@GitEmSteveDave_FullOfEvilClowns: What you need is Madame Defarge Hair Treatment. Guaranteed to prevent H1N1 (and everything else).

October 27, 2009 12:50 PM

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TVarmy

@GitEmSteveDave_GoneInAMmmBop: I dunno, but I know for a FACT that the H1N1 vaccine being peddled by the BIG GOVERNMENT and BIG PHARMA does NOTHING to fight the WHITE FLAKEY MENACE.

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October 27, 2009 11:51 AM

@GitEmSteveDave_GoneInAMmmBop: You should try Head and Shoulders anti swine edition

it's great and I can wear my black suits once more!

October 27, 2009 12:31 PM

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speedwell (!)

@Underscore_Lysdexia: Which should come in handy at the funerals caused by relying on shampoo to resist the virus....

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October 27, 2009 11:44 AM

\"an electronic instrument whose sellers claim uses \"photobiotic energy\" and \"deeply penetrating mega-frequency life-force energy waves\" to strengthen the immune system and prevent symptoms associated with H1N1 viral infection\"

I dunno about this product, I think it might disturb my chi

2 replies

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subtlefrog

October 27, 2009 3:56 PM

@Underscore_Lysdexia: I also think it messes up the feng shui of my body.

Photobiotic. Light-life. As in, energy from light. Last I checked, and I AM a biologist, by the way, the only living things that could make energy from the sun were autotrophs, like plants. We are not autotrophs, nor do we have them living on our hands. Unless maybe we really really need to bathe.

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October 27, 2009 7:00 PM

@subtlefrog:
I think they just went through the new age bullshit dictionary, picked terms at random and added them as adjectives to their \"product\"

October 27, 2009 11:47 AM

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justagigilo85

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

October 27, 2009 11:59 AM

3 replies

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B

@justagigilo85: Is it okay if I hate you, or do I need to just hate stupid cliches?

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Megladon

October 27, 2009 2:34 PM

@B:

Nice, kill the player, game over.

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October 27, 2009 12:03 PM

@B: Remember, let your haters be your motivators.

October 27, 2009 12:09 PM

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Sanspants

@GitEmSteveDave_GoneInAMmmBop: I have a motivator here GUARANTEED* to protect you from the swine flu!

*not a guarantee

October 27, 2009 12:51 PM

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codepage9

@Sanspants:
Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
It's not swine flu guys, its midichlorines.

October 27, 2009 12:15 PM

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Skaperen

How about some \"H1N1 hand sanitizer\"? Use of that product has been recommended as a way to reduce the risk of exposure of yourself and others to H1N1. I would think that anything that can do sanitizing would be legitimate. How about alcohol moisturized cloths to clean door handles/knobs?

October 27, 2009 12:53 PM

3 replies

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TVarmy

@Skaperen: True, but the thing is that it kind of makes the claim that it will somehow fight H1N1 better than soap or regular ethanol hand sanitizer. The fact is that both soap and ethanol kill viruses like H1N1.

It's not so much that they're doing something illegitimate. They're just pitching a feature that everything has as their own. It's like how Lucky Strike cigarettes advertised that they used toasted tobacco, when the fact is that every cigar and cigarette uses toasted tobacco. Or like how Corn Flakes will advertise that they're \"Fat Free,\" when most cereals don't have fat.

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floraposte

October 27, 2009 2:46 PM

@TVarmy: I think the Corn Flakes example is actually not allowed, but I'm not sure of the parameters.

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thesadtomato

October 27, 2009 2:04 PM

@TVarmy: @Skaperen: And as we've established on Consumerist threads in the past, hand sanitizers are a good *substitute* for washing your hands with soap and warm water for 5 minutes, meaning \"use them when you don't have a sink and soap.\"

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Skaperen

October 27, 2009 2:30 PM

@thesadtomato: One more thing ... would I be in violation of FCC rules if I were to sell a \"40 DB Ten Kilowatt CB Attenuator for 27 MHz\"?

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thesadtomato

October 27, 2009 2:36 PM

@Skaperen: Does the FCC regulate CB radio sales?

