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Well ... at least they can still afford the mortgage.
Well ... at least they can still afford the mortgage.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-237394-100x100.png\")
Burrow into the other units and make secret tunnels! This would be an awesome situation for an adult friendly older kids show.
The HOA dues must totally suck, though.
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@futuresuperbowlMVPJayCutler: Have to think the \"neighboring condo\" is part of the same HOA or they wouldn't have been allowed to do the swap by the competing HOA.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-16563-100x100.png\")
@futuresuperbowlMVPJayCutler: I'd love to get my sister in there so I could creep in and make it a 32-story set for The Shining II.
Eventually, years later, they'd laugh and laugh and laugh.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-13251-100x100.png\")
@Applyin'Sunscreen_GitEmSteveDave:
Think how much fun it would be to play laser tag in the building...or paintball matches.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-55114-100x100.png\")
@Starfury:
Yes! I too was thinking a huge game of laser tag would be warranted.
It would be like playing Die Hard!
[DING - Elevator opens] BLAM BLAM BLAM. Or I guess in the case of laser tag, Pew Pew Pew
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-386420-100x100.png\")
That is disturbing. I get nervous when the inside of my tiny house is eerily quiet, but a 32 story tower?
It would make me go something something...
@JustinSane07: I *love* complete silence, and spend a lot of time blocking out noise with ear plugs, and isolating headphones and such. I used to spend a lot of time in the unused portions of buildings in college because they were typically silent, no plumbing, central AC, no people at all.
The \"other inhabitants\" in the condo, I'm not so cool with.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-2736-100x100.png\")
@JustinSane07: stir crazy? Unless you're gonna go go crazy, which might be interesting.
Homer: All work and no play make Homer something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do! ::goes crazy::
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-159466-100x100.png\")
For a simpsons nazi you did a bad job at getting the quote 100% correct..
\"No beer and no TV make Homer something something\"
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-70159-100x100.png\")
@trujunglist: @Traveshamockery: @Pibbs: @courtarro: @HurtsSoGood:
Feelin' fine.
@Fry:
Don't mind if I do!
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-697072-100x100.png\")
@courtarro: Actually it's \"no TV and no beer make Homer something something\" :D
/simpsons uber-uber-nazi
Are they the only members of the condo association? If so, that'd be pretty awesome.
@TCama: Usually the developer is the \"condo association\" until a substantial number of the units are sold and taken ownership of. Sometimes the developer stays on until all of the units are sold.
@FLConsumer: Plus if the builder owns both condos the HOA is probably common between the two. For now, anyway.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-19238-100x100.png\")
@TCama: They might not have controller of the hoa until a certain percentage of the condos are owned (85% I think). This NPR had a really good podcast on either \"this American life \" or \"Planet moeny\" about the limbo people can be in when they are the only ones in the building.
@TCama: Except that their $115/month won't pay for anything!
Pro: Every motion is passed unanimously. Complete control over HOA funds.
Cons: No funds to actually complete maintenance and upgrade projects.
I wonder if they watched 28 Day Later, and have their balcony lit up to attract people at night. I mean, there's enough near dead around, people need a beacon.
What's the heating/cooling bill like with so many unused spaces?
@Applyin'Sunscreen_GitEmSteveDave: Heating and cooling bills for the family are probably the lowest they'll ever be. That building uses water-source heat pumps, with a common recirculating water line running around the building and to a central cooling tower. At this point the sheer mass of water is more than enough to absorb the heat put out by a single condo.
@Applyin'Sunscreen_GitEmSteveDave: Nope, only Embarq (fmrly Sprint) and Comcast in this area.
@Applyin'Sunscreen_GitEmSteveDave: I hope they put a personalized plaque or decorative rock on the front of the building \"Welcome to the Vangelakos'\"
@futuresuperbowlMVPJayCutler: Could paint a large V on the front in red paint for their name...
I GOT IT! A home for anons! Everyone can wear Guy Fawkes masks!
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-14818-100x100.png\")
@Applyin'Sunscreen_GitEmSteveDave: Does the father have his own set of policeman's riot gear or SWAT gear?
Also, need more shopping carts!
At least they won't have to hear the people upstairs stomping around.
@redskull: But what if they do?
I submit to the midnight society the story of the 1 family in a 32 story building.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-851357-100x100.png\")
Charlton Heston did this in Omega Man. Hopefully, it doesn't turn out the same way.
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-838924-100x100.png\")
Sounds like a great place for paintball practice. Could you imagine the parties you could throw?
