doesn't. It's not THE CUSTOMER'S problem, the STAFF is getting paid! Give them what they want. It's not a difficult concept.

I myself tip well, 20% is my default, and I'm not a cold fish: I smile and am generally friendly when I interact with waitstaff. I'll be polite, just give me what I want, ask for, and invite. Anything else is an intrusion on the experience. If I'm a regular, chances are I'll be a lot more friendly with you. If it's a diner, my standards are low. But, if I'm in a restaurant with tablecloths, I expect the server to modulate to the needs of the customer, not the other way around.

Again, I used to be a server, so no, it has nothing to do with servers and everything to do with restaurateurs. I'm not saying anything about the server's class.

In "Office Space" the owner/manager is making the server wear 15 pieces of flair and be over-friendly at Tchotchkes, and so when I walk into a restaurant (not Tchotchkes or Bennigan's) and get the same treatment, that is prole drift.

I don't eat at Bennigan's or restaurants like it. That doesn't make me an elitist any more than it makes people who don't eat at Japanese restaurants xenophobes.

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@pecan 3.14159265: it bothers me b/c essentially the waiter/ress is saying "you are all the same to me." it would be no different than calling everyone at the table john.

That doesn't sound like you're using "prole drift" in the usually defined sense, as the article doesn't say anything about the tendency for things that were once restricted to the upper classes to trickle down to the lower classes.

Rather, you seem to be using "prole drift" in such a way to assert that that servers and other low-level workers to be of a lower class than you and not generally capable of intelligent thought. Like, if you let the workers think and voice opinions, they'll mess everything that was so carefully planned by the infallible leaders?

I might have to unrescind my rescinded Internet criticism. Maybe I'll toss out an accusation of "elitist" while I'm at it, since you said "Bennigan's and the like."

Some of these are just plain wrong. For example, #7 Do not announce your name. Ah yes, so when there is a problem with the serving of the meal and the customer goes to complain to the manager, we can have a long conversation about what the person looked like instead of saying "Brian peed in my soup." Not to mention that, esp. in the south that would be seen as incredibly rude. I expect that when I go to a restaurant, I will be greeted AND that the waitstaff will tell me their names and not act like a ninja trying to remain super secretive.

Also, the author had a strange obsession with staffers not asking people what they ordered. Hello McFly?!? The reason a waiter asks "Who's having the shrimp" is to once again finally reverify who the shrimp is going to, not to find out who's getting the shrimp. A lot of times the food is brought out, esp. in large groups by the waiter who took the order and other staffers as well. Rather than rely on the unflappable notes written by the waiter/waitress as to who gets what food it's definitely permissable to get that info from the customer firsthand. I eat out a lot and have the wrong food handed to me, b/c of various miscommunications from the staff at restaurants. But I ALWAYS get the right food in front of me as long as the server verifies what everyone is getting. Does it mean that our high and mighty restaurant critic has to deal with the hoi polloi? Sure. But for those of us not scared of the working class, having them verify your order before presenting it to you is acceptable.

#41. I've got another problem with. Sure no problem does sound a little dismissive, but are you really going to act like "my pleasure" is more sincere than no problem?!? Puh-lease! Cause I'm sure your average waitress is over-joyed at the thought of telling a cook to remake something b/c a customer forgot to tell her to get it w/o onions (for example). After all, telling the cook is "her pleasure" Gimme a fuckin' break. I'd much rather get a np than my pleasure.

#42. While it's true that complimenting one in a party and not others might make them feel a little less. It doesn't change the fact that small talk is normal for people! Just b/c someone's on the job, in uniform, etc. Doesn't make them less of a person, and as long as the comment isn't inappropriate it should be fine. My point here is that the real problem isn't the complimenting, it's that the author feels any complimenting makes guests feel unequal. But the reality is that in all likelihood if that's the case the guests probably already feel unequal. So it's not like you're doing a whole lot for the customers by not complimenting the one customer. By comparison a heart felt compliment can often be enough to secure a customer for life. It makes the customer feel connected to the restaurant b/c they know that other people in teh restaurant share their tastes.

#39. Don't call a woman a lady? Ever? Seriously? I can understand that you'd never want to say "What are we eating today, lady?" But there would be nothing wrong with the statement, "If you will follow me, ladies, we have your table setup." Lady, let's not forget is actually a title of respect.

#10 is also wrong. I understand that Mr. Bucshel is irritated when a server talks about their personal favorites when describing the menu. I get that the dining experience should be about he customer and not about the waitstaff. But having said that, I personally find it very useful to know what my waiter/waitress thinks is good. B/c in most cases the waitstaff have tried everything on the menu, and therefore have a knowledge of the menu that most customers don't. And I can tell Bruce geared the article to higher end establishments. But this can't be a rule hard and fast across the board. I for example go to a bar and grill near where I work, since I'm a regular the waitresses there have gotten to know me a little, and so they're more friendly and talkative rather than being totally business oriented. This has led to a few conversations about new beers that the waitresses have liked, and b/c I know they are honest assesments rather than attempts to get me to buy something they "count" more to me. Esp. b/c I'm a regular and so have gotten to know which types of drinks the waitresses like. Point being that I don't mind a waiter telling me that the lasagna is their favorite dish as long as it seems genuine and not some corporate mandated thing to make the restaurant seem more "homey".

/end rant + offer apology for how long rant was.

(Also, how dumb is it to double up on your does of a medication like that? Almost all of them say not to do that if you miss a dose.)

@Opoponax: It's regionalism. In some areas people are warmer than they are in cities. Cities like NYC, DC, Chicago, they're a little more formal in their dining - I've never been called "hon" when dining in the DC area. Never. When I took a stop into the South, it was "hon" everywhere - it was very strange to be treated like I was supposed to be familiar with the waitress. It wasn't like we were buddies now, but it was warmer than I was used to.

I personally like the more formal dining (what can I say, I like dressing up a little) and even at upscale casual restaurants, I appreciate the etiquette.

@GMFish: Perfectly said. I'd say that the "thin-skinned" is more of the American defensive attitude than European attitude. I've dealt with both and us American's are getting way too offended by the most trivial things. It's time to grow and let.it.go.

I think that "friendly" has achieved such dominance as an adjective that we sometimes have a hard time remembering that you can have warm and cordial exchanges with people just on a business footing. "Not friends" doesn't mean cold and mean.

Don't go to 2 other customer's tables to find out if they need anything. That's just RUDE!

Oh my GAWD, such an entitlement whore.

I picture this person's face swelling up and turning red as I read the comments (most of which she's just copied bits from instead of allowing them to be on her site).

