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Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!)

January 22, 2009 4:33 PM

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Oh, thank God. My fetus is eating me alive (srsly. I'm 5 lbs. lighter than when I got pregnant and I'll be 22 weeks tomorrow, and I'm eating ridiculous quantities of calories), and it's primarily focusing on eating my ass. First of all, I like some junk in my trunk. Secondly, why can't you eat my flabby upper arms first, baby? That would be HELPFUL. Third, the few pre-pregnancy pants that still fit DON'T fit because there is not enough junk in the trunk anymore to avoid a wardrobe malfunction.

But now I can safely treat my assless condition!

9 replies

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Davan

January 22, 2009 7:30 PM

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@Eyebrows McGee: Well good thing this thread got completely derailed with a completely meaningless conversation.

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January 23, 2009 2:58 AM

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@Davan: Derailed? Are you a moron? Did you, for some reason, choose to EXPAND this particular discussion and then get upset about it? Did someone force you to expand this discussion?

Fucking jerkoff.

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January 23, 2009 1:34 AM

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@Davan: Right, because the original topic was soooooo momentous.

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Cafezinha FINALLY HAS HER STAR--OMGYAYTHXHORTENSE!

January 22, 2009 5:16 PM

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@Eyebrows McGee: At first, I was being eaten alive by the morning sickness (went on for 7.5 months...guess because it was twins I had twice the puking joy?), and then...

I ASPLODED.

Seriously, I think the majority of the weight I gained came all the the last month. It was nuts.

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Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!)

January 22, 2009 5:27 PM

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@Cafezinha FINALLY HAS HER STAR--OMGYAYTHXHORTENSE!: Oh you poor thing. I had rotten morning sickness until just a couple weeks ago (now it's just the mornings I'm throwing up instead of all day, which I sadly consider a win), but I hardly threw up any actual food and I was hungry all the time, even though I was still vomiting.

Morning sickness is a cruel, cruel, cruel joke.

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January 22, 2009 5:12 PM

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@Eyebrows McGee: Lucky you. My fetus is doing all it can to ensure that my ass resembles chewed bubble-gum!

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Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!)

January 22, 2009 5:26 PM

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@sarabadara: Heh. Havoc is being wrought elsewhere. Everyone thinks I'm at least 6 months pregnant and I'm only 4 1/2! (If one more person asks me if I have gestational diabetes after finding out I'm only 4 1/2 months along, I may punch them in the face.)

I'm 5'2\", and my husband is 6'4\" and has the metabolism of a rabid squirrel, so, first, there's nowhere for this baby to GO but out, and second, it's huge and pretty clearly has HIS metabolism. I'm just looking forward to not needing to eat quite so often, because I'm actually starting to get a little grossed out by food (when I'm not actively shoveling it down my gullet), since I'm eating so damn much of it and I'm hungry all the freaking time.

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January 22, 2009 7:05 PM

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@Eyebrows McGee: Ah, just wait until your wrinkly bundle of joy is born, then people will tell you all about what they're certain you are doing wrong about the way you're feeding/clothing/raising your child.

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January 22, 2009 6:26 PM

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@Eyebrows McGee: Ugh. I don't blame you. Some people should be punched for the crap they feel compelled to spew at pregnant women. I understand to some point, that many people seem to be drawn to the belly, but is it really anyone's business if you have gestational diabetes?

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Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!)

January 22, 2009 7:00 PM

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@sarabadara: I try to be cool b/c I know they're just being interested and concerned, but that one is starting to piss me off. The other ones that drove me crazy were, \"Have you tried ginger for your morning sickness?\" as I puked my way into month four. (No, being a moron, I have no idea how the internet works and never thought to check with my doctor for common morning sickness cures) and \"Do you want a boy or a girl?\" which I think is the rudest question on the planet. Even if I did want one or the other, I wouldn't be dumb enough to tell that to someone who, by Murphy's Law, will appear when my child is in an awkward adolescent stage and inform them I wanted a child of the other gender. I mean, dude, that's TOTALLY how Voldemort tried to get at Ron in Book 7!

(I told people, \"I'm hoping for human, because if it's alien, that's going to make for some awkward marital conversations.\")

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January 22, 2009 4:56 PM

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@Eyebrows McGee: Just be patient for a few more weeks. Rest assured the junk will come and show no mercy. Promise.

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Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!)

January 22, 2009 5:05 PM

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@apronk: LOL

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root4root

January 22, 2009 4:35 PM

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uhhh...ummm...yeaahhh

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Rectilinear Propagation

January 22, 2009 4:37 PM

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So then that episode of King of the Hill wasn't making this up?

7 replies

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Grrrrrrr, now with two buns made of bacon.

January 23, 2009 12:19 PM

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@Rectilinear Propagation: DGL...the silent killer!!!!

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lihtox

January 23, 2009 1:55 AM

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@Rectilinear Propagation: We're here! No rear! Get used to it!

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Posthaus

January 22, 2009 9:15 PM

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@Rectilinear Propagation:

Who couldn't think of that episode?..It was one of the best!

(Although any topic medically related and involving Hank was usually golden.)

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January 22, 2009 5:05 PM

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@Rectilinear Propagation: omg i was thinking the exact same thing! hahaha that is my favorite episode!

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January 22, 2009 5:13 PM

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I was also thinking of this particular episode.

