Mostly I agree with this one, but if you're entertaining business associates or potential competitors, you appreciate the server remembering who made the reservation in the first place. We use the same two restaurants for corporate entertaining, and while we can take people out to dinner, there may be a question of ethics if we're not the ones who pay for it.

Won't stop our guests from trying to nab the check, so we appreciate being accommodated when we ask them on making our reservation to remember who the host is.

If I'd been your guest, you'd have gotten extra points from me for getting someone else to handle me while you dealt with your digit.

when i asked for a box the server whisked my plate away and came back with my food neatly tucked in a little box which was clearly too small for the portion that was left.
so i opened it at the table and checked - the server had just put the uncut half in there. a significant amount of food was missing. and when i asked he said 'you didn't eat much, i assumed you didn't want it"
to which i replied 'next time, ASK please. because i did want it. not only was it paid for, it was actually quite tasty. i'm just not feeling well enough to eat much today and planned to have it tomorrow'

my dad was buying and he reduced the tip amount because of it [not by much, a token couple of bucks, my dad used to be a server too] and made sure to let the server know that was why he was reducing the tip

Man, I HATE it when a server takes away your plate without asking if you're done yet. Maybe I wasn't. Maybe I'd planned to take home the rest. Whatever the reason, for crying out loud, ASK first! This just happened to me again last week while having lunch at a rather high-end seafood place in northern VA.

What would you prefer? Just an automatic "no rules" 25% tip or something? Everybody has their rules. For me, if the service is slow, refills have to be requested, server is MIA when you need them, you bet your ass I'm going to tip 10-14% and not bat an eye.

One time at an IHOP our waitress went home in the middle of our meal and we waited 45 minutes after we finished for the check before anybody noticed what happened.

Disagree partially on #85. I do agree that servers shouldn't bring the check early, but I shouldn't have to ask explicitly for it either. Actually I would much rather get the check early, forcing them to reprint it if I order something else, than have to wait for the check when I'm ready.

Best compromise: the server should ask something like "Would you like anything else?" when the table is being cleared. Usually I'll answer "Just the check" but I shouldn't have to. When I say no, that's an implicit indication that I want the check, give it to me asap.

Why can't people just be normal?? Another piece of evidence showing why the service industry suu-uuu-uucks.

I always like the Straight Dope column on the ketchup issue:"Behold this creature that walks like a man. It wants ketchup on its hot dog."

[www.straightdope.com]

#55, while I understand the concern with this one, it's a horrible idea to allow a server to mention too much about possible allergies. If you have peanut allergies, sure it would be good for a server to mention that a particular chicken dish has actual peanuts. However, it's dangerous in a sense that something without peanuts may still contain peanut products. If you have recipies available, allow them to show them to the guest, but never let a server, or anybody who isn't qualified, to suggest a dish is safe for somebody with severe allergies.

If somebody's stomach gets upset due to dairy products, thats one thing, but most food allergies are far more serious than being allergic to dogs and cats, etc.

LOL

Other things ...
- #77 is "don't disappear." I think there should be a #77a: "... and don't smell like cigarette smoke when you reappear."

- Where is "don't act like you're wearing blinders"?

If you attempt to get ketchup on your hotdog or bratwurst in Chicago, you DESERVE judgment with your ketchup. I always serve up my husband's bratwursts with a heaping side of judgment. It only took me six years to break him of eating them with ketchup.

Turns out each of the two waitresses thought our table was in the other one's section. So I would add to this list: know which tables you are supposed to be waiting on!

wise servers know this, but you can definitely tell the ones that are in "cafe-mode" - they're used to refills that don't increase ticket value. still, it's a HUGE part of the experience for me. keep me wet & i will reward you with a generous tip. maybe i should start telling servers that at the beginning - is that tacky?

In some situations, the server might defer to the owner, or SALARIED manager at that point and let this person take care of it.

@LadySiren: Chilly, sweaty, clammy, plates with knife-cut chunks of iceberg lettuce, half-green tomato chunks crumbled by hand on the top, and an irregular slice of indifferently-peeled large-diameter carrot just SCREAMS "institutional cooking" at me. How about just a room-temperature plate?

In summation, if you do your job properly and are lucky enough to coordinate your parties' actions to ensure perfect timing for all, it's still possible you won't get paid for a full day's work if subject to customers' whims. Uncle Sam doesn't care if all 8 of your European tables aren't up on local tipping customs.