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-306389-100x100.png\")
Wow. This would make a *itchin' bachelor pad. Though it does sound just a bit too M. Night Shyamalan... or maybe \"Die Hard\"...
@The Porkchop Express:
Yes. One versus the rest in a 32 story game of laser tag.
McClane wins if he kills Hans
Hans wins if he controlls the building for 1 hour, during which time the terrorists/thieves have to place detonators at a dozen points in the building.
McClane can increase the time needed for Hans to win if he
-Gets to the roof to radio the police (sooner than Hans was planning for) and stays there for 5 minutes.
-Takes detonators. 10 minutes per detonator. Must be taken before they are placed (i.e. kill the guy carrying them).
In addition, 15 minutes in, Hans must send at least one man to investigate the floor the fire alarm was set on.
45 minutes in, Hans must send 3 men to the roof to blow up the hostages.
So, the strategies could be varied. Does Hans send every detonator with one guy, risking a single kill will lose them all? Or does he send multiple men on the job, leaving fewer men to protect him?
I have family in Fort Myers. Anyone gets this thing organized and I am in!
They need to barricade the doors with shopping carts, ala 28 Days Later to keep the zombies out.
Ahh, to be retired on full pension at age 49...so sweet.
How much do firefighters make that he was able to afford to raise three kids, then buy a $430k vacation home and fully retire at the age of 50? I assume if his wife made megabucks they would have mentioned what she did as well.
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@mizike: Bingo, you've sighted the tip of the iceberg. The pension benefits that states have promised public employees are ludicrously generous and unsustainable. The result will be a real political crisis.
The state of California is assuming an annual rate of return of 7.75% in order to come anywhere close to balancing the budget.
Good luck with that...
@mizike: You buy a Florida Condo for 430K in 2008 AFTER the boom ? WELL after the boom ? What the heck was this guy thinking . Pre boom condo prices are much closer to 200K .
Some people assume that since they are gainfully employed or have no financial trouble that everyone else is the same . He has got to realize the local economies in Florida do not provide the jobs for even a 200K condo in most cases .
Florida will go back to the pre boom economy - tourists and retirees .
@mizike: If you manage to save $5k/year for 30 years @ 3% interest, you'll have ~$250k. Do some investing and get that up to 6% return, $450k. If you manage to get 10% return, you'll have > $1M.
Ah, the beauty of compounding interest.
@mizike: It's very possible that he bought a house when he was 20-25 for a small amount of money, it appreciated by a couple hundred thou over 20-25 years and then sold it. Happens all the time.
@Rectilinear Propagation: Yeah, and he might be just as corrupt as the rest of the public employees who manage to retire early.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-605040-100x100.png\")
@mizike: my mom retired a few years ago from the NYPD as a sgt, she is now 51, bought her own house (built from the ground up) in North Carolina, bought 2 brand new cars and lives the good life. The more years you put in, the higher your rank is, the better your pension.
She also saved alot of her money when she was working, invested it (diversified) so that helps as well.
All those empty hallways would remind me of The Shining. Only at the end there's a suspenseful chase through some floridian analog to a hedge maze and the insane father ends up dying of a sunburn on the volleyball court as the camera lingers on his hideously contorted face.
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This is probably illegal and all, but personally, I'd make it into a massive haunted mansion.
When we were apartment hunting, Mr. Pi and I found a beautiful apartment building, just built, brand new. The prices were decent, it was close to all the things we wanted...and then we found out there were four tenants. Four! We asked how long it would take for the rest of the building to fill up, and the rep was very nonchalant about it, as if she didn't expect it to actually get occupied. That sent up red flags right away, and we never called them back. It seemed really creepy to live in a big empty building.
This is actually probably a really good thing for them. As the only tenant, it's in the developers best interest to pay them off to move out so the building can be sold as a whole deal.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-332002-100x100.png\")
I read that they are using the huge common area room, which has a huge plasma tv they can't find the remote for. Also they hear people on other floors trying to break in. .. very creepy.
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@RobinB: That makes all the advice being given about barricading themselves against zombies all the more logical.
What if they just kept expanding the area of the building that they claimed as theirs. After a certain amount of time passes maybe they would own the whole thing. Squater's rights and all that...
@chargernj: Squatters rights take ~20 years to kick in (depending on the jurisdiction). Quite a few juridsictions have eliminiated squatters rights (adverse posesssion) via statute anyway. Good idea though, there ought to be some way to stick it to building owners so they would facilitate his moving out.
