Incidentally, you can get what looks like the same thing from a seller on Amazon for half the price.
Sorry, infomercial people. I'm holding out for a Washlet. (Warning: link contains nudity.)
Comfort Wipe [Official Site]
The Comfort Wipe Will Help You Wipe Your Lazy Assh*les! [Best Week Ever]
I did the same with cigarettes. Never wanted to get hooked, but I would smoke one about once or twice a year when I was younger. I would get BUZZED on half of one.
]]>But once you've used one, there's no going back to TP.
]]>I was stationed in Qatar for three months in 2004. Next to all their toilets they had hand held douches, even in the outhouse-style bathrooms built for the military. In one bathroom, somebody had scribbled onto the device "hey Americans, this is for you to keep the skid marks out of your underwear."
Clever Qatarese.
]]>@cuchanu: George Costanza would be all over this.
]]>@Shoelace: Yes. It is. Ask any LPN - licensed practical nurse, any home health aide, anyone who's an aide to elderly persons with physical disabilities, dementia, whatever. I don't think this item is meant to be used when someone is assisting the patient, it's meant to extend some independence to people whose mobility is limited but if they had this device would be able to continue doing this sensitive function without assistance - and thus continue to maintain at least that part of their dignity and self-respect as long as possible.
All of you who are laughing about this are very fortunate never to have encountered anyone who may need such a device, and I hope you never have to learn about such things at first hand. I didn't think the headline was funny because I immediately thought of my Dad, may he rest in peace, who weighed about 133 lbs when he died (at 5'7"), but whose mobility had been hampered for decades by Parkinsons', arthritis, and in later years, simply by old age. We never needed this type of device for him, but over time we learned about just about every product devised to help people with limited mobility extend their independence.
There are products that help you hold a fork with the proper weight balance so it doesn't fly all around but can be navigated from plate to mouth, use a knife, push food to the edge of a plate without spilling it, drink from a cup even if your neck muscles are weak (a common Parkinsons' effect), turn the knob on a faucet, turn a doorknob, switch on a light, pull up your socks or pantyhose, button your shirt, hold a pen steady, and on and on. In the context of the hundreds (maybe thousands) of assistive devices available on the market, this seems a lot less strange than it might at first glance.
]]>@midwestkel: Alcohol of any stripe is expensive. I maintain a low alcohol tolerance for precisely this reason - it costs me $20 less than my friends to get a decent buzz.
]]>@Waverly V Phillips:
The documentary you're talking about is Bigger, Faster, Stronger and, yes, I'm sure this guy has something similar if not a bidet.
Doom doom da-doom doom doom dooooooom!
Hee hee! Although I can't watch it because it's not on any channel I can find anymore. :P
When I went camping once, I had to use leaves. That was kind of...well, weird. No they weren't poison ivy either. That was the first thing I learned in Girl Scouts - how to tell what poison ivy looked like!
]]>You know, thinking about it, neither of those options sound pleasant at all.
Starting now, I'm going to stop taking toilet-paper for granted.
]]>Mind you, those categories should relegate it to the sphere of all things medical device-ish...there is a bit of an ick factor at having such a product marketed to the everyday mainstream. Hence the reactions.
]]>Why haven't they gone the extra mile and gotten rid of the toilet paper and replaced it with a sleeve of moist material to put over the end of the Comfort Wipe? Kind of like a mitten--we could call them Shittens(tm).
Scratch that. Anyone who invents something like this could just invent the colon-vac. Why even have a toilet? Just put the patented, curved vacuum attachment into your stimulus package and gently remove last night's pizza without ever having a need to wipe afterwards.
]]>@Mark Weaver: Me misquote The Simpsons? That's umpossible!
]]>Wonder if it's pronounced 'WASH-lay' like bidet.... or 'WASH-let' like toilet?
]]>Stop making me LOL at work!
]]>I'd rather use my hand than wipe after 30 other people with the same sponge!
BTW nice avatar. I have some shoes with GIR on them. :)
]]>Being at work sucks because I can't click on that link. Now I'm dying to see what the hell this thing is!
]]>And believe me, getting on and off the toilet is no fun, either; it's pretty damn humbling to need help with something like that when you're not even 40 yet.