@Aaronjk: THIS. I was a single eater at Outback Steakhouse once while traveling on business, and I paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waiter actually asked me, "How much change do you want?" I raised an eyebrow to the stars overhead and said icily, "Every last penny, thank you."

Just my opinion, but I'd rather the freezing cold plate that keeps my salad crispy than a warm plate with lettuce leaves wilting all over the place.

@shepd: @shepd:@mizike: Aha, so the closest I'll ever come to eating prix fixe is the 2 for $20 at Applebees.

And I think if you have a decent wait staff you shouldn't be waiting 10-15 before getting the chance to see your server again to request the check if you're done, especially if you have end of meal indicators on your table (empty plates, napkins on table, etc.)

Mind you, Mr. Tomato and I are eating the same pad thai. The manager brings her a second plate. She continues to complain that it tastes bad. Imagine someone shouting how your dinner tastes bad, while you're actually enjoying it. It's up to the restaurant to make sure *everyone* is having a nice meal. People are rude, and if they make others uncomfortable, then yes, you ask them to take it outside.

I'm happy to admit that on the scale of Consumer vs. Corporation I am much closer to the consumer extreme on that scale.

However, I generally see and resent that Corporations think and act as though I as a consumer deserve no consideration or respect for my time, energy and money and they feel free to do all the kind of things that get posted on this site, so I make an art out of "Consumer Kung Fu" and make sure they don't forget it in the hopes that they most certainly will NOT do that same thing to myself or others in the future. It's no secret why they act that way. All the posts on this site and movies like the Corporation movie have documented the realities. But that doesn't mean we should accept and settle for lousy service.

Maybe you or others call that being a piece of work, I'm certain business people who have felt my flame have called me all kinds of things out of earshot, I couldn't care less, as long as they are made to respect me and treat me right during the transaction or after, that's what matters.

I don't happen to feel that having passion in these things is a bad thing. I get good service or they pay. Simple as that. I raise the bar...

@pecan 3.14159265:

I actually prefer my A1 sauce with a little bit of steak.
I love that stuff!

I had a waitress come to our table and tell us that she was going to go on break and wanted to make sure we would be fine for 20 minutes while she was away. She offered to refill drinks and get us anything we needed (including the check because we were almost finished) while she was gone. We got drink refills and when she came back we ordered dessert and she got a generous tip for telling us and making sure we would be fine while she was gone. This was a $9.99 type restaurant so you know the other waiters wouldn't cover her tables.

Also, in these $9.99 places, they pack you in like sardines so I can understand your waiter asking you to pass a plate. When there is no space between you and the person at the table behind you at a seats six table the waiter definitely can't reach the person furthest in. It's the fault of the owner/management that the waiter can't place the food in front of you.

What I did was apologize, remove the menu, walk away and have the manager move them to a new table while I bandaged my gushing digit and the busperson reset the bloodied table. It still seemed pretty gross though, as the blood drops fell on the menu in such volume and from such height as to splash and be audible. I can't remember if the injury boosted my tip out of pity.

@The Porkchop Express:

A Pittsburgh rare steak is one that has been heated to a very high temperature very quickly, so it is charred on the outside but still rare or raw on the inside. This has the effect of intensifying the meat's flavor by cooking, without destroying the flavor of the uncooked meat. It can also produce a slightly crunchy layer on the outside that will complement the soft interior. The degree of rareness and the amount of charring on the outside may vary according to taste. The term 'Pittsburgh rare' is used in some parts of the American midwest and eastern seaboard, but similar methods of sear cooking are known by different terms elsewhere, including Chicago-style rare and, in Pittsburgh itself, black and blue.

[en.wikipedia.org]

Then I had a physical, and after my doc saw the bloodwork, he wanted to put me on Zocor immediately and told me to drop 60 pounds. I opted for the non-pharmaceutical route of diet and exercise, which meant I had to change the way I looked at food. It's going to take some getting used to, but I think it'll work out better for me in the long run.

Not only no tip, but like some others have said, I wrote to the paper, and posted bad reviews on every site I could find. McDonald's can make a hamburger no onions, I think fancy restaurant pants can manage to do the same.

So he just wanted to clarify that he addressed the issue calmly and correctly and gave them every attempt to make it right, and showed that he is not one of those crazy people.

