![\"user-pic\"](\"/css/images/default.gif\")
Is this guy a prison warden?
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-54738-100x100.png\")
Look, if you don't like my rules then don't rent my apartment!
I am seriously considering a fee for questioning my rules.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-418500-100x100.png\")
@Trick: As stewie griffin once said (i dont for a second assume you know who that is..)\"For the record..ya..ya came on a little strong... for the record\".
I see no problem by abiding by these rules... if you're a nun or clinically dead. Good luck pal
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-27305-100x100.png\")
when does the warden come around to do the nightly lockdowns?
When I worked in a prison we were far more tolerant.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-433752-100x100.png\")
Damn, I wanted to take part in some lascivious deviant sexual behavior.
@I work as a meth lab technician isn't really a meth lab tec...: Given everything else going on here, I'm wondering what his definition of \"deviant\" is. Doggy style? Oh, no, wait, I figured it out. Pre-marital.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-462821-100x100.png\")
@I work as a meth lab technician isn't really a meth lab tec...: No worries, in mannhattan, even this appartment will go in less than 3 hours.
What? No Fee!!! SWEEEEEEET
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-39316-100x100.png\")
@I work as a meth lab technician isn't really a meth lab tec...: Is there another type of sexual behavior? Deviant Lascivious Sexual behavior is all I've ever know.
@I work as a meth lab technician isn't really a meth lab tec...: You, too? The thought of a security camera INSIDE the apartment - yech. It's bad enough the cats have to see me having panic attacks, much less a stranger.
@kbrook: Between the phrases \"lascivious deviant sexual behavior\" and \"closed circuit security camera,\" this strikes me as a good concept for a sitcom about a poor college student trying to hold down an apartment, keep good grades, and maintain a social life while under an insane right wing ex-prison warden.
The addition of a PA system to the room would make it that much better.
@TVarmy: This isn't right-wing -- he's statist/totalitarian. You really should understand the difference if you vote, because based on your \"right wing\" I would surmise that voted the very thing that you despise into office in November -- a big-government statist.
See [www.theadvocates.org] for an explanation...
...This is a joke, right?
It has to be a joke judging from the temperature rules. Your water pipes would burst in the winter. The summer temperature is improbable too.
Holy SHIT. If this is for real then DSS may want to pay a visit to his house to check on his kids. They're probably the beating type.
I think it's the dad from Sound of Music.
And why do I have a feeling this guy has installed a hidden camera right above the toilet and in the shower vent?
The property is owned by the credit card companies.
You did see all the ridiculous fees, and unconscionable rules and regulations, Right?
@Blueskylaw:
Yes! I don't think it's even legal to implement any of those rules. The landlord can only come in if there's an emergency! And turning off all the lights and forcing the tenant to wake up at 5:30! Whoever rents it out will probably sue the jerk.
The whole place is under video surveillance? Lights go off and on automatically?
Is this the guy from SAW?
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-537475-100x100.png\")
Is this person looking to start kidnapping his roommates if he doesn't get a willing applicant?
Creeeepy.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-500755-100x100.png\")
I saw this via StumbleUpon a while ago, and thought it was just a joke posting.. and since it appears to be a Canadian posting, you know how those canucks joke!
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-6173-100x100.png\")
@ajlei: I'm curious, for our Canuckistani friends -- in the US, if you own a property of 4 or fewer units (or thereabouts), AND you live in one of the units, you're NOT subject to certain fair housing laws. The theory being, if you have a basement apartment, you're going to be living in really close proximity with that person, and you're an Orthodox Jew who wants to rent to another Orthodox Jew and keep the whole property kosher, well, you're not really hurting the rental market and the ability of others to get units. Or if you're a widowed grandma who'd really prefer a young woman, or whatever. (This varies, some states are more or less strict, some parts of the FHA you don't get exempted from, etc., but you get the general idea.)
Does Canada have a similar exemption? Like, since this is a single basement unit, IS it actually illegal in Canada for a landlord to look for a Christian tenant? Joke posting aside. :)
@Kevin Dendel: NICE.
@Eyebrows McGee: I'm not entirely sure about the religion thing, but were such a matter to come up in court you'd probably need to have a DAMN good case for rejecting anyone out of hand. That said, this would be SO ridiculously illegal it would make your head spin. Nova Scotia tends to have lax protection laws in general, and the \"rules\" he sets out violate even those in at least four ways off the top of my head. Based on this, I'm guessing he doesn't provide renters with a copy of the tenancy act (or local equivalent thereof), which would make a fifth violation.
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-321187-100x100.png\")
@Eyebrows McGee: That's definitely YMMV by state. Most states, as far as I'm aware, are much more lenient about renting out a room in your home to a boarder, but if you have rental property the number of units doesn't matter.
