We went to a small place up in the mountains outside of Denver that included the food, decorations, and DJ as part of the site fee. It was about 3K. I found a clearance dress for $300, my two attendants wore sundresses, and we did a cash bar. We also bout little bells and labelled them with ribbons. Cute, simple, and sweet for about $3700.

Thanks for the tip on the site, though. Just the main page makes me want to run home and start cooking! (And eating... )

1) Church - Al Souls Unitarian (80th & Lexington in Manhattan) $400.00 total for the small chapel.

2) Limo - $500 to take the 6 people who attended from Church "the long way around" to a restaurant, and then take one of the guests to Penn Station.

3) Champange - A wedding gift. Dom Perignon. 2 bottles for the limo, and 4 more for dinner.

4) Dinner - The other wedding gift. Pinocchio's at 1st Ave and 90th St in Manhattan. Great little place where the owner cooks. Nothing less than exquisite.

5) Wedding gown - An Isaac Mizrahi dress from Target's website. Not even $100

6) Photographer - Everyone had cameras. We have photos of people taking photos of people taking photos! Got very nicely-posed and lit shots of bride and groom, as one guest is "in the film industry", and knows a few things.

So, for under $1000, the bride, the groom, and 4 guests had a wonderful time.
In Manhattan.

You'll be just as stuffed, nauseous, and vaguely discomfited as any bride/groom who had a full on wedding, without the empty wallet.

In all seriousness, several friends have gotten married in the past few years, and each one seemed to be miserable during the whole process; from the stress of selecting specific choices for a hundred and one details they could care less about, to trying to please everyone, it seemed pretty hellish. This was on top of working full-time, fairly intense jobs. I think they were most upset about how the process sucked out all the happiness and joy that they should have had from celebrating their wedding day. They were just too tired and sick of dealing with all the collateral crap. So, yeah, it seems like doing something small with just the people you really care about isn't just financially prudent...

What makes me laugh about "traditional" American weddings is how cookie cutter they all are, and yet the planners think they're being so creative. You can set your watch by those traditional weddings; it's so boring.

Give me hippies under a tree any day.

LOL!!

That cake was gorgeous.

Vegetarian food, well prepared, can be pretty darn good.

Never! Your gift was what a gift should be, thoughtful, personal and given in the spirit of friendship and love.

Something to consider for second weddings, or weddings where the couple have already established a household, are older or already own a home: they may already HAVE all the traditional things like toasters, china, flatware, cookware, etc. They might not need that stuff.

If I were to get married and people showed up with all that stuff, I'd probably end up donating it. I can't fit one more pan in my cupboard. The only exception might be towels. Nobody on earth ever has enough towels.

Beautifully said!

NOTHING is a requirement. It's not YOUR wedding. If you don't like it, don't go.

I saw an article in a magazine once that had an entire plan for a DIY wedding. It would have to be a small one, but the cake and decorations were very simple, pretty and easy to do. I ripped it out and saved it for the (God only knows when :P) future when I get married.

That's too bad. Lobbying for extra invites is rude.

There's nothing wrong with kids at a wedding IF THEY ARE INVITED, but a lot of people kick up a fuss at being invited to an adults-only wedding if they can't bring their kids. I always want to point out to them the following:

1. It's not YOUR wedding. They can have it any way they want.

2. The venue might not be kid-friendly.

3. Not everyone is comfortable around children.

4. Is the wedding in the evening? Is the reception anticipated to go on for a while? It might become more party than you want your little ones to attend, or go on too late.

5. It won't kill you to go out without your kids once in a while. They might need a break from you, too.

To call or email and insist that the couple invite your children too is HORRIBLE etiquette. The proper response to this if someone does it to you is "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, but we haven't made arrangements to accommodate children. I hope you can get a sitter. If not, we'll miss you."

That sounds like fun. One of my skating coaches is having a wedding at a haunted hotel near here, on Halloween. I cannot WAIT to go!

I think one of the reasons for the higher divorce rate is because of the whole "entitlement" thing that goes along with those big fancy weddings. Have you watched "Bridezillas" lately? Those kind of people cannot compromise, care about the wedding and treat their fiances like crap. It's not just the women either. People who are celebrating their relationship with their friends and family don't act like that. That's where the focus should be, not on $50-a-whack napkin charms and flowers that blink the bride's name in unison. And I don't know if they tell them to say this in the spirit of the show, but they always say "I'M getting married on XXX date," instead of "WE'RE getting married on XXX date."

I saw an article online where a wedding planner said that the more people act like this before the wedding, the more likely they are to get divorced, because they just cannot compromise and have no respect for each other (i.e. spending all their fiance's money), which is what a marriage needs.

I hear ya. I don't even KNOW 200 people!

The redneck wedding really is the way to go. Our wedding was a three day party (Memorial Day weekend) and it was the best time I've had in years.

Besides, it's the wedding *industry* that profits off of all of this too.

long (7 minutes) but worth every painful minute.

Oh, yeah -- and an elderly aunt who attended died a few months later and our wedding was the last time she was able to see so many of her relative, so every single penny spent was worth it. I know I'd have regretted a party-free JoP quickie given those circumstances.

@tungstencoil: How sad that your gift hinges on the cost of the wedding. Personally I try to chose something that the couple will actually like, and is meaningful coming from me. I don't always succeed but I prefer my priorities to yours.

@bravo369:
1. If you need alcohol to have a good time at an event, you're an alcoholic.

2. If you expect the gifts to cover the cost of the wedding, why not just cut out the middleman and charge admission? Then people can decide if your party is worth it.

@SonicPhoenix: I really question giving a cash gift to defray the cost of the wedding. If the couple can't afford the wedding they've thrown, they shouldn't have thrown it. And as others have mentioned, the point of the gift is that it's supposed to be a token of your affection for the couple.

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): "And just because a zillion people on theknot.com are tacky does not mean the rest of us have to participate in that level of tackiness." +1 to you.

I am going to borrow that ice cream cake idea, big savings and probably more enjoyable than a typical wedding cake.

My father offered to let us have about 50% of the wedding budget and just elope if we preferred, which would have been a nice downpayment on a house and I know many Consumerists think I'm dumb for not taking it, but the thing is, it would have absolutely broken his heart if we'd taken him up on it. Not to mention my mother's heart and my grandfather's heart, and hurt all my relatives feelings who would have wanted to be there, even if we did an Elvis Special in Vegas.

(And we managed our own downpayment.)

I loved my wedding. It was much more traditional than I know a lot of folks do these days, but it made us and our families happy, and nobody went into debt over it, so I say, Party on!

