Short story is people are cheap when they think they can get away with it.

However...When I go out to eat with friends, we all spilt the bill equally. No matter what you drink or eat, we are all paying for a night out to enjoy ourselves and the pleasure of each others company. I personally think it is tacky to sit there and figure out who ate what - and this is not a "server thing", it is more like a personal thing. When I am serving and people do that, whatever - to each his own - bit it is still tacky, at least where I am from. Different customs all over I suppose.

It's also important if you're on business and need the receipt (unfortunately that doesn't work when a large group is sharing meals)

Is this related to age? My friends and I are in our 20s, and we all assume we're going to pay for what we ordered and approximately divide up tax and tip. We don't even suggest dividing evenly unless everyone has the same thing, because we know that people decide to order things based partially on what they can afford. People rarely pick up the whole tab, except when taking a friend out for their birthday or something similar. Recently, people have pitched in occasionally for the person who is unemployed, but that isn't expected.

I can't believe nobody thought of this before. Now it's buried on the second page!

I rarely carry cash. And sometimes one person will pay with a card and then everyone pays back with cash later - but there's always someone who doesn't pay (until you remind them) or someone who thinks their portion should be less because this-that-or-the-other. Why bother dealing with that? And having to round up or down... who keeps the extra couple of cents?

I have ended up going to lunch several times with a management type in my dept, and she always pays. But most of the time we have soup and it costs like $3 for my portion. I once offered to pay (when we went to a sit-down restaurant and lunch was like $20 for the both of us) but she waved me off.

@gparlett:
I've never had a problem splitting a check in Boston.

I don't think this is a regional thing at all. I've lived all over the country and have never been denied when I requested separate checks.

@floraposte:
You're right. It's always the ones who spend the most who want to just split everything. I try not to appear cheap, but there's a reason I don't order alcohol at restaurants. It's overpriced.

@zarex42:
I always thought as long as I told the server BEFORE we ordered it was no big deal. I'd hate to think I'm upsetting servers all over my city by asking for separate checks!

Taking turns can work in that situation, but it's tricky, since you pretty much have to ensure there are cheap outings and pricey ones so that the friends with less money have something inexpensive to cover. Pay your own way makes it a lot fairer.

@Dabby: Okay, thanks mom.

@zarex42: How so? If you tell the server in advance that you are splitting the check, it shouldn't be an issue. Most of the restaurants that I have been to organize the bill by seat number anyway.

Fixed.

Exactly. I was a server with a goofy system that couldn't split checks*. I didn't mind when people asked me to split the check and have no problem with asking servers to split checks for me. Ask them to split the check, give them an extra buck on your portion if you're nice. Problem solved.

* It could do separate checks when the order was initially entered, but could not split checks. Please always start the order by saying you want separate checks, instead of asking at the end. At that point, the math has been probably already been done and you're making your server do the math again, differently.

Of course, my friends and I pick up food, concert tickets, hotels, etc, for each other constantly, and we just all figure we owe each other a million bucks by now so who cares.

Also, hasn't it been proven that servers get a HIGHER tip when they split the check in a large group than when they keep it all together?

@Trai_Dep: I should add that this policy doesn't apply to blood relatives and that I don't really like kids, so I'm not going to pay money to feed them.

i am female but i pay my own way.
it's that simple.
sometimes i pay for the other person if i invited them and especially these days when it's one of my friends who is unemployed.
it's a personal choice, and i understand that some people were raised with gender biased dining etiquette.
but i don't go out to eat unless i am prepared to pay the whole bill or have discussed it in advance [my sister and i take turns picking up the check]

@karmaghost: I think this is a popular role-play in Iceland.

@megusi: We're getting smarter;;;watch out! lol.

@weave: I commented on this before reading your post. I've been there, done that. I was commenting below on how some folks "leave for the bathroom" or "leave for a phone call", etc. Sorry to hear that it happened but I learned my lesson long ago. No more for homey.

@zarex42: They're not always "direct" friends. They could be friends of friends, or associates from other work, etc.