@mythago: There might be a slight confusion in terms here -- if it's a rental property that you DO NOT live at, FHA applies no matter what. If it's less than X units (like a duplex) AND you inhabit one of them, then FHA may not apply. But yeah, a lot of states have tighter requirements on this than the fed; I think my state allows two less units in an owner-inhabited property before fair housing laws apply than the federal government does.
I am wondering this myself, however, AFAIK, the only two exceptions given to small renters (Those with fewer than 5 units in the same building in Ontario) are that they may boot the tenants so they may occupy the unit, given enough notice, assuming it has become a month-to-month tenancy. Also, there is no automatic right to relocation should the landlord choose to condemn/repair/take over/sell the space (If a large building is being worked on, the landlord must give you a suitable place to stay while it is being worked on).
I'll look it up and post anything else. :) Of course, at least in Ontario, things tend to be in the tenants favour. For example, in all cases it is illegal to ban pets (some landlords have to be re-educated on this...), and also illegal to charge any security at all (instead landlords here may charge last month's rent, which is quite literally last month's rent, and can't be used for any other purpose than to pay the rent when the tenant gives their 60 days notice).
@Eyebrows McGee: According to criagslist's Washington DC rules, even if you're renting out just a bedroom in your place and share everything else including kitchen and bathroom, you can only discriminate based on gender, nothing else. Which makes no sense to me. The gender of someone isn't going to affect your lifestyle, but if the potential renter has kids or has religious meetings at your house, then it will totally affect your lifestyle, so I can't see why you can't ask for no kids and no religious types.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-2347-100x100.png\")
@cordeliapotter: Gender can be a big influence on your lifestyle. After all, 50% of men cannot put down the toilet seat and 50% of women never look before sitting down. :)
Well they are all afraid of the dark so not sure if they would joke about lights being shutoff
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-2352-100x100.png\")
@Kevin Dendel:
I always feel like i'm the only one who watches that show. Its like there is a secret underground HIMYM following...
This is the scariest commercial/ad I've ever read. \"immoral websites\" Wouldn't that be pretty much everything?
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-321716-100x100.png\")
I'm surprised with how uptight this guy is that consumerist.com isn't on the \"immoral websites\" list for the \"deviant sexual\" content of this site. You all saw that boob pic from New Years.
@weirdalfan27: You're allowed to Google one word from the bible before bedtime. No clicking links. No I'm feeling lucky button. Don't get yourself too excited, you need to be up at 5:30.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-133145-100x100.png\")
Did California get so desperate for money that they started contracting out our vast prison system to the evangelicals?
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-308510-100x100.png\")
@tcolberg:
I think you missed the fact that this is Vancounver up in BC, Canada.
But, the rest of that comment still stands. lol
@tcolberg: In a truly free market, there is no need for a police force. People imprison themselves. Deregulation lead to this man opening a prison, and a bunch of child molesters are already applying for some 120 year leases that they can never pay the ETF fees for. The system works.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-505958-100x100.png\")
wow. and for 480 that's kindof a ripoff... there's got to be laws in place that prevent landlord tampering like this, seriously.. \"lights out\" and visitation times? GTFO.
@elysse: I don't know Vancouver too well, but I do know that rents there are completely insane and am pretty sure that broadway & commercial is reasonably downtown. I bet a few desperate suckers would put up with Mr. Crazypants for $480 rent.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-93197-100x100.png\")
So basically it's the cold place in hell?
21C (70F) in winter.
25C (77F) in summer.
@lilyHaze:
yeah i was thinking the temps are the most reasonable thing in the ad. 70 is warmer than what my landlord keeps my place (we don't have direct control) and i doubt the window AC's get the place much below 77 in the summer.
Cold? My house is at 62F when I'm not home and 68 when I am, in the winter. I find that quite warm enough. I'd be too hot at 25C in the summer though.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-87429-100x100.png\")
Lol I keep mine at 63 while we are home, and 62 when we are not (due to pets). At night it's down to 60 while we sleep. We use a few space heaters for rooms we are in, and STILL the gas bill is hovering around $100 a month! (In addition to $90 electric after the electric company just jacked their rates up 25%).
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-238651-100x100.png\")
@Saboth:That sounds like a bargain to me. My last gas bill was about $250 bucks...that was with the temp set to 50˚ during the day and 60˚ when we are home. With the current windchill it at 0˚ right now its gonna be a long cold winter.
@lilyHaze: Cold? Wow, must be nice to be rich and able to afford the overpriced gas the last couple years!
I rent a room in a friend's house. She's not poor (sign language interpreter AND a video editor) but who wants to toss money out the window for home heating? We keep the house around 60. Much cheaper to buy a few extra hoodies and slippers then run the heat at 70. We've got a couple small space heaters for the bedrooms or when things drop well below freezing (thursday and friday the high is somewhere between 5-9 degrees depending on which site you look at)but those don't even get turned on much.
And since we don't have central air in the summer, just a couple window AC units, 77 ain't the bad either.
Again, must be nice to be rich.
