3 replies

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@Kimaroo - No Stars Upon Thars: i could so many terrible things to a barbie doll to make a companion for this doll.

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JulesNoctambule

@Kimaroo - No Stars Upon Thars: I love some Barbie, too, but the spouse is terrified of dolls so I've been selling off my collection. Lucky for him I'm not acquiring anymore, either, so though it's tempting I'll have to pass up South Beach Grande Dame Ken here.

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GearheadGeek

@JulesNoctambule: Hehe... I was going to say Kenny there is looking more South Bitch..er..Beach than Palm Beach. Terrified of dolls? Is this a Chucky problem?

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JulesNoctambule

@GearheadGeek: I'm told it all dates back to an episode of 'The Twilight Zone'.

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Toffeecake

@JulesNoctambule: @JulesNoctambule: Was it the Talking Tina episode? That was a really freaky doll; I don't blame him.

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JulesNoctambule

@Toffeecake: I'm pretty sure that was it!

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Etoiles

You know, at my job, I have to go through at least a half-dozen levels and circles of approval in order to get large projects done. And I'm in the internal, corporate-support side of my company, not the external-facing, product-making side.

So sometimes, I have to wonder... in companies like Mattel, how does a product get all the way from \"The first person to have and mention the idea\" to \"development, marketing, and sales\" without a single person in the chain saying, \"...wait, seriously?\"

4 replies

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Spider Jerusalem

@Etoiles: Dinner: Impossible did a function for Barbie, and I have to say, the liaisons the company chose to talk to Chef Robert were not the brightest bulbs in the box. I pretty much just picture the whole of the Barbie arm of Mattel stocked with fading sorority girls.

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amuro98

@Spider Jerusalem: Ugh, that episode made me cringe.

Seriously? Those are the people in charge of the Barbie brand?? And the challenge itself was equally inane. I give props to Robert for keeping his cool in the situation, and finally putting his foot down when they tried to bring in a last minute request for one more dish.

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@Etoiles: I always wonder what the original product was after all the meddling ended up with this.

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Trai_Dep

@Etoiles: Maybe the Florida Barbie Cross-Functional Working Group should stop stocking their conference room with pitchers of Piña Coladas and platters of Cocaine?
...Just a thought.

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I prefer South Beach Drag Cabaret Club owner Ken, who has a alternate outfit for when he performs as \"Starina\". You can also buy optional house keeper Agador Spartacus.

10 replies

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magic8ball

@GitEmSteveDave: #RosaRocks: I'd love to get the housekeeper, but I'm afraid of his Guatamalaness.

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@magic8ball: My Ex used to HATE when I did his voice. That and Mr. Slave's \"Jesus Christ\" line from South Park.

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DangerMouth

@GitEmSteveDave: #RosaRocks: Your ex has no sense of humor, so presumably, that's why the 'ex'?

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@DangerMouth..Passed the Audition!: No, she moved on to blinder waters.

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Hil-fish

@GitEmSteveDave: #RosaRocks: I would buy this Ken doll, and I hate Barbies.

And @Kimaroo - No Stars Upon Thars: I would buy ALL those fabulous accessories.

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@GitEmSteveDave: #RosaRocks: actually i tried to make drag queen ken once. he has no neck. it's really awful

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JulesNoctambule

@catastrophegirl: You need a vintage Ken; they have necks and a much lighter build, too.

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@JulesNoctambule: i'm familiar with working with the modern vinyl and plastics. the vintage would be cost prohibitive to use as practice pieces.
also, ken's head is molded on hair which really wasn't any good for putting hair on. with barbie you can rip out the current hair and re-root it or do something totally different like this:

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Trai_Dep

@JulesNoctambule: Ah, for those halcyon days when a spritely Twink Ken ruled the Barbie household with a feathered, glittery scepter.

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JulesNoctambule

@Trai_Dep: I always preferred the old-style Kens when I was a girl, but I do like 'em slender.

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Kimaroo - 100% Pure Natural Kitteh

@GitEmSteveDave: #RosaRocks: I'm sure that tons of fabulous accessories come with that doll.

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Trai_Dep

@GitEmSteveDave: #RosaRocks: Yeah, he's great. But save some $$ up to send South Beach Ken to Mattel Doll Hospital to repair the slashes on his face each and every time he \"borrows\" one of Barbie's sequined frocks and returns it all saggy in all the wrong places.
She's cute as a button, but she will slash anyone stealing her dresses in the face. Because that is how she was raised.

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dantsea

@Trai_Dep: God, I could go for some pirin right about now.

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@GitEmSteveDave: #RosaRocks:
\"Agador!\"
\"Spartacus!\"
\"Agador Spartacus!\"

I miss that movie.

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@h3llc4t has a slow work day: I love that movie. Callista looks sick, but not transparent yet.

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The Porkchop Express

@GitEmSteveDave: #RosaRocks: when did she not look sick?

Isn't she now playing a sick person on TV?