@Kimaroo:

There! Got it now.
/Determined

@bravo369: Guess that depends on why someone is vegetarian. If they don't eat meat for dietary reasons probably not but if they have moral/ethical objections to eating meat they probably won't serve it at a party.

@Kimaroo: Dang it.. my picture didn't post : /

Here is a direct link:
[www.kimmish.com]

@pecan 3.14159265: People remember our cakes too.. Allthough mostly they remember the groom's cake we had.. which even my husband rememebers.

As far as alcohol is concerned, that's largely a cultural issue, I think. In certain regions and for certain groups and ethnicities, an open bar is practically a requirement, and in some cases, a cash bar is considered downright insulting. In other cases, the mere presence of alcohol is scandalous. There is no one right answer.

Another factor is DIY versus paying for service. If you have the time, know-how, patience, time and time, you can save a TON by doing things yourself. But weddings are time-consuming, and there is usually a LOT to be done.

@korybing: The best tips for trying to remember are: make sure you eat something, and.. make sure you don't get drunk.

Also a video helps ; )

@jmujeff: Sounds very sensible but also lovely. You are lucky to have such talented friends & family! Perhaps my brothers will become photographers & florists.... but I doubt it. It would be useful for their older sister, though!

If you need industrial type space so you don't end up with old cookies cause you make them so far ahead, ask a local college if you can use their cafeteria and see if you can gather cooking minded friends and maybe you can do it a few days ahead instead of longer if it was just you.

We started a few months before the wedding and by the time the big day rolled around our freezer was filled with them.

We got a nice cupcake tree to present some of them and had the rest laid out on the table. Nearly every guest was impressed with them, enough to comment that it was much cooler that a cake. Tastier too, there was none of that "edible" fondant anywhere!

Not only did it save us money on a wedding cake, we had fun baking and prepping them.

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): No one suggested asking the betrothed what the wedding was going to cost. It's easy enough to look at a few websites for reception halls in the area and get a general idea for approximately what the event will cost per plate. You'll have to excuse me because we apparently have very different definitions of tacky. My wife and I generally give two gifts per wedding - one at the bridal shower that is personal and usually consists of something that we make from scratch (like a small decorative box or something to that effect) and then another in the form of a check or cash at the wedding itself to help the newly-married couple defray the cost of the event and start their lives together with just a little more cash in the bank. This allows us to both express ourselves and our gratitude in a personal way as well as helping ease the cost of the event.

And as far as figuring out the total dollar value of gifts given it was pretty much impossible not to know given that we a) had to fill out a deposit slip totalling the cash and checks before the bank would let us put it in our account and b) registered at a store that gave us a gift card for 10% of the value of gifts purchased from the registry. When the math is that simple I can't stop my brain from completing A + 10*B = total dollar value of gifts.

Also, no one is saying that this is required. My wife and I would have been just as happy if the people we invited were less well-off and had come without any gifts. We wanted them there regardless and had a wonderful time because of their presence.

So I suppose you could call that tacky if you want; personally, I prefer to think of it as considerate.

My parents and Mr. Pi's parents both paid for the majority of our nuptials but at no point did anyone tell us that we absolutely needed to go with dusty rose hydrangea or that we had to go to this locale. We all did our research. It wasn't like anyone was going to take away the money if we didn't do it their way. The point is, the people getting married need to rember that is is THEIR wedding and that just because there's an open wallet, it doesn't mean that parents get final say.

I just don't see the need, and I don't have the budget for one, which I guess makes me weird.

There is the exception that self-catering doesn't work if you live in a one-bedroom apartment with a 5' galley kitchen and only about 3 cubic feet of freezer space. ;) I'm making about 500 cookies for my October wedding and really, really wondering how I'm going to manage to pull it off in this itty bitty place.

Weddings are bullshit. My parents have been happily married for around 35 years. Their wedding cost about $225, which was the cost to get the marriage licence and a suit for my Dad. Does anyone remember their wedding? No. But noone remembers anyone elses wedding either.

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): That's how my mother's wedding was. Her parents paid for it and she just sat back and let them plan everything while she relaxed and made her dress. She was a little disappointed that the wedding wasn't something terribly personal for her, though, which is why she's giving me free reigns on my wedding while helping foot the bill, bless her heart.

However, every bride I've ever talked to says that they barely remember their wedding day, as it was mostly a blur of "let's make sure everything goes right". I hope I remember a little more than that, hahah.

I understand that you can't get the facility for free in most parts of the country, but most of the other things my family does anybody could do if they're willing to put in a ton of work...

@johnva: Most of the time, I'm sure that it IS cheaper to buy your own alcohol. But I think it depends on whom you have cater. I rented my apartment's clubhouse for my wedding ceremony/reception. I approached the person who caters events there for the apartment complex (not a friend; just the guy who owns the company that catered the events) to see what he could do for a reception. When it came to alcohol, I mentioned that I was going to purchase wine, champagne and a keg of beer. He told me not to because he could get a lot of it on discount and would actually save me money! Naturally, I got quotes from him and checked against what I could get on my own. His sources were cheaper. And he was nice enough to pass that savings along to me. It never hurts to find out exactly what your costs would be by leaving the alcohol to someone else. Mark-ups are undoubtedly the norm, but you might get lucky.

But then my mom is cool and throws good parties. :) If she were crazy, I suppose it wouldn't have worked out so well.

We did beer and wine only, purchasing a couple of beer choices in kegs, and a red and white wine that we bought by the case from a local wine store that gives a great discount if you buy a lot. We had enough NICE beer and wine for ~100 people, and it only cost us a couple hundred bucks.

My fiancée wants a huge $20k wedding that turns my stomach. All that money when we're trying to buy a house. It's nice that her parents are paying for it, but that money could do so much more than show 200 people that we're in love.

And 200 people?! I have a hard time thinking of 200 people that I feel that close to that I would want to share such an intimate event.

If achieving something different is important to the couple and they can afford the way they're going about it, then fine, but I think that's a problem as a goal--the occasion is actually pretty standard, and it's not a theatrical production; the people, however, are unique, and that generally results in enough individuality right there.

@wchamilton: I would love to do something like this - but unfortunately don't have any relatives or friends who could host more than 10 people in their apartments, or rowhouses with miniscule yards. It feels like there's no choice but to rent a space, and that starts adding up.

Mind you, any decent prospective guest is going to at least officially love any idea you offer to them anyway, because they're coming to share your day, not your catering.

Have a lovely time!

