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Drink Coffee - Don't poop. Seems unlikely....
Drink Coffee - Don't poop. Seems unlikely....
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Rules? What are they, the post office?
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This is not passive aggression. These are outright rules and admonishments.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-812528-100x100.png\")
@CoarseLive: Yeah, where is the passive aggressiveness here? One might suspect passive aggressiveness if the only sign were the obtuse: \"It is nice to be able to justify one's presence when one is occupying a space and enjoying the ambience [sic] of that place... Especially a small business.\"
Also, I must ask, why the \"sic\" after the word \"ambience\"? It is not spelled incorrectly. (The second correct spelling is \"ambiance\").
Yeah, I'm picking nits.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-357874-100x100.png\")
@CoarseLive: I wouldn't call these \"outright,\" as they're couched in pleases and thank yous.
If you define passive aggression somewhat similar to wikipedia, you can pick out plenty of passive-aggressive traits: obstructionism, speaking cryptically, making chaotic situations, etc.
Basically, the coffee shop's existence itself is passive aggressive, in that it is a coffee shop that charges you for free wifi, discourages lingering, and won't let you poop (which, as some commenters have noted, sort of goes hand in hand with coffee).
(Also, I agree that \"passive-aggressive\" is becoming overused.)
@Alex Chasick: In a hipster coffee shop, passive-aggressiveness is the rule, especially sulking and work-to-rule (doing the absolute minimum and no more).
Hell, in the whole *city of Portland*, passive-aggressiveness is the rule. It's an affront to people to ask them to do anything.
@CoarseLive: @pecan 3.14159265: Or, maybe he's saying that the specific variety of broken English is like the kind produced by Asians for whom English is a second language, and the odd subset of requests laid on the customer implies that the owners are crazy.
Is he implying that all Asians are crazy? Or that all Asians write English so poorly?
Statistical extrapolation doesn't automatically equal racism.
@Charles Mousseau: Posting a sign telling someone not to squat after drinking coffee? That's Crazy as all hell regardless of race(unless it's decafe!)
@CoarseLive: Except for the vague \"nice to justify one's presence\" bit, I agree; circuitously phrased, perhaps (ESL?), but not particularly P-A.
Reminded me of this sign,:
SORRY
NO TALKING TO CASHIER
NO SMOKING
NO FIGHTING
NO CREDIT
NO OUTSIDE FOOD
NO SITTING LONG
NO TALKING LOUD
NO SPITTING
NO BARGAINING
NO WATER TO OUTSIDERS
NO CHANGE
NO TELEPHONE
NO MATCH STICKS
NO DISCUSSING GAMBLING
NO NEWSPAPER
NO COMBING
NO BEEF
NO LEG ON CHAIR
NO HARD LIQUOR ALLOWED
NO ADDRESS ENQUIRY
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-101252-100x100.png\")
Why isn't this place out of business? Talk about some Bitter Betties. They might as well just make a BIG sign that says \"GIVE US YOUR MONEY AND GET THE FUCK OUT.\"
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-324163-100x100.png\")
@Penny Plastic: Justify your being here.
Maybe they're totally existential and we're missing the point.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-395627-100x100.png\")
I think if you have this many hangups about customer behavior, you are not a good candidate for owning and/or operating your own retail business. Perhaps you should just make coffee at your house.
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@octopede: It's true. I used to work at a coffee shop with similar little rules taped on all surfaces all over the store and back room. The owner wasn't just passive-aggressive, she was absolutely passive-abusive. The next coffee shop I worked at was operated largely by workers she had fired and frequented by customers she had scared away.
@octopede: Perhaps the patrons should make coffee at their homes. At least they're allowed to poop there.
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@Penny Plastic: I don't know, I think if I institute similar policies at home, my kids won't hang around and annoy me so much, and my bathroom won't stink so much.
I wonder how these people feel about people named Jeffrey and dogs, if he has one.
@YoSoyHe-Man!!_GitEmSteveDave: If one hair on my dog is touched, I will sue everyone in that post office. Besides, my dog is very willing to help blind people.