@mizike: Adverse possession is alive and well in my area. And, let's be honest, condo sales could very well take 20 yrs to improve.
This would be the crappiest place to be in case of a zombie invasion. Zombies could be anywhere!
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@pecan 3.14159265:
Dunno- in case of a zombie invasion, getting away from people is a GREAT idea. Even living in an apartment block is advised, as long as everyone in the block is in agreement with the survival code.
In \"28 days later\" the family could have lived indefinitely if they had the proper food stores and if Jim didn't lead the rage-induced there.
The only way this place could suck is if there's no way out of their floor. Then they're like canned sardines.
@cash_da_pibble: Well, if the point was to avoid zombies entirely, as soon as they got in, they'd keep going into the building. Your only choice would be to escape the building. That's where the problem comes in of having a lot of extra space for zombies. I suppose they would leave eventually if they couldn't find any people to consume.
@pecan 3.14159265: The problem is, if you move at all, the zombies will see the green halo around your bodies. At that point they'll probably send a tank after you.
@Darkest Daze: But you could get into a defensible location in the building, say, shut down the elevators, barricade the stairwells, and post guards above them...keep one elevator on firefighter mode up top if you needed a fast exit...you could conceivably have enough firepower on board to blast apart anything between you and the door.
@Con Seannery: Or just get under a big pipe and keep pushing the zombies back. Also, never forget that pistols have unlimited ammo.
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Yes! The Shining 2: Fort Myers is gonna rawk!
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Maybe he should charge an inactivity fee for each month that no one else lives there. And by fee, I mean take over another apartment each month.. Then he owns the whole building!
4. Proffit!
Stay out of apartment 237, and if you see two little twin girls or a guy in a dog suit, gtfo as fast as you can.
Awesome! My wife and I would love it, but were are a bit on the anti-social hermit side. Since no one else is present, I'd start a garden wherever the sun gets inside. Woohoo! Who rules CondoTowerTown?
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I gotta say, that sounds pretty awesome to me. In fact I'd see if they'd change the name to \"Mr. Evil's big 'ol fuckin building.\"
Ron White woulda done it, he wanted to sue Sears and get the Sears Tower from em.
Parties would rule \"Oh sorry man I puked on your floor.\"
\"Don't sweat it bro we'll move to another floor!\"
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-6171-100x100.png\")
First thing I thought of was this Outer Limits episode: [en.wikipedia.org])
Throw in an evil AI and you have a remake on your hands.
In the episode, the tenants never see each other, so besides the hologram, it's like living in a building all alone.
I think this is like my dream scenario (literally, I have dreams constantly where I am in some gigantic house that I own/live in and I am amazed at the rooms I never knew about, so I go around looking at all the new rooms and imagining putting my stuff there etc..) aside from the vagrants roaming the hallways. It'd definitely be no-holds barred zombie action time if that happened. If the building is not willing to provide security then I think they need to sue or take it into their own hands.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-451175-100x100.png\")
What I want to know is why move to Fort Myers? There are soooooooo many other places to live on the beach in Florida. Fort Myers is a s***hole if you ask me. That's probably why he is hearing undesirables ransacking the building at night. Anyways, I know that a lot of scammy real estate agencies from Florida run ads on TV up north, he may have been suckered in.
@Stupid_Losers: Having multiple homes around Florida, my preference is actually South Fort Myers/Naples. The east coast of Florida's waaay overbuilt.
Miami's a complete 3rd world country within the borders of the United States. Crime, corruption, even that classic 3rd world sewer smell. It's all here.
Lauderdale has the refugee WASPs/JAPs/Pre-Castro Cubans and retirees of these groups who fled Miami when the 3rd world immigrants took over and brought all of their problems with them.
Daytona is the redneck riviera. To that, it's also somewhat refreshing in that NOTHING has changed there in 20 years.
Orlando has some really nice areas, but plenty of not-so-nice areas. Then there's The Mouse and all of that crap. No shortage of things to do, but you're stuck in the middle of nowhere. What's Florida without living near water? Not to mention it gets oppressively hot without the sea breeze.
Over on the west coast,
Tampa's just trash. All chain stores & chain restaurants except for the small Soho area. All cookie-cutter housing except in the oldest of areas. Tampa gov't is inept at best. Nothing works right and no one in gov't cares. You'd think they'd fix drainage issues after 80+ years of some areas always flooding in every rainstorm. Nope. Still using 1920s era drainage for most of the city. Next hurricane that hits will wipe this place out. Thankfully.