@mike: Well I stopped playing CC roulet years ago. This is how the game really plays out. The gal/guy with the cc ALWAYS gets screwed. Why? In a big group, there will always be the "cheapskate" that suddenly "goes to the bathroom" or suddenly has "that phone call" and needs to leave the table. S/he is betting on the big crowd NOT paying attention to them leaving. Their absence be long enough for the cash to be thrown into the "hat" for the cc bill. And of course, let's not forget those that "forget" to add for the tip. This is the person(s) that always pisses me off. Then there is the single/couple that throws in a $20 for a $25.00 food bill (no tip also). The cc guy/gal counts the cash and, voila! There is only $80.00 in cash but the bill is for $95.00. But by this time, the party's over, everyone's leaving, and YOU'RE stuck with the difference including the tip. AND most often you end up spending the cash instead of paying the cc bill when it comes in the next month. Now days, homey don't play that game no more. I bring cash and pay my own bill.

Not sure what the point is of this story. How can you go to lunch without understanding who is going to pay? This decision is supposed to be made BEFORE you get to the restaurant. Talk it over. Discuss. COMMUNICATE. If you lay a bill in front me by surprise, I will toss it back. Not sure why separate checks are bad unless there is the proverbial little girl/boy that gets their feelings hurt over such nonsense.

@zarex42: @mac-phisto: If they are charging you a service to make your experience more pleasant I wouldnt call them classy. Ultimatley it come down to that. Customers asking to have a pleasant experience and not have to worry about the check. Yes I can do math on paper, in my head and with a calculator. I can also stay home and cook my own food, sometimes better than what I get at the restaurant, the point is I chose to go out and I expect a relaxing experience in addition to my meal. Figuring out everyones share of the bill is not relaxing.

@zarex42: No thanks, I'll just ask for separate checks.

I don't know many women who think like that. If I did, I'd be buying them dinner :)

When I'm with friends it is always a split check (with my wife and I paired) - The servers assume this usually without being asked.

When I'm on a double or triple date we don't do separate checks but we tell the server to split the bill right down the middle.

It's not a huge hassle. Really. Ask for it. If your server refuses and doesn't have a good reason (the place has no computers and they're super busy, something) they're either just silly or have some strong personal aversion to split checks.

Yes it does take a little more time and effort. But so does waiting on 4 people versus 2 people. In the end, neither scenario is -that- much more effort, and you usually make out with more money from the 'grueling' one.

(When people have their own check they tip better :D)

Even without computers, though, we always had a calculator floating around by the register for a reason. It's not that hard, and they're your paying customers.

It's really easy to do. Splitting a check is literally no more hassle than taking a credit card payment for any server who works with a computer, especially if you make a really simple and concise split, rather than "Joe bob wants to pay 34.5% of the tab, except for dessert, which he'll pay 14.7% of, and Mary will get the rest" or something strange.

Most restaurants (every one I've ever been in) will happily give each individual, or each couple, or two couples and four individuals, their own checks for their meals. You can ask them to do it at the beginning before you order, or at the end after you're ready to pay. Everyone pays their own and no one pays for anyone else. It's not rocket science, and it doesn't warrant such hand-wringing.

I'd rather split the bill up for you than have the "I need change for these 40 bucks that's already in small bills, and please put $7.50 on this card, and $12.99 on this card, and $0.01 on this one so we can leave you a tip, and please hurry up with it because it took us 15 minutes to figure this out and now we're late."

Every time.

Now here in northeast Indiana, if I am with anyone other than just my wife (e.g. my brother, another couple, etc.) - the SERVER is the one asking! "Will this be separate checks?" Still freaks me out after 4 years here.

I've rarely seen the wine bill presented seperately from the food bill though. It's just not common anymore.

@mac-phisto: Any waiter worth his or her salt will either have written down the order in a per person manner, or will have keyed the order in per person, or both. It's easier to do it that way and most servers find that taking the time to do that for every table far outweights the time it would take to split everything after the fact for the tables that need it.

The only real problem with splitting the bill is when everyone thinks someone else picked up the tip ;)

i don't really care what computer system the restaurant is using. hey, it may even be as simple as pressing a button. regardless, i consider separate checks as falling into that nuisance category. now, i can see where it may be necessary (i forgot about the whole credit card thing - many of my friends & i have a "cash-only" philosophy when we get together), but i try to avoid being a nuisance as much as possible.

I realize not every restaurant has good or up-to-date systems, but then again that is the fault of the restaurant management, not the patrons. The servers should object to their managers if they are overworked by crappy computers rather than blaming customers.