People always take for granted my "skill set." It's not that I mind taking pictures, it's just, there's a difference between doing it for fun and if becoming an obligation. And if they don't like them, if something goes wrong...there are so many things that can happen that can mess up a friendship, it's really not worth it to me.

We did get our invites professionally done, though, because we were both extremely busy, and though we had the design skills we just didn't have time. So we went with weddingpaperdivas.com and got invites, RSVP cards for $300. Small price to pay for us since we were so busy planning other things.

We got stickers custom printed. I think they were $30 total. Such a cheap and simple thing but people loved them. We bought little foldable boxes for $8 and put teabags in them.

And just because a zillion people on theknot.com are tacky does not mean the rest of us have to participate in that level of tackiness.

I was recently at a $100,000 wedding. We gave an embroidered centerpiece I spent around 80 hours making that's a form of embroidery native to the groom's home country (his mother about fainted when she saw it, she'd never seen that style of embroidery in the US and was so thrilled we recognized his heritage). Should I feel embarassed that my gift only cost around $40 in materials when they spent around $1000 a head?

At a wedding a couple years ago that was easily $90,000, we gave a $300 vase that we commissioned from the glass blower for the couple. That wedding was quite large, but I'm sure they were paying at least $300/head for 300 people. Again we didn't cover the cost of our attendance ($600), but the vase is displayed in a place of pride in their home, and they've invited us to events surrounding the birth of their first child, so apparently our gifts aren't THAT offensive despite their "cheapness."

As floraposte says, any time you start looking at the monetary outlay of hosts OR guests, you have passed well beyond the realm of "classy" and you are already into the realm of "rude."

This is why I feel like I shouldn't have invited a few people but because I knew it would get back to them they weren't invited, I added them to avoid conflicts between all of our mutual friends. They were freeloaders who undoubtedly wanted the food and were in fact, very rude at the wedding. Suffice to say we are no longer on speaking terms.

I don't get why there is this need for a big fancy smancy wedding? I have never dreamed of having a wedding like that, perhaps I am not a girly girl? I dunno but what I do know, is that I am now rambling. So I will stop.

- We got married in a small church and had the reception in a smaller venue, limiting the # of guests we could invite. It's easier to say no to mom's coworker when there just isn't room. We both wanted the wedding to be small, with fewer than 100 guests. Ended up at 89 in total.

- My wife's dress cost about $600, and only needed another $50 in alterations. She also didn't get a veil, but that was more an aesthetic choice than a money choice.

- Like the article suggests, we had a friend who is an amazing graphic designer ([www.rebeccatillett.com]) design our invitations, which we then printed off at Staples for $30.

- For guests who are more computer-literate / not so old fashioned, we didn't send an RSVP card with the invitation, we just gave them an email address. If we did send an RSVP card (which we printed at home from an iWork template), we didn't provide stamps.

- A friend is a DJ on the side, and he provided the music and lights as our wedding present.

- It also helped that both of our families helped pay, but understood that all decisions regarding the wedding were 100% our decision.

- My father in law wanted a $100 open bar, and was firm on this. We didn't, since people get wasteful with money. The compromise was a toonie bar (that's $2 for you non-Canadians), but we gave half the money to a local cancer centre (also tax deductible, saving money on our taxes later on). He later surprised us with the other half to help with out honeymoon. Hey, at least we tried to save him some money there.

All in all, we ended up paying less than $10,000 before our honeymoon and it was a great day. Because we kept it small, we knew everyone who was there, and it was much more intimate. There was also no debt incurred by us, or our parents.

You don't need to spend a ton of money to have a great wedding! I also agree that the more money spent, the higher likelihood of divorce. I ask myself if those people are in it for the marriage, or the party.

I'm not particularly bothered when people have a non-religious ceremony, or a where the religion distinguishes between children and adults at events, but in *my* faith that isn't okay, and it bugs the shit out of me when people in *my* faith do that.

But then, I also don't have much use for people whose kids are badly-behaved at events like this. Since kids are always present at events in my faith, there's community standards for their behavior, and for what adults do (go stand in the foyer, bring a coloring book, etc.) when kids are having trouble with those standards (as kids do, being kids, and it's not a big deal).

We had a bunch of kids at my (very formal) wedding -- cousins, children of friends -- and they were all very well-behaved in the church (some participated in the ceremony, even, in official capacities) and during the dinner, and hugely entertaining during the dancing. We had chicken fingers available as a dinner selection, and our wedding planner laid in a stock of crayons and coloring books that she discreetly provided to kids who were getting impatient during dinner. One of my husband's favorite pictures of me from the wedding is me in dress cooing over my friend's four-week-old baby. In retrospect, there was no burp cloth and that might not have been my best idea, considering what the dress cost. But babies! Cute!

When my mother and I purchased the fabric for my dress (the top part is cream and the dress has gold, navy blue, rust, army green, and burnt orange in it), an older lady in line looked at the heap of fabric (mostly upholstery and sari fabrics) and went "Oh what pretty fabric, what is it for?" and when my mother answered "a wedding dress" all the color went out of her face and you could almost see the anger behind her eyes at the thought of having a non-white dress. Lady, it's not your wedding!

My most recent wedding was held at this chapel: [www.lenapopehome.org]

which is associated with the Lena Pope Home (a charitable organization), and thus the money was going to a worthy cause, rather than to make some yahoo rich. Same with the reception, which was held at an arts center.

Reception was in the afternoon, which meant the guests didn't expect dinner or drinks (but we ended up with enough food to feed them three times over). The rest of our savings came from doing it ourselves, or having a friend with the appropriate skills.

My first wedding was similar, with it and the reception being held at my city's community center.

The trick is to not have a standard wedding, and that means not at a hotel or a "wedding location", not buy your dress off the rack, and do what you can yourself or ask for help from your friends.

'Course...$3300 of that was bar tab...

It was my wife's second wedding, so she'd already had her fairytale wedding and learned that fairytale weddings don't necessarily lead to fairytale marriages. So she was willing to let me do the wedding the way I imagined it. We had it at the church, which cost us a couple of hundred for cleaning and that's all. The minister presided along with the minister who had been my minister growing up who happened to be serving as the interim minister at a nearby fellowship.

My wife and I designed the ceremony ourselves, focused on keeping it fairly short, but personal and meaningful. It wasn't dry or long. We had a great time doing it and got complements and questions about the ceremony afterwards (how often does that happen with a traditional one). We skipped the flowers entirely, just rearranging existing greenery some. We also skipped the photographer instead asking friends who a hobbyist photographers (of which we have like 10) to bring their cameras.