But I HATE HATE HATE #78. I'm coming to your restaurant for a pleasant dining experience, and you're asking me if I'm "still working" as if eating the food is a chore I've been assigned. The stupidity of the phrase is obvious to anyone with half a brain.

Mistakes I can tolerate, being crowded and overworked I can understand... but having my meal interrupted by moronic questions is not acceptable. I didn't come to the restaurant to be treated like a cow that's being force-fed.

60. Bring all the appetizers at the same time, or do not bring the appetizers. Same with entrees and desserts.

"I'm sorry sir, we weren't able to bring everyone's entree out at the same time so none of you will be having dinner tonite. here's your check.

That being said, if you're the waiter you keep your mouth shut about it, especially if you're within sight or hearing distance of the customer. It's their food, paid for with their money, and the customer can do what he wants with it.

@qcgallus: For me, it's Miracle whip, can't stand the taste of Mayo. And I love my steaks as rare as possible. My son, is a Mayo fan and wants his steak almost burnt. Makes for fun nights cooking, lol

100. Guests, like servers, come in all packages. Show a "good table" your appreciation with a free glass of port, a plate of biscotti or something else management approves.

- Road to an awesome tip! It doesn't even have to come with freebies. I always overtip a waiter/waitress that leaves a positive comment about our table for the duration of the meal - it can be as simple as, "Man, I've had a rough day so far... you guys have awesome manners." Likewise I leave a huge tip for a waiter/waitress that has had to deal with a loud, large, rambunctious party. And on Sunday afternoons, as a rule, because this Christian is SUPER frustrated by people that think that just because you left church and ticked your spiritual check box, you can stiff the waiter that's paitiently waiting your table and dealing with the fickleness of your snotty nosed toddler whose tired of being poked and prodded and wearing tights and mary janes. If you can't afford to leave them a decent tip, turn your SUV right back around and eat a family meal at home!

This one I 100% disagree. If you're going to bow to customers complaining they want to hear different music you're going to be switching songs all night long.

@RalphyNader: Think about it this way. If the person at the next table is causing a ruckus on his cell phone, I'm going to be just as annoyed as the three other people who aren't causing so much noise, and doubly annoyed that the waiter isn't doing anything about it. Would you rather lose one table's tip, or four tables' worth?

@qwerty001984: How is it pathetic? And who pooed in your cereal? People go to restaurants for a good experience and good food. Why should I be subjected to a waiter clanking plates together two tables over?

@RecordStoreToughGuy_IsBeing(pur)SuedByAMonster: I just can't bear to eat food for the sake of eating something to fill my stomach. My money is too hard-earned for me to power through a dinner I should be enjoying.

Recently had a waitress go home mid-meal because her shift was over. No notice, no replacement...and from me, no tip.

@Powerlurker: We prefer to grill our own steak, but now that it's getting really cold, we can't stand outside at the propane grills too long so we go to more steakhouses. And we will order steak at restaurants if we know the quality is better and it's a pricey cut that we could not bear to buy and screw up.

I'm a customer of your business, I expect good service, and don't want to have to track someone down to complete my meal.

~I

Good lord, I'm cranky this morning. >_<

This guy is a tool. "Don't fill up my water too much/too little, don't make noise with the plates and take it upon yourself to demand that your source of income (tips from guests) take their obnoxious phone calls out side"....sure bud.

Other than that, this list is a little much for me. I remember being an underpaid, overworked employee and this list is SO much to expect from someone. As a customer, sure, you're paying, but you're not paying THAT much where you should expect a waiter to bend to your every whim. Especially when it's the end of the night, it's busy, and they're exhausted. Would you want to be in his or her's shoes?

@Kimaroo - Fortified with Kittydus Purrularis: You are not alone! Mayo is probably the best condiment ever (I'm talking real mayo, not Miracle Whip). Especially spicy mayo. Kraft now makes spicy mayo in a squeezable tube. I haven't tried it yet, but I bet it's divine.

Frequently I'm left for 10 - 15 minutes after the meal has concluded, often with the table remaining unbussed of plates, simply waiting for the waiter to arrive, so I can ask for the check. Then I wait for that waiter to return with the check which is often a further 10 -15 minute period for no discernible reason.

I've no interest in waiting on the wait staff to get around to me, and I often find the half an hour at the end of the meal a disrespectful waste of my time.

~I

I rarely, if ever eat get steak at a restaurant unless they do something pretty special to it. The idea of paying big bucks for a slab of plain, grilled or seared meat just strikes me as boring. This is probably part of the reason why the best steaks I've had have never been from steakhouses.