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Skaperen

October 27, 2009 2:28 PM

@thesadtomato: But the big question is, if they advertise it as \"kills H1N1 viruses\", would they be running afoul of the FDA requiring things to be approved by them in advance.

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thesadtomato

October 27, 2009 2:39 PM

@Skaperen: They would be running afoul of the FDA. Hand sanitizers do not \"kill viruses.\"

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Skaperen

October 27, 2009 6:37 PM

@thesadtomato: But the CDC and other agencies are telling people to use them to kill the viruses.

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floraposte

October 27, 2009 7:06 PM

@Skaperen: Just guessing--you could have an issue if you suggested that your product was specifically potent against H1N1 in a way that a basic hand sanitizer wasn't.

October 27, 2009 12:18 PM

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Skaperen

The FDA's embedded application did not work on my web browser. I guess maybe it is because my web browser is hardened against viruses.

October 27, 2009 12:23 PM

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JanDuKretijn

I'm currently at safety products convention, and I'm quizzing vendors about this as part of my work. I'm surprised that there's only a very nascent H1N1 bandwagon - not many companies are addressing it directly, at least not companies who manufacture disposable gloves and respirators.

2 replies

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October 27, 2009 12:43 PM

@JanDuKretijn: Possibly because due to the recentness of the outbreak, there hasn't been time to amply test any claims they may make in order to defend themselves, should a court case/lawsuit ensue?

October 27, 2009 12:30 PM

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speedwell (!)

@JanDuKretijn: Love to know what you find out about this. I've been reading FluWiki and storing supplies, but don't have the latest information.

Nice username, by the way, ;)

October 27, 2009 12:37 PM

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sicknick

I'm a bit of an asshole, so this probably won't go over well, but let's just let the stupid people fall for this. I used to have a bumper sticker on the back of my car that read \"Stupidity Should Be Painful\". I still believe this. If you're dumb enough to buy Swine Flu Shampoo, you don't deserve to keep your money. Same if you cash bogus mystery checks sent to you asking for the money to be sent elsewhere or if you sign up for a \"used car warrenty\".

When did common sense and personal responsibility get so out of fashion?

6 replies

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October 27, 2009 7:02 PM

@sicknick: \"A fool and his money are soon parted\" and all that junk

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mommiest

October 27, 2009 1:59 PM

@sicknick: Honestly, I wish more people would pay attention in school. But from a law enforcement perspective (IANAC), if we just let this stuff out onto the market, it becomes ubiquitous, and thus seems valid to a lot of folks. There is something to be said for keeping con artists out of the mainstream, even if we are in a game of perpetual Whack-a-Mole.

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katstermonster

October 27, 2009 2:18 PM

@mommiest: It's like freakin Airborne. People still take that stuff by the handful, despite it being absolutely useless. At least that isn't harmful, though.

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October 27, 2009 6:10 PM

@katstermonster: but it could be harmful, for the wrong person. i can't ever take immune boosters because of my autoimmune conditions.
people are always like 'echinacea will fix that right up' and i respond with [the truth] 'echincea could cause me to have a brain hemorrhage'
it's why i also never take anything without a complete list of even the inactive ingredients - after the incident with the 'soothing' eye drops that turned out to have chamomile in them which i am very allergic to!
hehe, that was a bad day.

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Hooray4Zoidberg

October 27, 2009 4:27 PM

@katstermonster: Man I was just sick a few weeks ago and someone recommend I take Airborne. I said \"Didn't you follow that whole class action suit where they basically proved it does nothing additional to relieve cold symptoms and had to pay out in a settlement?\" They said, \"yeah I saw that, but it works for me so I still take it\". Sigh.

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October 27, 2009 6:13 PM

@Hooray4Zoidberg: the placebo effect has been proven recently to actually be getting stronger
[www.wired.com]

it's kinda neat actually

October 27, 2009 12:47 PM

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pecan 3.14159265

@sicknick: I'm pretty sure the larger implication of any of these scams is that now the people in China, India, Nigeria, etc. have your financial information.