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@YoSoyHe-Man!!_GitEmSteveDave: Passiveaggressivenotes.com is one of the best places to see, well, passive aggressive notes. The ones from offices are always the best.
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At first glance, I thought I was reading a fortune cookie.
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Not tat I'm in California or anything, but if I was, I surely would not inconvenience them by taking up their precious space. I'd stay well away, and encourage friends to not tak up their precious space as well.
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Next he will switch to Haiku's:
please buy coffee here.
if you don't, i will be mad.
don't poo in toilet.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-343956-100x100.png\")
@moore850: It already is a haiku:
Please refrain from going
to Big Toilet, for there would
be trouble ahead.
@rondalescott: or a limerick:
There once was a shop called Sufi
with a very unusual poo plea
i paid it no mind
I left poo behind
and now the owner will sue me
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-356584-100x100.png\")
Tasteless but ultimately unenforceable. Assuming they are having problems with their toilet and this sign may only be temporary until the problem is fixed. That still doesn't stop someone from going and not flushing?
My brother in law owns a cleaning company and one of his biggest clients is a very large church, he said you would not believe the number of people who phantom poop.
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@pb5000: That's what I wondered. Are they having issues with stuff not going down the drain?
And the other signs, while oddly worded, aren't so bad. I think they mean no PDA and don't hang around if you aren't a customer which should be basic rules when you are in a place of business.
@pb5000: Eww.
I hate it when I walk into a bathroom (theater, resturaunt, University!, or even corporate headquarters!) and there is piss all over the seat with diarrhea sitting in the bowl. Yuck.
People are so disgusting.
Print out some fake signs 'If you must poo, please use the sink on the left' and 'Please flush twice, its a long way from the urinal to the brewer'
[siliconvalley.citysearch.com]
Seems to have decent reviews online. Maybe someone pissed them off. Seems that it's a \"cultural center\" as well.
I am curious if they roast their own beans or buy...if they are the \"best in the Bay Area,\" I'll drive their myself. I can't imagine anyone beating out Blue Bottle.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-68654-100x100.png\")
@Penny Plastic: i'm guessing they suffer from the usual crowd of listless young adults polluting their floorspace.
@pecan 3.14159265: Here is a map of Mountain View: [maps.google.com] . The big blue patch it borders is the bay. Mountain View is absolutely in the Bay Area.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-87429-100x100.png\")
I think that's the first time I've heard it referred to as \"going to Big Toilet\". My wife would probably call it \"going to Long Toilet\", referring to the time frame her husband is in there.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-25322-100x100.png\")
@Saboth: In Japan (and likely elsewhere in Asia), little \"toilet business\" and big \"toilet business\" mean numbers 1 and 2 respectively, and are perfectly normal words--though not the most genteel.
Many toilets (like the fancy heated seats from Toto) can be flushed with two different amounts of water; the lever is labeled LITTLE and BIG. Your guess is as good as mine as to whether these adjectives refer to the water volume used or the non-water contents of the bowl.
@Saboth: Don't you hate it when both legs fall asleep.
That being said, I'd like to see them try to enforce the rule (IE come get you in the middle of a shock and awe session.)
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-624458-100x100.png\")
I'm thinking with all these signs and the rules written on them, I'd be too scared to poo or order coffee. Best just not to go into this place.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-930045-100x100.png\")
I can only wonder what happened to inspire those rules. One day I walked into the restroom at work to see 50 signs that someone ran off our printer and taped all over the bathroom (obviously out of frustration) instructing people to flush the toilet after using it. What kind of day did you have or what did you have to experience before it sets you off the deep end like that? One can only giggle and wonder.
@Ilovegnomes: I used to clean the bathrooms at the cafe where I worked and you would be astonished by the things people do in there. We had a regular customer who was not quite mentally all there, and he liked to pee on the floor. And all over the toilet seat. And kind of on the walls.
Nevermind the people who just don't check to make sure everything went down, there are honest-to-goodness nutjobs in the world.
@Ilovegnomes: It honestly doesn't take much. I mean, seriously... have you never walked into a bathroom and 4 of the 5 stalls have poop in them with piss on the toliet seat lid? It's just flat out disgusting...and smelly.