@Areyouagoodlittleconsumer: I'm confused as to why your response is so defensive.

@RecordStoreToughGuy_IsBeing(pur)SuedByAMonster: In my experience, it's generally policy to not present a check unless asked because that is an indication that the guest is done eating and will not be ordering any more. If I'm spending two or three hours at a restaurant, I may wait 15 minutes or more after dinner to order dessert. Or I may not order coffee until half an hour after I'm done with dessert. There should not be a tally of my total until I clearly indicate that I will not be ordering any more.

Hmm. Everything else on this list I agree with, or at least I think it is perfectly, absolutely reasonable for somebody to train their staff to follow these rules.

This is the only one on the list that I think is MUCH more subjective to the restaurant in question and the meal in question.

I was a waiter and bartender for several years at varying levels of restaurants, from buffet places, sit down local pizza joints, applebees/red lobster type chains, up to semi-formal places, and here is my perspective.

1. For lunch meals in a restaurant catering to business folks, I appreciate it when the check is dropped about 1-2 minutes after the main course is delivered, when the wait staff is checking to make sure the food is correct. Several restaurants I worked at practiced this, and being a guest it was always a relief to me knowing that I would not be late back to work waiting on some jackass to print my bill. If I want something else, I can always ask them to add it, and expect to get the check promptly once more.

2. I realize this is a problem with poor wait staff to begin with, but many many times I have had acceptable, good, even great service, up until the point where I am ready to leave, and my waiter is nowhere to be found. I would much, much rather have my bill dropped with dessert to address at my convenience rather than be ready to conclude my time at the restaurant just to be put in the situation of wanting to GIVE MY MONEY TO SOMEBODY AND HAVE NOBODOY TO GIVE IT TO. At this point, I start deducting about 1% of the tipped amount for every minute I wait for my check past the point where I'm reminded of how much this whole deal exasperates me. Even worse is the other side, when the wait staff dissapears after dropping your check, and you are waiting 15 minutes for somebody to run your card. grrr.

What asshole is writing these rules???
Seriously some of the demands are very, very pathetic.

62. Do not fill the water glass every two minutes, or after each sip. You'll make people nervous.
67. Never stack the plates on the table. They make a racket. Shhhhhh.
85. Never bring a check until someone asks for it. Then give it to the person who asked for it.

Failsauce.

Pretty much because you summed up his personality nicely. He was an asshole.

If I have meat from a source I don't trust to eat completely rare at home, I try to simulate Pittsburgh Rare as best as I can with a cast iron skillet with a little butter set on high and then drop-8count-flip-8count-serve. The count depends on the thickness of the steak. An 8 count is for 3/4" and above. I don't have a torch at home and don't feel like making one for the rare times I eat my steak actually cooked.

@Aaronjk: That's what my in laws do, and I had never tried it before, along with salsa with eggs. I do love salsa with eggs, but I prefer my steaks unadorned with any kind of sauce unless I ordered it that way.

@sicknick: Why would anyone go to Macaroni Grill expecting a good steak? It's like going to a seafood restaurant and ordering chicken.

Ahh, you bussers are alright! *pat on the shoulder*

88. Do not ask if a guest needs change. Just bring the change.

NOTHING will chop your tip by at least half faster than that. If you feel you have to BEG for a tip you need to quit!!

@rocketbear79: threadkiller: You must try La Tasca (several locations in the area) and Rays the Steaks. Le Refuge for French food and the Charthouse for seafood.

@hotdogsunrise: This is one of my rules if I tip 20% or not. If my drink ever is fully empty, the tip goes down. I should never be sucking ice cubes. It doesn't need to be full, but it should never be less then half full without a refill being offered.

@rocketbear79: threadkiller: I found out about this when somebody came into the Macarnoi Grill I worked at and ordered a steak "Blue and Black". He then was a comeplete asshole when we couldn't do it the way he wanted because our grill didn't get hot enough. Finally, after his fifth or sixth visit with him demanding we cook the steak his way, one of the cooks found a way to use the pizza oven to preheat the pan. Our thought was, why come to a midrange pasta parlor and expect a special steak cooking process, repeatedly?

@floraposte: Exactly. We were definitely at that restaurant to enjoy our meals, and we weren't about to complain because we didn't even realize that it was taking very long, but it was impressive that the management took the time to realize that it might be a while before the food comes out, and deal with it before there were any unhappy customers.