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-525207-100x100.png\")
@the dude:
Hmm, I dunno. They seem like the exact kind of temperatures a landlordy control-freak might go for (if the ad-faker is going for at least some kind of realism, anyway) if you think of them in Celsius. OK, 21 degrees is a bit reasonable for winter (I'd imagine \"64 and not a degree higher, ever\" being more to the liking of super-controlling landlords everywhere - at 70 degrees the tenant might even be, y'know, comfortable), but I can well imagine a landlord refusing to allow the thermostat to be set below 77 degrees Fahrenheit (i.e. way too fucking hot) in summer.
I'm thinking Celsius, not Fahrenheit. Celsius says \"horrendously controlling while appearing to be reasonable\" (in keeping with the \"it might just be real... but it's not\" theme of the rest of the ad), whereas Fahrenheit says \"your landlord wants you to die of frostbite, whatever the season\".
That place sounds great. If it was real I'd waste their time and have to come look at the place while secretly recording it.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-108612-100x100.png\")
I'm a little confused. It's like half prison parody, half overbearing Christian parody, but the two don't really mesh. (There isn't some kind of Christian-run, morality-enforced prison facility out there, right?) Should've picked one or the other for maximum effectiveness.
Pretty good, though.
There is a Christian-run, morality-enforced prison facility out there. It is the Auburn System.
@bluewyvern:
It doesn't seem like the rules have anything to do with Christianity. His religion isn't even what probably got his ad erased. It's more likely that he seems like a creepy pervert looking for someone he can control in his dungeon. Can anyone say Joseph Fritzl?
@bluewyvern: At first I thought it was going to be one of those uber-right wing jokes about how prisons are so great and how everyone should murder a guy so they get to spend their lives in a luxury hotel... bla bla bla.
Then I saw the Christian stuff and realized that this wouldn't take that angle, as most right wingers don't take shots at Evangelicals and Fundamentalists.
Probably a joke meant to be bizarre more than anything. If it were a sketch done by a comedy troop, it'd be big on YouTube.
I suspect if I say Bladefist's name three times I'll get a flame war over this.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-7101-100x100.png\")
@bluewyvern: Ah, but in today's Internet climate, adding 'Christian' to a description leads to instant freedom of attack!
To be honest, it seemed tacked on to the whole prison warden idea.
Technically you can rent to whoever you want as long as you reside in the building and there are fewer than 4 units.
That being said, this person is nuts. That might be the most expensive washer/dryer service on the planet. The eviction rules are illegal. The $100 fine for using a slug in the washer is probably illegal. The unannounced inspections are illegal. Except in the case of an emergency a landlord has to give you 24 hour notice before entering your apartment. I've seen landlords try a lot of these things though, although not all of them at once.
@snowburnt: Drug Screening is illegal in Canada, (for employment at least)
The rest of it is pretty illegal in Canada as well.
- Discrimination: Illegal
- CCTV in the apartment: possibly illegal, mostly immoral.
- Fines set in ad: All illegal
- Visitation Searching: Illegal
- Unannounced inspections: Illegal 24 hour notice in Canada also.
- Lights out/wake up: not illegal as such, but immoral and would add to a lawsuit.
Most of this ad is illegal in Canada. I hope someone smart rents it for a period, then slaps this moron with a lawsuit. Though that would incur a $250.00 fine per instance.
Drug screening for employment is legal you mean, right?
On a side note, the security set up is perfectly legal if it's throughout the house as well. The rest of it is also technically legal since the landlord lives on the property...if he did, then you could throw out the whole ad as completely illegal.
Except for the lights I think...on a mandatory system like that, I think it's supposed to be 8 hours, not 6. I could be mistaken...
And sadly half of these laws vary from province to province.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-248249-100x100.png\")
@EarlNowak: Point was, not only was he quoting the wrong laws, but his claim that the prices are too high are based on USD, but the ad is referring to CAD, meaning the prices are actually lower in USD.
best of!
more than half of this stuff is illegal, like the temperature, the lighting, the inspections, etc. I would rent this appartment just to end up suing the landlord
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-314204-100x100.png\")
@Christian Pfeiffer: Me too! I wish I was in Vancouver just so I could move in there and drive the landlord batty. Deviant behaviour? Yeah, I got that.
@alphafemale: In most states in the US it's actually pretty difficult to get a tenant evicted, especially if rent is paid on time, etc. I'm not sure about how it is in Canada or BC, but assuming laws are similar, one could drive this landlord bonkers for quite a long time.
@Christian Pfeiffer: Assuming those temps are Celsius (How could they not be? It's a walk in freezer with those temps in F, and a cryo lab in K), the room is kept more comfortable than my house, and maybe even my car. 21 C = 69 F. I keep the house at 68 daytime, and 63 at night in winter. 25 C = 77 F. 77 is the lowest my AC ever goes, and that's just during the day. Not being able to change them is bad in principle, but those are good temps.
