Why should these pages be taken down? Did the brother really say that was his wish?

We don't do this with people's real lives, like we don't ask people to burn all photos and letyters they ever got from them, so why should this be different on a social network?

We have a family memeber who is deceased, there is a memoriam already set up in her name but the family would like to close out her personal account. How do we do that. Appreciate if someone could help us

@PinkBox: No, they couldn't. Only people he was friends with would have had access to his profile anymore. RTFA?

Maybe he wanted it left up but maybe he didn't. One isn't more likely than the other.

Thanks, both of you. I don't have kids so I don't need to plan for them. I do have a cat, though. I also have a fire safe. I guess I should put that information in there and let someone know about it. It just takes keys; no combo or anything.

That's a good suggestion of giving something to your employer to mail in the event of your death. For someone like me, who has no close friends or family living nearby, no kids and no significant other at this time, that might be the best course of action.

These are not legal in all states, nor appropriate for all people. My local OfficeMax actually sells will kits (specifically made for my state) that are flatly invalid in my state. I don't know why these aren't cracked down on more often. I love Nolo (don't know anything about LegalZoom), but state laws on valid wills can be tetchy.

If you have minor children, this isn't a good area for experimentation.

If it's just money, fine, if your will ends up invalid, it's just money, you're dead, it's not that big a deal (morally, anyway). But if you have minor children, you really need to spend the money and effort to have a lawyer draw up a simple will to protect your children.

@Irashtar: I vote for Artie Lange as the celebrity one to try for, everyone's expecting him to pull a John Belushi or Chris Farley.

Option 2: Get a safe deposit box, make arrangements with the bank for a person (or that person's assignee, with your death certificate in hand) to access the box in the event of your death. Store all info in the box.

Option 3: Spend a day to create your will. You don't need a lawyer to write one - a Nolo or LegalZoom kit will do most folks just fine.

It can be a very comprehensive list, or it can be just a letter saying, "Here's where I keep important financial paperwork, here's where I keep my online passwords, here's where you can find my spare car keys" and let them go dig in your file cabinet themselves to find your account numbers and so forth.

Of course this should be done with common sense and with security in mind, and with your time in life in mind. When you're older, you probably do want to do this formally as part of your comprehensive death planning. When you're young and healthy, you may just show your brother when he comes to visit, so he'd know, just in case. If you have kids, your focus should be on what your executor would need to be able to find quickly to ensure your kids are cared for (medical records, school records, etc.) -- and, yes, executor, because if you have kids, you really need to have a will!

For us, since we're married, we're each other's backstops, and then my family is generally aware of where we file all the important stuff (and, having learned from my parents, it's pretty similar to their system, and my sibs mostly use a pretty similar system as well). When Mini-McGee arrives in the spring, we'll be executing new wills and formalizing the system a bit more.

What if you don't (or can't) have kids?

I was just thinking that even if you don't have a will or a lawyer, that you should find some way for someone to access this stuff in the event of your death. Any suggestions?

It was better to have it removed if his family wished it.

If Facebook had removed any contact information - which it sounds like they did - and it was marked as a memorial page, then obviously nobody would have been able to 'incessantly call'.

I don't like the thought that any relative could remove something he may well have wanted to remain. As she stated, he left no determinations of what do do in the event of his death. Often these pages are where people go to pay their respects. I think Facebook should have allowed her access to view the site and leave a message but not remove it.

I love my brothers dearly but would not want them to remove my presence from the internet unless I specifically gave them permission to. When you sign on to the network it is specified in the Terms and conditions, which this gentleman agreed to.

That said, I sincerely feel her loss and hope this gives her some closure if this is how she felt she needed to do it.

Believe me - there is a 99% chance that in 99 years no one is going to give a damn whether you existed or not. Your *memorial* will be to someone who may as well never developed a virtual life.

Way to clutter server- & cyber-space!

THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE CHILDREN!

Haven't you seen the Lion King?

When she kept seeing her brother's picture on her friends list, she could have unfriended him to save herself this grief.