@mac-phisto: Wow Mac-phisto, where do you eat out at?

Clearly I am not ettiquette-worthy to eat there.

I'd say probably 90% of the time I eat out it's a hen-fest. A good server will know in advance that we'll all be paying for our own meals and will bill accordingly. If I will be paying for one of my friends, I let him/her know in advance so the server will know to put our tabs together. I find that if you warn the server in advance that your tabs will be separate, it makes their life easier in the long run (no splitting the bill out at the end of the meal) and occasionally will improve your quality of service.

Marginally related:

Now, if I'm dining out with a fellow I'm interested in, I'll give that moment of hesitation where I wait for him to inform the waiter whether our checks will be combined or seperate. An offer to pay for my meal almost always guarantees date number 2 (on which the topic of who pays becomes a nonissue). If I'm with a fellow I have little interest in, I inform the waiter that we'll be on separate checks immediately -- or I offer to pay for his meal (the first communicates - 'I'd like you to provide for me, if you're willing', the middle 'we're friends only' and the latter 'you're like my little brother').

@mizike: I could go for 4 drinks right now!

@floraposte: I don't really have a huge problem with people paying different amounts, I was more referring to insisting on everyone having their own checks seperately.

We usually just split everything equally and allocate the tip portion among those who maybe had more expensive things or more booze, etc. 99% of the time, everyone ends up paying their fair share.

@Rachacha: The last time I used a restaurant computer was in 2001, and even then it was a kind of old system. Each check had a "split" button that let you transfer items to the new check. No re-entering required.

@burnedout: If the friends are indeed good, they shouldn't bat an eyelash about people wanting to be careful with their money. If it's so hard to split checks with "good" friends, consider doing pot-lucks at one of the friends' houses. Saves money and everyone is required to contribute!

@floraposte: I think that's totally appropriate if it's going to be a $40 difference, or say if one person doesn't drink or what have you. I pretty much don't have friends that don't drink, but I get the point.

I was more thinking about the line of reasoning that "well so and so ordered the steak and I had the pasta, so I demand to pay $5 less". I am not saying it's not "fair" to insist, just annoying. I don't eat meat, so typically I end up subsidizing a bit extra, but it's just not a big deal among friends. One day might have an extra cocktail, and things sort of revert to the mean.

Maybe it's unfair for me to insist, but in a group of six or more, if you are one of those people who know you won't want to split things evenly, then just bring cash enough to cover your part and throw in. I don't have a beef with sharing the check on different cards, but the whole itemized receipt thing seems overkill. Where I live, most places will not split checks for parties over 5.

And if $5 is really affecting your bottom line, eating out is probably not the wisest choice.

Why is it such an issue to ask for separate checks beforehand?

@zarex42: Where in the world do you eat that refuses to split a check? I've been out to a lot of restaurants, of varying levels of price, classiness, type of food, service system (i.e. buffet vs table service) and so on and so on. I've never been to a restaurant that won't split a check.

You've made this same claim in a bunch of threads, but it sounds like you either haven't been out to eat in 20 years or are just talking out of your ass.

it's still going to reflect on you. separate checks make skipping out on the tip easier - do you expect the server to realize you were the generous one & not the cheapskate? if you're the only one that leaves a tip at a table of 4, it's going to make you all look cheap.

i address the tipping as part of the payment process. we generally agree on an amount ~20-25%. no big deal.

i guess i'm just lucky that i have a group of friends with similar dining etiquette as me...

I heard at the end of the night the place tried to hold the last few people there on nearly $100 of unpaid food that earlier leavers had skipped out on. It was a nightmare. I've never gone back.

not only that, but it makes the server's job unnecessarily difficult. if you split the check before the meal, they have to coordinate multiple tickets with the kitchen to ensure the meal comes out together (i've been in situations before where a split check results in half the table eating first while the other half wait b/c the tickets weren't grouped properly). if you ask for it after the meal, you're basically asking the server to rewrite the order, remember what everyone had & recalculate the entire bill.

the only time i find separate tabs acceptable (necessary even) is at the bar. a few hours of drinking tends to cloud people's memory concerning what they had to drink. but an hour-long meal? bah.

you want separate checks, that's fine. i'm not gonna jump down your throat at the table. i will probably apologize to the server though as we're walking out. maybe slip them an extra fiver to compensate.