The other stuff is insane, though. And with all those restrictions, how is one to stay employed for too long? How many tenants are there to need ID bracelets?
This honestly sounds like stuff out of Portal. Perhaps GlaDOS found religion?
@TVarmy: It's OK though; at the end of the lease the tenant will be baked, and then there will be cake.
@Christian Pfeiffer: It appears so...i'd assume that the gvt' in canada would feel the same way as the US gvt' about the inmate style treatment these landlords give their tenants.
Welcome to the apartments at Gitmo!
That is just....crazy....
Oh, man! Just what I was lookin' for! Prison that I pay for! Where do I sign up?!
I like how they were so enthusiastic about the window and TV. It's like they've never seen these things before...you know, when they lived in that hole that one time...
I think it's a fake, the email address doesn't work at least (probably modified a valid one to make it look real).
this is clearly fake. anybody?
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-326595-100x100.png\")
Not even Jesus is a good enough tenant for this guy.
Hint: He loved wine.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-562864-100x100.png\")
@dumblonde: And don't forget his first miracle - turning 500 gallons or so of water into excellent wine for people that were already plastered.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-106827-100x100.png\")
@dumblonde: According to the church my evangelical ex-boss made me attend, Jesus actually enjoyed grape juice because alcohol is for sinners.
(That job was the longest two years of my life.)
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-142052-100x100.png\")
@Robobot: Makes me glad I am an Episcopalian. I have drank everything from wine to beer in the sanctuary (and other parts) of various Episcopal churches. There is nothing like being able to say that you have manned a keg pump in church.
@Triborough: Sunday is best known at my church for cigars on the church patio with the pastor. The Anglican schism is certainly my favorite schism.
@Robobot: For what it's worth*, your evangelical ex-boss forcing you to attend his/her church is probably illegal.
*Perhaps not so much since I'm not a lawyer.
It's still illegal for them to make you attend religious services in most states. The states that are silent on the issue, you don't want to live in anyway....
I'm just curious, but dude, where did you work?!
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-533332-100x100.png\")
Are there any people from Vancouver or BC on here? Are there local/provincial discrimination laws? The poster is discriminating against LGBT people, maybe that's why it's always taken down?
Actually, after some research, I found the BC Residential Tenancy Act online:
I think these are some of the violations in the ad:
- All of Section 28 (Protection of Tenant's Right to Quiet Enjoyment)
- Section 29.1(b) -- No random inspections, Landlord must provide at least 24 hours notice
Can anyone find others?
Huh?
I wouldn't be so quick to call it a joke. I have run into a few landlords and a few evangelicals that are about that far off the deep end. Mixing the two could easily result in this kind of nuttery.
@bohemian: Exactly! This is so plausable it's scary. If the guy listing this is a troll he really knows his stuff.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-112580-100x100.png\")
This is posted in Craigslists all over. I call fake.
Most of his conditions are illegal in New Mexico and other states.
\"I'm willing to rent your apartment. But can I bring over some of my pot smoking devil worshiping friends? And let them blast KISS until 4:30 in the morning?\"
That has to be a joke.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-25844-100x100.png\")
I kept reading, it just kept getting worse and worse, and then I went back and read, to make sure, that he actually asked \"Why then does it keep getting taken down?\"
Wow. I guess it takes all kinds. But this guy needs to get a reality check.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-689538-100x100.png\")
I live in Vancouver. Tha listing can't be right at Commercial and Broadway it's all commercial right on the intersection. Might be a few blocks east of there.
He didn't specifically rule out masterbation, did he?
@adb1158: No, I'm in talks with the landlord but they have no idea I plan to bring my pr0n on laptop and repaint the walls with my born-again love.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-117249-100x100.png\")
I tried to get him to let the apartment to me, but apparently the poster is not accepting emails / has canceled email forwarding with craigslist. Boo-urns.
My email:
\"Dear Sir,
My husband of three years, John, and I are followers at Pastor Mark's Mars Hill Church in Seattle; I was previously Catholic but left because I believe the RC is too liberal. My husband was a member of the Church of England, but left for OBVIOUS reasons!!!! Calvinism is much more his style (and therefore mine!)
We're looking to relocate to our neighbor to the north; we're getting more and more nervous each day that the inauguration of President-Elect Obama draws near. God only knows what that anti-semetic Muslim will do on January 21st, and I want to leave before its too late and we're all forced to wear the mark of the beast! A former pastor of mine suggested we accompany his family to Kenya on a mission trip, but my good husband doesn't do well in Africa -- like a good, God-fearing British person, he still believes those heathens should fall under the Queen's divinely chosen hand not their own savage ways -- and has instructed me that mission trips go directly against the teachings of John Calvin. We would return to England, but the Blair/Brown years have so corrupted the people of that once-great empire that we fear persecution for our beliefs.