We were able to use dinner plates from the church (I'm not sure why they had a lot of dinner plates and nothing else, but they did) and for the rest (flat-ware, utensils, napkins, tablecloths) a friend of mine who was also getting married had realized that because wedding rentals are so expensive, it would be cheaper to buy things than rent them if they could get at least 3 people together. So we were the fourth couple and as a result, got use of all of that stuff very cheaply.

As for the food, rather than hiring a caterer, we instead placed large take-out orders from places which do catering. That way we paid for the food, not people to serve it. For serving it, we simply used the chafing dishes and serving spoons that the church used for its suppers. We just had to pay for sterno thingies to keep it warm. The food came from three different restaurants which we were very fond of, and we set up three different buffet lines so that people didn't have to wait long to get food. And because we did a good job of picking places with great food, we had several people tell us that it was the best food they'd ever had at a wedding. And we only spent $10 per person on food. Specifically, in case anyone is in the Raleigh, NC area, the restaurants were Batistella's New Orleans Kitchen ([www.battistellaskitchen.com]) (really terrific cajun food), Holy Smokes Barbecue ([www.holysmokesnc.com]) (high quality Texas-style barbecue), and Neomonde ([www.neomonde.com]) (very good Lebanese). I should say that things didn't go perfectly: Holy Smokes didn't have the order ready when they were supposed to and they gave us 10 pounds of chicken and 6 pounds of brisket when we'd asked for 6 pounds of chicken and 10 pounds of brisket. So we ran out of brisket quickly and still had chicken left at the end. But as a whole the guests loved the food, several of them asking us where we got it from) and we spent $10 per person ($1100 for 110 guests).

Now, any time you're doing anything with that many people you'll need people to help set-up and clean-up. We got family to help with set-up some, but we also did a labor swap with another couple. We worked their wedding and they worked ours. Really, we wanted to have two couples but couldn't find a second one. So our friends were a little over-burdened and we still owe them a big one. But if we could've found a second couple to swap with it would've been just right.

We had a friend of mine serve as DJ with a laptop and a copy of iTunes. He made up the playlist and I got to review it before hand. I was really satisfied with the result. Far better than some moron trying to get everyone to do the hokey pokey or bunny hop.

So, in summary, total expenses:
Officiant: $0
Building: $225
Rehearsal dinner: $400 (my parents arranged this, but it came from the same $3000)
Flowers: $20 (for wedding party only)
DJ: $10 (tracks from iTunes)
Flatwear, etc.: $115
Food: $1100
Wedding clothing: $650

Total: $2405
And that's for 110 guests eating dinner well and having a blast as a whole.

So my tips to others:
1) Do a labor exchange
2) Find restaurants that you actually like that will let you do catering-sized take-out orders (but tell them that it'll need to be ready 30 minutes before it actually will and make sure that the people you ask to pick it up have a specific list of what should be there and enough time to check it).
3) Finding a friend you like to DJ is way better than a bad professional DJ and much cheaper
4) Get some other couples together and buy things like forks, glasses, and plates rather than renting them.
5) Be a member of a church which lets you use their building. In our case, we're atheists, but you can be an atheist and be a Unitarian Universalist (if this statement doesn't make sense to you, feel free to google Unitarian Universalism for more information) so that's where we go to church.

I also forgot another way I want to save money. Every table will have a digital camera with an EyeFi card that will auto upload every picture to a computer, instead of a photographer.

Ideally, you also care enough about them to share this important day with them whether they're feeding you booze or not (I agree with you on the cash bar, since you can go out and pay for your own drinks whenever you want), but if you simply keep your decision factors to yourself, nobody will be the wiser.

And we're not having an open bar. Or a bar at all. To hell with all these "oh, it's such a faux pas to have no bar!" -- Why *should* I have a bar? Who said to themselves "Oh, I have an excellent wedding idea. Let's give our guests the chance to get drunk!"

@LawyerontheDL: Wow.. you must live in a really expensive city or something.. My photographer in Houston was top notch for around $2000, we got 4 hours of photos + engagement photos, lots of prints, and a great fancy album with digital layout pages.

This was in 2003, and it was one of my highest expences because I know that the only thing left after the wedding is the photos.

Though I agree with you, I don't want to go too far in the other direction, either. If you can afford it and you'll enjoy it, knock yourself out and spend the money. Just remember that it's not "your day" or "all about the bride"!

We both don't like large groups of people and hate being the center of attention, so we would deliberately have a small wedding if it was local as well (no bridal party). Most of her family lives in Mexico and probably couldn't come to a wedding in Chicago regardless.

My sister, for instance, is generally strapped for cash, has a toddler, etc, and I would have no problem paying her and her family's way in order to be there. I'd be happy to do so since it has been years since she has even been able to give herself a vacation. We wouldn't do a week-long getaway, just a short weekend thing so its easy for people to be availiable. Also, we won't be asking for any gifts from anyone.

It certainly wouldn't be out of the question, though, to have a casual post-wedding get together back home for the folks who couldn't be at the wedding, but still want to mooch booze off of us. This is all still years away (I haven't even formally proposed yet), but its the plan that we favor most at the moment.

As a newlywed, my biggest piece of advice: do what you want. There are no fairy tails, there are no perfect weddings. I received a bunch of those wedding magazines and I had to just throw them away because they only promoted excessive weddings for girls with princess complexes. There were no signature cocktails or favors or any of that other The Knot crap that people insist you need at our wedding. Even without that, everyone had a good time and remembers the event with fondness.

And DIY is the best cost-saving tip. Forget the brunches and Fridays and whatever. We set a budget, saved as much as we could and stuck to it. Once the place was picked and their prices factored in, I started to cut other costs by looking at simple things we could do ourselves and with the help of friends - music, decorations, dress alterations - and we rocked them all.

@joshua70448:If you feel like spending tens of thousands of ...

This is SO true! I am supposed to base a gift on what the couple chose to spend on their wedding? That's nuts, but welcome to NY weddings.

If one friend decides to go crazy and spend $200 per person, my gift has to be more than $200 (generally $300)? And if another friend has an intimate, at-home event and only spends $50 per person, I get to give a smaller gift?

What is that all about? Am I subsidizing someone's "dream day"? It is most certainly expected, and I have been criticizes in the past for not agreeing with this 'trend'. But there is no way someone should give more than they WANT or more than they can AFFORD just because you felt like overpaying for food at your wedding.

@Brian James Schend: I disagree, most people I know still remember my wedding and tell me that they had a great time.. It didn't cost a lot, but it was a special day for us.

