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Dooley

September 23, 2009 2:39 PM

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Kudos! I love this story.

That's like the time someone cut me off -- harshly -- on the freeway. They had an ad on the side of their car for \"computer support services\" and a local phone number. I called it, and saw the guy in the car in front of me pick up, and I said, \"You shouldn't cut people off like that.\"

20 replies

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Rachacha

September 23, 2009 11:47 PM

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@Dooley: A friend of mine did this. He was behind a taxi driver who was driving very slowly straddling 2 lanes. He called the number on the back of the taxi and asked the dispatcher if he could please radio taxi 436 and ask him to pick a lane or at least go the speed limit. About 1 minute later the taxi pulled over and the driver waved at my friend to say \"sorry\"

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September 23, 2009 9:07 PM

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I had a gut cut me off then flipped me the finger......
he had a for sale sine on the car so i copyed down teh number.
later that night i called and asked about the \"car for sale\" asked normal wuestions , then i asked if i could come and see it and test drive it, he gives me his address \" next to the yellow house\"....
i i get this info, i tell him im the guy he cut off and i was going to come and kick his A$$ or \"do something\" to him or his house one day.........
never planed to do anything but sure made him $h!t.
he was apologizing and crying....lol

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DH405

September 23, 2009 11:42 PM

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@waystland: Ahh yes. Twelve was a great age for me, too.

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September 23, 2009 6:55 PM

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Reminds me of the armoured car that blew through a red light at the intersection.

Yes, logically, if something was truly wrong yada, yada, yada I could justify the actions.

But then I watched as the armoured car pulled into the bank on the next block. I guess they were late for their pickup.

Too bad.

The armoured car company was....how should we say... less than believing of my complaint.

However, the president of the bank lives seven doors down from my home. He believed me. His written complaint based upon \"a number of bank customers who witnessed the event\" (yes the number was one, one is a number) resulted in the driver being suspended for a period of time and ultimately terminated for cause when the driver was involved in a minor parking lot fender bender at the same bank branch.

I love it when a plan comes together.

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September 23, 2009 5:38 PM

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@Dooley: I've done the same (sort of). A guy nearly took me and three other cars out one day and I wrote down the plate number, went back to my computer and looked it up (legally), found that it was registered to an Oil company just out of town and called and gave his boss an ear full.

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September 23, 2009 5:44 PM

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@Tankueray: How do you look up a license plate number?

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September 28, 2009 3:21 PM

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@pigbearpug: There are public databases that you can subscribe to for looking up all sorts of neat things. The one I use is the third (non ad) hit on Google for drivers license database. (Since it gets all of the info from public information requests, it's about a year out of date, but still pretty good.)

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MissTicklebritches

September 23, 2009 5:05 PM

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@Dooley: So, you were driving while you made your call to another driver? Great way to up the dangerousness of the situation. You turned a situation with one reckless driver into a situation with two reckless drivers. Apparently, safety is not as important as road etiquette.

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yentaleh

September 24, 2009 2:27 AM

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@MissTicklebritches:

Were you the woman driving the purple minivan that had the \"I love Jeebuzz sticker\" that cut me off the other day? She wasn't paying attention to the road either but was looking back at her kids and when I passed her she was yelling at them.

Btw kudo's to Dooley for taking action. Next time I see someone driving a company car recklessly I'll call too. (Of course I will be using my hands free device and enter their phone number verbally because people like MissTicklebritches are out on the road too. ;-) )

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jwissick

September 23, 2009 8:29 PM

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@MissTicklebritches: You do realize that most people CAN walk and chew gum at the same time. Most people can safely make a call and drive at the same time. Stop lumping everyone who talks and drive into the unsafe category. Cell phones do not make bad drivers. They make bad drivers worse.

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Sian

September 23, 2009 10:08 PM

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@jwissick: walking and chewing gum doesn't run a high risk of injuring another. Driving and yammering on a cellphone (or worse, dialing or texting) certainly does. Considering multiple studies show quite clearly that cellphone use impairs a driver as badly or worse than being drunk over the legal limit, you don't have much room to talk.

oh, but YOU can drink and drive no problem, it's those other talentless morons that are dangerous.

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JulesNoctambule

September 23, 2009 10:55 PM

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@Sian: 'walking and chewing gum doesn't run a high risk of injuring another.'

You've never met my friend Caroline! There are days we're amazed she can breathe and think simultaneously, bless her. Fortunately for all, she doesn't drive.

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tape

September 23, 2009 5:46 PM

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@MissTicklebritches: does your child have enough hand sanitizer? you'd better go check.

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September 23, 2009 5:44 PM

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@MissTicklebritches: uggh.

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September 23, 2009 5:31 PM

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@MissTicklebritches: Sigh. There's always one in every thread.

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September 23, 2009 6:29 PM

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@rondalescott: In this case, two. While I advocate confronting rudesters wherever safely possible, in this case, making an already distracted (or just plain bad, who knows) driver speak on the phone while driving is not the best idea. That's in addition to the distraction Dooley induced for himself by calling. Anyone who insists that using a phone, handsfree or otherwise, does not impair their driving is either mistaken or lying.

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yentaleh

September 24, 2009 2:30 AM

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I've been handling an automobile for 25 years and I have a hands free device in my car. I have never had a problem talking to someone on the other end. I equate it to talking to someone in the car with me. Of course you sound like one of those people who doesn't car pool, who doesn't listen to the radio and who has (G-D FORBID) never eaten in their automobile either. My advice? TRY LIVING ALITTLE!

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September 24, 2009 7:27 PM

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@yentaleh: Like I said, anyone (and by that I mean everyone) who claims not to be impaired in this situation is either mistaken or lying. You may not perceive the change in your driving while conversing on your phone, but it's there. I don't care if you don't have a problem talking--the point is, you have a problem driving to the best of your ability at the same time. And as a matter of fact, I believe that conversations with passengers are also a dangerous distraction. The danger is less, I theorize, because in most cases the other party in your vehicle can also observe traffic and help you react or even catch something that you as the driver in your distraction did not.

No, I don't carpool, but if I lived anywhere near any of my coworkers, I'd be doing it to save gas and reduce traffic, not so that we could carry on conversations in transit. I do listen to music while driving, but the stereo is not waiting for a relevant response from me and doesn't require me to focus on it in order for the sound to enter my ears. Yes, I have eaten in my car in the past once or twice, but haven't done so in years because I am a slob and a klutz and because--*gasp!*--I know it's too distracting for me.

I don't perceive stupidly endangering others as a requirement to feel like I'm \"living a little.\" It's ignorant, self-absorbed attitudes like yours that have made modern American society the abhorrent specter we have become to others. I don't care what you learned on tv or in movies; it is not okay to do harm or risk harm to someone else just because it adds a little to your own fun or convenience.

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Trai_Dep

September 23, 2009 4:21 PM

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@Dooley: (making a funny reference that in no way should mean, I don't love your story or your actions. Bravo!)

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Trai_Dep

September 23, 2009 4:21 PM

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@Dooley: You weren't on Lookout Point, with your paramour, making out, when you heard \"tree branches\" scratching against your car door, were you?
Beware the Hook. Beware the Hook!

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September 23, 2009 4:09 PM

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@Dooley: You're my hero of the day for that post! :)

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mrfr0g

September 23, 2009 3:56 PM

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@Dooley: A friend of mine believes that our licenses plates should, in fact, be our cell phone numbers.

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September 23, 2009 6:20 PM

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@mrfr0g:
I agree to that.
It no longer makes us anonymous assholes.

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Nakko

September 23, 2009 3:28 PM

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@Dooley: Heh! That rocks. I think that, in the case of traffic situations, a lot of the road rudeness (which is often dangerous behavior) is caused by the inability to communicate.

How interesting that you were able to talk to the person cutting you off.

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mrsultana can't get a password to work

September 23, 2009 4:05 PM

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@Nakko:
It is one thing to do it on a plane where everyone is assumed to be unarmed. But I wouldn't do that in a car in CA, TX, KY, AZ... actually, anywhere outside of Iowa or Boulder, CO!

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AngryK9

September 23, 2009 4:36 PM

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@mrsultana: Hey! We're not that bad in Kentucky! We aim for the kneecaps first. :D

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 2:43 PM

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@Dooley: Please, please tell me you were on the freeway at 2 am on a dark and foggy night, and that your car had an unfortunate scrape with a red wall and as such, looked bloody on the front.

","

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 2:40 PM

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I speak up. Grant it I don't fly too much anymore but I take public transportation alot (MTA buses, express buses and the LIRR). My biggest pet peeve is cell phones. I learned that I can't fight the masses when it comes to people blabbing on for hours on end about jack shit so I bought noise canceling headphones.

However on the occasion that I can hear you over the noise canceling feature I turn around (usually they are behind me)and I ask them to be quiet. If that doesn't work I continuously stare at them making them really uncomfortable until they move, say something or end the conversation. You wanted attention, you now have my full, undivided attention. It is quite embarrassing for them.

10 replies

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corinthos

September 23, 2009 8:48 PM

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@itiswhatitis: Whats even more annoying that cell phones is PTT devices. Someone was on one at an upscale resturaunt I went to and when I complained they offered to just move me to another seat. I ended up just leaving and they comped my 2 14 dollar drinks.
Everyone else just shot over dirty looks at the person on it but didn't seem to speak up.

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maztec

September 23, 2009 8:47 PM

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@itiswhatitis: I generally do not care if someone is on their cell phone and talking quietly. I have been in plenty of situations, where I use public transportation, and have ended up needing to make a business call or sit on a conference call. I usually try to talk straight into the mouthpiece at a whisper. However, that does not stop some people from sitting and glaring at me. I think the ones that are the best is when they do that, then get a call on their cell and talk obnoxiously, while glaring at you for having been on yours - Yah, there you go buddy, show your superiority with that. Or, better yet, the people that will actually get up from their seat and come sit next to you. I intentionally sit away from people who are not on the cell phone. Good ol' days y'know, where the people on the cellphone have to sit at the back of the bus? Yah, I sit in the largest section of people already on the cell.

OH And Guess What Folks! I wouldn't be talking on the cell phone in the first place, if you would be the least bit human and willing to talk to someone sitting next to you on public transit. I like having conversations with people on the bus. But it seems the only ones willing to talk are weirdos - and the rest glower and get uncomfortable because oh crap the person talking to them might rape them in front of everyone else on the bus or god knows what.

Well, y'know what, a little decency goes a long ways. You talk with people, be friendly, and odds are they won't feel the need to isolate and talk on their cells.

This is a two way street.

Holy crap I'm on a rant, time to stop here.

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maztec

September 23, 2009 8:48 PM

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@maztec: Oh, and, I approve of the man in the article's actions. I don't think I'm a hypocrite - but I will ask someone politely to quiet down - I find the stare to be ruder than the cell phone talking. And what really peeves me is when I am on public transit WITH someone and people will ask us not to talk to each other - you know who you are, drive if you are that anti-social.

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September 23, 2009 4:22 PM

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@itiswhatitis: Cell phones drive me batty - but when I'm clearly reading, and there are loads of empty seats, and the asshole blabbing loudly on the phone has to sit next to me? Then I get really bitchy.

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AngryK9

September 23, 2009 4:42 PM

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@subtlefrog: That is sort of like driving along the interstate with some jerk tailgating when there are two or three lanes with no traffic at all, yet the jerk just has to stay on your bumper. I get really tempted to lock the brakes...

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Sudonum

September 23, 2009 10:10 PM

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@AngryK9:
If the empty lanes are on your left, then yeah, scare the shit out of the a$$hole. If the empty lanes are on your right then move your a$$ over.

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jwissick

September 23, 2009 8:34 PM

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@AngryK9: Try cleaning your windshield at that moment. The overspray will go all over their windshield..... It gets the message across.

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September 23, 2009 5:57 PM

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@AngryK9: I have actually done this before. Shift into a lower gear though, so you can speed up again before they hit you. I scared the absolute shit out of some girl on her cellphone when I did this and she backed right off.

Probably not the brightest thing to do. And I'd love to say I am not proud of that sort of behavior, yet here I am bragging about it on the internets.

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September 23, 2009 4:52 PM

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@AngryK9: haha. I used to know a kid in high school that would follow people HOME and tell them that they cut him off. He was kind of a geek too, so his family kept trying to explain to him that this was a dangerous idea. To my knowledge he never got his ass beat, but at that point I lived in suburbia.

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September 23, 2009 5:46 PM

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@subtlefrog: I have had that happen to me twice (once in FL and once in TX). Both times I had someone waiting in my driveway with a shotgun.

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Laines

September 23, 2009 3:54 PM

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@itiswhatitis: If the ruder doesn't wise up after being asked to quiet down I do one of two things -

1 - join the conversation. After they say something like \"Did I tell you about the party at John's?\" I'll answer loudly, \"Oh yeah, that's the one where you got really drunk and everyone watched your pathetic crying over how Susie dumped you because you are lousy in bed? Yeah, we're all still talking and laughing at that one.\"

2 - take their picture. Then I type a bit (usually erasing it, but not always immediately) and comment on how the readers on \"stupid people on the train(bus, whatever)dotcom\" will LOVE this.

I make my own fun at home.

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creative differences

September 24, 2009 1:54 AM

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@Laines: these suggestions are WIN.

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September 23, 2009 3:34 PM

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@itiswhatitis: I've tried the staring thing, but inevitably they really are so clueless and self-absorbed they don't even notice. I have done some full-on head bobbing to get my face in their point of view, even, and nothing.

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 3:49 PM

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@formergr: Ha, I don't think you look as mean as I do. I can shoot you a look that can cut holes through you body.

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September 23, 2009 4:07 PM

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@itiswhatitis: Guy or girl?