We would be interested in looking at the apartment, though obviously we can't do so any time soon, as my husband works a very long work days (every day except Sunday, of course) to be able to afford to live on one income while I tend the household. Our biggest concern is that we have not started a family, as we do not want to rear a child in this horrid Sodom that once was the United States, so until we move out of this Godless country and settling into our new home, my husband uses condoms. My Catholic family finds this sexually deviant -- do you? What about non-missionary positions? We can send you descriptions of our various sexual positions (only vaginal penetration ever; I am NEVER on top) for your approval, if you'd like.
We'd still like to see photos of the apartment and exercise yard and hear more about you and your lovely family. Please write soon.
Esther.\"
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-154749-100x100.png\")
@Claytons: yeah, I believed the entire thing (even the expensive washer & dryer, filtered internet, and video surveillance) but the whole I.D. bracelets, 2 hours in the exercise yard, and the whole visitor hours thing was the tipping point.
On one hand, I wouldn't be suprised if this actually was real. I've meet some crazy people who I could see doing this.
@aaron8301: As a renter living in Canada, yes that's expensive. I've never lived anywhere where it was more than $2 for either washing or drying, even the laundromats are under $2. USD is worth more than CAD, but only by ~15%, not enough to make an appreciable difference in these kinds of small amounts. Laundry in Zimbabwe on the other hand...$3mil to wash $2mil to dry?
*Whoosh* right over your heads
@cmdrsass: Ever since leaving Gawker, it seems our sarcasm filters, parody detectors, and other snark paraphernalia have collectively atrophied. Sad!
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-105855-100x100.png\")
I don't have a better response...
L.M.F.A.O.
My current apartment is start to seem like a great place.
I wonder if consmerist.com is considered a \"forbidden/immoral website\"?
I suspect that because it's all written out and made plain for the potential tenant to look over, that it's perfectly legal. It's unfortunate, but the apartment is on his land, and therefore, under his complete control.
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-86968-100x100.png\")
@Brittany Stewart: No. In the common law there is a provision that a contract can't be unconscionable, and more specifically, the content of a lease agreement is highly regulated. I imagine that this lease would violate many, many, many laws.
I am not a lawyer.
Wow, that's a great deal! $480 per month??? Here in MA, in the 'burbs of Boston even, the cheapest studio apartment you could find is still like $600.
I'm a Christian too, but this guy is wacked. Although, having considered being a slumlord myself, I admit that I would be as stringent as lawfully possible in order to guarantee a good renter. This is advice I have garnered from other experienced renters. That doesn't mean ID bracelets or cameras, but you want to screen as much as possible to make sure you don't get some moron who defaces your apartment and doesn't pay rent.
I'm pretty sure that's a fake just to make Christians look bad.
Too bad y'all took the bait.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-116137-100x100.png\")
sweet jesus..er, I mean.golly. what the heck kind of prison is that??
I agree with an earlier poster. It would be funny to rent the place and move in just to screw with the guy. Start with a bunch of wiccan stuff. Then just sue sue sue. You could be the tenant from absolute hell without doing anything that any rental board would find even slightly offputting and human rights organizations would have a field day with some choice stuff. Invite muslims over for prayer ... 5 times a day.
I suspect that you could get this guy into at least 4 different court systems.
1 An easy rental tenancies type thing for just about everything in the ad.
2 Human rights when he gets wound up about your islamic/wiccan/whatever practices and friends.
3 Theft when he takes down your devil worship poster.
4 Assault when you put up 3 more.
5 Something will eventually deserve at least one small claims court visit.
6 And this would be the icing on the cake. A violation of a restraining order when he returns back home for something.
But if one were to do all the above it would only be worth it if the results were all documented on YouTube.
Please send me the link when you are done!
BUT THERE IS EVEN A WINDOW! WITH SECURITY BARS INSTALLED FOR YOUR \"SAFETY\"!!
This can't be real -- not even the government can be *that* totalitarian...
You can tell it's fake b/c the preachers are never this crazy, it's the sheep.
Argh.
I've been living in the US for too long.
I can tell this by the fact that the summer/winter temperatures quoted seemed wildly out of whack, when I come from a country that uses Celsius.
I'm being assimilated, I tell you!
Where's the Bel-Air that's supposed to be at the end?
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-394934-100x100.png\")
As a small time landlord myself, I find this pretty dang funny.
Lots of this stuff would be NICE
but obviously impractical, illegal, or a real turn off for getting tenants.
when will we get our EDIT BUTTON?????
\"Lots of this stuff would be NICE\"?
C'mon now, almost none of this stuff is any of the landlord's business. About the only thing you could legitimately care about (aside from \"no illegal activity,\" which is pretty much a standard expectation) is the heat...
But the landlord is paying electricity (without limitations) and there's no prohibition against space heaters, so he'll cost himself more in electric than he'd pay in house-based heating. And he'd deserve it (if he weren't just trolling).