@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: Nicely said h3llc4t. It takes nothing to be kind to someone serving your food regardless of what you make the conversation out to be, which is probably wrong. You folks need to lighten up and let go of your ego; try using empathy and know what it's like to serve you folks complaining. Trust me, I've been there. You're no picnic. I've heard it all, "this ain't right, it's too hot, "you brought me the wrong food", "it's too cold", "where's my tea", blah, blah, blah." And don't even get going on being asked to watch your sh!t-stained little brats of yours that are crawling all over the damn floor and seats, bothering everyone and God, throwing temper-tantrums and throwing utensil's at people. But oh no, I am supposed to just stand there and SMILE. I'll smile when I shove my foot up your ass, ok? And do you even know how embarrassing it is to have YOUR CREDIT CARD denied and then having to tell YOU about it? And at the same time saying it nice and quiet so the next table of morons won't hear it? Yep, that's you. LOL. If you have only $50.00 left on a $3,000 limit cc, well guess what. YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO EAT A McD's, let alone where you're currently sitting. Go HOME because I ain't getting' no tip. And this is the "middle-aged" group. Let's talk about the "college-aged" group. You know who I mean? The ones that "bundle" their meal ticket together so that one very special person pays (or gets screwed depending on how you look at it). Yeah that's right. When I see this coming I know I am not getting a big tip, if one at all. There is always one of you in the group that underpays or doesn't pay at all, takes off before the bill is paid, and WE get stiff for the cash from our own pocket if your "buddies" that you left behind doesn't have enough cash to carry you through, which is rare. So please,,,,there are two sides to every story here. LOL.

@LeChiffre: Wow. That's douchey.

I hope your wife knows that you married her for her nationality and not for love.

___
* In•ter•net crit•i•cism n. Criticism that is directed at a person based on the writer's assumptions about what the other is like in real life. Typically based on two or three facts. Very rarely corresponds with reality.

@LeChiffre: It's not jealousy, it's blatant disregard for personal space and it's disrespectful.

Man being flirted with is being disrespected because it can be apparent that he is with his wife, partner, girlfriend, etc. and to do so is an affront to that relationship. Likewise, it disrespects the woman (or other man) because it is an affront to that person's role in that relationship.

But if he really means "never mention," even when directly queried, then that does seem pretty weird to me. I can get the notion that you don't want to lead a customer to something she then doesn't enjoy, but you really do have to say something, even if it's just that other customers have been recommending a particular dish.

All servers should be civil, that's my point. And I'm more than civil, and I'm a big tipper regardless of the service I receive. I don't live a sad life with lots of feral cats, ok?

What does nationality have to do with anything? I have plenty of European friends of both sexes who would agree with McGee and myself.

@stephennmcdonald:
Can't you not know the waiters name and have them be attentive at the same time?

In my experience the best restaurants have several staff members attending to you and you never feel bothered, you may not even notice they are there.

I think if you read the original article, and what many other people have posted here, that the fault, dear h3llcat lies not in the server but in the way restaurants are run, and they now cater to people who prefer to be treated as xtc46 described in the next post:@xtc46 - thinksmarter on twitter: "If you are my server, I better know your name, I want you to be excited, and chatty, and if you compliment my girlfriends makeup, I wont be mad. She will be happy, and that will in turn, make me happy, and you will get a better tip. I want to know what you think is a good dish, becasue you are around the food all day, if you dont like a partiular dish, thats cool, you can let me know why, if you say you dont like the fish dish beasue you dont like fish...then hey thats being honest."

And I happen to agree with Opoponax and floraposte.

I don't want to be treated that way and traditionally, that's not how restaurant service works. It is the way it works now and that's not necessarily a great thing. I think the list of "50 things restaurant staffers should never do" points to that.

Eh, a lot of that sounds fine, and are probably policies of more casual restaurants as well. The question is, how empowered is the server to follow them? I've never worked at a restaurant that said it was okay to serve food that looked like crap on paper, but when the food come out poorly, it wasn't exactly easy to get a new dish.

Servers shouldn't serve from dirty dishes or glasses, but its the restaurants obligation to ensure the glasses get clean.

Giving your name is common sense, I don't quite get why that would be a no-no. If the customer really doesn't want to know your name, they'd forget it in a moment anyway.

It seems to me that you and sardonumspa are pretty much on the same page, in that you think customers shouldn't care and therefore businesses should act as if they don't. And even if I agreed with the first part, it'd be a foolish business that operated according to what customers should do rather than what they actually do.

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): LOL. Typical American female; lack of self-confidence and an overbearing wife and control freak. You've reminded me why I married a European. I can't stand the jealousy over someone completely irrelevant in this type of situation and in which [you're] probably making a mountain out of a mole hill. So maybe she is or isn't flirting with your husband. What difference does it make? Is he going home with you? Or her? Who cares!?!

@The_IT_Crone: I can totally see wait staff stepping into some trouble if they automatically assume a man and a woman together mean they're "together" - what if the man was married to another woman, or another man? What if it was the same for the woman? Why assume at all?

We've never been asked about separate checks, but we're also young and sometimes I get the feeling that some wait staff think maybe we're just dating, and don't see the wedding rings. Some dating couples split the check. I still don't think they would ask, but sometimes I get the feeling from wait staff (particularly much older wait staff) that they think we're just dating and not married.

@burnedout: Only if you're not splitting the bill evenly.

I had one woman who I waited on that seemed to share your personality. I'm not saying I want to become best friends, but a little civility, and personality shouldn't kill anyone. She was just sort of "Whatever" through the entire ordeal, while my other tables were fun, and actually wanted to know about the wine.

Guess which group got a couple of extra pours.

Guess who probably lives a sad life alone with a house full of feral cats.

/and I got a $100 tip.

@Rectilinear Propagation: Seriously! When we're out to dinner, we have conversations about our day and other things. Moreso when we're with friends. Since we're going back and forth from eating to talking, we're going to eat just a little slower. A pause to remark on the current political climate is definitely not the signal for someone to take my plate away, even if I'm three bites from being full.

I'm deliberate eater. I stop to enjoy my food, and I don't just inhale it. I hate it when I get a waiter or waitress who rushes me or who thinks I should be eating as fast as anyone else.

@mazzic1083: So you are being rude and annoying to everyone else around you because your server couldn't see into the future? That's just so smart.

@Rectilinear Propagation: WTF? I've never been one to be shy about these things. I worked hard for my money, no way someone is going to make assumptions and take it from me.

@Opoponax: I think this could be very true. When I go to nicer restaurants, there isn't a game of 20 questions. I tell them what I would like, and they comply. It's usually a very easy thing to handle when I'm at nicer restaurants. It's these chain places that ask me incessant questions that make me feel as if I'm being interviewed.

@RedShoes: LOL,,,"In Europe crossing the silverware's, "I'll continue to eat in a moment". That's great but hey, you do that here in Detroit and it would like teaching a monkey Calculus. LOL.