Clearwater has its moments but a huge amount of Scientologists ruins downtown. Some beautiful higher-end areas do exist though. Plenty of waterfront property w/Gulf or Bay access. If you avoid downtown, not a bad place.
St. Petersburg has a great downtown area and a rather tolerant/bohemian population, which also means you've got a few radical groups who spoil things for everyone else. Great mom & pop restaurants and stores to be found. Great parks and tree-covered streets around. Old Northeast is beautiful.
Pinellas Beaches: great overall. Avoid Clearwater beach as that's where the Tampa Trash goes to the beach. Everything south of that's rather nice & pleasant. Treasure Island's a little gem with everything in walking distance.
Sarasota IS beautiful but also has a ton of blue-hairs in God's Waiting Room. Ana Maria Island is a great place to get away from it all.
Venice is alright, nothing there.
Port Charlotte/Punta Gorda are more of God's Waiting Room.
Fort Myers: North-avoid. Rednecks. East-avoid-rednecks+everything else. South-Worth taking a look at. Plenty of good property, near the water, and hurricane-tested 2x. Tons of shopping, restaurants, things to do.
Cape Coral-avoid. Nothing says failed city design/planning better than Cape Coral. Oppressive government with arcane rules on top of it all. I guess that's what happens when a bunch of retirees start an area and miss having others to boss around. The only place I've ever seen where a car is mandatory. And it better not be a pick-up truck. It was illegal to park pickup trucks in your driveway in the city for awhile. Not sure if it still is. Miles upon miles upon miles of residential land without a single convenience / grocery store. The German-American club *is* worth hitting for Oktoberfest 'though.
Estero/Bonita Springs: Up and coming area. Coming from old fishing shacks, so it doesn't have the dangerous crime-ridden streets of many \"up and coming\" areas. Tons of new shops, restaurants, malls, things to do. Everything's new, something new is always opening every week, even in this economy. Unfortunately there are quite a few new cookie cutter homes popping up in the area. Still, plenty of high-end areas and homes to be had. The Hyatt Regency's definitely worth a stay.
Sanibel/Captiva Islands: Great beach if you like living on a deserted island. Some great restaurants but strict building (aesthetic) codes. Not to mention high prices for everything on the island. A bit pretentious at times.
Fort Myers Beach: the red-headed stepchild. North end: typical tourist trap. South end: no public beach access for miles + large amounts of residential areas = very nice and quiet. Still quite a few good local restaurants, many along the water. Nice to be able to go up to the north end of the island when you want activity but be able to retreat back south when you've had enough.
Naples: There is only one Naples. Take West Palm Beach, take away the conspicuous, pretentious displays of wealth (but still have the wealth) and you've got Naples. Plenty of current and former Fortune 500 CEOs have places here. Yet I find the people very down to earth. It's when you're secure enough in your wealth that you don't feel the need to show it off to everyone. Disney could learn quite a bit about landscaping from Naples.
Marco Island - another failed zoning project. Walls upon walls of condo towers block the beach views.
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@Stupid_Losers: I grew up in Sarasota, so I am definitely biased, but I'm sure anyone who has spent any amount of their lives as a resident of the state will agree: While Fort Myers may not be Naples or Sarasota, it's a HELLUVA lot nicer than living in 99% of the tourist trap beach towns (or Miami suburban sprawl spillover) on the Atlantic coast.
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It sounds like something out of a horror movie.
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All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-52395-100x100.png\")
@mizike: According to a commenter on the newspaper website, the wife made her money the old-fashioned way: She stole it.
Like most stories on local newspapers, the comments are descending in a morass of class warfare and random insults. (It would probably be worse if it hadn't been a white family.)
I give it two months before it turns into \"The Shining.\"
All the amenities for the entire complex are listed as proposed. I don't think they even have a swimming pool or a clubhouse.
If they had a fitness room and pool just for their building that would be great.
At least he doesn't have to worry about noisy neighbors.
There's a place like that out here in Tacoma - only 10 units out of 160 sold and now the developer is in foreclosure. The ground-floor retail never materialized, either, and the building is in kind of a \"dead zone\" between an elevated freeway and a commercial waterway. Sad.
My dream home.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-472849-100x100.png\")
That sucks, they live alone in a 32 story building, but are only on the 7th floor? If I were in their situation, I would squat in the penthouse and live it up.