The general rule for guys is the same as the jungle; if the guy (ape) looks bigger than you (monkey) you're more apt to back down (or use your monkey cunning to embarass them). So if you're a guy you gotta get up to like 300 lbs to gain some of that instant mean tough biker look

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 4:13 PM

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@mazzic1083: not sure if you can see my avatar but I am a girl. I go toe to toe with anyone, guy, girl, dog, ape, whatever. But I am also the exception to the rule, I am not afraid to get into a fist fight if it comes down to it (which it would take me being really, REALLY pissed for me to do that). I just give you a look that says \"shut the fuck up because I am not going to go away until you do and I am not afraid to make a scene about it\".

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MisterE

September 25, 2009 11:00 AM

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I love you.

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September 23, 2009 4:21 PM

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@itiswhatitis: Yea sorry for any confusion, I couldn't quite make out the avatar.

Haha that's great to hear though, I would love to see you put some annoying cell phone user in his place!

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 3:49 PM

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@itiswhatitis: *your* Damn I really need to slow down or Consumerist needs a spell check.

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 2:52 PM

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@itiswhatitis: oh and I also have no qualms about telling people (loudly) to cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze. Basic fucking manners seem to be a thing of the past. I figure being embarrassed publicly will rectify whatever self-absorbed, nasty habit you have developed.

","

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September 23, 2009 2:40 PM

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Kudos to this man! Good show.

","

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colorisnteverything

September 23, 2009 2:40 PM

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When I was in England, people were just \"too nice\" or too unconcerned to say anything to anyone. I was once on a bus that had no AC coming back from Stanstead, my boyfriend and I knew everyone on the bus was dying of heat stroke, but we also knew they would say NOTHING.

So, we had to tell the bus driver to open up the escape hatch!

This, of course didn't work that well, but at least we did SOMETHING. Also, when on a train, there was a teenaged couple bascially fornicating in front of everyone. There were hands under clothing! All the business people on the train with us as well as the families were upset, but wouldn't do anything. So, my boyfriend went up and kindly asked them to stop. They blew up and were pissed off, but they stopped and went and found separate seats (the train was pretty full).

6 replies

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September 23, 2009 3:14 PM

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It is worse in Japan. When I was living there last year a woman was raped on a crowded bullet train and nobody intervened. Just terrible.

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JulesNoctambule

September 23, 2009 10:59 PM

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@jayse3000: A friend of mine used to live in Japan. She grew up in New Jersey. I understand that her confrontations of men who believed the pretty foreigner was a groping free-for-all were legendary among her schoolmates. She even clotheslined a guy on a bike once for talking dirty while biking toward her. Still, she says she misses the place!

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 3:24 PM

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@jayse3000: There's a difference between being nonconfrontational and not caring. I have no doubt that a great deal of the people on that train could care less that a fellow human being was in danger. Didn't they begin instituting \"female only\" trains after it became extremely apparent that the assaults were becoming more common?

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September 23, 2009 5:40 PM

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@pecan 3.14159265: In fact they have tried all kinds of things. Japan is all messed up with modern gender behavior. They'll eventually work it out but in the meantime it's really screwed up. There are whole \"communities\" of gropers that talk about how to best grope on trains, what trains are best for the purpose, etc... The government has actually run public service campaigns to get women to speak up. You are supposed to shout \"ちかん!\" (\"chikan!\") to publicly humiliate the person groping you, so that they stop.

And of course proving that no cultural issue is too sensitive to exploit, there are now women who will ambush men standing next to them and threaten to accuse them of chikan, and extort money out of them, to the tune of several thousand USD.

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Pinget

September 23, 2009 2:54 PM

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@colorisnteverything: Because the Brits won't say anything, their society is going to Hell in a handbasket. The miscreants have learned that they can do anything with impunity. Americans have to continue to speak up, or just look to Britain to see what we will become otherwise.

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September 24, 2009 1:06 AM

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I'm a Brit, and I ALWAYS \"say something\". I am far more likely to do so than my American husband (both in the US and the UK). But thanks for the generalization and oh-so-insightful assessment of British society, nonetheless.

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colorisnteverything

September 23, 2009 4:55 PM

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@Pinget: Uh, just a cultural difference, but after living there for a freaking YEAR, I think I have the ability to comment. And, just FYI, Britain is just great. Notable cultural different. Americans are loud and Brits won't speak up.

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Rey

September 23, 2009 5:47 PM

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@colorisnteverything: Yar, but no, but yeah, but...OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT!

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September 23, 2009 5:40 PM

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@colorisnteverything: Yes, it's funny how much British comedy is based on the unwillingness to say no to pushy people.

","

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Jakuub

September 23, 2009 2:40 PM

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no option 3: Fisticuffs?

3 replies

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The Porkchop Express

September 23, 2009 2:46 PM

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@Jakuub: putting up your dukes?

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September 23, 2009 2:43 PM

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@Jakuub: I'm surprised what that guy did didn't lead to option 3... There's a difference between \"politely confront the rude people\" and \"snarkily confront the rude people.\"

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 2:46 PM

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@TheWillow: politeness doesn't always work. I live in NYC and I find I will say excuse me to get by and people don't move, I say it again, louder, they don't move. Then I say \"get the fuck out of my way\" and suddenly they hear me loud and clear. Sometimes you have to be brash with people because otherwise they will stay trapped in their own self-important world.

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September 23, 2009 4:22 PM

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@itiswhatitis: I live in NYC too and @Rectilinear Propagation: is correct - you say excuse me while you are knocking them over.

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nybiker

September 25, 2009 4:24 AM

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@TheWillow: Yeah, riding the subway is such a fun sport for us. ;-)

Like the 'please don't block the doors' signs are going to stop anyone from doing just that.

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September 23, 2009 3:32 PM

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@itiswhatitis: I used to use the clipped and loud \"PASS THROUGH, PLEASE!\" as if I was carrying radiactive material but yet the \"PLEASE\" let them know I was being nice to tell them.

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Rectilinear Propagation

September 23, 2009 3:56 PM

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@econobiker: I've found what works best is to just keep moving. I'll say 'Excuse me' a couple of steps before I actually need them to move, repeat if necessary, but I don't stop walking.

I think the fact that I'm moving helps people notice me if they're not paying attention (the eye is attracted to movement). I might also look like I'm about to walk into them since I'm saying it as I'm coming towards them.

","

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shepd

September 23, 2009 2:42 PM

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Heh! I've had this in a theatre before! A crowd of idiots a few rows behind decide they need to talk through the move Grudge.

Halfway through I get tired of it, and during a quiet moment, I turn around and loudly inform them that there's a bar across the street where they can talk uninterrupted by the movie.

I got a round of applause from the other patrons, and a relatively quiet movie after that. :^D

I've also done the same thing to some idiot laughing so hard during a comedy that, I, across on the other side of the theatre, couldn't heat the dialog! WTF?!?! Went up to his seat on my way to the can with my penlight shining on him and said that I expect he'll shut up once I return. That mostly fixed the issue.

21 replies

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maines19

September 23, 2009 6:58 PM

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@shepd: Once in a movie theatre, after I'd repeatedly asked, then told, a group of people sitting in front of me to stop talking on their cell phones during the movie, with no result, I finally snatched the cell phone from the hand of one of them and flung it out the door of the theatre. He might have considered taking a swing or something, but the fact that most of the theatre was clapping probably dissuaded him. He and his friends left grumbling and muttering. Of course the rest of us had missed about an hour of the movie thanks to their yammering. But at least they were gone.

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 4:09 PM

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@shepd: Now I want to pose an interesting question to you all; does the race of the parties making the noise effect anyone's decision to speak up? For example I find that when I go to movies (which is rare because of the rudeness of movie goers) I go to theaters in Battery park City or more affluent areas. Although not guaranteed to have a peaceful movie watching experience, more often than not everyone is quiet, cell phones are off and people enjoy the movie.

Now if I go to the Magic Johnson theater on 124th street or a theater on 42nd street or in the Bronx the experience is much different as well as the clientele (younger, minorities and children). They are disruptive, act like animals and ready to fight over everything.

Do you as the moviegoer still turn around and tell them to shut the fuck up?

I am just curious as to everyone's thoughts on this.

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September 23, 2009 7:54 PM

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@itiswhatitis: Well, I'm going to answer this in the spirit I think you intended. When I'm faced with some sort of obnoxious behavior (whether in a movie theater or other public space), then I am definitely swayed by my perception of the chances I'll be helping rather than escalating the situation by saying something. Things that would influence my choice to grit my teeth and bear it or move away would include the number of individuals acting out, their demeanor, and their ages. I don't consciously consider race a factor, though I can't say for sure that it isn't subconscious. If there are just one or two kids making noise, talking and laughing and maybe hitting the back of my seat, I feel safe in asking them to cool it. If it's three or more people, clearly adult, and there's nothing friendly or approachable about their presence, I'm less likely to be the hero and speak up. In a case like that, if the disturbance is really bad, I might get up and get an usher or manager to come in, but sometimes I'm not brave enough even for that move.

As far as different venues in different parts of town, if I'm surrounded by people who are all being loud and rude and no one else seems bothered, then obviously the problem is mine, and I say nothing. (This is more of a hypothetical because the last time I experienced such a situation was a showing of The People Under the Stairs and I wasn't much more than a kid myself.) But if it's still just a couple of offenders, I'll probably try to speak up.

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shepd

September 23, 2009 5:42 PM

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I can tell you for certain in both of my cases race didn't play any role.

In both cases I decided to chastise the people BEFORE I looked at them. In the first I turned around specifically to do it, and in the second I made a trip to the OTHER SIDE of the theater to do it.

I was committed before I even looked. :-)

And that being said, in the first case I don't have a clue what race they were as I couldn't easily see them in the dark theatre. In the second case, due to my use of the penlight, I know they were a white male about 15-18 years old.

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squinko

September 23, 2009 4:44 PM

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@itiswhatitis: Funny how you use the word \"animals\" when you are talking about minorities...

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ElizabethD

September 23, 2009 5:41 PM

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LOL Funny how \"itiswhatitis\" is an African American woman and you are calling her out for being \"racist.\"

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squinko

September 23, 2009 6:26 PM

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@ElizabethD: I don't mean to be rude, but how would I know that? I can't exactly see people through the Internet.

@itiswhatitis: Since it's burning you up inside to know: I usually ignore people in theaters unless they're being obnoxious. I am polite whenever I say something, regardless of their race/socioeconomic standing. I don't assume the offenders are a member of a particular race/socioeconomic standing beforehand, and most people who are obnoxious enough for me to actually say something are usually White teenagers. Do you feel better now?

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 4:49 PM

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@squinko: even funnier considering I am one (how about them apples)! So I can't describe the behavior I see? They are acting like animals, im not going to sugar coat it.

Now all I did was ask a question, but I guess since I brought up race all you can do is pick apart what I said. Let me ask you again, would you still turn around and be bold and tell them to shut the fuck up?

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ElizabethD

September 23, 2009 5:41 PM

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Lady, I like your style.

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squinko

September 23, 2009 4:52 PM

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@itiswhatitis: What does someone being poor have to do with this? Are you trying to say that poor people are more likely to be violent? Or are you challenging people's perceptions of poor people by seeing if they feel they would be more likely to be assaulted if they shushed a poor person?

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 5:48 PM

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@squinko: when you decide to answer the question I will respond.

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 4:56 PM

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@squinko: I only inserted poor because when I put race no one would answer my question, instead they nit pick every little thing I say. Im not challenging anything, I am asking a question, pure and simple, which again you won't answer.

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Cruc

September 23, 2009 5:43 PM

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Welcome to America 2009, where many go out of thier way to be offended at any possible thing. Sigh.

IMO: It's not about race. It's not about economic status.

It's about culture, pure and simple. Thugs, maggots, criminals, obnoxities, societial leeches and other goblins come from every race and economic status, just as good people do.

Sure there's correlating data here that may help to foster larger amounts of these goblins in certain environments, and certain forms of goblinism may take on differing shapes depending on thier genesis.

But that's it-correlation is not causation: families/peoples that instill (and demand) good values and personal responsibility from themselves do so regardless of race or poverty level (it is what it is...ahem:)), and are people we'd all like to be around or at least, have around us compared to the opposite.

That said, on my work commute I've taken public transportation for the last four years now in the form of bus and train, and it's really starting to refine my general dislike for people as a whole.

So, forget I said anything. :D

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SybilDisobedience

September 23, 2009 9:44 PM

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@Cruc: Not taking away from your larger points, but what on earth are \"obnoxities\"? :)

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squinko

September 23, 2009 5:23 PM

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@itiswhatitis: I don't understand why you're expecting an answer from me. I wasn't part of the original conversation in this thread, nor have I said anywhere in any of these threads that I confront people about their rude behavior. This may come as a shock to you, but I didn't write any posts about whether or not I shush people in theaters (or anywhere else) because I didn't want to, and I'm not about to either.

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 5:13 PM

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@itiswhatitis: I think I was being unclear, then. I did try to answer your question...but my answer was that race doesn't necessarily guide people sometimes, it's perception about the reaction and sometimes that's race (i.e. all black people are loud and prone to confrontation) and sometimes it's about where you are (being totally out of place in less affluent areas).

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 4:33 PM

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@itiswhatitis: @SpruceStreetPhil: I agree with SpruceStreetPhil. Consumerist ate my comment. I was saying that it's not about race, it's about the neighborhood. Less affluent areas are less inclined to have the resources to have \"nice\" things - and as such, may attract the less desirable members of society.

I purposely avoid going deep into the Southeast and Northeast portions of DC whenever possible. If you stroll down those streets and happen to note that it's more or less filled with black people, don't call me racist. The fact that it's filled with gang violence and homicides is the reason I stay away. DC is 55% African American. It's not about race. It's about poverty, gang violence, homelessness and drugs.

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September 24, 2009 2:31 PM

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@pecan 3.14159265: I don't know. I live in Southeast. I used to live in Dupont. The difference between a bachelorette party stumbling home from Herpes Triangle screeching 80s music at the top of their lungs versus some crackhead lurching around outside my house talking gibberish is slight. Usually even the time of night is the same.

That said, the movie theater at Union Station is a pit of dispair, although I'm told the Cleveland Park one is equally terrible?