@sicknick: The precise reason why I don't eat Ahi tuna is that it is always prepared cold and raw in the middle, and I dislike raw fish. I don't even dare ask for it to be prepared in a different way though. You should not mess with Ahi tuna in that way. I believe in preserving what something should be, regardless of personal taste. I love steak, and I've learned to really appreciate a fine cut of steak for what it is without excessive embellishments.

I would have added one. 101: Do not hand plates/glasses to the diner. Put them on the table.

Maybe it's just an upper midwest thing, but I've lost count of how many waiters hand me the plate. Often after admonishing me that it's hot. It goes on the table. Right there, in front of me. Why do you think it necessary for me to bring it the final 12 inches to its resting point?

I never raised my voice to the waitress to deserve what she did, I only correctly raised it at the manager upon leaving, which I have every right to do. I gave them feedback thoroughly, and legally, and cost them business. I told the facts in all mediums and didn't embellish. They had to know what I wrote and said and didn't sue me or even respond to contest what I claimed. That had every opportunity to address this and change it and own it and they refused, so they had it coming - in SPADES.

Do you have some problem with GOOD assertive consumers who respect themselves and use word of mouth? I mean really, that's kind of the whole point of this website.

Just for your info - I have more praises in my yelp.com review collection than complaints.

@squinko: I so thought I was alone on here with my love of mayo..

Most of the comments on Consumerist regarding mayo are negative.

@pecan 3.14159265: Oh yeah. It's disgusting, but it happens. Whatever people like, sure, but that's why I get weird looks for liking to dunk my Oreo's in orange juice, not milk.

I'm all for the mentality of "the customer is always right" even if they aren't, I just don't get the thought of buying a 50 dollar or more steak and treating it like the 9.99 special at The Sizzler. It's like people who get fresh tuna steaks and want it any way other then still cold in the middle and raw. You might as well make tuna fish patties at home.

It comes from a myth (at least I hope it's a myth) that in the steel mills workers use to "grill" their steaks on the slabs, which are so hot that it only would make sense to drop-flip-drop-serve. The reason I hope it is a myth is having worked in a steel mill myself I know that you better have a set of 5 foot tongs to turn the meat because you don't want to be any closer to a slab fresh from the hotmill furnace. Even at that distance cheap plastic will melt. Also those slabs start to oxidize quickly so you better like some rust in your steak as well.

o_O

@pecan 3.14159265: I used to...but I have discovered it was simply because of how the stak was prepared. I got in the habit when I was a teenager and still living at home with my parents. They used to purchase very poor quality cuts and used to overcook it, and not put any seasoning on it. After I moved out on my own and began to be able to afford better cuts of steak, the need for ketchup has subsided.

I now prefer seasoning with rosemary and a little bit of mustard seed and pepper.

Worse than asking if you need change is when they just keep it. That's a good way to guarantee that someone either won't come back or will pay with exact change next time.

@The Porkchop Express: I actually really dislike A1. I prefer just a touch of Worchestire sauce if there's going to be any at all.

@floraposte: I notice the texture before I notice the flavor. I've had two very notable perfect steaks, and both of them had the perfect balance of texture and flavor. Sometimes too much flavor hides the texture and the beef flavor of a steak. And sometimes if there's no flavor, texture becomes a drudge because all you're focused on is how there is no flavor.

@rocketbear79: threadkiller: tell me about this "Pittsburgh Rare". Seriously, how rare is that?

I would love to just get the steak on the plate without any heat hitting it, but I fear outside contamination.

I hate it when I tell the waiter I need 2 more minutes to look at the menu, but I don't see them again for another 10. Nothing's worse than tracking down a different waiter to find yours.

Also, make sure there is silverware on the table before I sit down. It's frustrating when there's food in front of you with no way to eat it.

The plate matters because if other people are still eating, it shouldn't be cleared, and if I'm the last one eating, whisking it away the moment I've finished makes me feel like the server's been fretting for me to hurry up and chow down.

@bbagdan: Obviously, don't pass out the menu. If you already have, I would just politely excuse yourself as you've accidentally injured yourself on the wine foil, take away whatever you dripped on, replace whatever it was and take care of your finger. Don't stand there with a napkin on your hand though, and don't try to cover it up. There's nothing more unappetizing than seeing your waiter walk away and seeing his bloody hand.