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): maybe you're not from the northeast where weddings cost at least 20K. Probably just that for only the venue where it will cost $100-$130 per person on average and it's customary for guests to at least try and cover the price per head. with that said, I have heard many complaints from couples who had 2 parents and 2 kids come, costing around $400 but only give a $100 gift. to me, that's just rude. Check out theknot.com and you'll see many stories like that. now i'm not saying you HAVE to cover the price per head but I think it should at least be taken into account.

maybe i'm speaking from a Polish cultural standpoint too. My family doesn't drink all the time but on special occasions, holidays etc, the bottle of Vodka comes out and it's straight shots all around. Wedding gifts are also strictly money. registry gifts are given at the shower.

A gift should be something extra and you shouldn't be calculating oh if each person gave me x I would have enough to pay for this..

For young couples PLEASE give practical gifts, do not give things that people don't need, especially for young couples. They don't want the fancy glasses they just want stuff that works. Shop or give with the person in mind. I totally agree with pecan 3.14159265 on this. You should probably be doing this with every gift you buy regardless of occasion especially these days, unless you know the person your buying for wants an excess type of gift and would like that.

If you know the couple is expecting a kid shortly after, give em a huge case of diapers, they will LOVE it and believe me, they will need them! This comes from a family who has given diapers as a gift on more than one occasion to people who have diaper-wearing kids.

Originally we were going to fly to Cancun or some such destination and get married with a few close family members that decided to come along. Her family balked, and so did she because even if we just payed for her parents, it would have been as much as a sit down. Then it ended up being local, and after that we were doomed. I have a lot of family in the area...

"I keep reading about how ungodly expensive your typical wedding is"

See, that's the real trick - don't have a typical wedding.

No one would look at you funny for having one or not having one.

Southern families tend to drink less in public, anyway :P

And for that matter I wouldn't have cared if anyone complained. It's OUR party that we are throwing and we take into consideration the benefit of everyone rather than the minority group that would gripe. We had awesome food, awesome cake and dancing. No one NEEDS alcohol at a wedding, and no one should feel like it's vital in order to pull off a good time.

And it's extemely offensive to assume your friends and family should get you a pricey gift. Most of our friends were just out of college - they were like us, starting out. We had four friends chip in for all the cooking utensils (spatulas, wood spoons) and that gift sticks out more in my mind than the set of expensive wine glasses we didn't ask for. I needed kitchen utensils. The entire gift was probably $100 between four people. Did it bother me? Heck no! They shopped with us in mind and that's one of the things good guests do if they choose to give a gift.

Thing is, most people don't know how to take pictures. Simple concepts like framing up a shot to make sure the head is in the photo and that the camera is level elude most people, let alone photographic rules like the "rule of thirds" that a pro or good amateur photographer will have in their minds at all times. Also, pictures from those little cameras are crappy in low-light (all indoor shots; even if you think it's brightly lit, it's not.)

If you want do do the table camera thing, great, just don't expect any good shots out of it, you'd be lucky to get a few.

One suggestion I'd make is to see if you have a budding amateur photographer in your circle of friends who'd be willing to do it. I know I'd take wedding photos for my friends if they asked.

And by the way, lest you think that I haven't shopped around, I have. The $3000 tab is the going rate for a decent photographer. Many were much, much more expensive. For $3000, I expect you to carry me down the aisle, do my hair and make my dress.

4. If you want an open bar and you want to cut costs, look into beer and wine only.

Save money on them by checking out a vendor that specializes in quality kids formal wear but doesn't charge an arm and a leg for them. A great example is Angel Girl.

(Also, it can be quite presumptuous to assume other people want to take the vacation you picked out (I'm not saying you're doing this -- read on for bridezilla). Though of course if your family and friends are spread across the country, same issue -- someone may not want to spend their vacation days in San Francisco or whereever, and that's life. But I got invited to a wedding that involved an expensive 9-day cruise, at the guests' own expense, naturally, and the bride threw an absolute hissy that not everyone she invited showed up -- plenty of people either didn't have enough vacation time, or weren't going to skip vacations or holidays with their families to go on a cruise they weren't really interested in to attend someone else's wedding. She kept insisting, "But it'll be such a nice vacation for you!" I'm sure that's true, but my husband only gets two weeks vacation and we have two sets of inlaws vying for time with us, both of whom require traveling to visit ....)

I'm getting married in October, and for the next 50 years of family aggravation, the courthouse route just wasn't worth it.

We're both only children. On one side I am the only grandchild at all, and on the other side, I'm the only granddaughter (and my two cousins are brothers). There are an awful lot of people who are looking forward to our being married as a Family Event, and who won't get another chance!

There's a lot of fluff and crap we don't need -- monogrammed napkins? seriously? -- but the bulk of our spending (which is about 35% from his dad, 35% from my parents, and 30% from us) is on food, venue, tent & chairs: the essentials of a party. And a party it will be.

This list is fairly predictable to be honest. It's the same list that's on nearly every wedding web site/magazine. Still, there are some good tips.

I also recommend wholesalers for flowers. First, go to your local wholesaler (Costco, Sam's Club, BJ's, etc...) and see if they have flowers. It depends on location. I'm using Sam's. The prices are unbeatable, they start at $50 and flowers are sold in stems of 50, 70, 80, 100, 150, 200, etc...

Campus catering did lunch, which kept catering costs down.

A friend of my wife's family made the cake.

And one of the more unique items was that my wife had a fashion & merchandizing student design and make her wedding dress. We only had to pay for materials and we wound up getting the designer a gift certificate (the student couldn't be paid for the design because she used the wedding dress design in her senior portfolio). Custom wedding dress for

I tried to work with vendors that would give us serious cash discounts.. The wedding went over great, but the florist we used was disastrous.. I didn't want to use him, but the mother in law was insisting.. Lesson learned, never use someone that has been in business for less than a year for an important event like a wedding..

Also, for me photograph was a big deal.. Some wedding photographers do a horrid job and know nothing about lighting.. Picking the photographer was one of the most difficult things for us, but money well spent..

1) the DJ
2) the drinks

Everything else will be forgotten in a year.

For your family, the most important things are:

1) the photographer
2) the drinks

So make a reasonable budget, and hire the best DJ, photographer and bartender you can afford. Don't sweat anything else.

A good DJ is worth every penny. Never, ever hire one of those "wedding DJs", just go to a local club you like and offer to hire their DJ for a special event.

I think an awful lot of people don't understand how parties work. Hosts invite people they would like to celebrate with and bear the cost of entertaining those whose company they enjoy out of the kindness of their hearts. Guests, if they are so inclined, may choose to bring a gift out of the kindness of their hearts that is within their means and is something chosen with care to suit the honoree's taste.