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 4:45 PM

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@pecan 3.14159265: ok fine, lets take race out, answer my original question now...does the socioeconomic status of the parties involved affect your decision to speak up and call them out on their rude behavior? They can be white, black, spanish or asian acting thuggish, will you still call them out?

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 5:01 PM

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@itiswhatitis: Yes, socioeconomic status does play into it, but this isn't a \"lets hate the poor\" thing - impoverished areas usually include more violence, more crime, more confrontation, and less civility and emphasis on resolving differences through words. The worse off a neighborhood is, the more likely that the people in it (especially of a certain age) have some kind of affiliation with violent individuals or violence in general. Rude people exist everywhere - the difference is, those who have had more resources tend to words to diffuse situations and are also more likely to use words to fight. Those who have fewer resources are less likely to use words, and more likely to use physical means of solving a problem, because that is bred from the culture of poverty, a culture of crime, and the need for survival.

Race, to me, doesn't play into it. It's perception about the likelihood that the person would respond with an apology, rather than something more confrontational.

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Rectilinear Propagation

September 23, 2009 4:26 PM

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@itiswhatitis: I don't see why their race should matter more than the fact that they're younger, brought kids, and that there's more than one person being disruptive.

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 4:37 PM

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@Rectilinear Propagation: go to your \"urban\" movie theater and then go to your \"suburban\" movie theater and you tell me the difference. Its not just young kids, it's people that are walking attitudes, that dare you to say anything to them let alone look at them the wrong way so they can start a fight. Race does play a factor in this.

If I am in Battery Park city and a couple is talking during the movie usually by someone say \"shh\" or asking them to be quiet, they comply. If I am in Co-op city in the bronx and a couple is making noise (talking loudly at the screen, texting, laughing obnoxiously) and someone says \"shh\" or asks them to be quiet the response is very different. Either a. they have some nasty remark to say to you, b. they get louder or c. they turn around and are ready to fight.

I wish I was making this up but im not. I have seen young teenagers act silly at a movie theater in Port Jefferson long island (white, middle/upper middle class area) and they stop their disruptive behavior when it is called out.

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JulesNoctambule

September 23, 2009 11:02 PM

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@itiswhatitis: Where I live, I find rich white kids from the suburbs to be the worst behaved. Their parents seem to believe they ought to make it to adulthood without ever hearing the word 'No'.

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SpruceStreetPhil - in a new Pine flavor

September 23, 2009 4:22 PM

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@itiswhatitis: not race per se, but regional affluence. There's a movie theater on my campus that charges 14 dollars for ASSIGNED section seating - meaning you pick you section and they pick your seat for you. Obviously this sucks because by some law you must sit next to the most annoying West Philadelphian that exists.

I've been there twice (one was paid for by a coach) and won't go back. I pretty much hate going to movie theaters in the city where it seems the less affluent don't know public etiquette or any manners whatsoever.

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September 23, 2009 4:34 PM

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@SpruceStreetPhil: I've had similar experiences in that theater, but actually my worst movie-going experience was at one of the Ritzes in Center City (independent theater chain, showing mostly foreign/indie films). The crowd there used to be super serious and very, very quiet - now the evening shows seem to be filled with mostly young women who CONSTANTLY text and ask each other what's going on in the movie.

I'm not going to speculate about their race, income, or where they live, but it definitely was not the kind of behavior I expected at that theater.

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MisterE

September 23, 2009 3:47 PM

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This is another reason why I refuse to go to the Movies. In fact, where most people are assembled, I avoid. Usually places like Malls, Airports, Movies, Concerts. I'm happier this way and the Public appreciates it when I'm not violent.

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Jubes

September 23, 2009 4:22 PM

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@MisterE: That's why I only go to the VIP 19+ theaters in my city. Yeah you pay 5$ more, but it was SO worth it seeing Harry Potter without kids screaming and crying. It was possibly the best movie experience I've ever had. Plus they serve your popcorn, snacks and even a beer/cocktail if you want one right to your seat.

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September 23, 2009 3:37 PM

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@shepd: I have done the same thing. It was during cloverfield, and a group of 12-15 year old girls were pretty much talking the whole movie. So at one point it got really quiet, I leaned over and said \"Hey, the movie is playing, could you shut the hell up?\" which was met with applause. It is a wonderful feeling I must say.

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September 23, 2009 3:33 PM

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@shepd: That action is the start of a fight in many places...

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RCheli

September 23, 2009 4:36 PM

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@econobiker: I live in Chicago -- a pretty violent place -- and I've never been in a fight. People quickly realize that they're being inconsiderate and shut up.

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 4:45 PM

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@RCheli: But where in Chicago? There are good parts and bad parts to every city. Unless you've had a great theater experience in the worst part of the city, I think you probably live in the nicer parts of Chicago. What we're talking about is the areas to avoid past dark.

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September 23, 2009 3:32 PM

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@shepd: Hey I've done that a couple of times but last time everyone got mad at ME for talking!

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CFinWV

September 23, 2009 3:11 PM

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@shepd: Wow, someone laughing at a comedy! The horrors!

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 3:25 PM

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@CFinWV: There's laughing, and then there's being obnoxious.

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September 23, 2009 3:33 PM

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@pecan 3.14159265: x2. I've moved seats because of obnoxious laughers. The movie wasn't even that funny!

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eccsame

September 23, 2009 2:47 PM

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@shepd: I'm guessing that you're a woman. If a guy were to shine a flashlight on a moviegoer and tell them to shut up, there's a good chance that he would get a fist in the mouth in reply.

Were I a woman, and knew there was no way I was going to get punched in the face, I would have no problem telling someone when they were being an annoying a**hole.

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kaceetheconsumer

September 23, 2009 6:54 PM

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@eccsame: I once asked some kids to stop shouting out spoilers to a movie and their father threatened to punch me, and I'm female. I was really polite about it and even waited until the end, and didn't shine a light in the face or anything. The guy actually threatened to punch me in the fact if I didn't stop talking to his kids (I had said one sentence along the lines of, excuse me, could you please stop that, you're spoiling the movie for others).

I said, \"Really? You're really going to hit me in front of your kids? What kind of lesson do you think that would teach them?\"

Then he said he doesn't hit ladies but I'm no lady. So I said, \"Go ahead. Hit me. Do you want your kids to see you get dragged off by the cops?\"

He just muttered and left with the kids, who looked terrified.

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September 24, 2009 10:51 AM

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@kaceetheconsumer: Damn right, that's scary. A few months back I went to the see \"Gran Torino\" with my gf, and some guy a couple rows up keeps pulling out his 10 million candle-light power iPhone and waving it around while talking loudly about nothing important. I didn't really care until his 5th phone call, right at the freaking climax of the whole damn movie (!) so I called over and asked him to please quiet down.

He stood up in a huff and stared me down, pumping his arms like it was UFC battle time for 30 seconds, them he went down to the exit area and stood there until the movie ended 5 minutes later. Anyway I guess he got tired of waiting for me and instead punched/kicked the thin plywood wall of the theater about 5 times, so hard it sounded like a bomb went off.

All because he was a rude ass? What the frick, people?!

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RCheli

September 23, 2009 3:26 PM

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My favorite line (and one which I've used many times in movie theaters) is, \"Please stop talking. This isn't your living room.\"

The strange thing is that people seem honestly pissed when they're called on it -- as if they actually think that talking through a movie is completely acceptable and that you are in the wrong.

Amazing.

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Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!)

September 23, 2009 3:51 PM

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@RCheli: I frequently call teenagers on it (I don't go to the movies often, and it's usually teens being noisy when I go), and I just turn around and say, \"Dull roar, ladies/guys?\" And they usually apologize and are quieter the rest of the movie.

I think teenagers are often just heedless, not actively obnoxious. By being a little jokey in asking them to be quiet, they get embarrassed and apologetic rather than confrontation because I'm not being their mom.

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zandar

September 23, 2009 5:06 PM

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@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): You rock. That's perfect. I'll be using that now myself.

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johnva

September 23, 2009 3:36 PM

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@RCheli: I think they just are surprised and stupid, and react defensively at the mere thought of a stranger taking issue with something they are doing. Rude people don't like to have it pointed out that they are rude.

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shepd

September 23, 2009 2:50 PM

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Nope, a man. Just a 285 lb man (mostly fat, but that doesn't stop me from being able to be a pain in the ass) who gets told by his wife to stop looking so angry/imposing as I'm scaring children/young adults/ladies behind the counter. :^)

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shepd

September 23, 2009 2:43 PM

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*sigh* hear the dialog, obviously

","","","","

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TCinIowa

September 23, 2009 2:45 PM

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Planes should be equipped with voting buttons on every seat.

Before and during the flight the passengers should be allowed to vote people off the plane.

Especially during the flight.

If you don't like it? Think you're likely to get voted off? Take the effing bus.

4 replies

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September 23, 2009 8:40 PM

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@TCinIowa: And all it takes is one brown guy after a terrorist attack to sue this system out of existence. The brown guy will probably be interrogated with enhanced techniques before this though.

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ElizabethD

September 23, 2009 5:43 PM

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\"Survivor: LAX-BOS\" I like it!

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LadySiren is murdering her kids with HFCS and processed cheese

September 23, 2009 3:28 PM

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@TCinIowa: Forget voting 'em off the plane, I'm thinking \"ejector seat\".

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September 23, 2009 3:40 PM

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@LadySiren: Now, now, no need to argue. I think the ejector seat would be a perfect method of carrying out the voting results.

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 4:04 PM

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@secret_curse: Every seat should also have a little meter as well, like the Woot Off meter. The higher the neon yellow bar is, the more likely you're going to get ejected.

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SpruceStreetPhil - in a new Pine flavor

September 23, 2009 5:29 PM

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@pecan 3.14159265: can this apply to anything on the plane instead of just passengers?? Like I don't like my snooty pilot, so I'll give him a vote, the very same vote that happens to break the threshold of being voted off...

","","","

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September 23, 2009 2:46 PM

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Personally, I prefer to passive-aggressively mutter to myself towards their retreating back.

A woman elbowed me in the face on her way off of the train this morning, looked back and saw me, and then kept walking without so much as an 'oopsie!' I grumbled something snarky and the guy sitting down near me looked at me like I was nuts.

6 replies

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 2:49 PM

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@TheWillow: you are a patient person. I have snatched people back that have hit me. Im pretty solid and I know you know you hit me, so don't be a dick and keep walking. I normally grab the back of their shirt or coat and then say to them \" you don't understand the word excuse me?\" The shock that someone actually confronted them about their blatant rudeness overrides the fact that i grabbed them back towards me. 100% of the time I have gotten apologies but using this method.

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September 23, 2009 4:47 PM

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@itiswhatitis: yeah I usually just close my eyes and think about an editorial I read a few years ago where some woman was kvetching that short people hit her with their umbrellas. And then I smile.

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Daryl26

September 23, 2009 4:12 PM

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@itiswhatitis: Your rudeness is worse than the other person's. While they were rude because they didn't say they were sorry, you actually turned the confrontation physical ON PURPOSE. If the police were involved you'd be the one at fault. You know what they say, two wrongs don't make a right.

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 4:20 PM

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@Daryl26: When I am standing there minding my own business or walking and I get full body slammed by a 6ft grown ass man that didn't even bother to say pardon me, my \"rudeness\" is justified. If they have no qualms about hitting me and keeping it moving (keep in mind I am 5'8 and a pretty solid chick) what makes you think they wont do it to your sister, or mother or someone that can't physically withstand the hit? Two wrongs don't make a right but barreling into someone like they didn't exist doesn't excuse you from consequences. Like I said 100% of the time I have gotten an apology.

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shadowkahn

September 23, 2009 6:35 PM

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Well, not in court it wouldn't be, because as Lannister pointed you, you are guilty of battery when you do that. Is someone being a jackass really worth a potential fine/jail sentence?

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RecordStoreToughGuy_starcommandseries.com

September 23, 2009 7:59 PM

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@shadowkahn: I'd advise you to stop trying to convince her otherwise. She has demonstrated on other threads that she believes her opinion trumps the law. Sooner or later, such behavior will catch up to her, and she will do it to the wrong person, or in front of a cop. I hope it's the cop, actually, and only jailtime that results, not a hospital stay. >_<

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 6:55 PM

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@shadowkahn: you are all entitled to your opinion, that is all I will say on the matter.

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JulesNoctambule

September 23, 2009 11:05 PM

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@itiswhatitis: And you are entitled to your opinion that the law is just a suggestion. I doubt it'll go far in a court, though, so good luck with that.

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DefineStatutory

September 23, 2009 4:52 PM

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Actually, no. Your rudeness isn't justified. Its also not legal in most areas. Just because you think its right doesn't mean it is. Personally, I think the ide aof grabbing someone's shirt and demanding an apology is much worse behavior.

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September 23, 2009 5:50 PM

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@DefineStatutory: That's the thing that troubles me--people seem to find other people's rudeness a license to be rude themselves, or to see such an interaction as a competition for who gets their way and is thus superior. Somebody even used the phrase \"calling out.\" At that point the responder is striking a blow for rudeness, not politeness.

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 5:01 PM

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@DefineStatutory: that is your opinion and your are entitled to it.

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 6:20 PM

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@itiswhatitis: I'm not cool with assault as a means of calling attention to rudeness. Like PriceIsWrong, I think one's own rudeness in reaction to someone else's rudeness makes it worse.

One wrong is not an excuse for another.

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September 23, 2009 5:39 PM

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Actually, I think more people than just him carry that same opinion. Your actions, by your own admission, constitute something worse. Is the person that ran into you a jerk for not apologizing? Of course they are, but you could easily have called them out without grabbing them.

If you had grabbed me, I would have thought you were trying to mug me and I likely would have punched you in the nose. But that's because I don't deal with people grabbing me very well.

A tap on the shoulder and an excuse me, you bumped into me you jerk, is thoroughly more embarrassing for the person you're talking to. Intimidating someone into apologizing just makes you a bully.