@pecan 3.14159265: and delicious steak sauce at that.

@mizike: Yes, this is true. Usually there are three or four options under each course and you choose one from each list.

When I was in Europe, all we ever did was pick from the Prix Fixe menus because they were usually cheaper to get three courses for 14 euro.

I'm a child of the bland Midwest, so it's certainly true for me. I suspect real grass-fed beef would probably frighten me.

@boogermike: The customer is almost never right. Their "right-ness" is directly proportional to how much the owner requires their business.

That being said, in high end restaurants it is often an affront to the chef to even ask for salt and pepper. Chefs at these type of places are culinary artists. In most high end restaurants their business success is not determined by whether or not they tell you you are an uncouth bastard for asking for spice. They are either going to have success or failure determined by Zagat or professional critic reviews.

@vladthepaler: It isn't robotic. I think this summed up his points about that very well:

69. If a guest is having trouble making a decision, help out. If someone wants to know your life story, keep it short. If someone wants to meet the chef, make an effort.

It isn't that the waiter should be a robot, but at the end of the night, what the diner should remember about their visit is the food. Does personable service make an evening more memorable? Yes, it can. But share only when asked. If they want more and a brief bit, and the rest of your section is empty, go ahead and share more. But, if they don't ask for more, don't share. And never risk neglecting a table to bond with another.

@nbs2: How is the food? I keep meaning to go to Restaurant Eve!

@t0ph: It's the abruptness that I dislike. It's like they were watching you finish your meal. An empty plate in front of me does not bother me. Give me time to enjoy what I've eaten.

It means the entire meal is a fixed price. Say $40. Its the same price for everyone.
For that fixed price, you get a choice between several appetizers, several entrees, and desserts. (one of each).

I really enjoyed taking advantage of this way of ordering when i was on vacation in france. Normally i wouldn't be ordering appetizers or possibly even dessert - because of how things are served at american restaurants.

It was awesome for budgeting in france, because the tax+tip were built in. So you order a 40 euro prix fixe meal, and you pay 40 euro.

This is in contrast with a regular menu where you pay $6-20 for appetizers, another price for your entree, and more for a dessert - and anytime you order extra things from your server you are adding to your bill.

@FatLynn: It kind of depends, though. Sometimes, the service is slow. One time we were at one of our favorite restaurants, which is probably casual upscale, and it took the staff about 45 minutes to get us our entrees. About 30 minutes after we ordered, the manager came and apologized that our meals were taking so long, and offered us an appetizer on the house. There's slow because it takes a long time to cook properly, or more care is taken with the food, and then there's slow because there's a back up or someone messed something up.

I don't care about people that say "you should savor the flavor of (insert meat here). I'll put whatever I want on it. That includes A-1 on a fillet.

//[give the check] to the person who asked for it."//

EXCEPTION - if there is a man and woman eating together, the check should be placed neutrally on the table. The person who asked for the check might just be the person who could see the server. Don't assume that if the man asks, the man is paying.

2) Washing your hands belongs on a list called "Things every person who uses the bathroom should do" not just the staff.

@cc82: Agreed. When you buy filet mignon, you're paying for the tenderness of the meat, not necessarily added flavor. A New York strip steak, while not as tender as a filet, has a lot more flavor and doesn't require all the extras you mentioned.

Having said that, I still get the filet with blue cheese or lump crab almost every time. Delicious.

@shepd: I'm no expert, but I believe it's when a restaurant offers a set meal for a set price (usually discounted compared to the normal prices of the restaurant). Instead of paying $X for the app, $Y for the entree, and $Z for dessert, you just pay one price and get all three (pre-selected for you). This is much more common in Europe than it is in North America.

@pecan 3.14159265: I always laugh at people ordering $100 steaks well done.

You're just as well off eating beef jerky.

The other thing that I didn't see explicitly on the list is this: If you screw up, apologize, fix it and move on. Don't come back constantly asking if everything is ok. I'm not going to give you a bigger tip by begging to offer me the service I should have had in the first place.

If the mistake is that grievous, offer us something to help make it right.

85. Never bring a check until someone asks for it

Providing efficient service in no way makes me feel rushed. However, making me wait really makes me annoyed.

Quite literally, it translates to "I'll just die, now". But its sentiment is more along the lines of what I said earlier.