NOWHERE IS THERE A MENTION OF SPREADSHEETS AND CALCULATORS.

I realize I'm old-fashioned -- I don't approve of registry cards -- but calculating the cost of having the party vs. the amount of loot raked in is a WHOLE OTHER LEVEL OF TACKY that makes me almost long for registry cards.

@bravo369: I'm horrified by the idea that anyone would crassly calculate how much to spend on a wedding gift based upon how much the wedding cost. That, my dear, is not classy.

A wedding gift is meant to express your affection for the bride and/or groom, and your joy at their union. Attendance at their wedding should also reflect those emotions. How much you spend on a gift should have no bearing on either the depths of your affection or the cost of the wedding. If you are attending the wedding to critique the quality of the food and drink and weigh that against what you spent on the gift -- please stay home.

The closer you are to either the bride or the groom, the more personal your gift should be (it may or may not be more expensive -- sometimes the most heartfelt gift is one that costs very little). The less acquainted you are with the bride and groom, the more you should rely upon the gift registry or cash, though you should never give more than you can comfortably afford -- living beyond your means to impress others is never classy. Neither is the word "classy."

I bought some lace, tulle, and ribbons and made little packages of birdseed to throw at us as we left the church. Total cost was a couple of dollars.

We drove our own vehicles. No limos. No gift bags or custom-printed anything. We used the restaurant's linens and centerpiece.

At the reception, we ate dinner, opened the gifts, and sat around the table. We're not big on dancing, so we didn't need that, and the restaurant had some quiet classical music playing in the background. So no DJ or band necessary either.

@Spaceman Bill Leah: Sure, I plan on inviting the Consumerist team! Even the Capn'

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): Actually it's a fairly common custom for guests attending a wedding to give a gift that roughly approximates or exceeds the cost of their seat at the wedding reception. My wife and I were more concerned about people having a good time but it was nice that we ended up pretty much breaking even in terms of what we paid for the event vs. what we received in gifts.

We've been to some great weddings and some not so great ones. I can't say the big, expensive ones were any better than the smaller, less expensive ones -- in fact I'm pretty sure the cost doesn't have anything at all to do with how "successful" (fun, memorable, touching) a wedding is. Here's what I like to see:

A short ceremony without a lot of preaching.

A bride and groom and their families relaxed and having fun.

Good quality food, even if there isn't a lot of it, or a lot of choices. Buffet or passed trays of appetizers are best. Sit down dinners for hundreds are ALWAYS awful, I don't care how much the family spends.

An open bar of limited drink offerings -- no need to go top shelf.

A cake that tastes great, no matter what it looks like.

Lots of personal, homemade touches that make the wedding intimate.

A wedding party that is committed to making all the guests feel involved and welcome. (Note to brides and grooms, yes this is your day but you've invited these people and you are supposed to show them a good time, and make them feel welcome and special. Don't sit at the head table all night making conversation with your girlfriends and buddies.)

Good music, peferrably a live band or two-or-three piece ensemble that reflects the mood and your musical preferences. If you use a DJ, please make sure he/she keeps the volume at talking level. I hate leaving a reception hoarse becasue I had to shout over the music to make conversation.

My biggest single expense was a gorgeous fairytale wedding dress for $600 from a bridal shop that was going out of business. I paid a local seamstress $100 to do a few alterations and a custom veil/headpiece.

The church rental was $25 for the janitor and $25 for the organist. The only flowers I bought were for my bouquet (small, tasteful with pink roses, greenery, and baby's breath). We had a small three layer traditional buttercream cake. I picked the cake and flowers out over the phone with faxed confirmations from vendors two blocks from the church. They delivered the flowers and cake at no charge even though we were married on a federal holiday.

We paid for the rehearsal dinner at a nice restaurant (12 people) and the reception at a different restaurant's private dining room (also 12 people). Everyone ordered their own meals and we had wine and champagne to drink.

We paid for the Minister's air travel and she stayed at my in-law's house. We paid for my parents hotel room since they were the only other out of town guests. My brother-in-law is a decent photographer/videographer and he took care of those services for us.

We honeymooned for a long weekend at a small hotel in a historic village complete with a fireplace, a down comforter, and handmade soaps. The hotel restaurant served primarily locally grown foods and we had a nice quiet time without any huge travel costs.

I wouldn't trade my wedding for anything else. Small, quiet, inexpensive, and memorable. Minimal stress. No wedding planner. No flower girl. No ring bearer. The matron of honor and best man held our rings for us.

My peer group seems brainwashed by the "special daaaay!" mentality and has a hard time understanding that at the end of the day, you're still MARRIED. Massive, debt-laden parties are not necessary.

@LastVigilante: In early August I'm on my way to Colorado for a wedding for the same reason. Only close friends and family were invited, plus we get that little vacation. White water rafting! wooooo!

It really is a great idea!

When it comes to a gift I usually base it on the proximity of my relationship (most important factor) to the couple alongside the overall cost of my presence at the affair.

I don't look at it as cynical at all. Giving just a card is really, really poor form unless their are extenuating circumstances.

The rehearsal dinner was pizza and beer on the floor of the bride and groom's newly-rented apartment with boxes all around us. It rocked.

*Flowers. I'm TERRIFICALLY allergic, so we had only a very few (bouquets and man-button-flowers -- I can't spell boutenierre -- and the altar flower arrangements the church actually required us to provide); for the reception, we had arrangements of candles in all different heights on the tables. The candle holders were rented, the candles were dead cheap, and we saved a significant amount. I basically agreed to it because I'm so allergic to flowers, but everyone thought it was extremely elegant and I was very pleased with how it looked. (We did place cards laser printed on vellum that was wrapped around tealights in glass holders gotten for about $1 each, and most people took them home as a keepsake.)

*Guestbook. I know guestbooks aren't expensive, but one of my bridesmaids made me a quilt (lap quilt size) as my gift and we had everyone sign the quilt blocks in permanent fabric marker. It's hanging in our guest room. Not only was it free, but I wouldn't ever look at a guest book again, while the quilt is frequently admired and people love finding their signatures on it when they come to visit us, especially the kids who were barely writing at the time and so have backwards letters in their jumbo-printed name.

