Also, I must ask, why the "sic" after the word "ambience"? It is not spelled incorrectly. (The second correct spelling is "ambiance").

Yeah, I'm picking nits.

Can't poop in the toilet? Guess the floor will do just fine then!

I'm coming down there tomorrow morning for some coffee, and I'm gonna take a #2 in the toilet, and not flush. JUST TO PISS YOU OFF MORE!

PS. Its against the law, and health code of California to deny someone the bathroom in a food establishment.

Sincerely,

MR. POO FACES

Questionablecontent.net

end of story

Also, I was at a Waffle House restaurant in NC, and there was a list of rules.

No table hopping,

Eat neatly

Do not cut in line or shout for service...

I looked at my husband and asked if we were in a restaurant or a elementary school cafeteria?

Yes the sign does indicate a "crazy" individual - of some ethnicity which is obvious because everyone is of some ethnicity. It's just unfair that DerangedRoleModel chose to attribute "crazy" to Asian people, when there is no evidence to suggest the owner was in fact, Asian.

*People*, on the other hand....don't park yourself in front of doors - especially on the bus!

Hell, in the whole *city of Portland*, passive-aggressiveness is the rule. It's an affront to people to ask them to do anything.

They need the toilets to brew the "Civet Poo" Coffee.

Personally, that is the one time I want to be alone. Hell, there are times I don't want to be in there, if you catch my drift.

The upside is that the food was alright.

Many toilets (like the fancy heated seats from Toto) can be flushed with two different amounts of water; the lever is labeled LITTLE and BIG. Your guess is as good as mine as to whether these adjectives refer to the water volume used or the non-water contents of the bowl.

I like to go here with a computer, sit in the garden in the back, and quietly geek out.

Often, I am the only person in the place except for the owner.

They just need one sign at the front door... "No Customers please, you are too much trouble. Go somewhere else for your effing coffee"

I worked at this place where someone put all these venomous signs on the microwave about covering you food and other nuclear cooking etiquette. I started to post little signs on the microwave too, slogans that were common disclaimers; i.e. "objects in mirror are closer than they appear" or "silica gel do not eat". It was fun, my little signs only lasted a day or so, but I didn't care, little disclaimers started to appear everywhere, it made work more fun. "No smoking within 15 feet of the building entrance." "No street shoes permitted."

"justify your being here" was the only question on my final exam in Philosophy 101

[www.yelp.com]

I mean, it is coffee after all.

Cowboys are still drinking it with the grinds.

Let us poo in peace, sometimes that's what people buy the coffee for anyway.

That being said, I'd like to see them try to enforce the rule (IE come get you in the middle of a shock and awe session.)

@Troy F.: Did she break up with you via e-mail? :-)

Text message.

"goin 2 find n00 boi git ur stuf out kthxbai"

@pb5000: That's what I wondered. Are they having issues with stuff not going down the drain?

And the other signs, while oddly worded, aren't so bad. I think they mean no PDA and don't hang around if you aren't a customer which should be basic rules when you are in a place of business.

Oh noes, not to makes me LOLz at work!

@pecan 3.14159265: I agree. Not a comment that has any bearing on this post.

Solution? Poop on the floor.

@Applekid: only when time is an issue

If you define passive aggression somewhat similar to wikipedia, you can pick out plenty of passive-aggressive traits: obstructionism, speaking cryptically, making chaotic situations, etc.

Basically, the coffee shop's existence itself is passive aggressive, in that it is a coffee shop that charges you for free wifi, discourages lingering, and won't let you poop (which, as some commenters have noted, sort of goes hand in hand with coffee).

(Also, I agree that "passive-aggressive" is becoming overused.)

@Canino:

Did she break up with you via e-mail? :-)

@FaustianSlip: there are plenty of sufis in Asia

The name of the shop, though, sounds like it's owned by someone from the Middle East. Either way, definitely not a native speaker of English, though possibly a little crazy (or else not very interested in continuing to have a coffee shop, since I doubt they're likely to have much return business).

@CoarseLive: Have you ever visited the site passiveaggressivenotes.com? Gems. All of them.

Kissing around and making #2 are my favorite things, good thing I have an espresso maker at home I guess

I'd have to leave him a nice upper decker if the thing had a tank. I'd have to.