You'll have a hard time getting an honest apology from anyone that way.

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RecordStoreToughGuy_starcommandseries.com

September 23, 2009 8:46 PM

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@PriceIsWrong: This is the problem with grabbing complete strangers for minor slights. That person you're grabbing could be a black belt in Fook Yoo Upkido, and your arm may be broken (or worse) before they even realize they've reacted. What's more, they'd be entirely justified, since you've just escalated the situation.

I wouldn't blame you for punching someone in the nose if they grabbed you like that.

Although coming from this poster, I am intrigued that she is so protective of her personal space, while seeming not to give a shit about others.

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SybilDisobedience

September 23, 2009 9:48 PM

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@RecordStoreToughGuy_OwesNigeriaAnApology: Yeah, I have been physically assaulted in public before and would be extremely likely to break someone's nose (or at the very least, spray them with pepper spray or stab them with the small knife I carry) were someone to grab me from behind, before I even knew what their reasons were.
Of course, I also apologize when I run into people.

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September 23, 2009 3:21 PM

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@itiswhatitis: See, in China, that would end in you being dragged to the police station and most likely deported given current events. Be lucky that you live where you do, I guess.

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September 23, 2009 3:13 PM

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@itiswhatitis: You have to be careful about touching people. I usually just yell \"EXCUSE YOU!\" in an angry tone.

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September 23, 2009 3:00 PM

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@itiswhatitis: Just be careful. That's technically battery.

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 3:19 PM

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@lannister80: My mom hates that I do it because she tells me that you never know the mental state of the other person, but I feel if you hit me hard enough to know you hit someone then you deserve to be snatched back and confronted on it. Most people will do it because they know they can get away with it (ie: no one is going to confront them on it). I also use the rationale (although childish) that if a cop wants to get involved, technically the other person hit me first.

","

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pb5000

September 23, 2009 2:47 PM

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I think it really depends on the situation. Some things are worth speaking up about and others aren't.

","","","","

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Pibbs

September 23, 2009 2:50 PM

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If I'm in public, I'm almost embarrassed to answer my phone. I keep my conversations discreet, to the point, and quick. If I'm in a store, and my phone call goes over a minute, I'll push the other party to get off the phone, asap.

11 replies

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corinthos

September 23, 2009 8:49 PM

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@Pibbs: Same. I will always send something straight to voicemail if I am in line. When I worked in retail several years back I hated when people would be on the phone and not paying attention when I was ringing them up. Then when it was time to pay they would ask how much random crap that had been rung all ready.

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September 23, 2009 4:14 PM

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@Pibbs: Same here, but I suspect we're pretty unique in that. Most people seem to think EVERYONE \"wants in\" on their boring conversation.

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CFinWV

September 23, 2009 3:13 PM

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@Pibbs: My neighbor enjoys standing in front of his house using the the push to talk feature to have conversations with his friends. Luckily he keeps volume turned way up and he talks really loud, saves the rest of the neighborhood the effort of eavesdropping.

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Pibbs

September 23, 2009 3:18 PM

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@CFinWV: Thank god Nextel usage has gone way down. I remember when that beep used to trigger a knee-jerk reaction of a dirty look in the general direction of the noise.

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nybiker

September 25, 2009 4:40 AM

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@Pibbs: When they first came out (back in 1998 or so) I would hate getting beeped while I was on the train or bus heading to work or home. Even though it was work-related, I didn't want to have a conversation that way. I usually told them I'd call them when I got to my destination.

As I am unemployed right now, it's a problem I would be willing to have again.

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September 23, 2009 6:38 PM

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@Pibbs:
It's become a habit to groan loudly when I hear the PTT noise. My boyfriend is on call nearly 24/7 and I've had that noise interrupt many a dinner, religious service and social function.

So now whenever I hear a PTT beep, I groan insufferably- whether its my BF's or not.

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Ihaveasmartpuppy

September 23, 2009 2:55 PM

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@Pibbs: I'm the same way. Just not comfortable with phone yakking in public and making noise. No weird, LOUD or stupid ringtones either (for when it actually rings...which is maybe twice a month).

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Bhockzer

September 23, 2009 3:35 PM

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@Ihaveasmartpuppy: I purposefully have ring-tones that, while not being relatively loud, are incredibly embarrassing to explain if somebody asks what it was. I subscribe to the idea that having an embarrassing ring-tone loudly sound off from your pocket makes you answer the phone quicker. There's nothing I hate more than people who let their phone ring more than once before they answer it, especially when they're in a restaurant.

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nybiker

September 25, 2009 4:43 AM

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@Bhockzer: I just watched the new CBS show with Julianna Marguiles and her character's cell phone has some really annoying ring-tones. She answered them pretty quick (she also explained them by saying that her daughter programmed her phone with them, which was true).

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jonmason1977

September 23, 2009 2:55 PM

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@Pibbs: Ditto - i keep my voice low, get to the point and get off the line. I literally cannot understand how people can walk around a store for an hour talking at full volume on their phone about mindless shit without feeling a hint of self consciousness...

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Rectilinear Propagation

September 23, 2009 3:13 PM

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@jonmason1977: What I don't get is that no one complains when someone is yakking a full volume to the person standing next to them.

I don't see why one is annoying and the other isn't especially since you hear the other side of the conversation when the other person is there.

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Katxyz

September 23, 2009 3:52 PM

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@Rectilinear Propagation:

Honestly, I think very few people talk as loudly in a real life conversation as they do on the cell phone. I know several people who talk in a perfectly normal tone in real life and then screech into the cell phone so that I have to pull it away from my ear when I'm talking to them on it, or leave the room when they're on the phone.
It's a weird phenomenon, but when people speak at that volume in a \"regular\" conversation it's just as annoying as on the cell phone. It's not as common.

In my experience, Moms are one of the worst victims of the normal-volume-speaking-voice-appallingly-loud-cellphone-voice affliction.

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September 23, 2009 6:15 PM

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@Katxyz: That's actually a technology problem. Land lines used to loop back your mic into the ear piece so you didn't speak as loudly. Cell phones originally didn't do that, so if your brain didn't pick up on that muted loop back of you speaking, it would think that the other person couldn't hear and it would make your voice louder to compensate. The people that do that in public, they might just be hard of hearing. Or like me, I grew up around a half-deaf grandfather and I was very active in theater, so I talk very loudly and project. But like other commenters, I don't talk on my cell in public places.

What I can't stand is the freaking loud chime of an iPhone text message! I can sit in a busy bar and hear it dozens of times. Everyone within a 20' radius looks to see if it's theirs. Mine is Majel Roddenberry's voice, so the only one I know it's not is me. (There is an unnatural and very much planned saturation of iPhones here.)

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 6:22 PM

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@Tankueray: Mr. Pi and I both have iPhones, and we have friends who do as well. When we're all out together, and we hear that chime, we all look at our phones because we all have the same chime.

The reason for that is that the other chimes are really, really annoying. And I can't figure out how to add a chime to the list of noises you can use for texts.

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Rectilinear Propagation

September 23, 2009 4:16 PM

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Honestly, I think very few people talk as loudly in a real life conversation as they do on the cell phone.

@Katxyz: We definitely don't live in the same city.

I seen the 'louder on the cell' thing in action but I've been around plenty of people who feel the need to ramp up the volume even when the person is there. That or they're yelling across the store.

The volume problem happens enough in regular conversations that I don't see any reason to single out cell phone users. In fact, it was usually an in person conversation when I was riding the bus that was unnecessarily loud.

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 3:26 PM

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@Rectilinear Propagation: People who talk on their phones at normal or loud volume, listen closely. If you are standing next to or near me, I won't complain. I'll just listen very closely to your conversation and make fun of you to my friends. Via text message or email, of course. Me getting on the phone to make fun of you would not only violate the entire premise of me making fun of you, it would also make it difficult for me to hear your conversation.

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Rectilinear Propagation

September 23, 2009 3:59 PM

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@pecan 3.14159265: That doesn't answer my question. Do you make fun of the people standing next to you having their loud conversation in person?

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 4:35 PM

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@Rectilinear Propagation: Do I make it clear to the people that I'm making fun of them? Nope. Because it doesn't annoy me as much as it amuses me that they're acting like idiots in public.

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 2:54 PM

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@Pibbs: I am this way as well. All my friends know to not call me when I am on the bus or train as I wont talk (it would be hypocritical of me to blab away when I hate it when others do it). Nothing is that urgent that it can't wait until I am off the bus.

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September 23, 2009 3:32 PM

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@itiswhatitis: I was the same way- until I got chewed out by people I really can't afford to get on the wrong side of for being like that. Because where I live, I was practically the only person who didn't talk on the bus or subway.

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Pibbs

September 23, 2009 2:59 PM

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@itiswhatitis: @jonmason1977: I'm glad I'm not the only person in the world like this. Walking through the supermarket is mind-numbing when I see the woman in her mid-40's yammering on about something stupid while grabbing at every package of meat looking for the \"right\" one.

@Ihaveasmartpuppy:I do actually have customized ringtones made from mp3s for every person that calls me on a regular basis, that way I know if I can ignore it. But I keep them at a low level, and they aren't really obnoxious songs.

","","

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GMFish

September 23, 2009 2:52 PM

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Larry Winget I love you and want to have your baby. If I was of child bearing age. Or gender. Which I'm not.

2 replies

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SybilDisobedience

September 23, 2009 9:49 PM

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@GMFish: I am. I'll take up the call for you. Then you and I and Larry Winget will live together and raise the politest baby in the land! It will make a hilarious sitcom!

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September 23, 2009 3:26 PM

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@GMFish: Tease.

","

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JuliB

September 23, 2009 2:54 PM

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I play air cop when I fly (which is a lot). The worst thing is when the flight attendants don't back you up if you notice something against the rules. (Like the woman who didn't understand enough English to be in the exit row...)

3 replies

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September 23, 2009 6:08 PM

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@JuliB: Ugh, they allowed my friends the exit rows on a flight to THAILAND, when they were clearly beyond drunk. They were later cut off from the alcohol cart on the plane and still next to me in the exit row.

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clickertrainer

September 23, 2009 6:06 PM

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@JuliB: Or the flight attendant who refused to back me up when I objected to the girl next to me putting her legs on my lap so she could stretch out. Yeah, I know what you are thinking, it was kind of unbelievable but it really happened on my third worst flight of all time. (American AL -- and come to think of, all my worst flights were on American!)

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September 23, 2009 4:15 PM

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@JuliB: But it has nice pictograms!

","","

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Brazell

September 23, 2009 2:54 PM

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Hahahaha, great story. I voted for \"Seethe,\" just because one of my best ways to make friends is to collectively make fun of someone else who everybody doesn't like.

","","

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 2:55 PM

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I think it depends a little on the situation. If it's something that isn't actually bothering a lot of people, just you, that's your problem and you're less likely to have support from the people around you. If it's something that a lot of people are annoyed about, you can count on maybe one or two people nodding or at least acknowledging that they're also peeved.

3 replies

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September 23, 2009 5:54 PM

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@pecan 3.14159265: It also depends on how soon it'll go away on its own. If the plane in question were getting ready to take off, I wouldn't bother, as she'd be hanging up soon enough anyway.

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Etoiles

September 23, 2009 3:14 PM

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@pecan 3.14159265: There's also the case of not wanting to be at the center of an altercation. If I'm on the Metro and it's me and a little old lady in the car, and then four large, loud, aggravating teenagers get on and start shouting, throwing food around, swearing, shoving, etc., I'm going to make it a priority to get the hell out of there first and then complain to someone else.

But if someone's bag keeps whacking me? I'll ask them nicely to shift or to take it off.

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 3:30 PM

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@Etoiles: I have issues with loud teens, too, even if they're not on the same car as me. I never have any clue whether they're laughing, fighting, or what, and since it seems like every day someone's getting shot at a Metro station and there aren't any metal detectors at any of the stations, I usually make it a goal to locate where the noise is coming from, and get out of the way. My concern is never that I'm going to complain and get embroiled in the problem, but that if it really is some kind of altercation, it may escalate and spill out - toward wherever I am, and that's a problem.

","","","

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milkcake

September 23, 2009 2:56 PM

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This story reminds me of this article I read long time ago. A man took out a gun and shot a person in a movie theater because he was talking so loud.

5 replies

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September 23, 2009 4:39 PM

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@milkcake: It was at the Riverview (aka near the IKEA), in Philadelphia.

[www.phillymobile.com]

Or maybe there's more than one instance of this?

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Traveshamockery

September 23, 2009 3:53 PM

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@milkcake: He got what was coming to him. Talkers in movies deserve a quick death. Texters deserve a slow painful one.

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DefineStatutory

September 23, 2009 4:55 PM

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@Traveshamockery:

oh the texters. Of all thenasshole moves, that's the one that reeeeeally bugs me. Sit in the fourth row, shining your iphone shaped flashlight back at everyone.

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jwissick

September 23, 2009 8:24 PM

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@DefineStatutory: That's what laser pointers are good for. Shine the laser on the phone's screen and it REALLY gets the point across. Everytime I do this, it gets a good laugh and the texter NEVER opens the phone again... infact no one ever does again in the theater who is behind the first victim.

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Lauchlin

September 23, 2009 5:00 PM

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@DefineStatutory: It never even occurred to me that it would bother someone if I held my phone in my lap and sent someone a text message during a movie. What bothers people about that? The light reflecting on my face?

I guess I'll have to be more careful about that in the future.

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jwissick

September 23, 2009 8:26 PM

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@Lauchlin: If you MUST text, then do it from inside an opaque bag... so that only YOU can see the screen. The light in a dark theater is most annoying.

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September 23, 2009 9:03 PM

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@jwissick: Amen. PLEASE don't text during a movie, people. Even with the sound off. The light is distracting.

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 5:14 PM

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@Lauchlin: Most people don't do that. Most people hold it up to near their face, and it's very, very bright.

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squinko

September 23, 2009 5:31 PM

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@pecan 3.14159265: And a lot of them don't turn off the sound either.