]]>They linked us to a site that sold these little grabber things like a claw on the end that grabbed the toilet paper. personally I think they should come with a swiffer wet jet squirty thing too...in case its extra messy.
]]>@MedicallyNeedy: Don't forget to fill the bottom with some "barbercide" or whatever that blue-green stuff is that barbers put combs in.
]]>@Murph1908: that just means you can use cheaper hookers
]]>I seriously doubt you will get superb cleaning action...leaving minimal soil behind..there is nothing like the hand.
Also, I can totally see this thing getting misused by some.
My co-worker doubts that after the wipe, the tissue will release that easy from the 'wand'.
I guess on the bright side...no more poop finger.
]]>How the fuck are you gonna go into the public restrooms with that thing. ON TOP OF THE FACT that you would have to leave with it after, ugh, "using" it.
I hate humanity.
]]>This stick looks crappy. Sorry for the pun.
The washlet looks amazing.
]]>I love when non-disabled people are like "LOL why would people need *insert item that can help people*?! Anyone who uses this is LAZY!"
Yeah. Everyone, I bet.
]]>@rallyfanche: Someone above said little people sometimes need stuff like this, because their arms are so short. Also, the disabled. So, yes, it is.
]]>ADVANTAGE: Drought and Famine Resistant.
DISADVANTAGE: Actually considering the purchase of one of these.
@Hoss: Um...what's the disadvantage?
]]>Advantage: People don't harass you at bars, and tone down their road rage.
Disadvantage: You can't see the hooker over your protruding gut.
]]>"Extends your reach a full 18 inches!"
"also great for wiping stinky old grandpa or other people you don't want to get close to!"
]]>@Mark Weaver: "but Aquaman, you cannot marry a women without gills, you're from two different worlds!....oh I've wasted my life"-Comic Book Guy
]]>At first I thought it was Lisa too, but here's the evidence:
Ignore the anti-American comments in the summary. They're just jealous of our general nonstop kickassitude.
]]>There are legitimate needs for such a device, but I just find it funny.
]]>That is all.
]]>My big pet peeve about this hygeine area is that American toilet paper is bleached. Seems awfully wasteful (both in $ and environmental impact) to make something perfectly white when its primary intended use is to be smeared with poo and thrown away.
Just sayin'.
]]>Also 18 inches of reach...wtf? Who would use this?
]]>I can't figure out how you could hurt your back such that wiping would be any worse than getting on and off the toilet.
]]>Unless it's a vertebra, or a Graziano-style caved-in skull, it'd take more than one bone to do that.
Also, you're still wiping your own ass when you use this. The fact that you're using a tool to do it...well, you're using a tool when you use toilet paper.
]]>@CaptZ: I think if you're a user of one of those, you will never ever get a blumpkin
]]>@NoWireHangers: Advantage: Being mistaken for Bubba the Love Sponge
Disadvantage: Being mistaken for Bubbe the Love Sponge
]]>@mac-phisto: That one just made me say EWWWWWW out loud.
]]>I think if someone is not physically able to wipe their tush, their family members would be "aware" whether they wanted to be aware or not. The person would be stinky. ;-)
]]>"Think about it...toilet paper is disgusting, the 'stick' is a modern solution"....your saying toilet paper is disgusting then why are you putting it on a stick.
this video fails to get the message out..WIPING WITH YOUR HANDS IS DISGUSTING, USE A STICK WITH TOILET PAPER ON IT TO WIPE UR BUM.
I dare anyone to just listen and not watch the video and tell me what you get out of it
]]>Advantage: You might survive the longest if stuck on an island with no food.
Disadvantage: You will be the first one to get eaten.
Also, tell me that wet, diarrhea soaked TP isn't going to stick causing the user to manually override the auto-release system???
]]>Also, you'd be doing our U.S. troops overseas a big favor by shipping the bulk of these to Iraq and Afghanistan. If those Muslims don't want to wipe their asses with with the aid of one of these, then our soldiers can employ them as a non-lethal weapon and use them to beat the enemy over the head.
]]>Even the Grand Wailea in Maui ([www.grandwailea.com]) is the dark ages compared to home.
]]>Just don't mistake your shower brush for the comfort wipe ...
]]>I personally can not wait.