@shepd: It doesn't say that different people get different prices. A Prix Fixe menu is a fixed price menu of items that have been chosen by the chef. You usually get an appetizer, entree, and dessert for a fixed price. You choose from the list that is offered. But it's not like one person gets it for $30 and the other person gets it for $40.

@Skeptic: A good waiter should be observing the tables in his or her area. Nothing more than a glance should be required on the diner's part to indicate that he needs something. The best lesson I've ever gotten in how good a good waiter can be - Restaurant Eve in Alexandria, VA. They should give lessons.

@Rectilinear Propagation: I used to like steaks well done, when I was younger. I definitely prefer a medium to medium well now, though. I just can't eat a steak that's well done anymore. The flavor and texture is so much better in the medium range.

I go to a few restaurants where the service follows this list to a T and they aren't really "fancy" joints, and the service is remarkably good. It is definitely what I prefer when dining out. my favorite restaurant is one of the few places that follows #64, giving prices for recited specials. Did the waiters there read this list? No, they were trained well and are extremely professional. The restaurateur knows what he's doing.

- Do not argue over who has an extra table space or who needs more customers or where you should put them IN FRONT OF guests waiting to be seated.
- Do not LIE about the wait for guests. If it is going to be an hour, then say that. If you say 20 minutes, keep saying 5 more minutes every time you're asked and it happens to be an hour, guests will probably stay this time but they're NEVER COMING BACK. If something happens to hold things up, causing the wait to be must longer for a party than you originally informed them it would be, arrange for them to receive something complimentary with their meal for their time WITHOUT THEM HAVING TO ASK. One of my BIGGEST pet peeves of all time with restaurants, especially every time I'm at the mall and get dragged to some stupid Olive Garden/PF Changs chain that gives you a beeper, tells you 20 minutes and fetches you 2 hours later.

If a cute ass waitress spilled something on me, she can touch my wet spots.

On major important thing they forget.
Wash you hands after you use the bathroom.

It's pretty typical and considered good service when a waiter *doesn't* introduce himself at higher end restaurants, and actually, something I happen to prefer.

@Skeptic: It goes hand in hand with the rule about not abandoning a table. If you're always floating around and handling the tasks like a good waiter should be, I should have no problem seeing you and you I. I should also never have to wait long for my check if waiters would just abide by the original rule. It's when waiters are inattentive that everything falls apart and you end up waiting 20 minutes for a check.

Did the same person write this? These (those reported here at least) are all good, solid points of ettiquitte. Completely unlike the first half.

@Skeptic: I'm with you, I hate having to chase down a waiter and ask for a check. It makes me feel like I have to beg them to pay. Don't make me work hard to give you my money.

If it's a higher end establishment, "May I bring you anthing else" is an easy way of giving the diner the option of saying, "No thank you - just the check" without the server presenting the check before being requested.

@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: I never put sauce of any kind on steaks. IMO, a steak should be so well seasoned and perfectly cooked that you shouldn't need any augmentation to its flavor. I've had a few steaks that had a very light sauce that was part of the marinade, but I always stay away from ordering steaks that are supposed to be covered in some kind of sauce.

Pretty much. When I have a sandwich, it's like, "Just how much mayo can I get on this thing before I stroke out?" You get a heart clicky for that. :D

"85. Never bring a check until someone asks for it. Then give it to the person who asked for it."

Oh, really disagree with this one. I shouldn't have to beg for the check any more than I should have to ask to have my water glass filled. Perhaps this rule works well at destination restaurants for fine dining but in most instances I really hate having to track down a waiter for the check. It is one of my pet peeves.

I'd add:

101. If you have a personality, show it. If you don't have a personality, find a different line of work.

102. When a guest temporarily leaves the table, do not neaten his/her place: don't move utensils around, don't refold napkins, etc.

103. Don't hover.

Same goes for ordering a steak well done. It isn't wrong, if that is how the diner likes it cooked.

Point is, the waiter shouldn't pass judgment.

@gStein_has joined the star bandwagon: This happened to me once, so I made it a game. I wanted to see if I could make it through a glass before the waiter came to refill it.

My bladder lost.

"Do not ask if a guest is finished the very second the guest is finished. Let guests digest, savor, reflect."

I'll restate my post on the first 50: Sometimes I want a 2-3 hour meal. It's how it should be. Don't ask me if I'm done with my meal right after the last bite or especially when there are a few bites left. No I am not done, I am reflecting on the meal I just had - and reflecting on how good a service I received. Interrupt that, and the service becomes "poor".