Is this owned by crazy Asians or something? It smacks of Engrish.
@DerangedRoleModel: Of course it is, b/c there's no such thing as crazy White people, eh?! What the heck does it matter if they're asian or not?
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-391013-100x100.png\")
@lifestar: At least white people don't seem to care about obnoxious, sloppy PDA. The name of the shop and the almost maniacally religious sounding admonishments (and miserly \"justify yourself!\" warnings) pin this shop owner as asian, probably Indian. It matters because he's giving his people a bad name.
@god_forbids: I agree that the owner does needs to have a better business savvy if he/she wants to remain in business, but making an assumption that the reasons for his behavior is inherently because he may be asian is wrong.
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-537475-100x100.png\")
@god_forbids: Plenty of people of all races care about two individuals slobbering over each other. It's about public decorum. Also, \"justify yourself\" is a slightly unclear way of saying, \"no loitering\" which is a rule most business have.
And no, it's not giving his \"people\" a bad name - if you connect the actions of one person to the actions of that person's entire race, it's stupid. There's no reason to be prejudiced against a whole people group based on one person.
@DerangedRoleModel: \"Excuse me, my Number One son has to make a Number Two.\"
\"Confucius say, he who holds his turd gets messy in the end.\"
/Not racist.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-916597-100x100.png\")
@pecan 3.14159265: HOw was this racist? Are you saying there are no \"crazy Asians\". Maybe he has done the research o find it IS owned by Asians. I would assume there are somewhere and by the sounds of all these rules and the fact they put this type of sign up instead of fixing the toilet may indicate that we have found a crazy individual of some ethnicity.
Is there a sign in the lounge part of the shop? If not, take a crap there.
I would make sure i had drank the night before so i could combine the brew poo with the coffee poo and leave them something they would soon not forget.
This reminds me of a Porky's restaurant I just walked by in NYC today. It had one of the most detailed and prohibitive dress codes I've ever seen posted outside larger than the Porky's sign.
The rule that surprised me was \"no sandals\". THAT'S going to be popular this summer...
@jpdanzig: The Sistine chapel makes women wear pants in the summer. Seems to work well. ;-)
I'm not a sandal (flip flop) lover. I think people should keep their stinky feet in their stinky shoes.
All too often i hear people complain that they stepped on glass or their feet or sore. My response: put some shoes on.
@idip: Regarding St. Peter's Basilica, Tycho of Penny Arcade has this to say:
\"As you approach the church itself, you'll see a sign that shows people in shorts not getting in there, and people with pants getting in. They're not kidding about it, either. I'm sure their thinking goes something like this: if you want to come into God's house, you can put some fucking pants on.\"
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-841594-100x100.png\")
I think most coffee shop owners have to deal with loitering non-customers, in one way or another.
Any merchant who is open to the public has to deal with the fact that customers need to go to the bathroom once in awhile. But that doesn't mean that your bathroom should be available to non-customers as well.
So this store owner showed bad judgement by failing to distinguish between the two. His sign should say (nicely) that the bathroom is available to paying customers only. Whether they do #1 or #2 is irrelevant.
By the way, what about ladies who need to do #3? Is that outlawed too? It's ridiculous and a complete invasion of privacy.
I used to work at a coffee shop, and every Sunday, this guy would come in, order a \"double butterscotch breve\" (so, two shots of espresso, ~4 tablespoons of sugary butterscotch syrup, and about 14 ounces of half-and-half, which drink he also pronounced as \"brahve\"). Without fail, about twenty minutes later, he'd go to the bathroom and clog the toilet. Every Sunday.
Once, he did this right as we were changing shifts, and the outgoing employee told me the toilet was clogged -- hoping to avoid having to deal with it herself, presumably -- and the incoming employee looked at her, very earnestly, and asked with a completely straight face, \"is it poop again?\"
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Much as people decry Starbucks, I've gotten shitty attitude at almost every local coffee shop I've every tried but always get polite treatment at Starbucks.