With a headline like that, they obviously should convert the building into an elementary school.
Remember, There Is No Miss Zarves.
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Did anyone else notice this related article?
\"Wife of sole Fort Myers condo resident faces 10 years for embezzlement\"
That's not the half of it. The condo is in Mr.'s name only. Ms. is under indictment in New Jersey (yeah, New Jersey) for embezzlement and some other complaints. Looks like Mr. V is going to be more alone in that building than he thought.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-313960-100x100.png\")
In other news. The shitty economy is partly because we over pay some government employees so much they can retire early on a huge pension. Why should we care about someone who can retire early and get a second home?
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-210697-100x100.png\")
@citizensmith: because the social contract we have with firefighters is basically: we will give you a dangerous job, make you live in crap conditions while you're on that job and make it hard to have a normal family life. And when you get older, we're afraid you won't be able to do the job anymore, so we give you a nice pension to entice you to retire and you go away and let's not call it age discrimination, ok? Signed, niece of two firemen.
For those unfamiliar with the area, 3 large condo projects were started along the riverfront near the \"downtown\" area. Downtown Fort Myers is like many American downtowns -- virtually abandoned. The city has practically moved south about 10 miles. South Fort Myers / Estero / Bonita Springs / North Naples is where the action is at. 3 large new regional shopping malls have popped up in recent years in this new area. Meanwhile, the Edison Mall (nearest to downtown) has become \"the mall where the white people used to shop.\"
Other than the courthouses, jail, and government, downtown would be just a bunch of older buildings with a bunch of sleazy bars & nightclubs in them. Some of the buildings are quite nice, and the riverfront is beautiful, but there just isn't anything there.
While $450k for that condo is a bargain compared to what a similar condo would go for in Naples, FL, you can get a beachfront condo (or even house!) for the same money.
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-349558-100x100.png\")
His wife was just charged with official misconduct, embezzling and altering public records:
I guess that's how they were able to afford a $430K condo on a public servant's salary.
/FAIL
Whoops!
She didn't JUST get arrested. The story is dated June, 2008.
@dialmelo: This explains alot . I still think they're idiots paying 430K for a Florida condo - AFTER the boom .
May be they needed a tax write off for all the money they had .
@TexasP: I have no problem with offering a pension especially for fire fighters . Perhaps more people should be enticed to take buyout completely severing themselves from a life time of payments .
Unoccupied condos were apparent in Miami BY 2003 . They were lucky to have a 20% occupancy rate . Sometimes 50% of the units would be sold but... . Property got flipped so fast - sometimes 3 sales in one month that the paperwork couldn't keep up .
It was a flatout frenzy until 2005ish . The speculators/flippers ruined south Florida . Until 2000 you could've bought a beach front condo for under 225K - brand new in many areas . You moved inland 5 minutes from the beach you could've had house for under 100K which is more in line with the local job market .
And what sickened me that the news was covering a new condo first day on sale where people would wait in line overnight . They would be interviewed and say crap like \" oh now I have a place to live \" and yet the condo's would not be officially ready for a year or two sometimes . The flippers and speculators whored themselves and the economy into oblivion .
This guy basically was a flipper late to the party or a sucker being the last one in Ponzi Scheme like scnerio . This guy paid over 400K in Ft Myers at the end of the boom for what probably should be a 200K condo tops .
So when he pays his condo/maintenance fees he pays himself since he basically is the condo association ?
The wife of the firefighter who owns this creepy place has been charged with embezzling funds back in NJ. Seems she worked as a court clerk and skimmed about half a mil from the court. Perhaps living in a creepy condo is just rewards for someone who paid for a \"luxury\" condo using taxpayer money.
Why do banks/etc leave these places empty as opposed to lowering prices or even just auctioning the units off? Seems like it would be worthwhile to at least get some return on the investment and the fees/taxes the building accumulates.
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That would be a bit eerie. I like silence as much as the next person, but in a building that's supposed to be filled it would be unnerving.
@tbax929:
That is a major reason why I have animals. I live in an old farmhouse that can get a bit creepy if I let myself think about it, but with the cats around I can always blame any strange or unexpected noises on them.
This way I can live alone, but not in solitude, if that makes sense.
@tbax929: I'd freak out like Will Smith in I Am Legend and start setting up mannequins to greet on my way to the mailbox each day.
@tbax929: @futuresuperbowlMVPJayCutler: I was going to recommend that they knock a few holes in the walls and go to town.