Part of me agrees that stupid people should learn their lesson - but the part of me that has to explain to gullible friends and family that you can't prevent swine flu if you take certain herbs disagrees.

The more information the FDA gives, the easier I can debunk these idiotic scams.

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October 27, 2009 1:04 PM

@pecan 3.14159265: You'd think, but then you get scam and woo-woo artists like Kevin Trudeau who tell you that the \"Gubberment\" and \"Big Farma\" are holding back the real facts about how these simple herbs can cure everything, but they don't want you to know because it cuts into their profit. Then you have fellow idiots who got into a MLM program where over 97% of people never make a cent/just break even selling things like Mona-Vie juice and Amway Vitamins/Supplements, who claim their stuff is just as good, if not better because it's not from Big Farma/it's \"natural\", so they can hope to make SOME money back from the hole they are digging themselves into buying case after case because, you have to buy a lot to get a discount, so you're really saving money!

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October 27, 2009 6:06 PM

@GitEmSteveDave_FullOfEvilClowns: right, and a lot of the scam is telling people what they want to hear. when i was diagnosed with diabetes a well meaning friend told me about this miracle cure for diabetes that the health care industry didn't want me to know.
so we had a very frank discussion about the mechanical parts of diabetes, autoimmune diseases and why replacing insulin with this miracle juice won't keep me from needing insulin.... and she understood all the information once it was given to her - but said she had listened to the claims in the first place because she was worried about me and wanted me to not have to be sick anymore.

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pecan 3.14159265

October 27, 2009 1:11 PM

@GitEmSteveDave_GoneInAMmmBop: Luckily, my family members aren't that gullible. More like they've heard some wild claim, are unsure as to its efficacy, and they know better than to pursue it without first asking us what we know about it. It's generally assumed (rightly) that we know more about these things than our parents do. Our parents, poor things, still don't understand that seven seasons of a TV show can't possibly be legitimately going for $50 when it's $160 on Amazon, and that there is no special packaging - it's just scammy scam scam.

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katstermonster

October 27, 2009 2:18 PM

@pecan 3.14159265: The wife of an acquaintence posted on facebook yesterday that they'd gotten hit by a modeling scam. As in they spent money to have their daughter photographed for modeling jobs that turned out to be fake. These are people who are on welfare, living with his mother, and just found out they're having a third kid. I don't want anything bad to happen to the kids, but this is definitely a case where stupidity just can't seem to get painful enough to tech them a lesson.

Disclaimer: this is not meant to be a commentary on welfare in general. I just mean to say that if you're receiving state assistance, you shouldn't be having another kid and/or spending money on modeling BS.

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pecan 3.14159265

October 27, 2009 2:46 PM

@katstermonster: Those who are in the most dire of situations are the most likely to be preyed upon, and are also the most likely to see schemes and scams as real. It's the same reason that many studies show that the poorer you are (or the poorer you feel you are), the more likely you are to play the lottery. Nevermind your chances of winning are astronomical - you keep playing because of that one chance, that one miniscule chance you have to strike it big, and rid yourself of all your financial woes.

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katia802

October 27, 2009 2:56 PM

@pecan 3.14159265: The running joke in our family is that I'll never win the lottery because I can't afford to buy tickets. Hubby still falls for this one, but has agreed to limit his spending on tickets to $5 every two weeks. Less than I spend on soda, so I guess I can't complain too much.

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An_Album_Cover

October 27, 2009 3:35 PM

@katia802: Actually, you can do the math out to determine what the jackpot has to be for the expected value (EV) of a lottery ticket to be $1. Which is to say, at what point it makes sense to spend money on the lottery because the expected return is statistically the same as what you expend (or better).

I ran the numbers on PowerBall (the multi-state game available where I live)not too long ago. If you were to receive the full jackpot in a lump sum and ignoring taxes, the jackpot would have to be $161,151,191.71 for your overall odds to break \"even\". More realistically, if you take the 50% lump sum option, pay the maximum 35% federal income tax on every penny of the jackpot, and pay no state income tax, the top prize would have to be $495,849,820.66 to break even. Since the biggest powerball prize ever was something like $350M, this is pretty un-attainable.