@revmatty: I rarely go into Starbucks, and the employees have always been pleasant. But I've also gotten great service at just about ever local spot, and Peet's trumps SB in service any day.
@revmatty: There are exceptions. Here in Montreal there's a wonderful coffee shop called \"Myriade\" where they go out of their way to help each customer. Wanna talk about coffee? They're up for it. Not happy with something they'll fix it and still be happy and pleasant about it.
I mean, it is coffee after all.
Cowboys are still drinking it with the grinds.
Let us poo in peace, sometimes that's what people buy the coffee for anyway.
Who thinks it would be fun to leave a number 2 and not flush?
@Adam Driscoll: Assuming they don't have an industrial-style toilet, an upper decker may be more apropos. And classy.
Oh I want to hold my bowels all day long and pay a visit to the big toilet, hehe!
@richcreamerybutter: At least the dogs can't help it being in front of the door.
*People*, on the other hand....don't park yourself in front of doors - especially on the bus!
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-505944-100x100.png\")
@richcreamerybutter: I don't get the NO to half-caf. When I was a barista, making an espresso drink that way was super-easy and doing it with the brewed coffee was ridiculously simple.
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It seems like these people are trying to head off the worse parts of running a coffee shop - namely people hanging around all day without buying things and people clogging the toilet with post-coffee poo. Maybe they'd be better off running a stationery store.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-18124-100x100.png\")
I'd have to leave him a nice upper decker if the thing had a tank. I'd have to.
How much is the coffee shop's Shit Monitor getting paid? My guess is not enough.
@VA_White: I heard the line for the poo-monitors at Jamba Juice and Starbucks franchises can reach around city blocks.
Kissing around and making #2 are my favorite things, good thing I have an espresso maker at home I guess
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-430750-100x100.png\")
@Applekid: That reminds me of a fake SNL ad for a \"Toilet for Two.\" It was meant for people who couldn't stand being apart from their lover.
Personally, that is the one time I want to be alone. Hell, there are times I don't want to be in there, if you catch my drift.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-425645-100x100.png\")
@undefined: I don't think it's particularly racist to note that the language patterns on the signs (assuming they're accurately reported) indicate someone who's not an English speaker and possibly Asian. As someone who taught English in Asia for a couple of years, I'd agree that they read very much like \"Engrish\" signs I saw in China and Japan (as well as a written driver's license test I had to take- the hardest part was figuring out what they were trying to ask!).
The name of the shop, though, sounds like it's owned by someone from the Middle East. Either way, definitely not a native speaker of English, though possibly a little crazy (or else not very interested in continuing to have a coffee shop, since I doubt they're likely to have much return business).
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-446358-100x100.png\")
If I lived around there I would take both my morning and afternoon dumps there every single day! After buying the cheapest thing on the menu, of course.
HA! I read the tag as \"STFU Coffee,\" which is oddly appropriate here.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-132700-100x100.png\")
Holy Crap! This place is immediately across the street from my office! Time to pay a visit!
Just fix the damn toilet already and get a good air freshener while you're at it!
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-126486-100x100.png\")
Solution? Poop on the floor.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-433532-100x100.png\")
*Sigh* .. such a waste of potentially usable, income-producing wall ad space taken up with insulting, belittling signs.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-260025-100x100.png\")
I LOATHE restaurants with lots of signs, even if it is a bar and most of the signs are sarcastic. I am so going to this place next week and just sitting at a table, not buying anything.
@AbsoluteIrrelevance: And check out their Yelp page. Some of the bad reviews talk about how crazy the owner is.
Um, it does say SUFI coffee shop.....that should be a bit of a tip-off.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-68449-100x100.png\")
\"justify your being here\" was the only question on my final exam in Philosophy 101
I'd just go in the sink!
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-219008-100x100.png\")
I would go in everyday and poop till the cows came home.
The signs read as if some ungrateful foreigners own this joint. I wouldn't patronize this place if you paid me. I'm sure I find somewhere more desirable to spend my money.