@pecan 3.14159265: Yeah, "hun" it's a Southern thing (or a Baltimore thing.) I don't like it, but I don't expect different unless the restaurant is pricier. Then again, in New England I get "dear," so the North does it, too.

@DrGirlfriend: I agree. The funny thing is, I'm young enough to be a "Miss" but I'm married, so sometimes people just use "Ma'am" and sometimes they don't do it at all, which is totally fine.

@trujunglist: Most of the time, the wait staff is around my age or older than me, so I find it very weird that someone older than me is calling me ma'am. It's just not something I'm used to.

@GearheadGeek: When you order and they bring it out, I hope you haven't already been there for two hours. They can't spit on the food you've already eaten.

And, if you read the list of 50 things this post was about, I think that's what the authors are saying, too: Should be polite, shouldn't be familiar, and shouldn't be gross.

When I was a server I tried to take finished plates away from people, even if others were still eating. Are there really that many people out there that don't put their hands/arms on the table when they're done?

LOL Oh my God. That is a complete date killer. Although a funny story to tell, later. It made me laugh, anyway!

Now I'm sad this isn't real.

If you have to ask for my ID just check it and say thanks. Any 'cuteness' after that and I start reducing the tip.

FWIW, I'm a guy who does generally orders the equivalent of a 10-course meal for myself, so perhaps that influences my preference a bit!

It's a matter of personal preference, so I'll agree to disagree and reiterate that any kind of "list of *rules*" like this is pointless. Everything changes from person to person.

The bill without prompting thing, that gets on my nerves as well :)

@mac-phisto: It's all over the South, so I don't necessarily take offense to it. I don't see it in the DC metro area, but anywhere farther down, I get it all the time. I know it's just something people say, but I do bristle a little when a waitress calls my husband 'hon' or 'sweetie' and doesn't do the same to my father in law. Sorry, he might be young, but he's not your 'hon' or 'sweetie' unless you're willing to call my middle-aged father in law the same thing.

If they don't have an "X-free" meal then all I'll ask for is something like dry meat and any side that is a pure ingredient (veggies, baked potato, etc) and request it not be contaminated.

The problem is when they roll their eyes, and it comes drenched in some sauce or there's a piece of X stuck in it as a garnish and they say "can't you just scrape/take it off?"

No. I can't.

@floraposte: I think much of it depends on the delivery and context. If there's already been an introduction, its a quick comment, and then back to business, I don't think I'd mind if I were a non-complimentee. If there was fawning or a lot of follow up (e.g. where did you get it, it looks great with that pendant, etc.), then it would get on my nerves (mostly because I just want to order). It becomes dicey if its only two people, you compliment 2 out of 3 or 2 out of 4, etc.

@stephennmcdonald: IMO, bussing a table before people are ready to be done with dinner is rude. It's not my fault. There are plates, silverware, and some glasses. It's not like we've ordered a ten course meal and let the dishes pile up. Let me eat in peace, buss the table when everyone seems done, and leave it at that.

The last time I had really, really terrible service, the waitress gave us our bill (without prompting) before we even got our dessert. She got very little tip, and a complaint from the manager, who got this look like "not her again" when I mentioned the waitress' name.

It's generally better not to make awkward assumptions about people you don't know. Compliments and friendliness are nice, but they should be employed selectively. You are the waiter, and I am a paying customer. We are not gal pals. You don't know me, and I don't know you. Please do not comment on my makeup, or anything else that could get you in hot water.

WTF? I'm not looking for a reading on the dissolved CO2 content of the beer; I just want a tasty, not-flat glass-o-brew. Am I supposed to wait for it to reach room temperature to test out his theory?

disturbingly, it happens every time i go and it's a small place with only three servers and they all have done it more than once.

@floraposte: OK, I have to admit, I LOL'd at this one.

But you bring up an interesting distinction. I have very different expectations depending on where I am. If I'm at "Rustlers Retreat," I expect the "flair guy" from Office Space and all that goes with it. Now, if I had my way, I'd get rid of it. However, I'm not going to fault a waitperson for following policy.

If I'm at a diner, I expect diner service and if I'm at Japonais, I expect much of the service that described in these tips.

My understanding is that they A) don't want people to feel rushed, and B) don't want the faster eater to feel weird. As with other rules, obviously this is different if you're at Olive Garden where everyone is eating different courses in different orders according to their taste. (e.g. "can I have the nachos as an entree?") They seem to be referring to meals with set courses.

I haven't read the whole list, but one of mine is do NOT sit down at my table/booth. The servers at Outback do this all the time, and I hate it. I don't know you, back the heck off.

Would you prefer the other end of the spectrum? The one where you don't know your server's name, and they're not checking up on you, so when you need something, you ... can't ask anyone to get the server who's name you don't know?

BTW, i completely agree. it's rare that i encounter waitstaff that cannot remember who gets what & i find it quite rude to have my table conversation interrupted with "which-a ya'll ordered the shrimp?"

i'd also like to add an important one that the author forgot:

101: do not call the customer "hun" or "sweetie". i don't think there's a more condescending phrase in the food service industry.

I, personally, also prefer my plate taken even if other people are eating, because I don't like to be crowded by a bunch of plates in front of me, and I tend to order a lot. The more they can pre-bus the better.

If you're feeling rushed because they're keeping your table clean, that's your own fault. Don't hurry up and eat if you're not done, period. Think of it as them helping keep your eating area clean, instead of them rushing you. Odds are they're just pre-bussing because a lot of restaurant managers tell them to, for one reason or another. In my experience as a server, it's RARELY the server trying to rush you out the door for faster turnover.

Life is about perspective, which is why lists of "rules" like this are pointless.

@Rectilinear Propagation: The writer isn't proposing presing the issue. In your situation. The waiter should ask if something was wrong. your wife says she is full, which she obviously is. End.

The "problem" was that she was full. Is it something that needs to be fixed? No. If there is a general trend to serve portions that people can't, either the restaurant will embrace or adjust. Your wife may have her own reason for not being full, but she is still a statistic in refining the kitchen.

yeah, I hate that, even if I intend to leave the change. don't assume anything, ever, even if you're an awesome server and I clearly like you.

IMO, it totally depends on the context. It's more often than not used in a frustrated tone of voice, like saying this will calm the woman down. The same thing goes with sir. If you're having a good conversation with someone and use either one of those terms, people are totally OK with it and I think even appreciate it's usage, so long as you are not older than them (I find it strange when older people call me sir). I often use sir or ma'am in my line of work in both situations: to attempt to calm people down in a tense situation, and to show them appropriate respect and professionalism in a pleasant one.

(And now I know why my plates went missing so fast when I was over in the US...)

Loved it when a teenager wearing a cowboy hat in West Texas called every one 'ma'am' and 'sir', no matter how old they were. (He even called a toddler, 'sir'.)