Oh yeah, and all of this assumes that you don't split the jackpot with anybody. :)

(yes, I recognize that this is really just an argument not to play, but I enjoy making the counter-argument that there exists *some* rational reason to play, if you just do the math out, and are willing to accept some assumptions :D)

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temporaryerror

October 27, 2009 1:48 PM

@pecan 3.14159265:
More likely it's TV rips on DVD-R's, with some fanpackageing.

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October 27, 2009 12:45 PM

@sicknick: I agree. Anyone who signs up for a \"used car warrenty\" is an idiot. Now signing up for a \"used car warranty\", that, is a smart person.

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Brazell

October 27, 2009 1:10 PM

Who'da thunk that when they declare everything a pandemic, that it'd have unforseen consequences. EVERYBODY PANIC AND BUY THE SWINE FLU FOOT DEODORANT!

1 replies

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Covertghost

October 27, 2009 3:16 PM

@Brazell: Whatever, I was going to buy it anyway, my feet smell

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ThinkerTDM

October 27, 2009 1:23 PM

The FDA actually pays someone to \"monitor\" the internet? Nice work, if you can find it.

1 replies

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oneandone

October 27, 2009 2:10 PM

@ThinkerTDM: It's these people's job: [www.fda.gov]

Why not monitor the internet? I'd guess it's how a lot of counterfeit drugs & scams get around, and those could be very harmful.

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Dragonis

October 27, 2009 1:27 PM

You know what I think is the saddest part about this? Some of the people who bought this crap probably did it because they think that the vaccine is unsafe.

3 replies

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Julia789

October 27, 2009 4:44 PM

@Dragonis: Agreed. There is more mercury in a tuna sandwich than the flu shot. Literally. And the type of mercury in the flu shot is not even the same as in thermometers, or tuna for that matter. It's a different type that the body excretes completely and has been tested safe time and time again.

The shots are made with the same ingredients, at the same laboratories, using the same methods as the seasonal flu shot. It is just because we are in a hurry and missed the current seasonal vaccine that a second production run was needed.

If the timing was earlier, H1N1 would have been mixed into the current seasonal shot, and no one would be screaming \"IT'S NEW AND UNTESTED!\" Why should they be screaming that now? It is the exact SAME shot as the seasonal shot, same ingredients, except a different genetic component is used.

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pecan 3.14159265

October 27, 2009 1:58 PM

@Dragonis: I think the saddest part is that some people who buy this stuff think that they're one sneeze away from the flu and have become hyper vigilant about using hand sanitizer and such - and that makes them more susceptible to germs.

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floraposte

October 27, 2009 2:59 PM

@pecan 3.14159265: That doesn't seem to be how immunity problems work, though. There's no actual evidence that handwashing or use of hand sanitizers impairs one's immune response. Even use of antibiotics doesn't actually make you overall more susceptible to germs.

Where you might be getting into issues is in the totally sterilized households with young kids, since there is some thought that that's how some kinds of hypersensitivity, like asthmas and early allergies, develop. But that's still a theory among many.

The real problem, of course, is the effect on the microorganisms rather than on us. But even that can be an advantageous trade, as in the use of antibiotics in the face of dangerous infections.

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Excited_Utterance

October 27, 2009 1:41 PM

That is an intrusion by the government into my personal swine flu snake oil liberties enshrined in the Constitution by Jesus and other founding fathers!

Your rights are being eroded America! Wake up!

1 replies

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October 27, 2009 7:08 PM

@Excited_Utterance: Dammit Glenn Beck, stop browsing Consumerist!

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pz

October 27, 2009 2:12 PM

@mommiest: Darwin would disagree.

If someone wants to think they can cure their pneumonia with Miracle Tonic, and thus dies from it, the only consideration is whether or not they had time to breed beforehand.

3 replies

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mythago

October 27, 2009 4:22 PM

@pz: I don't know that a person who thinks shampoo prevents H1N1 is any dumber than somebody who thinks Darwin said \"Stupid people ought to die before they breed\".