*Googles Sodom*
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-94321-100x100.png\")
believable until the part where he starts talking about automatic wake-ups and lights-out.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-24620-100x100.png\")
The really scary thing is that most of my life was so uninteresting that I wouldn't have had any problem following his rules. I'm better now. ;o)
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-587956-100x100.png\")
NED FLANDERS!
[Pop culture reference to 'that episode wherein Homer and Bart see lesbians on a webcam in his house and Ned moves away' goes here]
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-219008-100x100.png\")
Can't wait to see who snaps up this bargain!!!
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-257467-100x100.png\")
I bet it's the inconsistent fine for tobacco! 100? 1000? Clarify that and it won't get flagged!
I just found the standard British Columbia lease agreement. This is the form which must be used for all rental agreements within British Columbia.
Some choice quotes:
\"11.1) The landlord must not stop the tenant from having guests under reasonable circumstances in the rental unit.
.2)The landlord must not impose restrictions on guests and must not require or accept any extra charge for daytime visits or overnight accommodation of guests.\"
\"13.2) The landlord may enter the rental unit only if one of the following applies: a) at least 24 hours and not more than 30 days before the entry, the landlord gives the tenant a written notice which states i) the purpose for entering, which must be reasonable, and ii) the date and the time of the entry, which must be between 8 a.m. and 9 p.m. unless the tenant agrees otherwise;\"
@huadpe:
I was looking for that. I signed one recently. this is a truly hilarious post.
not a bad neigborhood though =)
It looks like there could be rental at the address ([maps.google.com]). It's actually not a bad location. Close to downtown and sky train. :-P
I didn't know there were people like this in Vancouver. Guess I spent too much time in the gay district with the sexual deviants.
Does my door get automatically locked on both sides at night? Without this feature I just don't think it is worth $480 a month.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-16563-100x100.png\")
I'm the only one to ask, \"Chris gets paid to cruise Craigslist?!\"
Hope that he takes his full hour lunch break. To need only fifteen minutes would be a bit less than heroic.
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-17616-100x100.png\")
@Trai_Dep: \"David sent us the following alleged apartment for rent listing from CraigsList.\"
Which part of that did you not understand?
@Smashville:
hu·mor (hyu•mr)
n.
1. The quality that makes something laughable or amusing; funniness: could not see the humor of the situation.
2. That which is intended to induce laughter or amusement: a writer skilled at crafting humor.
3. The ability to perceive, enjoy, or express what is amusing, comical, incongruous, or absurd.
3,450 words and the insane landlord, the batsh*t crazy wife and the home-schooled, emotionally crippled children didn't answer the most important question: Are the kids, y'know, hawt?
I think someone needs to ask him, if only to get an interesting reply for Part II for this story.
Does \"deviant websites\" include Craigslist? I mean, it has all those immoral prostitutes and casual daters...I'm sure a REAL Christian wouldn't use CL, much less post there.
See, it must be a joke. It really has to be...
Because otherwise we have incontrovertible proof that evangelical Christians are the outsourcing dept. of Gitmo...
Really really makes me appreciate the utter pimp pad I live in for £295 a month + bills/3.
Whoa, whoa, whoa....mandatory drug screening?Granted drugs are illegal, but to subject another person to random drug screens aren't even imposed by REAL apartments....WTF gives man?
@OprahBabb: The thing about a fine for having a lighter or matches really threw me. Hubby works with kids and is a little ocd about picking up lighters when he's out - keeping them out of the kids hands... And I carry a lighter because a) we're pagan and you never know when you'll have to light a candle/incense and b) everyone in my family smokes.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-160506-100x100.png\")
Smells like a really clumsy viral for prisoner's rights or something.
Obviously it's a joke.
Know whats terrible? I could probably live there happily. I dont drink or smoke. I'm married. We dont have many friends (just moved). The lights in my apartment now dont work at all so that would be a step up. My appartment is 49 F during the night and 69 during the day in winter and about 80 in the summer, another step up. And if I want it warmer I have a computer that doubles as a space heater. Peice of tape over the camera. I dont excercise. Use a different coin laundery. Were neat freaks anyway. Post a do not solicit and beware of dog sign. He can enter when ever he wants if he wants his legs removed by my wifes weiner-spaniel-mix-previously-abused-rescue-dog-that-hates-new-people. Oh and my appartment costs more than $1600 a month currently. All in all a step up. Damn.... that was depressing....
yeah, don't lose your ID bracelet or we'll have to tatoo your # on your arm.
This has to be fake. no way.
I suddenly have an urge to apply for this apartment...I can tell them about how I spend my spare time getting drunk and waving my smith & wesson around while I look at naughty atheist porn websites and listen to marilyn manson.
...Although, he made no mention of not being able to play loud music or controlling the music you listen to...I think i'd use visiting hours for \"basement band practice\" time...
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-97671-100x100.png\")
hahahahha, how hilarious. What a bunch of loonies. I hope child protective services checks on those kids. Being raised by insane people is never good. It's amazing he didn't say ' you must have blonde hair blue eyes and be between 5'6\" and 5'8\" - females must have a breast size of A to discourage sexual behavior and males must have their sacks removed upon move in date.'