And when I visit Georgia I feel it's a bad trip if I don't get at least one waitress calling me 'honey' or 'babe'.

Waiter sets down my plate and goes, "Oh MY GOD. I know what it means. I am on antibiotics for a sinus infection and missed a dose, so I took two and I threw up all over this morning."

He not only didn't get a good tip, I completely wanted to spew myself.

Also, from other things on the list, I'm guessing it's not geared towards restaurants that serve massive portions - if you're running an upscale restaurant and there is a significant amount of food left on people's plates, you are doing something wrong.

.. And I only see that as a potential problem if the restaurant is busy and you may be taking up a spot in their section. If it's not busy, then fuck it, they're not required to be at my beck and call and I honestly would rather they didn't come unless I asked for them.

Not to mention the regional differences in demeanor and politeness. New Yorkers tend to frown on over-familiarity: not caring to know your server's name is along the same lines as not saying hi to strangers on the street. If I had to make small talk with every service employee I ran into every day, I would be hoarse by noon.

@Coelacanth: "Will somebody please explain to me the controversy behind being called, "Ma'am?"

For me it's not a controversy, it just makes me feel like I look old :)I would never get mad at someone calling me that, but I admit it that it grates.

Some places get their ingredients prepackaged to save on time and labor costs. The offending item might be in the packaged sauce or what not. There's nothing the kitchen can do.

Plus, wait staff if not monitored will take the wrong dish a lot of the time. The pasta dish without garlic might go to the wrong table.

@thesadtomato: Exactly right. I already have friends and I don't ask them to serve me dinner. Bring the food and drink like a professional and you'll get a fine tip. Annoy me with your personal details and I may not come back.

10. Do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials. So what do you do when a customers asks, "Well, what do you like?" Tell them it's all good? Something sucks. Customers aren't that stupid.
...
43. Never mention what your favorite dessert is. It's irrelevant. Translation? You're only a waiter. You're nobody. You're irrelevant. Something tells me Mr. Buschel's a bit of an elitist. Good luck with the restaurant buddy! You're gonna have a hard time finding waiters when they read this tripe.

There's a certain challenge with these rules. Ultimately, I think people should adapt and interact with others based on the other individuals' preferences. Some people want opinions, some people don't. Some people want to fraternize with their servers, others don't. Do talk about baseball to someone who cares about baseball, but don't do the same to someone who doesn't.

If you adopt a one-size-fits-all approach and treat everyone the same, then for the most part you'll only get along well with the segment of the population that wants to be treated that particular way. There's a certain tolerance, of course. Increasingly rarely, some people are outside of my willingness to adapt.

And ultimately, as a server, I don't generally know what how you want to be treated the second I walk up to the table. I'm going to have to guess. I might be wrong, but hopefully if I start to offer an opinion, I'll detect your body language that tells me you don't care, and quickly call off the expository.

You approach the table and say, "Would anyone care for coffee and Coca-Cola Cake for dessert?"

The table asks if it's my favorite. I'd say that they're all great and I wouldn't turn down any of them, but when given the choice the cake is my favorite (plus it has a good price point for bumping my tip by a dollar or two if everyone orders).

You never come straight out and say you prefer this over another item (unless it does suck ass, and your guests will appreciate you steering them away from something called prune surprise), but you've got to be ready to tell the table something. You come off as a jerk if you don't answer questions as truthfully as possible.

Ever since I was a kid, I've been a creature of habit, going to the same places to eat. I always get to know the normal servers and it has always had benefits beyond just sometimes nice conversation.

@VeeKaChu: Fudd's does have some beat up glasses. It's probably the one thing I don't like about the place.

After a while the plastic just seems like it's not holding up well. They need to replace them more frequently.

Just ask your server if half portions are an option. Not all places advertise the fact that they do it.

I hate it when they vacumn around me when I am eating. I also don't like my empty dish taken away when I need it to nipple on the shared plates.

Regarding the premature plate removal...

When I was a wee lass learning the rules of etiquette, there was a nifty trick to let your server know if you were taking a break or actually finished:

"To signal that your are done with the course, rest your fork, tines up, and knife blade in, with the handles resting at five o'clock an tips pointing to ten o'clock on your plate."

Problem solved.

Personally, I think a lack of friendliness at a place I frequent makes eating out unpleasant. Overly pushy friendliness also makes it unpleasant. For me, it's all about a reasonable balance.

The correct answer, I think, is not for the server to follow a bullshit one-size-fits-all rule and treat all customers the same. The key is to adapt to each customer's preference, interacting as much or as little as they desire.

When I was a server, we had some people that came in every week, ordered the fajita pita, didn't say a word, paid their bill, tipped exactly 15%, and that was that. We also had people who espoused every minutiae about what happened in their life like we were stylists at some sort of hair salon (and, generally, tipped much better).

Not touching the rim of the glass is extremely important. As is handling silverware by the handle. I always instructed my staff on how to properly handle glasses and silverware.

I also taught them how to properly carry a plate. No one wants to eat from a plate from which a server just removed their thumb.

I would also say that some of these rules regarding names and compliments may not apply to "frequent" customers, as some customers and staff sometimes developed a rapport.

Doing some of this will guarantee a low tip from me...If you are my server, I better know your name, I want you to be excited, and chatty, and if you compliment my girlfriends makeup, I wont be mad. She will be happy, and that will in turn, make me happy, and you will get a better tip. I want to know what you think is a good dish, becasue you are around the food all day, if you dont like a partiular dish, thats cool, you can let me know why, if you say you dont like the fish dish beasue you dont like fish...then hey thats being honest.

Its all about timing, class and style, and most of these rules assume good wait staff have none of that, when in reality, all good wait staff have all 3.

@rsjames: Agreed. If the customer isn't supposed to want to know anything remotely personal about the server then the customer shouldn't have to reveal medical issues to explain why the plate isn't empty.

@Kogenta: Restaurants could avoid a lot of waste if they would offer half-orders.

I am a small person and I cannot eat a lot of food at one time, but I order of the adult menu (Because I'm an adult. lol.) and the food they bring is bigger than a Thanksgiving meal. I don't like taking the left over food home because I don't think that most of it travels or reheats very well. I will take home things that I know I will eat later, but most other stuff ends up in the trash, and I'd rather it be their trash and not mine.

Huge plates of food are just not needed, and I get annoyed when waiters say, "Well you didn't eat very much."

I don't see a problem with employees becoming friendly with regular customers. That said, there should of course always be a professional element to the conversations. I might talk about last nights football game or the weather with a regular, but I certainly won't talk politics or religion.

I think servers should treat everyone at the table equally and never assume who is paying the bill. In most restaurants my wife and I have been to, the bill has been placed in a neutral spot and not specifically in front of either one of us.