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subtlefrog

October 27, 2009 4:05 PM

@pz: Actually, Darwin wouldn't. Darwin never took a moralistic approach to natural selection, and never applied it to humans. In fact, he was dead terrified of this.

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floraposte

October 27, 2009 4:05 PM

@pz: Darwin wasn't an advocate, he was a reporter. You're thinking more of Spencer (the \"survival of the fittest\" guy), but even he wasn't using it the way it's popularly employed now.

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hi

October 27, 2009 2:37 PM

Dear America,

We the federal government are going to mega-hype up the swine flu and lie to you about it BUT DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT BELEIVE IN ANYONE ELSE MEGA-HYPING the swine flu and lying about it. They are out to get you! But at the same time, trust us... we are just hyping it up for your safety.

Thank you for you time.

PS: Get vaccinated now!
PSS: There's a vaccine shortage!
PSS: Vaccines are completly safe and untested!
PSSS: ... whatever

4 replies

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Julia789

October 27, 2009 3:01 PM

@hi: I don't understand all the fuss about the H1N1 vaccine. I got it, and my child got it last week. It's the same shot as seasonal flu shot, same ingredients, same laboratories, same methods. They stopped production of seasonal vaccine, switched the genetic component in the vaccine from seasonal to H1N1, and continued production as usual.

Really I don't see the fuss about the ingredients. There is more mercury in a tuna sandwich, than in a flu shot. Seriously.

Part of the reason for the shortage is that it takes one chicken egg per vaccine. They can't just use any old chicken eggs, they have special flocks of hens of selected breeds for vaccine eggs. The hens are kept in sanitary laboratory like facilities (rather than farms) and health tested. They can only lay eggs so fast to keep up with production. They already did almost the entire production of seasonal vaccine. Flu grows very well in chicken eggs, they are perfect container for it, without worrying about infecting animals that can spread it or mutate it.

There is a new production technique using vats of animal cells instead of eggs, which just begin in Europe and has yet to get FDA approval here. Hopefully we will soon have that new, faster method available in the U.S. that does not require chicken eggs, so that production is faster in the future.

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oneandone

October 27, 2009 3:45 PM

@Julia789: Part of the reason for the shortage is also the decline in capacity to manufacture vaccines in the U.S.. It hasn't been enough of a money maker to keep pharmaceutical companies interested, so the relatively recent ramp-up still takes time.

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hi

October 27, 2009 4:03 PM

I'd also like to add:

13,000 died from the regular flu so far this year. Thats 800 people a week.

1000 died from the swine-flu strain.

Obama has not given the vaccines to his kids.

+ Watch video

_embedded

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Julia789

October 28, 2009 3:04 AM

@hi: That is a lie. Obama's girls were vaccinated for H1N1 last week. It was in the Washington post. To be fair to other children, they waited until the vaccine was available to all children in their district, even though they could have received it earlier if they wanted.

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hi

October 27, 2009 4:04 PM

@hi: 13,000 between Jan-April sorry.

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floraposte

October 27, 2009 3:20 PM

@Julia789: I also think that some people are confusing media reports that mention government statements with government approaches themselves. A lot of the confusing stuff is because much reporting sucks, not because the information has been particularly variable.

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Julia789

October 27, 2009 4:35 PM

@floraposte: Agreed. Also the many conflicting headlines designed to be sensational add to the confusion. One screams \"Is the vaccine safe?\" the other screams \"Why can't we find the needed vaccine?\" often on the same major news website. People are confused.

I'm not worried about the vaccine at all. My child has a history of respiratory illness, so that puts him at high risk for complications from H1N1. I was very lucky to find him the vaccine when it was available for a short time in my area, before it sold out.

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floraposte

October 27, 2009 5:08 PM

@Julia789: Yeah. I'd like to be vaccinated, but I'm not in a priority group, so I doubt I'll be trying until the next big batch comes out.

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hi

October 27, 2009 3:26 PM

@floraposte: They use fake news and propaganda to manipulate public opinion. It works... but I'm not buying it and I hope many more will join me.