Wait, this is a joke right? The guy is obviously describing a prison. Although usually inmates don't have to pay $480 a month, the taxpayers do.
Of course this is a joke.
Note: since he's supposedly posted the ad on craigslist, he's already broken his rule against \"immoral websites\".
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-1161-100x100.png\")
No lascivious deviant sexual behavior? Drat, that describes all my sexual behavior.
Dad? Are you renting out my childhood room?
Wow. Funny that he would even use Craigslist. I would think he would consider it an immoral website, since it has a whole casual encounters section. Crazy.
Wait... these kinds of people exist in Canada too? And in Vancouver of all places?
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-6170-100x100.png\")
I notice that sex toys aren't on the list of contraband.
fake
And no disapeering ove the horizon! There is no horizon on a flat earth
A late addition to the contract:
Every morning at 5:30 when the lights are turned on, \"I Got You Babe\" by Sonny & Cher will be piped through the newly installed public address speakers in the suite.\"
That is all.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-56626-100x100.png\")
I used to live in Vancouver and I think there is a Jail at that location.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-387761-100x100.png\")
His first sentence explains everything.
Anyone who expects a self-ascribed religious or political definition to speak for them shouldn't be trusted with your lunch money, never mind the rent.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-488475-100x100.png\")
That was hilarious!
and make sure you PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET before you go to bed each night!!!
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-462698-100x100.png\")
The CL ad is the funniest I've read in a while. But the Tenant Protection laws in Canada (it actually goes by province) are pretty strict and there's no chance this would be legal. Landlords can't fine you. Landlords can't control when your lights go on and off. Landlords can't limit your visitors. A landlord can put a content blocker on internet if they pay for it, but you can sign up for your own ISP and pay for it yourself. Landlords can limit you from using the backyard, but not fine you. Landlords can't do surprise inspections (limited to once a year with 24 hours notice), and you never are required to wear an ID tag.
I imagine this is someone's joke (and it's a good one) since there are already nutcase landlord's who imagine they are Lord or Lady of their semi-detached castle and like to demand the absolute stupidest levels of respect and propriety from tenants. I know. I've had a few.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-109901-100x100.png\")
Pretty sure this is fake, but still.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-406930-100x100.png\")
Wow... no one in their right mind would rent from this nut-ball. In all seriousness... I feel really bad for his children. That sound like a very dangerous environment to grow up in. The man is obviously mentally unstable.
They had me going until the bit about the \"exercise yard\".
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-285261-100x100.png\")
The apartment has barely been lived in. The previous renter was killed during a breakout attempt and you are free to have his stuff.
Looks like it could be a scene from SAW. Once your your in, your in!
I would go with \"Interpret the bible literally\" comment for my driving the landlord crazy.
Continue to make offers to buy his wife and daughter for slavery purposes. Ask him to wash my feet. Go out and buy a load of fish and continue to leave 1 with a loaf of bread every hour on his floor, etc.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-72351-100x100.png\")
Cool... it's my 'hood. Most of this kinda stuff happens in Abbotsford (a longstanding hotbed of fundy xtians), but it's entirely possible in Van proper as well. That said, it's most likely a worst possible case mashup of the sort of crap marginalized renters encounter every day.
Here's some points to consider: Yes, according to the Residential Tenancy Act most of this is horridly illegal. The thing about laws is that they need to be enforced, and both the provincial and municipal governments have given tenant rights low to non existent priority. Rooming houses and residential hotels in the downtown east side, illegal basement suites... there's always some kind of housing controversy going on here, and the playing field is invariably tilted towards the landlord rather than the tenant.
The urge to either monetize or marginalize societally challenged renters is apparently hard to resist; With the gentrification of downtown proceeding at breakneck pace pending the 2010 Olympics there is much concern over what's gonna happen to the poor people. Downtown wants 'em out, and the Drive is kinda like the first stop on the way outa town.
Now, no one wants to rent to poor people unless you can figure out a way to scam them out of their welfare cheques too ([www.cbc.ca]), so you get a lot of dodgy rental restrictions and qualifiers being tossed about quite blatantly by landlords who are secure in the knowledge the RTA complaint resolution process is on their side.
Note that this is in Canada, so the temperatures are in Celsius, and the term 'lawsuit' for the most part refers to what you wear to court.
Vancouver is beautiful, unpleasant, and very uncomfortable with poor people.
I note that \"The tenant is not allowed to bring any personal property into the exercise yard.\" I also note that my clothing is my personal property.
So basically he's inviting me to exercise naked for his family's enjoyment.
Hey, they deserve some kind of lascivious deviant sexual stimulation.
If you happen to be a big fan of dystopian science fiction, there is one up-side to this rental...
Rent tomorrow's future...today!