@Opoponax: What if two parties are both paying with plastic? Did you bring your own credit card processor? It's a lot more convenient to have separate checks than run to an ATM after the meal.

RE: 17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait.

I have to whole-heartedly disagree, especially if I've pushed my plate away and laid my utensils on it. Get the danged thing off the table. To me having a table cluttered with empty dishes is irritating.

I personally don't think should ask parties upfront "would you like separate checks?" One check to rule them all, unless specifically requested. And then the onus is on the diner not to be a mouth-breathing idiot who doesn't know their times tables.

Even when I'm out for a non-date meal with a platonic friend of the opposite sex, I never ask for separate checks. We're grownups. We can do math.

I like my waiters/waitresses available, but that's it. Checking on me every ten minutes to see "if I'm doing OK" gets on my last nerve. I usually let it go because that's what the boss at Applebee's or wherever expects, but it still bugs the dogsnot out of me.

The servers can't like those things; they look difficult to use.

@floraposte: 2nded on the wage questions since alot of these points could downgrade a servers tip potential...

It's also a form of upselling, which, ew.

@AirIntake: Their food is awful.

@kmw2: Here is one of her main rant spaces:

[howtobeagoodserver.blogspot.com]

For good laughs read some of the 300+ responses and her responses to them...

I don't know their names because they've never said "I'm John and I'll be your server." They've never complimented my clothes or asked me anything other than what I want to eat and if everything is alright with my meal because it isn't appropriate.

And that's why I keep coming back.

As McGee says above: it's not their job to be my friend and it's the proling of America that causes servers' fake friendliness to make dining out at most places so unpleasant.

Herewith is a modest list of dos and don'ts for servers at the seafood restaurant I am building.

This list says more about what this manager wants his servers to do, and the appropriate level of deference he believes they should give to his (presumably upscale) clientele, more than anything about what servers should and should not due in general. For example,

10. Do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials.

may be equivalently read

10. It is the opinion of the management that low-level employees are not capable of and shall not display independent thought.

However, tipping an extra $20 for just that is like paying MSRP.

Part of the reason for a lot of items on the list is that it's geared to more formal or upscale dining, where people don't want to feel like they're at the Olive Garden. So there's a stigma on things like upselling and over-familiar behavior.

Though honestly, even at the Olive Garden, I'd say that 35 out of 50 of the rules are still spot on.

@rsjames: And offer a take away box or bag too.

@flugennock: I think they don't want the grinder to remain on the tables for customer use so they get those humongous ones.

If you want to really flip them out, ask them to adjust the grinder to a fine grind (tighten the ball or handle on the top) so that you get actual ground pepper and not gravel like chunks of peppercorns.

What's wrong with asking who ordered the shrimp is that it isn't professional. Your job as a waiter is to remember who ordered the shrimp, it's not the customer's part to have to tell you. I'm not just implying that waitstaff should remember it, I'm saying "Waitstaff should remember who ordered what. It is their job."

Techno fact: There are even ways to do this on some POS systems, so you can enter who gets what on the computer, the ticket that appears with the meal in the kitchen will remind you.

It doesn't *bother* me if waitstaff can't remember what I ordered, it just means they aren't doing their job, and it isn't a well-staffed restaurant. If they ask me who ordered the shrimp I won't tip them less, or pitch a fit, it just means they haven't done what they're supposed to do.

BTW, I am a former waitress.

@floraposte: I remember reading stuff about that somewhere else like bitterwaitress or similar...

@Segador: The Olive Garden has typically pushed the speed even for a dinner. I was on a business trip and my coworker and I actually had to tell them to slow down with the service...

The Spanish have the phrase de nada which translates to "it's nothing." All "no problem" means is that there is no problem. I simply cannot see any sarcasm or rudeness in such a statement of fact.

"Well why would it be?"

Because the restaurant is out of it? Because the restaurant is understaffed and it'll be a long wait?

Gotta disagree with this one. My wife has had gastric bypass surgery, and can't eat much at one time. Add a piece of bread before a meal, and there's going to be a healthy bit of food left on the plate. Plus there's the issue of ridiculous portion sizes in some restaurants. Just because someone doesn't clean their plate doesn't mean something's wrong. And if the waiter asks, and someone says it's fine, don't press the issue.

@floraposte: I have had that happen a few times recently. I think it increases tips by getting the server in a lower physical position so that the person ordering connects better with the server on a non-vocal level- eye to eye or something.

Though I am totally against the server sitting down with the customer to take the order even if the customers are a couple occupying only one side of the booth. I'll take the squat next to over sit down always.

That said, servers definitely should adapt to each individual customer. If the customer isn't having any of the friendliness and interaction, they should switch it off. It was a bit annoying when me and my family were having a quiet conversation, and the server made comments like "You guys are so quiet!" You see, now I hate Texas Roadhouse, because I assume all the servers are overly "interactive".

You don't KNOW, and even the most off-hand comment can be extremely hurtful at times. And you're certainly not getting those customers back after you manage that.

@gparlett: One of my favorite restaurants charges for soda by the bottle, and even though I hate the charge per soda, I love that it comes in an unopened glass bottle, and I know that germs from a pitcher aren't getting into it, and I know it's not watered down.

Sure, but what's wrong with asking, "Who ordered the shrimp?" The fact that you find something wrong with asking a simple question strongly implies that you think the waitstaff should remember it.

Why does it bother you that he or she can't? Do you feel less special that someone you've never met before cannot remember what food you ordered?

However, I think this particular point is specific to the role of a server and the server-diner relationship. A server should serve the entire party/table, not just one person (former server speaking, by the way).

It's not a matter of the non-complimented feeling insulted, it's that a good server really shouldn't engage only one or two people out of a larger group. Doing so, as a server, is roughly equal to "insulting" the remainder of the group in their roles as diners/patrons.

On the other hand, if I'm having a business lunch and the 50-year-old guy starts hitting on the 18-year-old waitress and won't lay off all lunch despite attempt to control him, she's getting a huge-ass tip from me. And he's never getting my business again. True story. Poor girl! (I think she should have notified her manager he was being an ass, but I understand what an awkward position she was in.)

If my wife and I are obviously in a deep conversation, possibly even holding hands, staring into each others' eyes, don't drop down to our eye level, slowly poke your face in between ours, and ask if we need anything.

@BrazDane: Holy crap! I read that thinking, "Does that happen?" and of course that's the one you have a real life example for.

It sounds like part of an SNL skit about a rude waiter right before he climbs onto the table where someone's having a birthday cake and song to ask if everyone's OK.

I thought it was an interesting mix of reason and don't-get-out-much.

Which is exactly the real problem with the expression. Literally, it's empty.

"I'll have the special"
"No problem"
"Well why would it be?"

I think we're all just doomed.