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Lauchlin

September 23, 2009 4:49 PM

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@Traveshamockery: Texters? What bugs you about that? The light?

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 4:05 PM

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@Traveshamockery: Shepard Book says there's a special level of hell reserved for theater talkers.

","

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GMFish

September 23, 2009 2:57 PM

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I was in a movie theater and the woman behind me kept yapping. I finally turned around and asked her to stop talking.

She replied,

I paid for my ticket so I can do anything I want.

I replied,

If you bothered to read the back of your ticket, you'd know that talking is not allowed.

She still kept talking. So I get an usher. He moved her and her family to the very back row where they could talk without bothering anyone.

3 replies

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It's not my baby, baby!

September 23, 2009 3:39 PM

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@GMFish: I had the same thing happen to me! I just happened to notice that they didn't have a drink or any snacks, so I \"accidentally\" spilled my Pepsi on their lap! I then said, \"I can also do whatever I want.\"

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Pibbs

September 23, 2009 3:01 PM

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@GMFish: If I worked in that movie theater (I did work as an usher for over a year), they would have been gone in an instant. Go argue with the manager all you like, 1 person is not more important than 150.

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shadowkahn

September 23, 2009 6:38 PM

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I dimly recall that back in the 80's and before, people who were disrupting the movie were kicked out. That doesn't seem to happen much any more. the \"ushers\" just take your tickets and halfassedly sweep the theater between movies.

","

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katia802

September 23, 2009 2:58 PM

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My biggest pet peeve is people who take up the handicapped seats on the bus. Especially now that my husband does need to sit (recent severe back injury, now using a cane). I can understand women with small children, but not 18-*20 yr olds, perfectly healthy, with their little butts planted in the seat and studiously ignoring the elderly lady with the walker as she struggles to stay upright in the moving bus. I have no problem speaking politely, then raising my voice to insure the entire bus knows what inconsiderate jerks they are. Never any physical fights, but a lot of thank yous from bus drivers.

13 replies

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September 23, 2009 4:47 PM

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@katia802: In a perverse way, you're lucky. Where I lived in America (in Tennessee), this problem didn't exist because at any given moment there would never be a bus with even half its seats full. Even with buses coming only once every half-hour or less. So there's no incentive to make buses run more frequently, which makes it too inconvenient for me to not have a car there, which means one less person on the bus, which means the company has no incentive to make the bus run more frequently, etc.
I really hated that. I now live in China, where this problem doesn't exist either due to frequent government propaganda campaigns to stomp out this problem. And the buses run frequently enough to be of use to me. And there are over 1000 routes so I can get from anywhere to anywhere in the city by public transportation alone.

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September 23, 2009 5:57 PM

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@jamar0303: I really miss mass transit done right. Some of the bus routes in my suburb have to to hourly schedules, making them even more inconvienient.

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Mary

September 23, 2009 4:42 PM

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@katia802: I hope that you politely ask people first before you get angry with them.

When I'm on public transit, I don't fight for seats or anything unless I'm feeling bad or my bad knee is acting up. But since I go from one end of the line to another, I often am already seated when the crowds start. By that point, I'm usually lost in a book or a game, or just zoned out and staring out windows. I might even have my eyes closed. I'm usually not sitting and avoiding people's eyes to keep my seat, I'm just really exhausted and don't pay attention to anything outside my personal little sphere.

But on more than one occasion when people have asked politely, I've happily vacated for them. Sometimes I notice, and sometimes if my stop is coming up soon I'll just stand up anyway an offer my seat to whoever is closest.

I look a lot younger than I am, a lot of people have mistaken me for a high school student, especially since I carry a bookbag. So I know some people have probably thought I was some seflish, self-centered little brat but in the end, I actually have a lot of health problems and I'm just an exhausted wage slave and grad student trying to get home.

Moral of the story: please just ask. If people refuse after you ask politely, and don't offer up some sort of reason, then they're jerks. But I've noticed on public transit the big culprit is ennui.

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katia802

September 23, 2009 4:57 PM

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@Meiran: Personally, I feel rudeness should be a capitol offense. I always ask nicely first, then get loud and nasty if ignored or treated rudely. Hubby just puts his cane on the rude one's toe and leans on the turns. Working on getting him to stop that one

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 3:53 PM

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@katia802: The wost example of this that I have ever witnessed happened earlier this year, and it was shocking. It was rush hour, and I'm standing at the Metro platform, waiting for the train.

By the time it comes, the crowd is about six people deep and more people join the crowd as we start boarding. In the first three \"rows,\" there's an older gentleman with a cane. I'm in the fifth \"row\" of the crowd. After the doors open and people step out, the crowd begins to surge forward. He walks in, and even though I'm pretty far back, I hear him announce that he's handicapped (not that it isn't opbvious).

It's orderly at first, but around the time the seventh or eighth \"row\" of people get into the car, it becomes clear that there is no more room for dispersion. People are packed in there, and there's no way of getting more space. But these people, it's like a crazy mob mentality took over, and they kept going forward, even though it was obvious that there was nowhere to go. People started complaining and shouting, and they kept pushing. Well, guess what happens? Yeah, the guy with the cane falls down because no one got up to offer him a seat, and he got stuck standing up, at least until the crazy mob decided to push.

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thisistobehelpful

September 23, 2009 3:37 PM

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@katia802: I was one of those 18 year olds that would stand up. I have on more than one occasion confronted rude people as politely as possible, usually when they are being extremely obnoxious to a clerk or something. It generally doesn't end well for me and stupidly I keep doing it.

As far as the seat thing goes, I found that if you stood closer and closer to them they eventually got up. Also my friend would solve the problem of people not moving or standing too close in line by farting on purpose. That definitely gets butts out of seats. Tell more old people to fart.

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Burning pakalolo not even noticing the weather

September 23, 2009 3:23 PM

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@katia802: when I had knee surgery 6 months ago you would be amazed how many people on the subway would not give up their seat for me (or look away so they can play ignorant,which was pretty tough considering I had a crutches and a full knee brace- from ankle to upper thigh). I had some bus drivers and conductors force people to get up for me.

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September 23, 2009 4:13 PM

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@itiswhatitis: The bus drivers here are pretty aggressive about forcing people to get up, as well as forcing the people standing to move all the way back so those of us standing in the front aren't super crowded. Then again, the driver is sitting about 18 inches from the handicapped seats, so s/he can tell when there's a problem.

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Rectilinear Propagation

September 23, 2009 3:18 PM

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@katia802: Even worse are the people who sit in the middle and then either fling their legs apart as far as possible (always a guy) or decide that the small item they're carrying needs it's own seat.

I'll offer my seat to someone who's elderly, injured, disabled, or a mom with a baby. A couple of times I've embarrassed someone in the handicap section into getting up and letting them sit there.

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nybiker

September 25, 2009 4:55 AM

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@Rectilinear Propagation: Here in NYC, the law actually specifies one person, one seat. It may not get enforced on buses, though as I've never seen a uniformed police officer on a bus. And I doubt any undercover officer would decide to it's worth it to give you a summons for doing so.

As for the spread legs, well, it happens. I like to think that I don't block any seats; and if the bus is getting full, I try to ensure I don't.

One of my pet peeves is when someone decides to sit between me and someone else just because there's a cut-out of a seat on the subway. Let's face it; we (and I include myself in there) have gotten larger as we've aged. By squeezing in (and then attempting to read a paper with your arms outstretched) you're only making it uncomfortable for all of us.

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CFinWV

September 23, 2009 3:16 PM

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@katia802: To be fair, handicapped status does not have to be visually apparent nor is it based on age. There are plenty of young adults with chronic pain or other ailments who may or may not need a cane or other visible device who are in fact legally handicapped.

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katia802

September 23, 2009 4:54 PM

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@CFinWV: On that note, I have a very bad back, chronic pain from it, arthritis in both knees and hips, and I still get up and allow someone who's having more trouble than me sit down in my place. I'll still call an inconsiderate jerk out for this.

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Lauchlin

September 23, 2009 4:53 PM

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@CFinWV: I was one of those young adults with chronic pain, but I used to stand up anyway because I knew everyone would be looking at me, thinking I was an asshole for sitting when there were elderly people without a seat.

","","","

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September 23, 2009 3:01 PM

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This is why I don't go to arenas, stadia, or shopping malls any longer. The view of the event at home is better; concession stand is stocked only with stuff I like to eat; also much cheaper. The bathrooms are clean and not crowded. If the game is lousy TV Land is a click away.

I do all my shopping online. Everything! Cars, shoes, houses, mortgages, oh yea, the TV too.

5 replies

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h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes

September 23, 2009 4:43 PM

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@randyfeldman: I work a second job in the mall. I am reminded for 18 hours a week why I don't like going to malls. Keeps me from venturing out into one every few months and spending money, though.

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 5:37 PM

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@h3llc4t has a slow work day: The only thing I really hate at malls are slow people. There is a flow of traffic, people. Don't stop in front of others to talk. For some reason, we get a lot of tourists at our Tysons and Pentagon City malls, and on the weekends, they're stopping in the middle of the path, they're oohing and ahhing, and window browsing, and arrrrrgh!

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nybiker

September 25, 2009 4:58 AM

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@pecan 3.14159265: Hey, come to NYC and hang out in Times Square. I don't know, they're just a bunch of buildings.

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ShariC

September 24, 2009 10:44 AM

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@pecan 3.14159265: Boy, you'd hate Tokyo. People are always stopping dead in their tracks or walking like inebriated slugs. In a city with a lot of narrow spaces, there's no getting around them either.

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September 23, 2009 4:18 PM

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@randyfeldman: Sounds like you need some of the country living, get out of the city!

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September 23, 2009 3:57 PM

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@randyfeldman: I agree but you have to get out sometimes to you know, walk around so you don't get fat. I go to retail stores and malls but I walk out empty handed more often than not. I just don't like the selection of products offered in retail stores and many products are just too expensive to buy. Online stores offer a much wider and better selection of things so I can find exactly what I want, instead of settling for something that is overpriced and just so-so. You can always browse in the store and come home and buy your stuff online later too, most often for a cheaper price than in the stores.

I prefer to shop for shoes in person however I only go to stores where its self service so I don't have to bother the clerk so I can try on as many pairs as I want.

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September 23, 2009 3:31 PM

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@randyfeldman: while not ideal, being a hermit suits me just fine. Society is becoming increasingly hostile, rude, selfish and downright ridiculous. Going out only increases my stress, blood pressure and negativity levels. no thank you. Plus I save gas money!

","","

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picardia

September 23, 2009 3:03 PM

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I've spoken up sometimes, but only when the rudeness was really egregious. Sometimes it's just not worth it, or the irritation doesn't last long enough to merit the kerfluffle. The last time I spoke up was when these people were talking very loudly in front of me in the movie \"Kinsey.\" Not so great a movie, but still, the dialogue in the seats in front of me was no better. Then they got to the first guy/guy kissing scene, and the man in the couple in front of me began loudly declaring how gross it was. It was stadium seating, so I stood up, leaned way over him and \"You need to shut up. NOW.\" They shut up. After the movie, he shot me dirty looks and was clearly muttering to his girlfriend in an aggrieved fashion, but my only regret was not dumping my Coke down his back.

","

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FixinTo

September 23, 2009 3:07 PM

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The protagonist on Breaking Bad handled a seriously obnoxious cellphone user by blowing up the jerk's little sports car. If the Breaking Bad episode had been shown in a theater, the audience would have given that scene a standing ovation.

1 replies

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September 23, 2009 4:15 PM

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@FixinTo: I think I need to start watching Breaking Bad!

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September 23, 2009 3:08 PM

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Polite confrontation NEVER works for me - if I ask \"could you please keep it down\" I usually get a dirty look and they talk louder.

Maybe the surprise that comes from a snarky remark is what gets the desired response??

@TheWillow: On one flight I had the SAME person a) grab the back of my seat for leverage while I was sipping my coffee so that it spilled on my neck (and it was HOT) and b) dropped his suitcase on my head as he was getting it out of the overhead. Both times I shouted loudly in pain and both times he SHH'D me! The second time he shh'd me everyone was standing up and saw what happened so I loudly said, \"I think the words you MEANT to say were, excuse me, I'm sorry, is your HEAD ok?\" His wife then slapped him upside the head so I felt better, but he didn't say a word...we even stood next to each other at baggage claim and he never uttered a single apology.

I had a blister and a lump for a few days, too...

2 replies

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September 23, 2009 4:44 PM

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@burnedout: This worry - that I'll just get a dirty look and they'll keep chattering away, perhaps even louder - keeps me from saying anything. But then I just sit there and seethe and get very, very annoyed.

This happened to me on two separate long train ride recently. First, the woman right in front of me was on her cellphone for more than an hour. On the way back, two college students were talking across the aisle for 2 hours about their fraternities' hazing (they were in different schools and catching up). They were speaking quite loudly - and were directly behind me.

So aggravating - I wish I had said something. But what? I'm leaning towards just jumping into the conversation and seeing what happens.

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September 23, 2009 3:37 PM

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@burnedout: You are accurate in your observation. The guy from the NYT article has a slightly scary appearance and could probably get away with more than most...

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September 23, 2009 3:11 PM

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I was in a movie theater once and there was a teenage girl sitting behind me (I'm in my early 20s at this point) who described the ENTIRE movie to the person sitting next to her - and no, her friend was not blind. I had seen the movie before so I was more amused than anything, but I ended up taking a kind of passive-agressive approach when I left.

As we were exiting the theater I said to the girl I was with (loudly) \"You know what I hate? I hate it when people talk through an entire movie - especially when they're describing the movie to the person sitting next to them.\" At this point her boyfriend decided to defend her honor and turned around to confront the middle of my chest. I'm fairly big, and in pretty good shape. He stood there dumbfounded for a moment with his mouth slightly open and hurried out of the theater. Made the whole thing worth it.