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Julia789

October 27, 2009 4:30 PM

@hi: You're free to believe that, although I do not subscribe to that belief. Best of luck to you.

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hi

October 27, 2009 3:08 PM

@Julia789: Any amount of murcury is bad for you. Watch the following video:

How Mercury Causes Neurodegeneration (Brain Damage):
Description (from the op): Video illustrating with actual images of brain fibers being destroyed by mercury (the 2nd most toxic substance in our planet... There is NO healthy dose of mercury!!!).

+ Watch video

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thebrokencarnage

October 27, 2009 8:53 PM

@hi: Well, I'm not sure about \"murcury\", but only certain forms of mercury are bad for you. Of the organic forms: ethylmercury, which is a product of the metabolism of thimerosol, is easily and readily excreted by the body; methylmercury, like what you find in fish, is the bad form that accumulates in tissue and causes neurological problems.

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Julia789

October 28, 2009 3:07 AM

@thebrokencarnage: LOL yes that is true. I try to explain to people that having a flu shot is NOT the same as cracking open a thermometer and drinking the contents. Even if it WAS the same type of mercury, there would still be more in a tuna sandwich than a flu shot. ;-)

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SpiderPaintingDollars

October 27, 2009 2:50 PM

Is it me or did one of our friendly Consumer advocates who grace this blog and write for it, change the title? Adding a bit of profanity censored out. I like it. You get points.

I'm going back to my office at the CDC to generate more H1N1 press now.

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AllanG54

October 27, 2009 2:51 PM

I actually petted a Vietnamese Potty Bellied pig over the weekend and I'm still flu free. I guess they aren't the \"swine\" that carries the flu.

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Julia789

October 27, 2009 2:51 PM

I believe that \"silver spray\" is the stuff that turns your skin blue, permanently. Some people take it as pills, drink it, or use a spray. They turn into living smurfs.

2 replies

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floraposte

October 27, 2009 3:22 PM

@Julia789: If the effect were only temporary, I'd totally do that for Halloween.

All year 'round, it's harder to explain the Smurf costume.

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Julia789

October 27, 2009 4:28 PM

@floraposte: Ha ha! For Haloween it would be fun. I think some people use gentian violet to temporarily color themselves for pranks or sporting events. But it takes a few days to wear off.

[en.wikipedia.org]

Although the people who get \"stained\" permanently by the silver products (sprays, pills, etc.) are not a bright blue, they turn a sickly looking purple-blue. It looks like a bruise over the entire body. It depends on how long they take it for - a little turns the skin a little blue (not very noticable) but as it starts to build up it gets much darker. By the time they notice the staining, it's been building up for so long and is still coming to the surface of the skin. It's too late to do anything.

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floraposte

October 27, 2009 5:09 PM

@Julia789: Yeah, mostly it looks gray to me and not blue. Tin Man instead!

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Trai_Dep

October 27, 2009 3:32 PM

Since I prefer organic shampoo, I opt to rub my head against the belly of a sow instead of overpaying to buy Swine Flu Shampoo.

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mythago

October 27, 2009 3:47 PM

@sicknick: Personally, I'm waiting for being a judgmental asshole to go out of fashion, but apparently it's the in thing right now, so there you are.

Speaking of stupidity, I also don't get the idea that fraud is morally righteous as long as the person defrauded is a) stupider than the fraudster or b) stupider than me, personally. Do you also believe that if I can beat you up and take your wallet, you don't deserve to keep your money? Hey, you should have taken the personal responsibility to carry a gun, or learn self-defense.

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Frank From Virginia

October 27, 2009 3:54 PM

I would buy anything that provided \"deeply penetrating mega-frequency life-force energy waves\". Sounds kinky!

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admiral_stabbin

October 27, 2009 5:46 PM

Ionic silver sprayer to kill a virus? This ain't Star Trek, mofo! ;-)

1 replies

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October 27, 2009 6:20 PM

@admiral_stabbin: the water filter thing at my office has an 'ionic silver lined tank to prevent growth of microorganisms'
apparently silver does something to at least bacteria, probably messes with their skins so they suffer cellular rupture, but i don't know enough about it to be sure