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mythago

And this is why I don't mind that my kids are spending all our disposable income on Bionicles. At least it's not Barbie.

3 replies

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The Cheat

@mythago: wtf is a bionicle anyway? It's lego but they aren't made of legos...

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mythago

@The Cheat: They're legos, just very weird legos.

It's a whole new way to break your foot stepping on a tiny sharp toy piece in the dark at 3 am.

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kaceetheconsumer

@mythago: I can't decide which is worse...Lego caltrops or the almost-invisible half-sphere bottoms of the prize bubbles from the grocery store* that I keep stepping on, always with the bad foot that can't handle varying pitch well.

At least Lego is otherwise inherently cool...

* Before I get accused of bad parenting, the grocery stores here give fake money to the kids to use in the machines to get stickers that have numbers that can be collected to cash in for prizes, and my kid only gets the fake money if she's behaved in the store and says please and thank you for it.

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Xay

@The Cheat: it's Legos for kids who like robots.

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Trai_Dep

Where's the Huggy Bear mink coat and the whipping stick?
Oh, sorry, that's Jersey Wigger Ken™.

1 replies

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@Trai_Dep: HEY!

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sir_pantsalot

Great, now I will have to get the red and purple markers to put track marks on my daughters Barbies.

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GMFish

The people are Mattel are not stupid. This was not a mistake or some misunderstanding.

Remember that \"gay\" Ken doll they made back in the early 90s? It actually came with a cock ring. They said they didn't know and that it was all a mistake. However, they also sold each and everyone at full price because it was so fricken funny. I'm assuming this one will sell just as well.

10 replies

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DragonThermo

@GMFish: I don't know about the Ken doll you are referring to, but I remember Mattel released a \"magic earring\" Ken doll. The joke was that the \"magic earring\" Ken was the first ghey Ken.

Maybe the \"sugar daddy\" Ken doll is supposed to be \"magic earring\" Ken doll's ..um.. domestic partner?

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Kuchen

@GMFish: I agree. There is no way this is a mistake. They knew how people would interpret the name.

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RandomZero

@Kuchen: I'm not so sure - it wouldn't be entirely out of character for mattel to screw up by the numbers this way. Cracked did an article on similar mistakes, and Barbie claimed three of the seven slots on there, including (disturbingly caucasian) Chinese and Amazon Barbie, Pink Ribbon Barbie (with immaculate hair and breasts, of course), and the absolutely stupid black Oreo barbie.

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floraposte

@GMFish: I was just thinking of that one; it's a pretty clear precursor.

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GMFish

@GMFish: \"The people are Mattel are not stupid\"

But apparently I am.

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Kimaroo - 100% Pure Natural Kitteh

@GMFish: But.. everyone knows that Ken lacks the paticular anatomy to use such a thing..

Or was this a VERY adult Ken doll?

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Trai_Dep

@Kimaroo - No Stars Upon Thars: ...You missed the optional Big Anal Kennie Strap-On (sold separately) to solve that anatomical puzzler, I take it?

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@Trai_Dep: hrm, thanks for the idea for my art.

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@Kimaroo - No Stars Upon Thars: there was a line of anatomically correct billy dolls [NOT by mattel] that were a big hit.

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GearheadGeek

@catastrophegirl: \"anatomically correct\" might be a bit of a stretch for Billy... he was more \"porn star gifted\" wasn't he?

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@GearheadGeek: you're right. he was a 12 inch tall doll with junk that would have been anatomically correct on an adult human

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@GMFish: Don't you need to have Little Ken and the twins to use a ring on them?

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The Porkchop Express

@GitEmSteveDave: #RosaRocks: I don't know if you need both twins. but yeah you need a \"post\" and some kind of \"catch\".

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diasdiem

Looks more like \"Slightly Effeminate Older Gay Man\" Ken.

2 replies

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CheritaChen

@diasdiem: I believe that is one common synonym for \"sugar daddy.\" Certainly not the only one. But apparently the one Mattel was going for, I agree.

@Kimaroo - No Stars Upon Thars: And if it was, why don't I remember anything about it at the time?

Um, I mean...not that I'm so interested in anatomically-correct dolls, or anything. Just that I love this kind of modern social paradox.

Plus, I don't know why, I'd just love to see it.

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usa_gatekeeper

@diasdiem: Dye his hair darker and he'll become, \"Gigolo Ken waiting to meet his 'lady' at the club\".

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Trai_Dep

OK, he's pretty freaken' fabulous and were I an adult collector of Barbie dolls, I'd snicker like a schoolboy and buy three.
Then I'd slash my wrists and swallow a bottle of barbiturates out of fear that my deep dark secret would someday be discovered.

I'm pondering which would be more dignified: being caught having this hobby, or being caught by my mom while conducting an auto-erotic asphyxiation ritual wearing LED-lit pasties and pink Hello Kitty panties in my bedroom closet.

4 replies

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LandruBek

@Trai_Dep: Aw geez! But you promised me you wouldn't mention that incident to anyone!