Whoever pays by credit card can pay for their portion of the bill and makes sure they are separate from the bill (separate check).

I do that for everything I am with friends with too (e.g. hotel rooms).

I do think it's essentially that people feel embarrassed to deal openly with money among their friends, and I get that. But I think fairness is a more important consideration than getting the money thing over fast; if you're really that determined to get the money thing over fast, then just pay the check yourself.

Clearly, you do not know me very well.

@floraposte: Yeah, "just splitting it" assumes that everyone's finances are roughly the same. Some people can afford to eat at nice restaurants, but can't afford the most expensive thing on the menu and 4 drinks to go along with it. If someone goes to a restaurant with their friends and deliberately tries to keep their bill down, it's really, really, insensitive to ask for an even split at the end of the night. This is especially prevalent right around when people graduate from university as some people in your group will likely be making alot more than others who may still be in university or were unable to land as high paying a job.

Come to think of it, wasn't there a Friends episode based exactly on this situation?

Not only do I consider managing orders to be part of the restaurant/waiters job, but I would be surprised if waiters didn't see higher tips from more payers.

I was in Boston a few years ago and they categorically refused to split checks. They looked at us like we were the devil, but they also never came back with drink refills and I quickly realized why my friends in Dallas eat out two or three times a week and the people I know in Boston eat out once a month.

@josephbloseph: I've been to a resturaunt known for happy hour specials that had an interesting system for dealing with that: everyone who walked in got a magnetic card, and every time they ordered something, the bartender or server took their card and swiped it on a handheld device that they punched order codes into. As each person left, they handed their card to the hostess at the front, she swiped it, and told them the amount they owed. They also managed to do it without making the place feel like a cafeteria. It was actually an extremely busy trattoria-style place.

That system eliminates tips, but maybe they build it into the price of food/drinks. Or maybe people tip cash at the bar. I was very late to meet up with everyone and didn't end up getting anything, but the system definitely made an impression on me.

Obviously, different circles of friends have different spending patterns and expectations. But I think that if I'm not going to pick up your check, it's pretty unfair of me to insist that you pay for anything other than what you ordered.

@sponica: That's the real problem right there, nobody carries cash anymore. Trying to split a cheque at a restaurant becomes quite comical when you work out everyone's share, then they all pull out debit cards and have to have the cheque split anyway so they can pay. As one of the only people in North America that still carries a bit of cash on their person, I just put in my share and let everyone else deal with harrassing the server or going to bank machines and breaking $20's so one person doesn't have to eat the whole cheque.

A lot of people have made the suggestion that you should just pass the folder around and have everyone contribute. But this assumes that people are carrying cash. And who carries cash, seriously? I don't think I've touched a paper bill in probably 2 years.

You can't exactly put 4 credit cards in the black folder, then expect to tell the waitress, "Alright now, $10.25 on the Visa, $7.50 on the blue Mastercard..."

Just split the f-ing check.

Admittedly, this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, but it's so false--"Oh, I hate all that fiddling about with money. But I don't hate it enough just to pick up the check."

@karmaghost:

How does the table decide on who gets the honor of checking the cork and rolling it?

I say that the person who rolls the cork s/b the one who is obligated to pay..

of course, i met my significant other at an alumni drink up...so lord only knows what social rules we broke that night

@zarex42: If you've got a couple of cheapskates in the group, they'll almost certainly take advantage of this and leave exactly $9.99 (or whatever) conveniently forgetting about the tax and tip. Then when you call out saying you're short, someone else will have to make up the difference as they sure as hell won't volunteer unless you publically shame them.

I much prefer separate bills. I always tip well and if it's a place I eat at often, I'll always leave at least 20%. If other people are comfortable leaving a 0-5% tip, thats on them, I'm not going to subsidize their shitty tipping, nor am I going to be part of a party that leaves a bad tip. With separate bills no one can hide in the group and "forget" they had that second drink.

That being said, if you're with a group of friends who you know won't pull any bullshit, then yeah, save the server the inconvenience and just work it out amongst yourselves.

@zarex42:
In the city I live, it is common practice to split checks. Most servers expect it and plan accordingly. It is appropriate for you to let the server know at the beginning of service you want split checks.