@Scoobatz:
It does have that fortune cookie ring to it. Of course, at the end you have to add "...in bed."

@Troy F.: Passive Agressive is definitely becoming overused.

Funny, I told my ex the same thing. I guess that's why she's my ex.

"As you approach the church itself, you'll see a sign that shows people in shorts not getting in there, and people with pants getting in. They're not kidding about it, either. I'm sure their thinking goes something like this: if you want to come into God's house, you can put some fucking pants on."

Once, he did this right as we were changing shifts, and the outgoing employee told me the toilet was clogged -- hoping to avoid having to deal with it herself, presumably -- and the incoming employee looked at her, very earnestly, and asked with a completely straight face, "is it poop again?"

Is he implying that all Asians are crazy? Or that all Asians write English so poorly?

Statistical extrapolation doesn't automatically equal racism.

And no, it's not giving his "people" a bad name - if you connect the actions of one person to the actions of that person's entire race, it's stupid. There's no reason to be prejudiced against a whole people group based on one person.

I think most coffee shop owners have to deal with loitering non-customers, in one way or another.

Any merchant who is open to the public has to deal with the fact that customers need to go to the bathroom once in awhile. But that doesn't mean that your bathroom should be available to non-customers as well.

So this store owner showed bad judgement by failing to distinguish between the two. His sign should say (nicely) that the bathroom is available to paying customers only. Whether they do #1 or #2 is irrelevant.

By the way, what about ladies who need to do #3? Is that outlawed too? It's ridiculous and a complete invasion of privacy.

@CoarseLive: Passive Agressive is definitely becoming overused.

I'm not a sandal (flip flop) lover. I think people should keep their stinky feet in their stinky shoes.

All too often i hear people complain that they stepped on glass or their feet or sore. My response: put some shoes on.

There once was a shop called Sufi
with a very unusual poo plea
i paid it no mind
I left poo behind
and now the owner will sue me

@rondalescott: I'm curious to learn what the "trouble" would be.

I hate it when I walk into a bathroom (theater, resturaunt, University!, or even corporate headquarters!) and there is piss all over the seat with diarrhea sitting in the bowl. Yuck.

People are so disgusting.

Reminded me of this sign,:

SORRY
NO TALKING TO CASHIER
NO SMOKING
NO FIGHTING
NO CREDIT
NO OUTSIDE FOOD
NO SITTING LONG
NO TALKING LOUD
NO SPITTING
NO BARGAINING
NO WATER TO OUTSIDERS
NO CHANGE
NO TELEPHONE
NO MATCH STICKS
NO DISCUSSING GAMBLING
NO NEWSPAPER
NO COMBING
NO BEEF
NO LEG ON CHAIR
NO HARD LIQUOR ALLOWED
NO ADDRESS ENQUIRY

This reminds me of a Porky's restaurant I just walked by in NYC today. It had one of the most detailed and prohibitive dress codes I've ever seen posted outside larger than the Porky's sign.

The rule that surprised me was "no sandals". THAT'S going to be popular this summer...

"Confucius say, he who holds his turd gets messy in the end."

/Not racist.

@DerangedRoleModel:

It reminds me of my favorite website:

www.engrish.com

I would make sure i had drank the night before so i could combine the brew poo with the coffee poo and leave them something they would soon not forget.

Please refrain from going
to Big Toilet, for there would
be trouble ahead.

[www.bayareacareers.com]

@CoarseLive: Thank you.

I'm thinking with all these signs and the rules written on them, I'd be too scared to poo or order coffee. Best just not to go into this place.

Maybe they're totally existential and we're missing the point.

Seems to have decent reviews online. Maybe someone pissed them off. Seems that it's a "cultural center" as well.

I am curious if they roast their own beans or buy...if they are the "best in the Bay Area," I'll drive their myself. I can't imagine anyone beating out Blue Bottle.

My brother in law owns a cleaning company and one of his biggest clients is a very large church, he said you would not believe the number of people who phantom poop.

please buy coffee here.
if you don't, i will be mad.
don't poo in toilet.

At first glance, I thought I was reading a fortune cookie.

Drink Coffee - Don't poop. Seems unlikely....