@floraposte: Yep, it had NYC $$$+ restaurant written all over it.

"24. Never use the same glass for a second drink."

doesn't fly when the server is pouring soft drinks from a pitcher...

You shouldn't have to justify the omission of an ingredient, but you also need to realize that depending on the establishment, you're putting some servers in a really difficult position. Personally I'd rather risk looking like an asshole than having you come back and sue me because something beyond my control went horribly wrong and the ingredient in question ended up in your dish anyway. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Years ago when I worked as a barista, some customers would give a pre-order admonishment on how that drink HAD BETTER be decaf because of a heart condition...I somehow missed the part of my job training that included, "medical professional."

No handheld pepper grinders longer than ten inches.

Seriously, I've been to places where the server asks if I'd like a little ground pepper on something, I tell them "yes, please", and they whip out this grinder that's the size of a Saturn V.

What's the goddamn' deal with that? Do they think they're impressing me?

Ahhh, the male brain :D

I agree with the list and also acknowledge that different geographic areas or restaurant types have different levels of standards or expectations. However, I believe that setting a minimum standard of expectations of quality for all venues is needed and appreciated. I'm interesed to see the last 50 items in the list. I'll wait to see if my other pet-peeves are addressed before adding my two-cents.

I do not appreciate an over-familiarity of the staff when I dine out. The one thing I will do when the waiter/waitress asks, "What are we having this evening?," is to tell them to order first. If "WE" are dining, I expect them to be part of the group and share the price of the evening.

I do recognize it is difficult for servers to follow the orders of management and try to increase the table turn to increase revenue per table and tips per hour. That said, I don't care. It is not my "job" as a diner to ensure the profitability of the restaurant or the hourly wage of the servers. I don't go to restaurants for the quality of the food - I cook better at home. I go for the service and convenience and experience with the other members of my party. Even if I am the only other member of my party.

Better yet, strive not to need to use one or the other. In general, sir/ma'am is not considered necessary in NYC in the way it is in other parts of the country. Working in retail, I only found myself using a ma'am substitute in situations like "Excuse me, miss? Did you leave this credit card at the cash wrap?"

@ColoradoShark: Yeah, a lot of those "don't tell them x, y, and z" have the implied exception of "except if the customer asks."

I gotta agree on the name thing, though. That's a bizarre one.

@qwerty001984: I believe #24 is largely in reference to mix drinks, and not wine, water, and other things that are poured from a common container. Keep in mind that these guidelines were written by a man who is starting a high-end seafood restaurant.

And I have to agree entirely with the empty plate thing, as it makes other customers feel like they're being rushed.

Edit: IN YOUR OPINION they are really stupid.

I happen to love this one: "17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait."

Don't rush us, waitron!!!

This X 100. I can't believe this is still happening, but based on recent experiences, it is.

@The_IT_Crone: No kidding. I'm married, but there have been times I've had a meal with a single, female friend. What should the server do in that situation?

Also, I don't understand how you're insulted by simply saying "one check is fine." When I go out with my wife, it doesn't matter who pays. The money belongs to both of us...

That's presuming you're female and don't like to be called "Ma'am," of course. If you're not, then as usual the convention wins out over your personal tastes for people you're not.

Rule (24) is too general. If the glass is taken back to the kitchen or bar, yes, then get a new one. If you are pouring my beverage from a pitcher, then no need.

People shouldn't be faking allergies but servers shouldn't be saying 'OK' to a request to leave off X and thing bringing the dish with X in it anyway. Just tell people you can't leave it out and let them order something else.

You could make a more general version of this for "You're young, and it's your first job serving the public." People often have a tough time understanding the difference between professional behavior and personal relations.

@Rectilinear Propagation: Like when you have a drink half empty, they say if anything else is needed and you say "no" and then bite something hot and then chug the rest of your drink. Then you're sitting there writhing in pity as you have no more gulps left and the waiter is out on other tables.

That's when I do the "slurp and slam," just take a big gulp of the non existent liquid to make that annoying sound and slam it down kind of hard.

@ConsumerPop: Does this same rule apply when you visit Hooters?

I had a friend who tipped a girl an extra $20 simply because she brushed her breast against his arm while picking up his plate. And although she could have done it simply for the tip (my theory) he took it as "oh my god she wants me I need to tip her good now"

And I'd much honestly rather them ask me if I'm done with my plate than have them just try to take it from me.

For the sort of high-end place this was obviously written for (i.e. the sort of place I'm expected to treat the staff as automotons and extensions of the environment, rather than humans), I agree with most of these. I'm surprised by 26 - white wine is, in my limited experience, usually served chilled, so I would expect an ice bucket to be standard. But I can see the point of inquiring. But I have to disagree with 27. If I order wine, I expect the waiter or sommelier to pour the initial glass(es).

When you are a waiter in the restaurant, people are not coming to the restaurant to chitchat with you or get to know you better or find out your preferences. They are coming for a good meal. You are here to work, not here to be best buddies with the diners. That doesn't mean you're a slave. It means you're doing your job.

The same is true in my job, as well - I have access to actors, producers, directors, etc. I try to make sure to give them their space, because I was not hired to make small talk with the guest star of the week, I was hired to do my job. Which isn't to say I'm a slave. It's simply important to be professional, and honestly those guys really don't care what I think of the script or how the dailies are looking or what they did on their last job. They're here to do a job, I'm here to do a job, and having that in common does not make us "pals".

When I say I'm DEATHLY allergic to X, don't roll your eyes and make no precautions whatsoever.

@bbagdan:

...sorry about that. Next time I'll wear a disguise.

XD

@The_IT_Crone: And just think how often the server hands DO touch that food and nobody is the wiser

It actually happened to me TWICE with a bus server (who didn't even ask if I was done, just snatched it right away with no warning with plenty of food still on the plate, and ran away at a restaurant in Denver. And you better believe I let the manager have it, because of course bus server is dealing with the public and doesn't speak English...which would be fine until she starts fights.

@AirIntake:

...they have food? Why?

@gparlett:
I always ask them not to top off my iced tea or coffee since I'm picky about how much sweetener is in it and can never get it right again after they top it off.

My beef with most restaurants are the lurking busboys who instantly reach over you to take your dish away. Yeah, I know you want to look busy, but hey, I may not want you to come over immediately after I've taken a last bite or have something small like pickled ginger still on plate and you think I'm done.

I've already stabbed one busboy with my chopsticks, so help me, I'll do it again.

@qwerty001984: Taking the empty plate gives the impression that you are trying to hurry up the other customers.
Same glass is okay if you are alone (no chance of mixing up your glass with someone else's) or if they are pouring refills from a pitcher (the glass doesn't leave your table then, but watch so that they're not touching the pitcher to the glass and spreading someone's spit that way).