If the server took the order properly, the split shouldn't be a problem. Most places have these 21st century inventions call computers that believe it or not, can split a check.

* If a friend offers to pick up the check, at least insist on paying the tip, and drop cash for the tip. The wait staff will end up loving you too.

* Like others have said, always bring a good amount of cash with some small bills. It sucks when there's a pile of 20s on the table and everyone is asking for a bit of it back and you end up having to ask the waiter to break a few 20s first.

* If you get separate checks, still try to pay in cash and do it in such a way where the waiter doesn't have to return with change or run a half dozen credit cards. That will make their life a lot easier.

I no longer eat with people who insist on separate checks, it's just too much trouble for the server. I I just figure everything evens out after a while. And really, say you ALWAYS pay $5 more at dinner with your friends... is it really that big of a deal (and if so, ought you not consider not going out to dinner)?

If I go out to eat, I always ask for a seperate check.

It also is significantly quicker for the wait staff to split it on the computer than for a group of people to pass the check around and do the math manually.

With some friends, we do institute the "floating $20" (typically when just going to the bar with a buddy for dinner and a few drinks). If the tab is reasonably low (under $20pp), one of us will just pick it up, knowing that the other person will pick it up next time.

(Well, and that anyone who had the gumption to ask at least deserved a date.)

If you can't figure out how to fairly split a check, they aren't that good of friends.

If there are a bunch of us who go out regularly, sometimes the easiest thing to do is just take turns paying the check - it's fair and easier than splitting it each time.

@zarex42: I don't see how. I mean, if there are four of you and you're in couples, you just have to remember who ordered what. If you start ordering wine and dessert and there are more than four of you, it should be up to the restaurant goer to understand that the splitting might get complicated, and to settle ahead of time who will pay for the wine, who covers the dessert, etc.

@weave: Well, they're just very bad friends.

I agree, though, in an establishment where the server has to do everything by hand, splitting can be a PITA.

@madanthony: He's on to us!!

Nothing is wrong with seperate checks, just be sure to tell the server when you are odering so that when it gets entered into the computer thay can process it accordingly, rather than having to re-enter the information into the computer.

A little off-topic but you can play credit card roulet. This is where everyone chips in a credit card and you put them all in a hat. Then have the waiter/waitress pick a credit card. It all goes on that friends card. So you either pay all or none.

This game should only be played with good friends.

@Wargazm: Here here. Fuck 'em if they don't want to pay for what they bought.

Just pass the check folder around, and have people put in their share. Someone counts it at the end, makes sure there's enough, and calls out on the group in case there's a few bucks short.

I really don't see what the big deal is. If your friends are trying to dodge a couple of bucks, you need to get new friends.

i don't know if i'd call these suggestions "tips" - they're more like "tricks". transfer money into someone else's acct. thru paypal? srsly? that seems very tacky. it's like the techie version of "i'll gladly pay you tuesday for a hamburger today".

WHAT?!

What the hell is wrong with separate checks? or splitting it between everyone?

Is this seriously a problem for people? Man, what am I doing wrong in my life where all my friends and I pay for what we eat?

Or...you could do what every normal person does and ask for separate checks...

I only pay for someone else's meal if I'm trying to see her naked...

Umm, what is the problem with asking for separate checks? Whenever I have lunch with my coworkers, someone asks for separate checks and no one sees it as rude or embarassing.

As a guy, I don't have a problem picking up the check, especially on the first date. But having this quote headlined under "befriend people who pay" almost makes it sound like women should accept dates just to get a free meal.

Here's how I never have to pay my check...

Become a gigolo.

I have to confess I have become the guy who asks for separate checks. I grew tired of people actually sating I only order a salad is 6.99 so they give you just 6.99 they forget to include tip and taxes. Also the whole divde the check into 9 different credit cards I truly feel bad for the waiter/waitress when that happens. I love college towns when the first thing the staff asks is "how are you guys going to pay? separate or all together?"

Is asking the server for separate checks such an offense? I have a friend who hates when I do that, she wants to split the check in half. That would be fine except she usually drinks wine with dinner, and I drink iced tea.

I'll ask the server for a split check whenever possible. I don't think its embarrassing but maybe that's just how I was raised.