Sorry. No desire to make animal noises when I'm ordering food. Call it a frozen coffee shake on crack, 'cause that's what it is.

4 pages of comments, and nobody's mentioned the original? The classic, that's been making boys giggle since before time?

Anyone for a Pu Pu Platter?

@changed my name:

Wow.. should we at this point even consider putting labeling this meal a salad then?

Quesadilla explosion, the artery clogging mmm mmm good.

Then of course they added "sweet endings" to the menu. Definitely a time to order online rather than try to tell a human being that I would like to "go deep with a sausage sensation followed by a sweet ending"

[www.dennys.com]

@pecan 3.14159265: You fail at the childish giddy-ness this post brings about.

@samurailynn: It's delicious. I'll only say "I'll have the fresh and fruity please".

There's a place near me with 200+ nicknamed sandwiches on the menu. Fortunately, you can order by number.

By name, I'd find it hard to keep a straight face while ordering the #31.

[www.roysplacerestaurant.com]

They serve all-natural European food :P

Tanglers sounds like something fatal you might get drinking Tijuana well water.

That is AWESOME.

Triple Chocolate Penetration at Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland, OR. Sometimes when I'm feeling especially square I get antsy and think maybe I should just go with the No Name.

@YouDidWhatNow?: Hard Rock Casino, Las Vegas. Pink tacos are delicious!!!

@Landru: The Starbucks in my city don't seem to care about their stupid sizes. I always say "medium" and I get a 16 oz. coffee.

Then again, I had a barrista friend who was really irritated with Starbucks' macciato. Apparently that was a completely different drink (espresso with foam, maybe?) and Starbucks took the name for one of their expensive, overly sweet concoctions. Every time someone orders a macciato at his shop, he has to explain this.

@risottto: How about Sliders...?

I was floored when I saw it had just shy of 600 calories (as much as a Big Mac) but I guess that's what I get for eating at a place with "Cheesecake" in it's name.

/sarcasm

I try not to be a jerk about it but I hate using their italian terms.

@Rectilinear Propagation: You can at least find it in Toronto:

[www.torontolife.com]

@pecan 3.14159265: My friend tried to order the "Quesadilla Salad" and the waiter corrected him. "Oh, you mean the Quesadilla Explosion?" Maybe they actually like saying it.

I dance under the name "Chocolate Thunder From Down Under"

They taste like chocolate milk so you can suck a few of them down before you realize that they pack a hell of a punch.

@Melissa1283: That burger sounds delicious...

The last two definitely sound like adult novelties.

Or you could always bust a nut with Corn Nuts:

Also, I wonder what gave them the idea to make this list. Because it is absolutely hilarious.

Funny thing, he said "Explosion Salad"?, as if Quesadilla was the word no one wants to be heard saying.

@aloria: Porgy perhaps? It's a fish, god I hope that's what the roll is.

My personal favourite to order there is now called an "Instant Friend" but used to be called "I Said Posse", a reference to a somewhat off-colour joke (Google it if you don't know the joke).

@banmojo:

My coworker peeked out from behind her cubicle to wonder why i was giggling.

Thanks for the monday laugh banmojo.. you're my hero today. ^_~

@squinko: Pfft. And go back to the National House of Pancakes?

@Radi0logy: Has that comedian never heard of The Darwin Awards?

Flatbread Sammie
Toasty Torpedo
Toasty Bullet

I hate ordering things at Starbucks, using their made-up words or weird nomenclature. You can't order a small cup of coffee from them, they make you say "tall".

@Ben Popken: #7 was my favorite. Mostly because I remember when I took my Australian husband there for the first time and pointed it out to him. Hillarity for sure!

/Not sucking up.

@YouDidWhatNow?: Well, it sounds like a diner or cafeteria dish, so it may originally have been made with the crappy meat. As restaurants started copying it with no clue what the "Commercial" meant, they would naturally have used their regular restaurant-grade meat.

Oh! I know! I did remember one that's mildly embarrassing to order.

There's a really cool restaurant/bar in the "uptown" part of Minneapolis called Chino Latino. Great food, great place, recommended.

When you go there, be sure to order the "Hot Monkey Love" - which is a Snickers bar that has been batter-dipped and deep-fried, served with ice cream. Sounds kind of gross at first, but it's amazingly good. And good for you too!

@tbax929: I'm sure most people order that when they are drunk.. lol.

@speedwell, avatar of snark:

...yup, what that article describes is the dish I saw. Apparently they also have no idea how it came to be called a "commercial" though. I'm not too sure about the "commercial" grade of meat though...this stuff looked like it was top-notch meat everywhere I went. Definitely not from a can.

@DjDynasty: I thought the whole point of that name was to avoid the embarrassment of calling them what they actually are.

@speedwell, avatar of snark: And I really can type, I promise. Any idea why typing gets slower and slower the longer the post gets? I didn't think my post above was long at all.