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gabrewer

September 23, 2009 3:15 PM

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I've know a number of \"loud\" people in my life, my wife being one of them (which is kind of funny since she's a short, little petite person). I've often found that they have hearing problems and don't even comprehend how loud they are. Then they are somewhat taken aback when confronted, so a \"gentle touch\" may be called for.

On a related thought, I do not fly very often, but when I do I never seem to experience any of the horrible service issues you read about in forums such as this. Perhaps I've just been lucky, or maybe my expectations are not that high. I generally think the flight attendents and crew are doing the best that they can. I have more of a problem with passengers who seem to get on a plane with a determination to be as difficult as they can be -- bringing on luggage that should have been checked, stuffing it in the first overhead compartment they come to instead of proceeding to their own seat, and blocking the aisle while doing so. Then once airborne, they are continually getting their luggage down and putting it back as they \"need\" something in it. And generally, becuase these are often \"frequent flyers\" they seem to think they \"royalty\" and are complaining nonstop about something the flight attendants are or are not doing.

I guess for me, flying somewhere ocassionally is a treat in itself; I find very little to complain about.

1 replies

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September 24, 2009 1:54 AM

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@gabrewer: I agree about flight attendants - I've had a couple of impolite crew members, but to be fair it was usually during high-stress days (Christmas Eve, snowstorms, etc). No, I'm talking about passengers who just can't be nice to the people around them.

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September 23, 2009 3:17 PM

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you, sir or madam, are amazing.

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johnva

September 23, 2009 3:26 PM

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Americans are just particularly inconsiderate of the strangers around them. When I was in Japan you just DID NOT talk on the cellphone on the train or bus (the few times I ever saw people do that, they looked embarrassed, spoke in a whisper, and got off of it very quickly. You could always go to designate cellphone areas if you really needed to talk, or (much more often) you could just text instead.

I don't know why we're so rude about it here, but a lot of Americans act like it's their unimpeachable right to be an inconsiderate ass. It's about time the pendulum swung the other way on that. I don't care about \"decorum\", but I would like some consideration.

5 replies

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h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes

September 23, 2009 4:48 PM

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@johnva: I remember flying back to the States after living in Kanazawa and Tokyo for 6 months. I got onto the plane in an airport full of polite, calm travelers. I got off the plane and the first conversation I had in English was when a man called me a stupid bitch for not pulling my luggage cart out of the corral quickly enough.
Welcome back to the States, h3llc4t.

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johnva

September 23, 2009 6:15 PM

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@h3llc4t has a slow work day: My first experience back in the U.S. was similar, only it was Detroit TSA screeners with submoron-level IQs. They seemed to believe the appropriate response when an elderly person tried to tell them they didn't speak English was to just yell the same thing, only louder.

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September 23, 2009 11:58 PM

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@johnva: Yep. It seems to be a cultural issue, though with the TSA it just may be that they hire from the bottom of the barrel.

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September 23, 2009 3:42 PM

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@johnva: Yes, but lots of Japanese men grope women on trains, to the point that there are female-only cars in Tokyo. Loud cell phone talkers bug me, but not as much as sexual assault...

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September 23, 2009 4:18 PM

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@secret_curse:
Actually, no there aren't a lot of gropers. It is known to happen, but I have never seen it and have only been two degrees removed from it (an employee's daughter had to deal with a serial groper who targeted her, before a sting was set up to catch the perp0.

Similar to rapes known to happen on American trains....known to happen in the US, but you've never seen it it.

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Laines

September 23, 2009 4:33 PM

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@RevancheRM: Your one personal experience does not erase the official response:

[www.telegraph.co.uk]

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September 23, 2009 8:21 PM

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@Laines: Copy that: rapes happen on trains in the US all the time. I'll ley my mother know that US trains aren't safe.

/snarky

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Laines

September 24, 2009 5:07 AM

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@RevancheRM: Snark only applies if you are disproving the point. You were going for \"sneer\" there, aka \"I don't like that you argued my opinion with facts.\" Thanks for playing & enjoy your day

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johnva

September 23, 2009 3:54 PM

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@secret_curse: True, very true.

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September 23, 2009 3:31 PM

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A woman did this in a theater once. She answered her phone, walked down to the side of the room and started talking loudly into her phone. The whole theater could hear her. I told her that everyone could hear her and she hung up and then started bitching to her friend about me. Typical peoples!

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qcgallus

September 23, 2009 3:32 PM

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I'd rather jot the number down, head to a college campus or bar, and put \"For a good time call...\" on a nice bathroom stall.

25% discount if you mention the flight number?

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brettt

September 23, 2009 3:33 PM

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and then she shot me in the face.

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lehrdude

September 23, 2009 3:35 PM

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I've always dreamed of one day owning a cell-phone jammer that not only blocks annoying people from receiving a signal, but that could fry every electronic piece in the phone making it useless...

2 replies

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gabrewer

September 23, 2009 3:41 PM

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@lehrdude: I've always wondered if the military in fact has a device like that. It certainly isn't beyond the scope of current technology.

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September 23, 2009 5:12 PM

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@gabrewer: They do exist. It's just illegal to interfere with signals, no company can sell such a device to the public.

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Rectilinear Propagation

September 23, 2009 3:39 PM

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Larry, you are awesome.

Since the poll said what we 'should' do I picked politely say something but I rarely do.

Group of people coming in the opposite direction won't make room on the sidewalk? I just stop walking. They can't tell me to watch where I'm going if I'm not going anywhere. They'll go around if you stand your ground.

Breathing down my neck in the self check-out? Why, you must be wondering how this machine works. Don't worry, I'll go really, really slow so you can see each step. I can't help you with the card reader though; I'm covering that up.

I have started saying something if someone is kicking my seat in a movie theater. For some reason talking isn't an issue in the theater closest to me.

1 replies

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September 23, 2009 6:14 PM

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@Rectilinear Propagation: I do the \"stop walking\" thing. It's a neat trick, because I think it really is psychological--you're suddenly a stationary obstacle and not traffic. It's not confrontational, and it's really effective.

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Wang_Chung_Tonight

September 23, 2009 3:49 PM

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I follow the army rule-punish everyone.
If someone is peeving me off I just rip a nice long SBD.
this is also a good tactic to get those two seats together that they gave you apart, or if you just want that annoying dude next to you to stop talking.

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moore850

September 23, 2009 3:51 PM

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Here's the thing: people are nuts. No matter how polite you think you are being, if the other person is nuts, you have now put yourself onto their radar. This may cause you to be the subject of days, weeks, months, etc. of harassment of all kinds. I highly recommend giving people the widest berth possible unless they are in direct violation of the law in a way that would be harmful to others and you have direct access to law enforcement. They are authorized to step in, you unfortunately are not. Among the things you could be subjected to besides regular ol' harassment is a tedious and expensive (and futile) lawsuit.

2 replies

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h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes

September 23, 2009 4:32 PM

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@moore850: Yes, people are absolutely insane. I am very conscious of how I behave on airplanes; people generally don't like to be there, and with that many strangers around, you're bound to get at least a few crazies. I was taking a flight when I was 16 and struck up a conversation with my seatmate. I kept my voice barely above a whisper for 5-6 minutes as we chatted during the wait on the tarmac. The third person in the seat snapped \"Will you two idiot girls shut up? People are trying to have a QUIET, PEACEFUL flight.\" Luckily my seatmate's mother was sitting two rows behind us, and had a few choice words for Sandypanties McGee. Ah, the joys of people.

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 4:47 PM

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@h3llc4t has a slow work day: Is Sandypanties McGee related to Eyebrows McGee?

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The Porkchop Express

September 23, 2009 5:02 PM

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@pecan 3.14159265: No they're northern Iowa McGees

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h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes

September 23, 2009 5:01 PM

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@pecan 3.14159265: Estranged lost cousin maybe? I dunno, if I were Eyebrows I wouldn't be too hasty to claim Sandypanties. Hopefully it's just a coincidence.

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September 23, 2009 3:51 PM

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There have been studies on this subject, (don't have a reference handy), but basically the more people that are witness to bad behaviour, the fewer chances there are of anyone actually doing anything about it.

Peer Pressure is very powerful and if someone is doing something you may think is socially or morally or even criminally unacceptable, you are just not going to do anything about it if everyone else appears to \"accept\" the behaviour. That and you also figure that someone else would \"do something\" if it was that serious.

One of the studies involved a woman who was assaulted on a street with many onlookers, no one did anything. They all thought \"someone else\" would call the police or intervene.

also- most people do not like to \"rock the boat\" or are afraid of any sort of confrontation. Personally I am not that sort of person, I will call someone out on their bullshit and generally they do NOT like it when someone calls them on their BS. They get all defensive and even more obnoxious because they are used to being left alone to do what they want.

3 replies

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September 23, 2009 4:51 PM

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@microcars: You're probably thinking of the tragic death of Kitty Genovese, in NYC in 1964. Unfortunately, that's not an example of the bystander effect; it seems the myth of people standing around and doing nothing was created by police speculation (which wasn't actually true).

There weren't a lot of people around (they were in their homes, asleep, with windows shut).

The 2 people who did hear something immediately called the police.

More information:
[www.onthemedia.org]
[www.mindhacks.com]

However, the bystander effect does exist - but it's unclear if that's what takes place on planes, trains, busses, etc. The key is whether or not the individuals in the place feel that they are a group. Without the group, there is no bystander effect - just a collection of individuals.

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September 23, 2009 7:47 PM

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@oneandone: I think there's also a fear of authority and wanting anonymity... A few times I have called the authorities to report something and they question me on the phone like I'm the perpetrator. I am not a criminal, but I feel like the line of questioning they give me they will come to my house and count all my downloaded songs or something.

Or, there have been a few times when I do fully cooperate and wait around to be a witness and the police never show.

When seconds count, the cops are only minutes away?

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September 23, 2009 9:00 PM

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@Tankueray: I think you're right - and it only takes one situation with someone deciding to do the right thing and getting rebuffed (like what happened to you) for them to decide that, next time, it's not worth it.

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September 23, 2009 4:20 PM

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@microcars: Yep, it's called \"bystander effect\". The more people present, the less likely any one individual is to take action.

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DriverB

September 23, 2009 3:53 PM

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I normally WANT to say something, but unfortunately I have learned not to. :(
I was in a sushi restaurant with my husband and another couple. There was a family with two small children at the front table, and two dudes at the counter. Only about 20 seats total, the place is quite small. This was our regular spot and we knew the staff was extremely polite and friendly. One of the dudes at the bar was clearly pretty drunk and he got on the phone with his credit card company, swearing up a storm about how much money he had and how DARE they deny his transaction. Everyone could hear him and the kids looked pretty scared. His douchebag friend apparently just thought it was funny. When he finally paused and looked around the restaurant, I said, \"Excuse me, but maybe you could take your conversation outside?\" He proceeded to threaten me and my party, and I felt way worse than if I had just put up with his constant f-bombs. :(

3 replies

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 4:07 PM

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@DriverB: They could have probably called the cops, as he was drunk and could have started an altercation at any time, even without throwing a punch.

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September 23, 2009 4:19 PM

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@pecan 3.14159265: yep, drunk and disorderly...what a douchbag...

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DriverB

September 23, 2009 3:54 PM

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@DriverB: They finally left a few minutes later. Unfortunately the staff was scared of the guy.

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thrashanddestroy

September 23, 2009 4:00 PM

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I'm a fairly quiet person, despite years of being \"that asshole\" teenager who did things for shock value. I try keeping this brief when using my cell phone in public and I try to keep the volume of my voice at a respectable level.

My girlfriend and best friend, however, they both seem to have trouble understanding the concept. The little missus will loudly talk in public places, usually raising the volume of her voice the longer the conversation goes. The best friend? Even worse. He'll just drone on about pointless topics with absolutely NO idea that he's basically yelling into his phone regardless of where we are. Hell, he even attempts to order food or pay cashiers in mid-conversation, my most hated of pet peeves. Its embarrassing to be around, really.

2 replies

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September 23, 2009 7:54 PM

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@thrashanddestroy: I found that what fixed my wagon was a bluetooth headset. Without a phone to my head, I don't have an excuse. People may not see the headset and will stare strangely or respond to my conversation. Now I really try not to use my phone in public, because I'll either talk too loud or look like a self-important bitch on her headset.

Ever been in the bathroom when someone in the stall next to you is on their phone and you start answering their questions? Headsets can produce the same results.

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l951b951

September 23, 2009 4:21 PM

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@thrashanddestroy: Talk to them about it. You're a bad friend if you let them act like jackasses without calling them on it.

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Hate_Brian_Club_I'mNotOnlyThePresidentI'mAClient

September 23, 2009 4:06 PM

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As far as I can tell, the reason people feel like they can be rude is because they do it enough without being confronted. If more people spoke out without being worried about *gasp* being yelled at by this already inconsiderate person, the world would be a more bearable place.

Months ago while walking across a bridge in downtown Chicago someone poked me with an umbrella and scratched my face, said nothing and when I said \"EXCUSE ME\" the man looked at me like I wasn't worth his time, so I threw his umbrella in the river.

3 replies

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September 24, 2009 2:05 AM

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@Hate_Brian_Club_I'mNotOnlyThePresidentI'mAClient: AWESOME!

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September 23, 2009 4:22 PM

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@Hate_Brian_Club_I'mNotOnlyThePresidentI'mAClient: Bravo! I think that was actually a decent solution to the situation.

@thrashanddestroy: That is also my pet peeve. From both sides of the counter. If I am standing there and waiting to check out and the phone rings, by all means answer it...BUT put them on hold and take care of the person right in front of you. I have, on a couple of occasions, actually left what I was going to buy dumped all over the counter in front of the person being so disrespectful to me, the customer. In addition, if I receive a call while they are checking me out? I don't answer it. There is plenty of time to call them back when someone else isn't needing my attention to do their job properly.

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RecordStoreToughGuy_starcommandseries.com

September 23, 2009 8:30 PM

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@crymson777: Were they answering their celphone, or the store phone? If the latter, they might not have a choice, but still a bad store policy.