@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: But A1 is steak sauce. That's different.

This bimbo waitress made the mistake of doing that to me one night and I told her just for that, and for making us wait too long, we were staying EXTRA long and taking our time and wouldn't pay her until we were good and ready. This beeyotch then had the NERVE to summon a police officer to the table to ask me if there was a problem. I calmly said absolutely not, officer, just enjoying our meal we are paying for here.

I then proceeded after eating as slowly as I could with friends, just to piss them off, to demand a manager on the way out, and ask them where they come off treating paying guests like that (and I was sure to do it where most of the other diners could hear me too.) When the manager proceeded to defend the waitress, I proceeded to slam them in every newspaper, website, etc. in the region and further contacted every restaurant reviewer and a talk show about it. The situation got discussed by experts, written up in the reviews, etc., without exception every expert telling folks how ridiculous the manager and owner were, and they lost a ton of business.

Not everyone who is in the restaurant business should be, or will be eventually when they resent and mistreat their paying customer base.

Sweet! If I never ask for the check, I don't have to pay!

This. If I order a steak medium rare and it comes out cold or there is no hint of color in the middle... I don't care whose fault it was, but that isn't what I ordered and I'd like it fixed. Please just fix it, preferably before the people I am dining with finish their meals.

@sicknick: People put ketchup on steak?!

While you're at it, don't just give refills without asking. I hate seeing things go to waste, and I don't drink a lot. I can't stand waiters/waitresses who just plop a full drink in front of me when I know it's just going to waste. Besides, then if the drink isn't finished, I look like the bad guy.

78. Do not ask, "Are you still working on that?" Dining is not work - until questions like this are asked.

I hate this. When I'm done, I'll offer my plate or move it to the side, not a second sooner.

85. Never bring a check until someone asks for it. Then give it to the person who asked for it.

Yes, it's not OK to just throw the check on the table. In fact, it's stupid. The waiter/waitress could potentially miss out on extra revenue. If I see a check brought without my approval, it makes me feel like a burden rather than a paying customer. It's fine to ask if everyone is finished, then bring the check, however.

YES! Can't begin to describe how annoying it is to me and my wife when this happens.

Many restaurants have lost out on selling us dessert when we are asked if we want dessert before we are halfway through our entree, and are then given the bill just as we are done.
It can be almost a hassle to be allowed to sit for another 10-15 minutes in some restaurants to be ready for dessert, when the server comes by every 4-5 minutes to ask if we are ready. I never understood this fascination with dining on the run - being in and out in 45 minutes. I go to a restaurant to sit down and relax with my food.

I complete, completely agree with #64. One of the things I hate the most about wait staff rattling off the specials is that there is never, ever a price attached, or it's just spoken very quickly like no one wants you to know it's the most expensive thing on the menu. I like restaurants that include a specials page with the menu and include prices because then I have all of the information right there.

I also agree with #70. I hate it when a waiter/waitress wants me to pass along a plate. Yes, I get that you may have T-Rex arms, but you should have figured out how to compensate for that by now because the table size doesn't change. Don't ask me to be a waitress as well, unless you're willing to split a tip with me.

There are more ramifications than just looking bad, when it comes to #98 (Do not wear too much makeup or jewelry). If you've got tons of makeup on, it's probably not going to be as blended with your skin as it would be if you just had one light layer of makeup, and you're more likely to be clogging pores. If you touch your face or brush your hair back, then you touch a plate, it can deposit oils and makeup.

85 -- not sure I agree here. It should be apparent when the check is appropriate.

Here's a good one: Never EVER have the person bussing tables deliver my food. There are waiters and there are bussers. The busser is touching other people's used silverware/etc. The waiter is (assumed to) have clean hands, for the purpose of serving clean food.

When I got to the table, the special was not advertised anywhere. We asked the waitress, and her response "Well, it is 'special', so people have to ask". This left a bad taste in my mouth (not literally, the food was wonderful).

As a restaurant, if you are having a promotion, to get people in the door to try your restaurant, be forthright about honoring it.

If I have to ask for the deal, it makes me feel cheap (OK, I am, but don't force me to make it obvious in front of my date).

These are all ok. The last list was rediculous (the do not give your name thing, wtf?) but this is all pretty much common sense.

Though if you get ketchup with a steak, you will be laughed at in the kitchen, you rube. Especially if you're paying the prices that have to be charged for this level of service in a NYC restaurant.