*Rehearsal dinner. We paid for the rehearsal dinner ourselves and we were poor students at the time, and we had more than 80 people at the rehearsal dinner. (My family alone was more than 80 people, plus the wedding party, the priest, my husband's (tiny) family ....) We hired half of an Irish pub (my family's Irish), and we got a cut-rate deal because we provided the music (which played for the whole pub). We limited the beer selection and served only two menus, and I hired an Irish band and some Irish step dancers (I was step dancing at the time so, again, cut rate on both). Everyone agreed it was an absolute hoot and more fun than a more formal dinner for a rehearsal, and it let us serve a very large number of people much less expensively than otherwise would have been the case.

I also agree that kids should be there. It's a family event!

I'm getting married in September and I'm doing as much DIY as I can. The best way to save money and make the wedding a little more special is to ask your friends to help. If they have any special skills they will most likely be thrilled to help make your day special (as long as you are nice and not obnoxious or demanding about it. Make it fun for them, too).

For example:
-My mother is a great seamstress. She is making my dress as well as the tablecloths. So far the dress has cost under $100 bucks, and the tablecloths have been made largely out of salvaged fabric from her remnants bin, thrift stores, and sale fabric.
-A friend of ours plays violin and is playing at our ceremony.
-Another friend makes cakes in her spare time and is thrilled that we asked her to make our cake. It might not look professional, but it will taste delicious.
-We are borrowing sound equipment from a friend of ours who is in a band, and he has offered to DJ (we originally were just going to play songs off our ipods)
-I am making the invitations.
-My wedding ring is a family heirloom from my great aunt. Not only is it free, but it has far more meaning and history than a brand-new ring.
-My Uncle is doing the photography, and I'm providing disposable cameras for the rest of the guests so they can take photos as well.

@korybing: My wife and I tried that, one thing that I suggest is assigning the camera's to people. We just put them on the tables and figured the adults would take the pictures. A bunch of kids grabbed them and took horrible pictures, pretty much just a waste of money.

WOAH. If your family and friends have any class, this won't ever come up, and if YOU have any class, you won't care if someone just gives you a card. How terrifically tacky, setting price points on gifts!

It's essentially a party in exchange for gifts. If you want nice gifts, throw a nice party. Sorry if that's harsh.

If you're like me (getting married a little later in my adult life), and don't need the gifts and such, consider a destination wedding. We did. It wasn't much more for friends to fly out there as it would be to fly to where we live; they got a little vacation out of it (instead of spending money on a gift), so for those folks it was a wash. It wasn't much more for us outside of the cost of the vacation itself.

Everyone had an amazing time - said it was the most memorable wedding they'd attended. It was worry-free and stress-free for us.

Open bar is going the way of the dodo for wedding receptions. When we got married, we gave the hall a chunk of money that was enough to cover a first drink for everyone, then it was cash after that. Nobody complained, and we wouldn't have listened if they did. I've probably been to a dozen weddings, and I think two of them had open bar.

Most receptions allow for a choice of entrees, so even if the couple are vegetarians, there is the option to provide a non-vegetarian choice.

Even if the gift does cover the per-head cost of the wedding, the couple is still out the initial cost, so unless they want to turn around and sell the gifts immediately (which would kind of defeat the purpose) it'll still cost them. We just went to a wedding a couple weeks ago that was done on a low budget, and it didn't affect our choice of gift in the slightest, we still spent about what we usually do. Any guest that wanted to know how much we spent per head in order to judge what kind of gift they should give wouldn't be welcome at any wedding I was a part of.

I think you're part of the problem.

@ryan89: I bought mine in a resale shop for $27. I called up a friend, who taught me how to sew, for her help in altering it to fit me better. She not only did the alterations for free but gave me $27 dollars as a wedding present to cover the dress. We played with the gown so much it became a one of a kind, that fit my style perfectly. Dropping $$$$ on a dress is silly to me. Oh and dry cleaning cost me $12 which my little brother paid for.

Simple white dress. Clearance rack, JCPenney. $11. 'Nuff said.

I'm getting married in September and I keep reading about how ungodly expensive your typical wedding is. it is such a ridiculous scam, the lot of it.

He grew up in a much more traditional family and place than I did, though, so I suppose we're both products of our upbringing. And the wedding (in just about three months), like so many other aspects of a relationship, is all about compromise...

yeah i dunno.... Mexican weddings are a bit different. Main thing is the Tequila. there must be 2 or more options (i.e. Patron and Jose Cuervo). then there's the flood of kids. flowers. dresses. the cousins (12+), and of course, per each family that is invited, add +2 to the list, since we come in pairs and bring guests. food isn't that big of an issue. Video/photos a must. DJ and or live music must. doesn't have to be "fancy", but a large venue, with all of the above. limo isn't required, but a rental car will do.

my advice: save money on the photos/video!

shop around!

-dave

@SetDipSwitchesTo_GitEmSteveDave: You forgot the strippers. Will the buffet include hot wings, chips/dip, and peanuts? I think a nice touch would be recliners for the wedding party...

Otherwise... top notch!

1. Consider a formal gown, instead of a bridal gown. Bought a gorgeous white formal for under $200 (including tailoring). Wore it again to the formal dinner on my honeymoon cruise. Bonus!

2. Early evening (post-dinner) wedding. Say, 8 p.m. You can get by on heavy appetizers. No meal at all!

3. Look for package deals. My ex-hubby got his tux for free from the tux rental place the groomsmen used. The place also threw in free wedding invitations!

4. Don't serve hard liquor. Wine, champagne and beer are infinitely cheaper.

5. You don't need a band. Heck, DJ iPod on "mix" may be all you need!

6. Non-traditional venu. I rented the clubhouse at my apartment complex for the evening. Rented folding chairs for the ceremony, which were cleared after for the reception. NO driving for the folks in attendance! They milled by the pool with munchies which were set out while we cleared the room. We also hired the caterer who typically did the apartment complex parties. They were already familiar with the layout (most clubhouses have kitchens). We were also offered the model apartment (right next to the clubhouse) for a place for the wedding party to dress and primp pre-wedding at no extra charge!

1.) Reception: Used beautiful (city-owned) historic beachhouse for reception. The only downside was that we couldn't have liquor onsite (but we did anyway! bwhaha) - cost $400 for the night.

2.) Photos: Friend of the wife was professional photo journalist - cost $300 for hotel room and gas to get into town

3.) Video: Friend of mine was professional cameraman - cost $0

4.) Food: Local catering company which did an awesome job with apps & dinner - cost $3500 or so

5.) DJ: Laptop + ITunes. We had one of the ushers "DJ" the wedding. I didn't want some douche on stage playing the hokey pokey and costing me $$$

6.) Lighting: DIY + rentals for dancefloor lighting - cost $100

7.) Invitations, Menus, Etc: wife is a professional graphic designer, only cost was the paper - cost $200

6.) Flowers: Sister is a professional florist - cost $1000

7.) Band: Hired an awesome jazz band from Chicago off of craigslist. They were amazing. Cost: $2000 and worth every penny.