Of course, unfriending him could have been too traumatic for her. In that case, she should feel extremely lucky to not live in the Gaza strip or another place where missiles & car bombs kill people every day.

We Westerners are pansies.

Next-of-kin do not automatically have executor rights and privileges, even if the deceased left no will. The court should have appointed an executor, who then should have notified FB with a copy of their letter of authorization from the court as well as a DC.

Both times when my parents died, I needed both documents to do anything in their name. It's not unreasonable for FB, Yahoo, or any other similar site to have the same requirement.

I can see where you're coming from with that. Maybe something as simple as a profile setting where the user can decide whether they wish to be "memorialized" in the event of their death (morbid though that may seem when signing up to join the site!) could be a plan?

Agreed on what you say about the way Facebook explains the policy, too. If Facebook actually has a policy on such things, that policy should include a provision that, if somebody gets in touch saying "I am a relative of XXX and want YYY to happen, because they have died", they're told "we're very sorry for your loss - please have XXX's next of kin get in touch with us when they are able to", or similar.

That said, I sort of understand Facebook's default policy. While Facebook is better suited to timewasting than journaling, I can see how someone might, with persistence, fortitude, and an almost enviable ignorance of superior options, use it as a journal or other major online presence. I occasionally go back and read journal entries and emails from friends who have died, and I would not want my online journal deleted if I died.

...unless you're into that. To that, I say your kink is not my kink (but your kink is okay, too).

I love that, and I love how some commenters are acting as if a Facebook page is some wonderful thing of great personal and sentimental worth. I'd like to think that my loved ones would have something better to remember me by than that.

I didn't comment on the original story, but was stunned that Facebook would respond in the way they did, banging on about their "policy".

Glad FB has done the right thing here. I think they need to tell their employees to handle requests like this a bit more sensitively, though. Fine, if they want such requests to come from next of kin, they should respond explaining this, rather than quoting some "policy" that they think should overrule the family's wishes. Facebook, you're just a bloody social networking website, why should the close family of a deceased person, next of kin or not, give two shits about your "memorializing" policy. This is the last thing they should have to be dealing with.

Huh? I love my family, but that doesn't extend to sharing my passwords with them. I'd say me and my husband are pretty "close", but we don't have each others' passwords. Why you'd think this is in some way telling about their relationship, I have no idea.

I guess they don't realize that decisions like that are up to the family and/or spouse if they cannot be discerned from the deceased. Nah, it's better to just speculate.

Hasn't the supply of Nazis to hunt dwindled down to about zero?

lolwhut?

How can I make sure one of my stupid relatives doesn't do the same thing to my account?

I say we get a contest going to see who can close another persons account first. Winner gets a gift certificate or something. Why not have a little fun with it? ;-)

Stupidstupidstupid.

OF COURSE I DO.

I give them a pamphlet listing all the things their executors/relatives are going to want to be able to find that you DON'T or might not put in the will (like the location of a deed, or which bank branch your safe deposit box is at), and I always always always include online account access. (And a suggestion that they say, like, "Please e-mail my entire contacts list on my g-mail account to let them know I've died" or "my friends list" or whatever, since notifications will often need to go out that way as well.)

Estate lawyers who AREN'T doing this already need to seriously rethink. (They're often from the older generation, that's why, and mostly serve older people who have much smaller online lives.)

Very good advise as far as handling info on computers when someone passes.

She did provide a copy of his death certificate as well.

*drum roll*....

Be able to retrieve his password. I don't want any relatives of mine claiming to know whats best for me. If they have access they will do the right thing. If they don't they don't.

Also he may prefer immortality.

Seems like an opportunity for abuse. Perhaps social networking sites should have a designated contact who can make changes in circumstances like these.

I think Stephanie highlighted the important point of recoding this information in your will. Make sure your executor has access to the information (passwords, etc.) to be able to ensure your will is done.

Its becoming more and more clear that The Consumerist is a one man (one site) facebook wrecking ball. Keep up the good work!

It's almost as if Facebook is doing absolutely everything in its power to tarnish its image, what with the new TOS and then this...what the hell are they thinking?