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September 23, 2009 4:07 PM

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This is the greatest story ever.

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Bob Lu

September 23, 2009 4:07 PM

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Cuz someone may get all crazy and hurt people. I may get hurt or killed, which is far from the worst case scenario.

If someone ELSE get hurt or killed because of I confronted this crazy person, someone will sue my ass off, for I am not a trained professional authorized confronting rude airplane passengers.

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bobateaforyouandme

September 23, 2009 4:11 PM

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I was studying quietly in a corner of the memorial union at my college and another girl was also silently reading, when this jerk and his friend come up with the newspaper and stand in the area loudly talking about some idiotic crap he just read. I cleared my throat a couple times then stood up and said that there were plenty of other places in this building where they could go and chat. He got all defensive, saying something about a \"free country\" but his friend pulled on his arm and said \"Let's go.\" I couldn't believe that guy. I turned to the girl and asked if I had been in the wrong and she shook her head no (but she had also ignored the situation rather than backing me up).

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Foodie92

September 23, 2009 4:18 PM

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I think when you call someone out on being rude, you have to be very careful when you're rebuffing them. Along the lines of two wrongs don't make a right...someone else's rudeness does not necessarily warrant your returning their rudeness with your own. That makes you a particpant in the behavior you supposedly loathe.

1 replies

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September 23, 2009 6:17 PM

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@Foodie92: Seconded. And it makes the issue who's going to win, rather than politeness. And if you do won, you've then won a rudeness contest. Swell.

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September 23, 2009 4:19 PM

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Kevin Spacey was acting on Broadway when a guy in the first row answered his cell. Spacey jumped off the stage, grabbed the cell out of the guy's hand, said to the caller, \"He's busy, he'll call you back,\" and turned the cell off. Brilliant.

4 replies

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September 23, 2009 8:44 PM

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@stormbird: I was a bookseller during college. When a customer was on a cell phone at checkout, my coworker would wave the next customer behind them forward and tell the person with the phone, \"I can see you're busy. I'll ring you up when you're done with the phone!\"

She could get away with it because she was a charming older lady. I never had the nerve because management probably would've canned me for the same phrase.

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RecordStoreToughGuy_starcommandseries.com

September 23, 2009 5:07 PM

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@stormbird: I've heard stories of actors bringing the play to a complete halt until the rude person gets off their cel phone. This is how it should be, really. If that person is acting as if they are more important than the performance and the rest of the peopple who came to see it, then by all means, treat them that way, and let them deal with the animosity it earns them.

I personally wouldn't grab the phone out of his hand, but I would call the entire audience's attention to him. It's fun being the one on stage, sometimes.

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The Porkchop Express

September 23, 2009 5:10 PM

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@RecordStoreToughGuy_Is_Ista_Licious: I saw a comedian do that..can't remember who though. May have been Stephen Lynch.

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 5:10 PM

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@RecordStoreToughGuy_Is_Ista_Licious: I've had professors that stop class very quietly. When they notice someone is on their cell phone (said person is usually in the back), the prof would stop talking, raise his hand so that people would know there was a reason for it, and he'd just stand and stare at the person talking on their phone.

One of professors who had hawk eyes would take the phone and have a conversation with the person on the other end. There's nothing like public humiliation to snap someone out of their rudeness.

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September 24, 2009 2:10 AM

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@pecan 3.14159265: I have a rule that if a phone rings in my class I get to answer it. I've talked to girlfriends, parents (who were SERIOUSLY embarrassed), roommates, and bill collectors. One time I was presenting a mass lecture (500+ attendance) and my regular students deliberately arranged for a phone to ring in the middle of it to see what I'd do.

I also do one of two things when students are texting or playing with their PDAs - if I'm teaching, I just walk over and confiscate it. If another student is presenting (I teach a speech class) then I just knock 10 points off the miscreant's presentation grade. They figure out pretty quick that it's ALWAYS noticed and not ok.

I even showed a video of Eric Cantor texting during Obama's speech and said if he were in MY class he would have been asked to leave...lol.

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September 23, 2009 4:21 PM

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Where was this article when I needed it this morning on the bus??

I always think bc other people aren't speaking up, they're not as bothered by it as I am. hmmm. This article puts it in a new perspective. On the other hand, I'm worried that the offending party will get angry and just speak even more obnoxiously on the phone to further get on my nerves...

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jpdanzig

September 23, 2009 4:28 PM

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These cellphone yakkers are some of the worst offenders against public decorum. My gym has a \"no cell phone\" policy, but that doesn't stop these jokers from holding forth any way. Some of these conversations are so loud that I can hear them clearly across a large room, even though I'm listening to rock & roll with my ear buds on. And are these conversations urgent? No, from what I've overheard, they're mostly of the \"what time shall we meet later?\" variety. I won't cry for these folks if it is discovered in twenty years that excessive cell phone use causes brain cancer...

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rte148

September 23, 2009 4:30 PM

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IF, you are talking in a normal conversational voice level, ONLY, in a place where it would be acceptable to talk to the person next to you. I have no problem.

HOWEVER, people who act like that woman on the plane should be fed to the nearest woodchipper.

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stanner

September 23, 2009 4:30 PM

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I sometimes wait until the cell phone call has ended, then start a conversation with the person using information they yelled into their phone - e.g. \"You're right, Beth should never get back with that jerk. What does she see in him anyway?\"

It's fun to do, and (usually) no one gets too mad.

1 replies

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h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes

September 23, 2009 4:44 PM

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@stanner: Hah, that's actually pretty funny.

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godai

September 23, 2009 4:33 PM

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Went and saw The Transformers sequel on opening day.

Fairly crowded theater and throughout the movie a kid of around 8-10 talked throughout the entire movie.

At one point I looked back and a mother with another child behind me (who was behaving) was looking at the trouble kid as well with a WTF? look.

After listening to it the entire movie and the credits roll, I stand up and say in a loud voice (later described by friend as the 'Voice of Satan') \"Hey Kid, ask your parents why its rude to talk through an entire movie.\" and sit back down.

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outlulz

September 23, 2009 4:34 PM

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I usually don't bother because:
A. I don't want to drama that is sure to come out of it
B. You don't know who's crazy enough to come after you for opening your mouth
C. Those kind of people don't learn anyway.

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consumerwise

September 23, 2009 4:34 PM

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That story is urban legend. I've heard it repeated in many other similar situations on public transportation.

1 replies

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 4:40 PM

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@consumerwise: Citation, please.

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Mary

September 23, 2009 4:36 PM

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Most of the time something like this doesn't work and results in the offending party making their behavior WORSE. Every time I've tried to politely say something to someone talking or texting in a movie theatre, they've rolled their eyes at me and then amped up their behavior because they knew it bothered me.

Also, there's the risk that the person will decide that an assault charge would be worth it.

I'm sorry, maybe the world would be better if we confronted people with their rude behavior, but I don't feel like risking it.

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RecordStoreToughGuy_starcommandseries.com

September 23, 2009 5:09 PM

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@Meiran: If you don't feel comfortable confronting rude movie-goers, find an usher. They have the power to kick them out.

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September 23, 2009 4:39 PM

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Reminds me of the time I was at Disney on the Haunted Mansion ride and yelled at the people in the car next to me to stop taking pictures. After about the 10th flash into the dark I hollared, \"Enough with the flash.\" I'm not sure if the understood me perfectly but, there were no more flash pictures. This was after their large group couldn't keep together and the front part just stopped and I sort of ran into them.

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September 24, 2009 2:15 AM

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@breese524: I had a similar issue with that ride and an idiot kid with a laser pointer. My friend reached out and knocked it out of the kid's hand, never to be seen again. Of course, it was an \"accident.\"

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September 23, 2009 4:40 PM

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I do speak up if someone cuts in line, but like other posters, I try not to go out much because the vast majority of the general public is stupid and/or clueless.

The reason I don't speak up more is that by the time I am upset enough to say something I'm going to be fairly rude in response. Plus, I wouldn't doubt that some of the rude people in my area are under the influence or prone to violence.

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fredfreedom

September 23, 2009 4:40 PM

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If you read the NYT story and look at the pic, writer is a large bald white man. Some of us brown people know that if we ever confronted a nice 35-year-old lady about her cellphone use on a plane, WE'D be the ones hauled off to a TSA cell. But you \"real\" Americans, please speak up about rude fliers!

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pecan 3.14159265

September 23, 2009 4:52 PM

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@fredfreedom: Whoa! I didn't attribute the writer's authority due to his skin color. He's a very big dude, and such, people would not necessarily mess with him. But you assume that it's about his race, and you say that someone of another race in a similar situation wouldn't be nearly as lauded.

Your assumptions on race are unfounded. Everyone complaining here about rude people comes from different backgrounds and cultures. Your blanket assumptions on the race of people on this board are ludicrous.

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September 23, 2009 6:23 PM

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@pecan 3.14159265: I think fred's got a fair amount of history to back him up on this. The fact that there are people in every race annoyed by rudeness doesn't mean that rude people are unaffected by the race of their respondents.

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fredfreedom

September 23, 2009 6:01 PM

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@pecan 3.14159265: Yes, he's a big, white, almost cop-looking dude, not like there's anything wrong with that! It's just that with his look, he's probably not afraid that the woman on the cellphone is going to scream \"terrorist\". Those of us of suspicious complexions are much less likely to risk getting into a confrontation on an airplane, knowing that it's a place with a very low threshold before law enforcement gets involved. It doesn't mean the people on the plane are racists, but when the TSA boards to break up a squabble, would you rather be a brown man or a white lady? So don't totally freak out about the racial angle, it's a very valid concern and one that brown and black people deal with every day. Some of us are smart enough to use this situation as just another reason NOT to get into unnecessary confrontations, but this seems to never have occurred to the author of the Times piece -- again, it's not his fault that he's white and would worry less about law enforcement over-enthusiasm than a brown man. It's just a fact of the world. So I stand by my original premise: I would avoid confrontations to avoid getting unfairly blamed, but people who look another way would probably not consider that possibility. So don't get all upset about recognizing the racial reality, Jethro, and read more carefully: My comments said nothing desparaging about the people posting here, or the author of the Times piece, and I've accused NO ONE of being racist except for the hypothetical TSA officer or flight attendant who, in the heat of a conflict on an airplane, might take the side of a white person over a brown person... just to be safe. Don't pretend it's never happened.

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September 23, 2009 4:41 PM

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I would never confront some one. Combination of being in a small space and possibly being drunk is dangerous. Id tell the crew so that they would handle it.

Yeah, Im basically a chicken.

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stacy75

September 23, 2009 4:46 PM

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DO. NOT. APPLY. PERFUME. WHILE. ON. THE. PLANE.

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September 23, 2009 4:46 PM

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Why don't more people speak up when someone is being inconsiderate? Is confronting rudeness a heroic act of self-sacrifice? Or should we all just say nothing and seethe while the rude among us carry-on unimpeded?

I answer this question in my book that comes out November 27, \"I SEE RUDE PEOPLE: One woman's battle to beat some manners into impolite society,\" in which I recommend Consumerist, my very favorite blog!

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cmdrsass

September 23, 2009 4:48 PM

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I wouldn't say or do anything to a rude person on a plane lest some overzealous freedom warrior stewardess decides that I'm a threat to national security.

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sykl0ps

September 23, 2009 4:50 PM

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If you say something on a plane it is likely they will ground the flight and have you detained for 8 or more hours. since your the one causing trouble.

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robdew2

September 23, 2009 4:52 PM

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Because if you aren't a good little boy or girl on the flight, the TSA will arrest you.

That's why more people don't do things like this.

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September 23, 2009 4:53 PM

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I so wish I had more guts to confront people like this.

Years ago I'm at the post office in a long line trying to get a package sent out. A lady in front of me was talking very loudly on her cellphone to a friend about this older guy she's seeing...and how his wife is dying from malignant brain tumor. He's been thinking of calling off the affair, and cellphone lady's worried he will and wondering what she should do to keep the affair going. Everyone around her was horrified at what she was saying.

I do admit, there was a small part of me, that although horrified, wanted to keep on hearing what this lady was going to say next.

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September 23, 2009 7:18 PM

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@Sunshine1970: Had a similar experience on Amtrak. This guy and his kid got on in Providence about 7:30 am. As soon as the kid went to the bathroom, the guy pulled his phone out and called his mom and started bitching about his wife. Apparently, she:

-doesn't cook
-doesn't clean
-won't get a job
-won't go to marriage counseling
-he wants a divorce, etc. etc.

So the entire car is listening to how this guy's marriage is falling apart while his kid is in the bathroom. Guy hung up as soon as the kid came back. I just felt dirty.

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September 23, 2009 5:15 PM

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I usually just suffer through it. I don't have the courage to confront someone rude for fear of them going crazy on me. I just hope for someone else to do it.

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SoCalGNX

September 23, 2009 5:28 PM

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People have to be attached to their cell phones no matter where they go. I would like to shop and not have to hear the loud, boring details of your pathetic life. Shut the hell up in public.

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September 23, 2009 5:33 PM

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It's a shame technology turns us into assholes at times.

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September 23, 2009 6:29 PM

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I find that some people are too sensitive though. Once I was on a Metro North train talking to someone on a phone - it was a fairly brief and important call (arranging picking me up). Some guy across from me is glaring at me like he would love nothing more than to slit my throat. That said, he looked a bit unstable, so I didn't respond to him. Just said what I needed to say and got off the phone.

But I too have had experiences with people who just don't understand that there are other people. Everyone from people who treat their cell phone like an 80's boombox to those who think that EVERYONE wants to hear about their trip to the bathroom this morning.

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September 23, 2009 6:29 PM

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People have such a sense of entitlement that sometimes to confront them can cause you to get shot. That might be an exaggeration but people fly off the handle when there sense of entitlement is threatened. Sadly most of them continue with there rude behavior just to spite you. Headphones are a Godsend and help filter out the idiots!