@billlnv: I meant IHOP not Denny's. Denny's has there own Breakfast Slam which is how your stomach feels after you eat it.

most likely because the chef had hepatitis, and he was trying to warn you:

[consumerist.com]

@YouDidWhatNow?: Know? No. But some background: One website gives a description of what's called a "commercial" in the Midwest (sorry, but I have no idea how to actually embed a link): [74.125.47.132]

As to why it's called "commercial," I have a clue. From your description and the description above, I suspect that the dishes were/are made with cheap, even canned, meats. "Commercial" grade is the lowest grade of meat, AFAIR, and is usually sold only to canners and institutions. Such cans would probably be marked in a gfeneric fasion, "Canned Pork, Commercial" or "Canned Beef, Commercial."

@AppleAlex: Not as bad as the "Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity" from Denny's.

you should have seen the commotion when the necrophiliacs opened up their competing restaurant, the "Green Taco"

Re:"Quesadilla Explosion Salad"

I can almost hear the Movie Trailer Voice Guy introducing this one...

oh come on, now you're being ridiculous

@madanthony:

I once foolishly indulged in a "Baja fish taco" --a little pennicillin cleared me right up, though.

@sir_eccles: At the sushi place near my friend's house, they have something called the "yellowtail orgy" or some such thing. Mmmm, orgy.

I think Abuelo's (can't remember if it was them for sure though) used to offer a "chocolate volcano" dessert. That name is just plain wrong and conjures up nothing but images of soiled public restrooms.

I can't imagine a less appetizing name than "Hot Fish."

"Weight Management Asian Chicken Salad" sounds like a bad translation from Mandarin. Or something you'd order in a communist regime. "Ah, comrade, join me as I dine at Convenient Food Kiosk #428, and order the Weight Management Asian Chicken Salad."

@Kimaroo - 20% More Kitty Added!:
I like ordering Moons Over my Hammy. Of course, I only do when I'm drunk so it's probably not as much fun for the server as it is for me and my friends.

@dbshaw:
I thought the same thing and was surprised it wasn't.

I don't necessarily have another one that's too embarrassing to say...

...but I have a perplexing one. Back in the day, I used to make sales calls out in southwestern MN. The one-off restaurants/bars out there sell dinners called "pork commercial" or "beef commercial." As far as I could tell, it was basically SOS...you had some bread that I reckon was toasted, a pile of meat chunks, and then gravy...usually served with mashed potatoes.

I inquired about the name of said dinner..."why is it called a "commercial?"" I'd naively ask. And you either get a wierd look from the waitress, along the lines of "you ain't from around here, are ya?" or a shrug of the shoulders and "don't know."

So...anybody know?

Very good, and the portions really aren't that large.

@madanthony:

...I remember seeing a thing on TV about a big hubbub about a restaurant/bar out west somewhere that was called the "Pink Taco." Had the WASPs and PTA all up in arms, but the owner really didn't even have to say a thing...just shrug his shoulders. The name means whatever you personally want it to mean, so...

[www.dirtydickscrabs.com]
[www.trymynuts.com]

Description: Lobster, Shrimp & Mahi Mahi all fried with remoulade sauce & coleslaw & seasoned fries.

It's all I order as well on the rare times I visit.

Mine is: Scrambled eggs, biscuits and gravy, grits with butter and sugar and catfish. I give away the hashbrown casserole as usually someone else will eat it and I'm already not going to finish the meal.

These all remind me of fictional products out of a Simpsons comic book - which is SATIRE. Has it gotten so bad that the casual dining places can now wink at their own ridiculousness in order to try and market their food? "Ranch drizzle"? Yuck.

@clementine: At a local restaurant I used to order the Death By Chocolate without the Chocolate shavings, and one witty waiter said that he just brought me the Death.

I imagine the explosion will occur several hours after eating it.

"I once tried a dessert called 'Death by Chocolate,' but it only made me stronger."

Quote is from the Shoebox blog from awhile back.

To be a good girlfriend, you have to indulge in the sausage sunrise every once in a while, Meg.

As long as it doesn't explode upon exiting my body like bad Mexican food, it's cool

There used to be a local bar near me that had a rather tasty but poorly named appetizer called the "ten man dip" - the name always seemed kinda homoerotic.

Goblin Cock
Bacon, Cheddar Cheese, ¼lb. Vienna Hot Dog, Tomatoes, Onion, Neon Green Relish, Sport Peppers, Pickles, Celery Salt Mustard...all on top of a burger

I always thought "Moons Over My Hammy" was an embarassing one.. But nothing beats the "Rootie Tootie Fresh n Fruity".

[www.bluewasabi.net]

If someone asked me for a "Rooty Tooty Fresh & Fruity", I'd punch them in the throat.

Unless it was Meg.

@RandomHookup: I have a can of that in my pantry.

I should never take my husband grocerie shopping.

No IHOP's "Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity"?

"Weight Management Asian Chicken Salad" sounds like something you would submit for medicare reimbursement.

Most people circumvent this entire issue by simply pointing to it on the menu whilst saying part of the name. So if you point to the Quesadilla Explosion Salad, just say "quesadilla salad" and the waiter will know.

I figured there would be at least one order of "spotted dick".

Inquiring minds want to know (more).

It's guaranteed to taste different every time! It's like an explosion of flavor!

WELL NOW IT DOES! EWWWWWWWW! You have wrecked Tanglers, whatever they are, for me.