I worked at this place where someone put all these venomous signs on the microwave about covering you food and other nuclear cooking etiquette. I started to post little signs on the microwave too, slogans that were common disclaimers; i.e. \"objects in mirror are closer than they appear\" or \"silica gel do not eat\". It was fun, my little signs only lasted a day or so, but I didn't care, little disclaimers started to appear everywhere, it made work more fun. \"No smoking within 15 feet of the building entrance.\" \"No street shoes permitted.\"
Outrageously stupid notes. Immigrants who can't abide by US rules or customs or learn how to write English properly should just GTFO.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-930356-100x100.png\")
They just need one sign at the front door... \"No Customers please, you are too much trouble. Go somewhere else for your effing coffee\"
The coffee is expensive but really good. The trick is, it is so good that adding a lot of cream or sugar ruins it. So the owner (and only employee) will ask (barely politely) for you to taste the coffee first, before adding stuff.
I like to go here with a computer, sit in the garden in the back, and quietly geek out.
Often, I am the only person in the place except for the owner.
I'm \"toilet shy,\" and rarely use a public toilet for number 2. At work and whatnot, no problem, but unless it's a dire emergency, I'll squeeze and save for home. Not too fond of stinking up the establishment.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-121022-100x100.png\")
Heh, this story reminds me of a diner in Santa Cruz (in fact, named The Santa Cruz Diner.) The restaurant has signs with rules posted all over the restaurant, even in the parking lot. The menus have a bunch of rules too. The one that got me was a warning that due to the high number of walk-outs that you were now required to pay for your food as soon as you received it.
The upside is that the food was alright.
@ldavis480:
That's one of the worst places to eat in Santa Cruz! The service stinks and the food is just meh. There is so much better if you just venture into the downtown area (Pacific Garden Mall).
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-527174-100x100.png\")
They need the toilets to brew the \"Civet Poo\" Coffee.
@Cassius98: It's the assumption that because the English isn't entirely grammatically correct, it must be the work of some immigrants, and specifically some \"Asians\" - the crazy part itself isn't as overtly racist, but attributing poor education to a specific ethnic group contradicts the fact that people of all kinds are capable of having poor grammar, of spelling things improperly. DerangedRoleModel's link that poor grammar/education means that one must be Asian.
Yes the sign does indicate a \"crazy\" individual - of some ethnicity which is obvious because everyone is of some ethnicity. It's just unfair that DerangedRoleModel chose to attribute \"crazy\" to Asian people, when there is no evidence to suggest the owner was in fact, Asian.
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-968594-100x100.png\")
I was at a clothing store and there were HUGE signs all over the fitting rooms about not leaving dirty diapers and blood covered sanitary napkins or Tampons...needless to say I did not purchase any clothing
Also, I was at a Waffle House restaurant in NC, and there was a list of rules.
No table hopping,
Eat neatly
Do not cut in line or shout for service...
I looked at my husband and asked if we were in a restaurant or a elementary school cafeteria?
If I ever visit that area, I will make it a point to stop there and leave the biggest crap ever in their toilet.
Questionablecontent.net
end of story
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-487044-100x100.png\")
From what I understand. If the store is in a municipality or state that enforces International Code Council Plumbing Codes they have NO legal right of refusal. Any Inspectors know?
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-86807-100x100.png\")
Sounds like someone is tired of cleaning the bathroom?
On general principle I would go in there to take a dump and not even buy a coffee.
seems fake.
Dear Sufi Coffee,
I'm coming down there tomorrow morning for some coffee, and I'm gonna take a #2 in the toilet, and not flush. JUST TO PISS YOU OFF MORE!
PS. Its against the law, and health code of California to deny someone the bathroom in a food establishment.
Sincerely,
MR. POO FACES
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-681073-100x100.png\")
Can't poop in the toilet? Guess the floor will do just fine then!
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-132151-100x100.png\")
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![this sign,](\"http://www.timinganddelivery.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/customer_service_india.gif\"){kind=link}
![[www.bayareacareers.com]](\"http://www.bayareacareers.com/art/bayarea_map.gif\"){kind=link}
but coffee makes you have to poo
@drb023: @Hirayuki: My parents have big/little toilets, made my toto, though not the fancy heated featuretoilets. They're quite nice, and not terribly expensive.