]]>BTW, great product if you've got a disability. Theyr'e bilking people, though.
]]>Disadvantage: Adult-onset diabetes.
]]>@NoWireHangers: Advantage: Babies and small children find you easily approachable.
Disadvantege: Odds of producing your own have greatly declined.
I think someone would have to be super morbidly obese (the medical categories are obese, morbidly obese, and super morbidly obese, if I recall correctly) to not be able to reach back there to wipe. Or perhaps have back problems that prevent twisting and turning?
I suspect that in addition to super morbidly obese, this is also marketed towards the elderly, who might have trouble reaching due to back problems, hip problems or motor function problems.
]]>Or: saw halfway through the handle.
]]>@swingchickie: And she still needs you? That says alot about you.....congrats!
]]>Love the Simpsons!
]]>@Donathius: It was from the golden age of the Simpsons, don't feel ashamed!
]]>& yes, they most certainly have asswipes down there.
]]>This thing was invented by the Romans: sea sponge on a stick.
Can't wait till they make the spinning/vibrating Comfort Wipe for extra cleaning power. Now THAT would be an invention!
]]>@Vanilla5: >In the end
Ha!
]]>i'm totally sold.
]]>Make it out of titanium and cover it with those heat tiles they use on the shuttle and I might find that useful.
]]>Advantages: You can drink more beer without passing out.
Disadvantages: You drink more beer
Advantage: You may be mistaken for a celebrity.
Disadvantage: You may be mistaken for Kirstie Alley.
I SOOOOOOOOO want the Washlet! That is just awesome! Just not sure if I will ever get off the toilet. But I might get off on the toilet!
]]>Based on my projections for how well this thing will sell, I'll say "no."
]]>MTE!
]]>What the hell?!?! COME ON!!!! This can't be!?!?!
]]>@MyPetFly: Careful there, honey. You're one broken bone or serious surgery away from having a nurse help you with this. I can say with some authority that it's a very humbling experience.
]]>So, they say we don't have to crumple or fold our toilet paper anymore, but then show that you have to fold toilet paper to put it on the stick?
]]>Maybe heavier than 315, but still...shift the hip, reach on back.
]]>That plastic stick must need to be sanitized often, which is at least as icky as wiping your own ass. Especially the moving parts like the paper grabber. Blech.
]]>Face it, this is for the obese who just can't reach back there.
]]>My back is fine right now so I would not be interested in this, but if my back goes out again - I will be searching & buying this very quickly.
]]>Bart - "I wanna be a lardo on workman's comp, just like dad."
Big fat Bart (speaking with a faux southern accent and surrounded by reporters) - "I wash myself with a rag on a stick."
I am so sad that I know this sequence in such great detail.
]]>Does this mean the Muslims can now eat with both hands?????
]]>This won't sell. Get "Billy Mays here" and he'd make it sell like all the useless stuff he manages to make big sellers.
]]>... come to think of it, this actually looks a lot like the gizmo I have that uses disposable sponges to clean the toilet. The one I bought because I don't want a toilet brush.
]]>May buy one just to see...
]]>The Best Technical Innovation of All Time, of course, still goes to sliced bread (1928) Which will also probably work in a pinch. When you pinch... a loaf. Or something.
]]>@diasdiem: I saw a show about the gladiators (or was it Roman soldiers?) that basically said the same thing (although there wasn't the financial side to it, which leads me to think it was an episode about soldiers).
]]>What's even more disturbing is the thought that someone wouldn't mind sharing one.
]]>Great for when your torso spontaniously extends over a foot in length.
]]>Advantages: You are large.
Disadvantages: You are too large to wipe your own fat ass.
But for everybody else - have we gotten so lazy as a society that we won't reach back and wipe our own ass??? In the end, it's something you're going to have to clean and disinfect because it's come into contact with your own fecal matter/bacteria. Your hands are wash & wear - why don't you just use those with toilet paper instead of a piece of plastic?
And how is this anatomically designed for my ass? I really fail to see how it is going to help me wipe properly.
]]>The day I can't wipe myself is the day I check out for good.
]]>There was an episode of True Life where a little person had to jerry-rig herself one of these, because her arms weren't long enough to reach.
]]>"I wash myself with a rag on a stick." - Bart Simpson
]]>