There were other expenses here and there but we were just lucky enough to have talented friends & family who were willing to help out with the wedding for cost of materials or free.

I can't even believe the suggestions of getting rid of the open bar, making people pay for their own drinks, or not even having alcohol. unless you are in AA, i think it's a severe no-no to do that to your guests. i don't even care if the bride and groom don't drink. if you're vegetarian, will you force all your guests to eat tofu and salad also? save money by not getting the top shelf stuff but open bar should be a requirement at any wedding

also, if your family and friends have any class then their gift will cover the price per head and then some. i know i wouldn't give close to my standard gift if the event probably only cost a couple hundred to put together

I had a very strange dream the other night that my ex- and I were married in North Korea by Kim Jong-Il...I have to think that's going to run us some dough...

Ice cream cakes sounded nice, but leave them out too long and they will melt...get them out too early and they get hard as a rock.

I actually love the cakes from Costco. If our town had one, we would have bought our cake from there.

@wchamilton: Exactly... I always felt a marriage was to celebrate, not show off. If you need a big, $20K wedding to make your nuptials feel IMPORTANT... then I would seriously reconsider who you are marrying.

There are a lot of reception sites that don't advertise, are much less expensive than hotels, and are very, very nice.

Our reception was at the Science Museum of Minnesota. The upper floor was blocked off for us, there were terrific views of the river from the large balcony, the house caterer is fantastic (no plastic chicken -- Hot Zone buffet, featuring food from the tropics), and every guest got passes to the museum. We contemplated the zoo as well, but the Science Museum better fit my nerdy nature.

That's just a basic overview, but what do you think?

I could not imagine a more beautiful and totally stress-free wedding than the one we had. Plus we were completely focused on each other & the commitment we were making rather than trying to make sure all of our divorced parents weren't fighting with each other or something.

I'm getting married this Saturday and have learned quite a bit about how to save money on a wedding.

The most important thing my bride and I did was make a rule for ourselves at the very beginning: WE WILL NOT BORROW MONEY, no matter what. There are too many important things to worry about after the wedding (house, work, children) to have to carry around huge piles of debt centered around just one day.

The thing I wish we had done differently: I wish we had sat down at the very beginning and worked out a budget. Because neither family could foot the entire bill for the reception (though they were both very generous), we should have done all of the budget work up front and then asked for money.

I also wish we had finalized the guest list very early on. Of 310 guests invited, we'll probably have about 180. We were biting our nails worrying we were going to have 250 show up.

Lastly, work with your vendors. If you can be flexible and can give up having everything exactly as you want it, your vendors can usually offer you a much better deal. We got a full dinner for the price of appetizers because we went with chicken, potatoes, and green beans instead of deviled eggs and other time-consuming food choices. We saved on wedding cake by ordering a small cake and then a large sheet cake to be cut behind the scenes.

A wedding isn't about tons of money. It should be about celebrating your marriage in whatever what makes sense to you.

Since this isn't a first marriage for either of us, we thought about the whole Justice o' the Peace thing, but decided to go ahead and have a small, casual shindig with family and friends (and tons of kids). As such, we'll be severely limiting the open bar, if we have one at all, going with not steak or chicken, but brunch items (pop-tarts, anyone? I kid, I kid). No garter toss, no bouquet toss. Fun, casual, etc.

I know every girl dreams of a princess day - heck, I had one with the first wedding - but it's a shame that they think they have to spend $40K to get it. It becomes more about the party than the reason behind the party. This time around, I'm doing it right.

In the end, the party was a lot of fun, but we sort of wished we'd just gone to Vegas.

A couple of the cost-cutting measures we employed:
1. We weren't afraid to ask for price matches, and we weren't afraid to walk. We got a *fantastic* value on the catering and a good value on the DJ this way.
2. We did the hall decorations ourselves, taking advantage of good sales and coupons at hobby and arts and crafts stores.
3. We held the reception in a church hall rather than at a hotel. There are a lot of reception sites that don't advertise, are much less expensive than hotels, and are very, very nice. Word of mouth and feedback from friends and colleagues can pay dividends! (And not every church hall looks like a high school gym...)
4. If you want an open bar and you want to cut costs, look into beer and wine only.

One major point I disagree with is the recommendation to limit to close adult family. Inviting families with lots of kids was probably one of the best moves we made, because it was the kids who really got the dancing going and got the adults involved.

I haven't read the list, but I can bet (and I hope) one of the criteria is only invite people you really want there. I've been to weddings before with friends that weren't even close friends with the couple, and we ended up going to the reception afterwards and getting smashed for free.

Had to have cost a ton.

Granted there isn't much you can do if the bride wants a big wedding, but I swear there is a connection between the price of the wedding and the divorce rate. Higher the price tag, higher divorce rate sounds right to me.

We won the wedding cake at one of the wedding expos we went to.

We used a historic town property and they even put up a tent for us (for a fee of course)

We got a justice of the peace

Because we were on town property, we couldn't do alcohol. So the only alcohol we had was for the champagne toast, other than that we had water, iced tea, and sodas.

We were going to set up music and run it off of a disc changer, but someone who was supposed to remember forgot to bring the extension cord.

My uncle's a florist and did the bouquet and center pieces as his wedding gift.

The two most expensive pieces were the food and the dress. My mother-in-law was nice and bought my wife's dress, and my father chipped in half for the food in exchange for not footing the bill for a rehearsal dinner.

We took our immediate family out to dinner and got married there (12 ppl). We got married at 4 right before the restaurant opened and they let us do it on the cheap.

Then we had a huge party the next afternoon for our friends and family. Our biggest expense was renting a tent and buying food (NO catering). We had a fun luau theme an had bought the decorations at the party stores last fall when it all went on clearance. We had a roasted pig, booze galore all kinds of food and over 100 people there that all had a great time in hawaiian shirts. Total price for everything? about $3500 not to mention just about no stress going into it.

Our wedding/party was more memorable and we still have people telling us what a good time they had, which is more than I can say for the normal/typical/cliche wedding and reception.

That list is all well and good but when the typical American girl has been primed from the age of 4 for her "magical evening" it becomes a little tougher to deviate from the plan.

Heck, thats what I did years ago. I didn't even tell my parents, my fiancee and I went to the town justice with a few witnesses, then out for chinese. My parents wanted to pay for the big wedding, and I wasn't having that.

Saved us a TON of dough!