All questions on the card are to be answered on a scale of:
- Actively Agree
- Passively Agree
- Falsification of the truth
- Can you repeat the question?
It gets weirder from there.
]]> I've read these questions each a dozen times in the process of transcribing them and putting this entry together, and they make even less sense.The front thanks and praises you for your purchase of the shoes. Normal enough. On the question side, the left-hand column asks questions about you, the purchaser, and the other asks about your concerns about the product.
The questions about you, the purchaser:
1. I would never travel to a foreign country who don't have indoor plumbing2. When faced with the slightest of problems I can sometimes appear apathetic to the point of unconsciousness.
3. Thankfully I am self-assured on topics far beyond the confines of my own competence.
4. I frequently and readily express my feelings, emotions and urges.
5. I am rigorously exercising at the public swimming baths. I am very imposing towards a novice. We make love in a locker and I fall heavily pregnant, I indulge in a sex change to avoid aborting the baby but still there she grows, how do I rid myself without losing my natural breasts.
6. I am imprisoned, serving 5 life sentences, my inmates are angry and upset about the flippant lack of soap in the shower rooms. I invent and energetically take to market a brand new top of the range shower gel with the great satisfaction of making the world that little bit better than I found it.
7. I've just been hospitalized for mental illness.
8. I'm a market leader in developing marketing campaigns with 100% no relevance to anyone. You want to throw some money at me?
9. I am lavishly entertaining guests, a friend falls face down the lavatory breaking their neck in five places in the process.
10. I have no comprehension of even the most basic English.
The suggested concerns you might have about the product:
11. It's the big day. I am hurriedly deciding what to wear, I reach for the shoes but there is only one there. Which one do I pick?
12. I am entertaining guests, a friend notices that my feet fail to fit inside the shoes and instead are stitched by the skin to the soles of what was once a shoe. Why?
13. I have developed chronical congestionitus, acid indigestion, and trapped wind since purchasing these shoes. Is correct?
14. I was out on the town this weekend getting sectioned when my shoes left a dirty scuff mark on my boy/girlfriend's face which will not reprieve. I have tried all both forms of bleach but to no avail. Could I possibly change the shoes?
15. Whilst paddling on holiday, the shoes were not waterproof to 50 metres as I imagined them to be. Please advise.
16. I arrive home early hours from an evening of light entertainment with friends and family members. My shoes smell unsanitary and pnent but my feet remain airtight in plastic bags. How so?
17. I am in a popular traveling circus gaily entertaining the masses with poorly conceived and potentially fatal 'crowd pleasers.' I was absent-mindedly show-boating in a transparent tank when a piranha sliced a gash into my shoe. Is there a doctor in the house?
18. In a fit of joyous panic I accidentally shred the shoes through a woodchip cutter which was left on over night by my bedside. I am still however, in possession of a valid receipt.
19. I placed the shoes in the incinerator it was an accident. Please could I have my money back?
20. I am recuperating from serious animal trap accident (which was successful!) however I have no further use for the shoes. I am still within my 1 month warranty period, but I HAVE MISPLACED the receipt of purchase. What do?
"Such happy assurance as you've never known," the questionnaire concludes. Yeah. Exactly.
]]>This is a brilliant marketing ploy - honestly! Look at all the free publicity the internet is providing, and I expect their target demographic includes the type of people who will find this outrageously hilarious and come back again and again just to see what other bizarreness the company throws at them.
]]>@takes_so_little: and maybe a mix of all three
]]>Honestly, this makes me want to buy something from them in the off chance I will also receive a survey as full of ridiculously nonsensical WIN as this one.
Diesel, if you're out there...can you just send me a survey anyway?
]]>If it's not that, then lord knows what's going on.
Either way, I was tickled while reading this.
]]>@Anti_Hero: From what I understand, it's a little of both.
]]>@Ghede: They are an Italian company, for what that's worth
]]>1) A commentary surprisingly in touch with their target market, poking fun of larger corporations inept ability to show actual thoughtfulness and care towards their customers.
or
2) Someone drunk. And having a field day, being possibly the only proficient English speaking person around at the time.
]]>The mix is about 75% for, 25% against how we do things. We have folks who call our customer service line just to show friends "See, they really answer the phones this way!" and most people say things like "I love your company. You're not like anyone else!". We also had a few people call about the above mentioned catalog in the 25% category. One man said it was "disgusting and vile" to show people being covered in food like that. We got a handful of people calling to complain about the waste of food.
Basically, some companies are choosing to not do things in the 'typical American white-male" way of doing things. As we watch two of The Big Three about to sink into bankruptcy, with doing things the 'good old boy' way is what helped get them there, perhaps we need to applaud the companies choosing to try something different.
]]>The comment card is mocking you for thinking you purchased high end luxury shoes, when you actually haven't.
]]>@wgrune: I also do this for a living. I wonder if there's a union we can join.
]]>@Ghede: Or all of the above.
]]>@lalaland13: Is correct?
/wood chipper
Seriously though - they've at least succeeded brilliantly on getting their company's name on the lips of everyone around the water cooler in my office.
]]>@oilburner: That was my thought, too.
]]>Aww, I got eaten by a grue, but this salad is great with real bacon.
]]>Certainly not the 15 minutes they spent filling it out.
]]>I agree, sounds like a bad translation.
]]>8. I'm a market leader in developing marketing campaigns with 100% no relevance to anyone. You want to throw some money at me?
The best line.
]]>@Erwos: I wouldn't really call it "witty" or "funny".
]]>@Erwos: I think witty and funny is a real stretch. It sounds like they hired a cynical and overly sarcastic high school girl to write that thing up. Or maybe a writer for MTV
]]>@Erwos: I actively agree, but what do you make of the questions???
]]>I wish everything came with a survey of that caliber. Totally amazing!
]]>@OminousG:
$60 for a pair of flipflops. A consumerist reader bought, at cheapest, a $60 pair of flipflops...only to be confused by the comment card? They're a douche.
Sometimes I wonder if advertising departments pull one over on the consumerist.
I'm now putting Diesel beside Woot in the bag of "out smarted" the consumerist collection.
See, the only difference is that they're being witty and funny.
]]>Thats so full of awesome. Wonder if any of their shoes are in my price range...
]]>YOU choose the adventure! :oD
]]>Whoever made that was high.
]]>