I was taught that you signal that you are done with your food/plate by crossing your knife and fork on the plate. Obviously, if have laid both on the plate, you are not planning on picking them back up and chowing down again.

Much like sir, to me it sounds subservient or childish. It only seems to be used when addressing elders or superiors as a sign of respect. Would you call a boss of the same age or younger sir or ma'am? I wouldn't.

For some it's a sign of politeness or respect, for others it's offensive or demeaning.

The server needs to check if glasses and cups are clean. Many times I am given a cup with lipstick on or a glass with some unknown substance clinging to the inside or outside. Disgusting!

Don't come asking all the time if everything is fine. I know you are most likely doing it because you have to, not because you care, evidenced by the fact that you sometimes leave so fast I don't have time to answer. Instead, keep an eye on our table from afar, and I'll signal you, if I need something.

Let us eat in peace and not feel hurried. When I spend money to eat out, I expect a relaxed experience, not to be asked if I want dessert when I'm halfway through my entree. If this is restaurant policy, let your manager know it clearly annoys some guests.

If we can't make up our minds about what to order, possibly because we haven't been to your restaurant before and don't know the menu, don't come back every 1-2 minutes to ask if we are ready. By the 3rd time you come back after one minute, after I have three times asked for "5-10 minutes", I am ready to get up and leave. I do not appreciate being hurried, no matter how much cattle your manager would like to route through the feeding pens that night.

If I say something is wrong with the food, which I very rarely do, don't just stand with a blank expression and wait for me to suggest how you can solve the problem. Offer a solution - it's not exactly difficult to figure out what would probably please me.

If my wife and I are obviously in a deep conversation, possibly even holding hands, staring into each others' eyes, don't drop down to our eye level, slowly poke your face in between ours, and ask if we need anything.

That last one was from when my wife and I went out on one of our first dates. That waitress (college student) was obviously completely clueless about customer service.

#7 - Some of my best resturaunt experiences have happened because our waiter/tress has not been afraid to have some personality with our table. If you're an attractive young waiter that's obviously taking on a table out on a hen night, flirt away! Especially if it's a bachelorette or birthday party... everyone else is doting on the breakup victim/bride-to-be/birthday girl. Bring it on! Besides, it'll give all of us a great story to tell later. I'd much rather have a waitress that's not afraid to have a civil conversation with me for a couple minutes than one who's needlessly frosty. Severs have a job that causes them to be in contact with a lot of people that are rude to them all day long. There's no reason in the world not to show them a moment of kindness by asking how their day has been when they're required to ask you the same. On the other hand, one party at the table throwing themselves at the waitress throughout dinner (or worse, handing her a business card asking her to call them in front of everyone in the group) is trashy. Get some dignity!

# 43 - Whaaat? I almost always ask the server for a reccomendation when I'm indecisive. Presumably they're familiar enough with the menu to know what's popular and what stinks. I, on the other hand, am likely a restuant n00b and will appreciate their help.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Pacing of the courses is a dead art in mid-range restaurants. More often than not, we receive our entrees within a few minutes of the appetizer. It's gotten so predictably bad that my girlfriend and I have taken to holding off on our entree order until we're at least halfway through the appetizer.

I know the kitchen often fires things too early, but seriously: it's the server's responsibility not to bring out the entree until I'm done the appetizer.

And for God's sake: do not bring out the entree, see we're not done with the appetizer, and take the entree back to sit under the heat lamp. Ew. Refire that, for heaven's sake.

I've worked at several four-star restaurants in the Napa Valley, and these rules are all pretty standard for very upscale establishments. People who spend $400 on dinner expect to be treated accordingly. For Olive-garden style dining, however, many (see #23) are asking a bit much.

Ah, to be back in school, waiting on tables and have him for a customer, the inevitable accidental coffee in the lap spill...

I can understand a wife being perturbed that a female server is flirting with her husband, but that is a completely different situation than complimenting one person on their hair or clothes.

All of that stuff comes down to a matter of personal taste anyway, and it's all relative. If someone truly feels insulted by not receiving a compliment from a person who complimented another at the table, the issue is not with the complimenter.

I find more likely this person derives personal value externally.

And that's their problem.

It is unreasonable to expect the rest of the world to conform to one person's ideas, expectations, or psychological idiosyncrasies.

But I have to admit to feeling kind of crushed that the first time I got "ma'am" instead of "miss" I was only 22. :-(

@GMFish: I don't expect waitstaff to have photographic memories either, but having been a waitress we would get in trouble if we were caught auctioning off food and it doesn't take a flipping genius to remember what people ordered. It takes a pen and a piece of paper.

One place my wife and I frequent is Cheesecake Factory. They are known to be incredibly strict with their waitstaff and it shows. We have never had a bad experience there, while at virtually every other DC-area restaurant the waitstaffs can be almost unbearable. Some of the little "dont's" on this list really make a different.

She was too embarrassed to ask for it even though we all kept telling her she should.

When the waitress obviously fawns over my ultra handsome friend and ignores me, that is insulting and she better hope I'm not the one paying.

Do not lead the witness with...

The witness? Is this Law and Order: Food Service Unit?

These rules sound like they are for expensive restaurants with the kind of clientele is:

1) Rich
2) Arrogant
3) Easily offended
4) Doesn't recognize the 'help' as human beings

@floraposte: "it's the restaurant owner identifying the principles on which his restaurant is run."

Correction; it's a NEW restaurant owner identifying the principles on which his NOT YET OPENED restaurant is ALLEGEDLY GOING TO run.

It will be interesting to see if the realities of running a restaurant change his position on any of these issues.

I say if they are feminists then they will get mad, upset or irate no matter what you do so don't even bother trying to accommodate them. Just say Ma'am with respect and if they get upset then just write them off as a lost cause.

When I am done I put my napkin and silverware on my plate, but I know not everyone does that.

God that's hilarious!

18. I disagree with you here -- restaurants (or individual waiters) have systems to indicate which plate goes where. I was taught how to do this at a home-cookin' chain, and I damn well expect it anywhere nicer than a mom & pop diner. It's okay to slip up, but if you have to ask every time, that's just unprofessional. I get asked almost all the time these days -- implying that waiters aren't even taught to associate orders with seats, or just can't be arsed. (Large parties are an exception -- people move around too much.)

24. I think this may be about using the same glass for a different drink, not a refill. If someone kept bringing me fresh water glasses, I'd be irked by the waste.

48. Contrary the initial service (18), which isn't hard to get right, I'd rather be interrupted than end up with the wrong drink, or worse, a second glass of rancid tea (excusable, happens everywhere from time to time.)

11. Do not hustle the lobsters. That is, do not say, "We only have two lobsters left." Even if there are only two lobsters left.

I am so sick of waiters and waitresses constantly doing this to me. I can't even go into a TGIF now without someone hustling the lobsters.