From now on you can just call me THX.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-211131-100x100.png\")
I didn't know the Duggars had a place for rent. Interesting.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-129508-100x100.png\")
At least in prison you get to have sex, whether you want it or not.
Can I have cigarettes in the apartment if I don't smoke? I just need to trade them to other inmate~ er, tenants, when I'm in the exercise yard.
I would love to rent this place for a month so I can break as many of the rules as possible.
Yes it's his place but some of those rules are ridiculous.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-66939-100x100.png\")
This ad made my day.
Are the cavity searches? Oooh. I like cavity searches.
I would have just responded, \"Duuuddeeee, come on!\"
It's obviously a fake ad posted to generate traffic and end up on sites such as this. I really wish Consumerist wouldn't feed the ego's of these people....
You've GOT to be kidding me! The place sounds like a Concentration/Prison Camp...geez. Those people can F-THEMSELVES! How's that for deviant sexual behavior??! Who the hell do they think they are?! For all of the stipulations, they should take in homless people for FREE. They could at least make a TV show out of it.
If I could find them, I'd duct-tape them to a chair and beat them with their own stupidity.
I sure hope that's A JOKE - I'd be shocked if that were REAL....
:)
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-577347-100x100.png\")
so fake.
Here is another great craigslist ad from 2002, and its pretty similar to this one as far as being unreasonable (from the \"best of\" section):
============================
sorority girl seeks successful christian frat boy
Date: 2002-09-30, 1:26AM PDT
I am a former sorority girl, 22, blonde hair (teased), blue eyes, 5'6\", 110 lbs, and work out every day to keep my buttocks firm and clenched. I live in the Marina, and I work in finance. I love movies, bullfights, church, Jesus, and fine dining.
I am looking for a white guy who makes at least 200k a year, preferably as a stock broker or something like that. He also should have a good car that conveys his success- Like a huge Yukon, Hummer or at least the typical black BMW or Mercedes. At least the two of us know that this is not a \"cover\" for the sad reality of being born with a small member. This type of vehicle commands respect, especially since we can say \"hey, I'm only getting 4 miles per gallon, get out of my way you old hag!\" while we drive on the sidewalks and cradle our phones to our ears with the hope that we didn't just spill our decaf grande latte on our new armani suit.
He should also be a Christian, and beleive that Jesus is our savior. And frequently make reference to Jesus, without hesitation or embarassment, since we both know this is a Christian country. Whether he practices the teachings of Jesus is irrelevant. He doesn't ALWAYS have to turn the other cheek or love his neighbor...If we need to walk on some people's backs to get where we are going so be it. But we want to command respect, and I think if we carry our bibles around we can at least get moral high ground by using the whole Christian trump card thing when people disagree with us.
Also- you should be attractive, own at least one cell phone, wear one of those headsets around while walking in the city, but not while driving, and wear nice clothes. A complete disdain for the poor and the homeless would help too. (but an annual trip during the holidays to volunteer for a few hours at some nasty shelter to make us feel good would be ok, as long as we don't have to stay too long or touch those people or their clothes.)
I don't care if we are sheep in the herd. We belong together. PS no sex before marriage, no prenup, 2.5 kids.
that's my hometown!
FYI, they're minutes away from the best pizza in the city! lol
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-58724-100x100.png\")
Jameth and Consumerist...two things I never thought I'd see intersect.
No personal possessions in the exercise yard? Naked exercise? That seems quite progressive for such a conservative landlord... although he probably has the \"security\" cameras set up out there too...
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-482582-100x100.png\")
I call shenanigans. I know that part of town (Vancouver). There are no \"conservative, bible believing, God-fearing, born again, evangelical Christians\" within several blocks of that intersection.
Are we sure this guy is a Christian?? Sounds more like a Nazi...I can almost envision his wife....yeah...she's probably that principle woman from that movie Matilda...yeah and she'll probably put me in the Chokey....ech
I had a friend who tried to tell a tenant at one of his rental houses that they had to leave a particular yard light on 24/7, even though the tenant paid the electricity bill. The tenant won damages in small claims court.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-39759-100x100.png\")
it sounds like Dwight Schrute is the landlord.
I lived in a house in Fallujah in 2004 that looked just like this
This seems to be for Vancouver (Broadway & Commercial)... there aren't even any nice apartments at Broadway and Commercial!
Hilarious, if true. I think this must be a joke.
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-26375-100x100.png\")
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-207322-100x100.png\")
![\"user-pic\"](\"/mt-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-298363-100x100.png\")
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-294841-100x100.png\")
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-439678-100x100.png\")
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-483565-100x100.png\")
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-409488-100x100.png\")
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-139181-100x100.png\")
![\"user-pic\"](\"http://consumerist.com/assets_c/userpics/userpic-98237-100x100.png\")
Everyone knows that craigslist is just a front for people looking for deviant sexual behavior - even those specifically saying that they are AGAINST such things.