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XTC46

September 23, 2009 6:30 PM

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I was on a plan this weekend and encountered someone similar. They were sitting in the last row of the plane, I was 1 row ahead of them. They were in their 20s (2 guys and a girl) and the guys were being just obnoxious and rude. They were hasseling the flight attendant about moving, talking loudly, etc. Finally one of them decided to shove thie bag into the bin above my seat disregarding my laptop bag which was there. They shoved it in, which just shoved my bag (holding my laptop, 2 cell phones, chargers, etc) to the back and crumpling it up. I confronted the guy and told him to quit being a dick and told him he should have some respect for other stuff regardless of what he thinks is in a bag or what he thinks about others.

People like this just piss me off.

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stanner

September 23, 2009 6:55 PM

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Oh yeah, and there's this bit to fun by Wynton Marsalis:

It was a wrenching act of creative expression. When he reached the climax, Marsalis played the final phrase, the title statement, in declarative tones, allowing each successive note to linger in the air a bit longer. \"I don't stand ... a ghost ... of ... a ... chance ...\" The room was silent until, at the most dramatic point, someone's cell phone went off, blaring a rapid singsong melody in electronic bleeps. People started giggling and picking up their drinks. The moment-the whole performance-unraveled.

Marsalis paused for a beat, motionless, and his eyebrows arched. I scrawled on a sheet of notepaper, MAGIC, RUINED. The cell-phone offender scooted into the hall as the chatter in the room grew louder. Still frozen at the microphone, Marsalis replayed the silly cell-phone melody note for note. Then he repeated it, and began improvising variations on the tune. The audience slowly came back to him. In a few minutes he resolved the improvisation-which had changed keys once or twice and throttled down to a ballad tempo-and ended up exactly where he had left off: \"with ... you ...\" The ovation was tremendous.

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stanner

September 23, 2009 6:56 PM

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@stanner: Oops, forgot the reference: [www.theatlantic.com]

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kaceetheconsumer

September 23, 2009 6:59 PM

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I once caught a guy smoking behind me (and this was well after it had been illegal to do so for years) and immediately summoned the staff and loudly pointed it out.

The guy then followed us through the airport giving us a creepy look. The camo pants and tough-guy look didn't make us feel any better. We managed to lose him eventually, but it was spooky.

Then when I told friends the next week, a bunch of them claimed there was some based-on-a-true-story movie that showed something similar only the guy caught up with the person who reported him and killed them.

So...um...yeah I'd probably report a smoker again but I'd demand some security about the whole thing. And I wouldn't say much about someone just being loud. I don't need to die.

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September 23, 2009 7:20 PM

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I read in the \"Fabulous Girl's Guide to Decorum\" that you might try commenting, \"Wow! You are being so rude! How do you do that?\" I haven't had the nerve to try this myself, however.

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Smd75

September 23, 2009 7:58 PM

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Its really almost shameful the way cellphones have changed our interpersonal skills. I really hate cell phones because of how everyone uses them. A couple pet peeves of mine is when someone answers a call or begins another conversation via text message while I am in the middle of talking to them in person. It is incredibly rude. A friend was visiting from out of state and took a phone call from her girlfriend while we were at a restaurant, but was nice enough to leave the table and restaurant, but the call wasnt important so it was still rude. It makes me feel undervalued and unappreciated. I can understand texting when youre not doing anything but have more respect for the people around you.

P.S. The volume button on the side of your phone is the button that silences the ring. You can let the person leave a message and check it later or even silence your ring until you stop fumbling your phone to answer it.

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September 23, 2009 8:08 PM

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Seething is bad for you, bad for the inevitable spouse/innocent bystander you later take your frustration out on, and bad for the timid people around you!

I am our household's designated \"Quit It\" person. I'm a substitute teacher, so my threshold for bossing around people I don't know is lower than my husband's. We usually only go to see movies in the summer - those big blockbustery ones that really scream to be viewed on the big screen! - and in pretty much every one we went to some person in front of me had their cell phone out to text at some point.

I just tap them and say \"Put that away.\" or \"Quit doing that, please.\" They are inevitably super embarrassed and meekly comply. I think there is definitely an element of social engineering in having the confidence to stand up to someone like that - but they know they are breaking the rules and are shamed when you point it out.

I only do this with people who are sitting near us - if it's behind me, obviously the little blip of light doesn't bother me. And I don't holler down to people in the bottom rows either. But I always feel 100% better after I kick someone's texting ass in a situation like that. :) Especially when I have a stranger sitting next to me lean over and say in a very relieved way \"THANK YOU.\"

I don't fly very often, so yeah, can't comment on that. But definitely don't seethe, people! Manners are important!

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ringo00

September 23, 2009 8:46 PM

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I have to say that sometimes being a large, well built man has it's advangates. I am 27 years old, 6'3\" tall and somewhere around 300lbs. I am a biker, but that is just a side note.

On more than one occasion, I have asked people around me in the theater to please stop talking. Being a large man, I usually sit on the aisle for the extra legroom. After I asked one young man to please stop talking, he took it upon himself to turn around and confront me. After implying that my mother and I have an inappropriately intimate relationship, he jumped up in the aisle and stood over me trying to intimidate me. This kid was probably 18 or 19, 5'5\" and skinny. I let him talk at the top of my head for a few seconds and then I stood up. Because of the angle he was standing at, his nose was about my chest level. My exact words were \"Are you going to apologize to the people in this theater or are we going to have a problem.\" I'd like to tell you that he apologized and sat back down, but he stormed out of the theater and tried to have me thrown out and then told a nearby cop that I threatened him. The cop asked my side of the story and a few witnesses backed me up. The cop then told the kid to \"put on his big boy pants and go home.\" I liked that line so much, I've been using ever since.

1 replies

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September 24, 2009 12:18 AM

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@ringo00: Are you single?

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BytheSea

September 23, 2009 8:56 PM

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Well consider this: Man is being rude. Woman confronts him. Man follows her out to parking lot screaming obscenities and threatening to rape and kill her.

This is what women are afraid of all the time, all day, because it happens. You can't profile: the \"bro,\" the suit, the laborer, the homeless guy - any one of them could be perfectly nice or a monster in a normal-guy costume. You don't know until you poke the sleeping misogyny beast. It's just not worth it.

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woohhaa

September 23, 2009 9:04 PM

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People must be taught that they are being inconsiderate. My pet peeve is line breakers. I usually say excuse me the line starts back there and point my thumb behind me. If they don't comply I get loud and obnoxious, which has incited the other people in line to lay into them. One of these days I'm going to snap and put something slender and pointy between a dirty butters 1st and 2nd rib.

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September 23, 2009 9:24 PM

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I think there is a time and place for confrontation. If you're in a safe position to make others' lives better by politely confronting someone, then by all means please do. However, if you're not in a safe position, or a polite confrontation will have negative consequences for those around you, then maybe the right thing to do is seethe until you can find someone better equipped and able to do the confronting.
Each situation is different and must be considered on an individual bases, I think.

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JulesNoctambule

September 23, 2009 11:11 PM

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I confront people. My mother is an elementary school teacher, and I can perfectly copy the tone of voice she uses that scares the bejeezus out of kids and can freeze an adult in their tracks.

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Sanveann

September 24, 2009 1:45 AM

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I used to speak up, but the last time I did -- I told a man in a theater who was being INSANELY loud, \"Excuse me, we can hear you all the way over there\" -- I was greeted with a string of profanity that would've made a sailor blush with shame. (Numerous people told me later, \"Thanks for doing that!\" to which I wanted to reply, \"Hey, no thanks for sticking up for me!\")

However, I do have a fairly good look-of-death and am usually able to turn around and glare the offenders into submission, provided they're teenagers or younger.

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ShariC

September 24, 2009 10:43 AM

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People prefer to be angry and indignant than to act to end the behavior that is upsetting them. They could politely let the other person know they are being rude, but they often operate from the mindset that people know that they are upsetting others and don't care. They defeat themselves before they try so that they can be mad.

The psychology is interesting, and there is a small risk that even a polite confrontation will have a bad result, but most people really don't want to try.

I've noticed many commenters talk about rudely, snidely, or cleverly addressing the problems rather than just be straightforward and polite. Is it really so hard for people to say, \"excuse me, would you mind not (whatever)?\" Part of the reason people get defensive and even more obnoxious is that the confrontations are every bit as rude as the bad behavior.

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zanthian

September 24, 2009 11:54 AM

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Last night, I went to the big screen showing of The Wizard of Oz and came across a rude person. The movie is going along and the lady a row in front of me has the gal to whip out a digital still camera and start taking flash photography of the movie! After the second picture, I lean forward, tap her on the shoulder and silently wave my finger back and forth, telling her this was inappropriate behavior. I was great with, \"Mind your own business.\" How is this not my business I thought to myself... She goes to lift the camera again. This time I say out loud, \"Mam, put the camera away.\" Again, \"Mind your own business.\" She snaps another one, mainly to prove she doesn't have to stop being rude. I am thinking to myself that I am getting a manger next. Then, a miracle happens and she actually listened. The camera got put away and I was able to enjoy the rest of the movie without the glow of an lcd screen in my face and without a flash from a camera disturbing all of the people in front of her.

On a side note: People, please do not check your phone in the movie theater. It stabs me in the eye with the light and ruins my sense of being in the movie.

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Carin

September 24, 2009 2:32 PM

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I was on a flight a while back that had been delayed. It was coming into a hub and the majority of the passengers were trying to make tight connections. A woman in row 2 of coach took her bag down from the overhead bin, then proceeded to lay it flat in the aisle, unzip it, and start to root through her clothes, completely impeding the whole coach part of the plane from deplaning. I was about 5 row back, on the aisle, and saw the whole thing. I didn't have a connection, but was still so incensed with the audacity and rudeness, that after only a few seconds of this, I said that she needed to either step into the first row or wait until she was out in the terminal to do that. I did get several thank yous from the other passengers, but I just don't understand why the 15 people in between me and her found it perfectly okay to just watch what she was doing and not say anything. For the record, both the offender and me are fairly petite females.

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Mary Marsala with Fries

September 24, 2009 6:24 PM

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I speak up, or preferably do something more creative, in situations where I'm sure I'm morally in the right; otherwise, I'll tolerate most things.

My two biggest peeves lately are people talking on the phone in public bathrooms (ew!) and people talking on the phone while driving. Thankfully, noise is an easy answer to both: If someone in a bathroom is on the phone, I flush the toilet repeatedly until they have the sense to get embarrassed at whoever they're talking to. (A more bold friend of mine makes even BETTER noises.)

And I like loud music anyway, so whenever I see someone on the phone in a car, I pull up next to them, roll my windows down and CRANK IT. When they glare at me I smile and make \"You're a fucking idiot hang up the phone\" gestures. Almost always works. ;)

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bobateaforyouandme

September 27, 2009 5:15 PM

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@Mary Marsala with Fries: It's embarassing for me to be in a bathroom where the person is talking on their phone to someone else. If talk on the phone while on the john at home, whatever, but out in public there are other people present. It's so rude!

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Ryeoc

September 24, 2009 7:38 PM

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In defense of itiswhatitis:

I am confident that most of the people maligning her are not from the NYC area. You see, when people here are rude, we let them know about it. Which is why NYers have a reputation for being \"rude\" -- cut in front of me to jump on the subway, Mr. Kansas? -- I'm going to tell you just what I think of you. I've been to other cities where merely tapping your car horn (because the person in front of you at the light has zoned out for 30 seconds of green) is considered very aggressive behavior. Here in NYC, people don't sweat it.

The point being that if you want to play contact sports in a crowd in NYC, expect to have it reciprocated. Is this technically assault? Of course it is. But no NY jury will ever convict you for grabbing some jerk's shirt after he elbows you in the face.

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orion70

September 25, 2009 2:04 AM

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Some people are just a little too oblivious and travel through life in their little \"all about me bubbles\".

A flight pet-peeve i've encountered a few times are the yahoos that hold unnecessarily loud conversations with someone behind them or in the next aisle, while the attendants are doing the safety announcement, and I can't hear a damn thing. Now, granted, i've flown before, so I sorta know what to do, but what about the first time flyers? Worse is that the attendants don't even seem to bat an eye while these people yammer away over their announcements.

I am a seether and tend to use the ever popular heavy sigh and dirty looks, lol. Sometimes things can be tricky, like at the workplace. People thinking it's AOK to bolt out of meetings because their ever so important crackberry rang, or leaving it bouncing and vibrating all over the table...people texting in meetings or training sessions, as if the content couldn't possibly matter to them. And the higher up the ladder they go, the worse they are.

I've also worked with a few people who would benefit from a retrofit with a volume knob. Sitting in an office with a client and trying to have a very serious conversation while someone is shrieking with ear piercing laughter or shouting crap all over the place to someone four inches away, or talking about their sex lives, right outside the door isn't easy. And if you are ten offices away and I can hear your conversation with my door closed, you're too loud. STHU.

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Bog

September 25, 2009 3:43 AM

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I got a bonus for being nice to someone on the plane the other day. On a 15 hour flight back from Taiwan I had a couple beg me to trade seats with them. They wanted to sit together as a family. I was hesitant because I really like the window seat. But I ended up not only getting a bulkhead isle seat with double legroom but the seat next to me was empty. SCORE!

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orion70

September 25, 2009 3:13 PM

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@Bog: I got a seat in first class once because a girl wanted to sit with her boyfriend back in economy.

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September 25, 2009 9:58 AM

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I abhor rude cell phone users. I work retail and am exposed to them all too often. Especially irksome when they can't get off the phone for two minutes to acknowledge your existence when you are serving them.

I should print some of these: [www.coudal.com]

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orion70

September 25, 2009 3:16 PM

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I agree that'd be pretty annoying, but it goes both ways. it irks me when people ignore customers because they are on a very obvious personal call....also irks me when i'm in the supermarket and two checkers are turned towards each other talking while checking, and don't even acknowledge that there is someone in the line until they take your cash.

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orion70

September 25, 2009 3:17 PM

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@orion70: p.s. those notes are fantastic lol

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