@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: Right, but you don't get upset if a server fails to compliment somebody at your table, right? So given a world of "people who don't care either way" and "people who would like you to bring the goddamn food and not share your opinion about their clothing", personal compliments are probably out. (And, in some situations, extremely creepy.)

That's the impression I got. ;-)

Will somebody please explain to me the controversy behind being called, "Ma'am?" I cannot seem to wrap my head around people's objections to formal, polite manners of address.

@coffeeswirl: Again, I don't think this list is meant for casual dining establishments. However, I wouldn't mind if a few of the items are implemented.

(e.g. Requiring the entire party be present before seating, lousy service for singleton diners, asking if I'm finished even though I still have eating utinsels in my hand!)

Amen to number 17. Wait staff push you to eat fast and leave fast. I want a leisurely dinner of 2-3 hours, and if you're polite and attentive enough during that 3 hours I will tip you for your additional time.

Thank you.

@thesadtomato: YOU'RE TRUE!

Oh, and bread without herbs in it.

@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: It is actually possible to have pleasant social interactions with a waiter that don't involve them unwantedly volunteering their opinions about your looks. As for dessert, of course it's good if a waiter recommends things, but "I like X" is not the same as "The X is very good tonight" or "X is our special".

I do think that some people aren't realizing that the NYT piece is written from a managerial perspective, not a customer perspective--this isn't a bitchy guest complaining, it's the restaurant owner identifying the principles on which his restaurant is run.

I know scum claim to have allergies when they do not. I know it happens all the time because the spoiled little brats don't like tomatoes or something stupid. But for people with REAL problems, you are a terrible PERSON (not just server) to risk someone's life just because you don't believe them.

@GMFish: We will often times ask the server what they think of a particular dish. Often times, they may not have had the item, but after the meal will ask what we thought of the item, was it what we expected? We try to be as honest as possible, especially if it was not what we were expecting. This allows the server to relay our feelings to other customers, and more importantly to provide feedback to the kitchen staff.

@segfault: And dumb-ist. But if she gets extra money out of you, more power to her.

Here's a favorite "bad-server" event from my past- we were at Fudds, and as we ordered we were handed the standard big plastic tumblers to hold our pending self-served beverages.

One of the glasses was quite gnarly, and so I gave it to the serving lady and asked for a fresher one. She took it, looked at it and handed it back to me, declaring "Oh those are just water spots".

So wrong. I hadn't asked for an assessment of the glass, but a simple replacement. She did eventually get the point, but the lesson is "Don't contradict a guest's (reasonable) request".

@gparlett: I think they mean for sodas or other drinks that aren't carried around in a pitcher. Some people really freak out that when I'm drinking Coke and you're drinking Dr. Pepper and we need refills at the same time, the waiter will confuse the two glasses on the way back to the drink station. So, the waiter should make two new drinks in fresh glasses, bring them to the table, and take the empties back to be cleaned.

#19: Olive oil was fun for a while, guys, but I really prefer butter.

@GMFish: Yeah this list comes across with quite the holier than thou attitude.

My time in the service industry taught me that the job does suck, but it's all in how you make it look and how the customer is treated.

#43: This is tricky - if it comes unsolicited, then I agree it's irrelevant, but many times I will ask the server their preference on a dish or a dessert. If their assessment is a flavor that sounds good, I'll likely try it.

Please, leave grandma the way she came into the restaurant!

#1 don't spit in my food
#2 don't pee in my food
#3 don't go take a #2 in my food (I realize this rule is slightly confusing)

That's about it.

We're require to suggest a drink/appetizer/special so I'd wait until one person ordered and then do it.

"I'll have an iced tea" "good choice, i had the raspberry tea earlier!"

People aren't fooled, they know I'm suggesting items like is required, but I'm doing it in a conversation instead of "HEY TRY THE EXTREME FAJITAS!!!!" which will always get you a big fat NO.

The other thing is, if a person seems annoyed by what I'm required to say, I level with them. "I have to ask you this but you don't have to say yes." and then get it all out at once, apologizing and looking embarrassed at the end.

Honestly nobody gives a damn what you order, we're just doing what we have to do so the managers stay off our backs.

7. Do not announce your name.

Knowing your server's name is convenient when you need to ask for help.

"10. Do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials.

He or she works there and probably eats there more than I do, why should I not trust or want to hear their opinions?

"17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait."

If the plate is empty, get it out of my way. Please take it.

"18. Know before approaching a table who has ordered what. Do not ask, "Who's having the shrimp?""

Waitstaff are humans and I don't expect them to have photographic memories.

"24. Never use the same glass for a second drink."

God, you're afraid of your own germs?! Get a life!

"40. Never say, "Good choice," implying that other choices are bad."

I think your skin is just a little thin.

"41. Saying, "No problem" is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm."

To you maybe, but for anyone with a brain "no problem" is taken literally.

"42. Do not compliment a guest's attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else."

God, with skin so thin, how do you function in life where even waitstaff are mean bullies out to ruin your self esteem?!

"43. Never mention what your favorite dessert is. It's irrelevant."

See 10 from above.

"48. Do not ask what someone is eating or drinking when they ask for more; remember or consult the order."

Why do you think that people who are paid less than minimum wage should have photographic memories?!

I would support 17, though, as the thing I tend to run into that makes me uncomfortable when I'm eating out; along the same lines as shalegac's comment above. You don't remove dishes from the course during the course. And it's not like restaurants are so busy around here that there's a pressing need to turn the table and they're trying, albeit rudely, to hurry you along.

For 42, I'd make an exception for Halloween costume.

@segfault: Yes, but if the waitress pays more attention to you than she does to the other customers at the table, she is by default elevating you, and insulting them. A waitress who flirted with my husband and ignored me, under the assumption that he was the one who was going to pay the bill at the end, would be in for a rude awakening.

A good waitress/waiter is able to give everyone at the table enough individual attention so that everyone feels respected and no one feels left out. That ties in with the "no complimenting just one person" rule above.

I've never been offended by a waiter telling me his name or engaging in a little cuteness. The only one I'd agree with outright is 32: "Never touch a customer..."

The WaiterRant guy had a point-by-point response to the article from the perspective of a career waiter:

[waiterrant.net]

#24-Hell yeah. Like the time I had milk, then asked for water and the waiter poured the water into the milk glass. Yecch!

#43-Really? I've never eaten here before and I assume the waiter has. Perhaps someone with an informed opinion would be helpful. Unless, of course, the writer means don't blurt it out without prompting.

17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait.

24. Never use the same glass for a second drink.

These are really stupid and I don't agree with them.

If the waitress in question is an attractive female, flirting with me is likely to get her a larger tip. Yeah, I'm sexist (and looks-ist?)...