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wvFrugan

@Trai_Dep:
Your mom catching you doing that \"ritual\" would be undignified? (NOTE TO SELF - ask shrink if I should stop my little show every Sunday afternoon after the pot roast)

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The Porkchop Express

@Trai_Dep: The hobby = less dignified. Everybody loves mommy, just a matter of how much and in what way.

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GearheadGeek

@Trai_Dep: Collecting gay Ken dolls is at least less hazardous to your health.

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This is fabulous in all possible interpretations of the word. I love it. I was pressured to collect Barbies when I was younger, and I never liked them except for the special edition ones with elaborate costumes (provided to me by my wonderful uncle and his partner, who clearly knew what was best for me). The plebeian Barbies are boring, but check out the Gold Label ones- a Cabaret Barbie? Medusa? Hell yes.

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quirkyrachel

\"The little dog's name is actually Sugar,\" she said. \"That's where the name comes from. He's Sugar's daddy, as a reference to the dog.\"

Right. Uh huh. Sure. I mean, *obviously* the phrase 'sugar daddy' is referring to the dog. Who could possibly think otherwise?

1 replies

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@quirkyrachel: the lack of an apostrophe and the letter s is a terrible typo that will have to be corrected... eventually. making the first run a super hot collectible

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Bigfoot-Angus

I am waiting for \"Divorced Barbie\" -- She is the same as all the other Barbies, except this version comes with all Ken's stuff.

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Sunshine1970

I don't know whether to laugh or bang my head on the desk.

Agreeing with the others up there who said Mattel knew what they were doing when naming this doll.

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ChuckECheese

The doll's dog is called \"Sugar.\" Ken is his \"daddy.\"

So if it's not about pimping, it's about bestiality?

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Xay

I can't lie - I want this Blake Carrington Ken doll.

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HogwartsAlum

Now I have that stupid \"Barbie Girl\" song stuck in my head! Aaaauuggh!

5 replies

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Toffeecake

@HogwartsAlum: I hate, hate, hate how they've been using \"Barbie Girl\" in the commercials too. Every time one comes on when my kid's watching TV I have to resist the urge to shout \"Dammit!\"

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HogwartsAlum

@Toffeecake: LOL!!! I don't have any kids so I can yell \"F***!\"

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Quake 'n' Shake

@HogwartsAlum: Just start humming anything by Ace of Bass. That will get rid of Barbie Girl.
Although it will leave you with a new problem...

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lehrdude

@HogwartsAlum:

Everything is peachy in my Cavarricci's.

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Alys Brangwin can't stop the beat

@HogwartsAlum: Ah I love doing karaoke to that song.

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mommiest

And they say Barbie dolls set unrealistic expectations.

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Trance1861

I can't wait to see little girls running around Toys R Us screaming \"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM I want a Sugar Daddy, pleeeeeeaaaaaasssseeeee\"

1 replies

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CumaeanSibyl

@Trance1861: There's some sort of candy called a Sugar Daddy, so I had this exact thing happen one day when I was working retail.

The mom and I both blanched, looked guiltily at each other, and burst out laughing.

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valleyval

Have you seen what Barbies look like now? They all look like they are in permanent 'slutty' Halloween costumes and have had major eye work done.

At least Mattel is being honest (kind of) with this one.

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edguitar

He is too young to be a real Palm Beach sugar Daddy. But Ken is representing the 561 ;) so I'm down with it lol

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Doreen DelPurgatorio

Hairless Filipino Rent Boy sold separately.
Time to buy Barbie a copy of \"He's Just Not That Into You.\"

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topherbraun

finally a sugar daddy that I can afford.

1 replies

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@topherbraun: Wouldn't the sugar daddy be trying to afford you?

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ogremustcrush

The only thing that strikes me is that I can't think of any straight man who would ever willingly own a kickme yappy-yap dog like that. That more than the outfit or anything else would make me think that this is a homosexual ken.

1 replies

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@ogremustcrush: I had a straight friend in college who owned a Pomeranian. He grew up around the breed, but claimed they were also great chick magnets.

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BugNet

Are you all familiar with the \"White Swan Going Home Adoption Barbie\"?

(Pasted link didn't work ---you can Google it, though)

The doll is a Caucasian blonde Barbie with a presumably Chinese baby.

The White Swan is a fancy hotel in Guangzhou, Guangdong Province, China that is often used by American families adopting Chinese babies (because US families adopting must \"check out\" of China immigration-wise via the US Consulate, which is in Guangzhou).

The White Swan gives (or sells?) these dolls to families who are adopting Chinese children. Can anyone confirm if these are \"official\" Barbie products, authorized by Mattel? The box carries the \"Barbie\" logo, and the dolls have been around for some years now.

I heard that these dolls are not obtainable outside of the White Swan (or via a secondary market like Ebay, but I don't know if that's actually true.

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ElizabethD

OMG, that new Ken doll is awesome! The print blazer -- bwa ha ha ha. Nailed it!

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Darkneuro