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January 22, 2009 4:53 PM

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@Rectilinear Propagation: Finally a cure for my Diminished Gluteal Syndrome!

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January 22, 2009 4:38 PM

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@Rectilinear Propagation: LOL....I love that episode.

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January 22, 2009 4:38 PM

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I really like that I can finally have the gold-leafed ass I've always wanted.

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January 22, 2009 4:41 PM

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I've got enough junk in my trunk already, thanks.

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January 22, 2009 4:44 PM

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Does anyone else think these butt cheeks look... clenched? I'm not sure that's the look I want to go for.

3 replies

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January 22, 2009 8:05 PM

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@LindsayC: doctoral hilarity ensues: Call it a hunch, butt I think this solution is little more than padding the back end and does little to save you money, diginity, or keep you out of arrears.

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January 22, 2009 7:44 PM

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@LindsayC: doctoral hilarity ensues: I think that's because of the way they're hanging... If they were actually on a person they'd be more rounded instead of laying flat, unclenching so to speak!

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January 22, 2009 4:58 PM

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@LindsayC: doctoral hilarity ensues: I think the larger varieties typically sport that \"permanently clenched\" look.

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Ash78 ain't got time to bleed

January 22, 2009 4:48 PM

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Good to see some color diversity. It's a veritable Natal Cleft Palette.

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January 22, 2009 4:48 PM

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I think of this every time I see Frank Sinatra

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January 22, 2009 4:53 PM

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Without a citation, this looks like an Onion article.

I can has reference?

kthxbai

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January 22, 2009 5:00 PM

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They've been selling these in the Frederick's of Hollywood catalog for years in the double-digits. I always meant to ask if they needed donors.

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January 22, 2009 5:11 PM

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That's strange this post came up because I was thinking about David Sedaris' story about wearing a false booty earlier this morning. I guess they're great for your self-confidence, if you need that kind of boost.

2 replies

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January 22, 2009 5:32 PM

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@sarabadara: His story made me wonder about the ethics of giving away false body parts. I mean, he did sweat in them...

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January 22, 2009 6:28 PM

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@LuluStarPony: that crossed my mind, too. They're probably machine washable, right?

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Texpat

January 22, 2009 5:14 PM

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File this under things that I'll NEVER EVER EVER need. :(

My ass goes on for days.

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January 22, 2009 5:23 PM

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haha. that pic is from century 21. i love/hate that place...

2 replies

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January 23, 2009 1:50 AM

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@miss_roxxan: Now that's pretty funny. Around here, Century 21 is (or was) a realty company. If I wanted an ass large enough to be considered real estate, I'd...oh, nevermind; I have one already. Maybe this place can sell mine?

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January 22, 2009 11:11 PM

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Did you mean \"Forever 21?\"

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savdavid

January 22, 2009 6:09 PM

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The ass-challenged! LOL!

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Front_Towards_Enemy

January 22, 2009 7:20 PM

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Given the amount of times I get my ass chewed at work, I should have a closet full of these....errr....devices.

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Rubleaux

January 22, 2009 8:32 PM

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I always complain to my Jewish friend that I am the only black woman in the world with no booty. So, last year for Christmas, she asked me to go to her home and pick up my Christmas gift. I procrastinated because she lives so far away, so a month later, she came over with a rather large bag containing my Christmas gift. I opened the bag and lo and behold, MY NEW ASS WAS IN THE BAG! I have the tan colored booty, just like the one in the picture above. I was so excited because I did not know that a butt can be purchased! When I wear my ass, I feel sexy and so very bootylicious. The booty is comfortable and does not look artificial. So, if you are buttless, like me, get yourself an artificial ass. You'll be glad you did.

2 replies

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acrobatic rabbit

January 22, 2009 8:42 PM

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@Rubleaux: was it everything you thought it could be, and more? Can you sit on bleachers without your tailbone going numb??

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Rubleaux

January 23, 2009 5:03 AM

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@acrobaticrabbit: It was really all that I thought it could be. I have not been on bleachers yet, but I assume that there is enough padding to prevent the tailbone from going numb. The actual cheeks are made of latex. You really should invest in one. I will eventually have one in every color cause it makes my back side look kinda bootylicious! It really does.

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January 22, 2009 8:38 PM

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If you've got lipodystrophy you'll probably want this product when it hurts to sit on anything but a cushion.

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January 22, 2009 8:52 PM

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You'll need these if A) You've got lipodystrophy which is cause by B) Human immunodeficiency virus or acquired immunodeficiency syndrome.

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January 22, 2009 9:00 PM

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Did I read that right? Fake butts are covered under MediCare?

WHY??? :|

3 replies

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khiltd

January 22, 2009 9:14 PM

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Because susta@HogwartsAlum:

Because sustained pressure on the ischial tuberosities can lead to trigger point formation, anal fissures and pudendal nerve entrapment--the pain from which has driven many to suicide and/or financial ruin as very few doctors in the world are capable of treating it.

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January 23, 2009 1:02 AM

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Eek, I just Googled that. I guess I better be careful when I'm stretching or I might need one!

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acrobatic rabbit

January 22, 2009 9:55 PM

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@khiltd: heh, pudendal.

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January 22, 2009 11:38 PM

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@acrobaticrabbit: I was also thinking that. Is that a valid medical term now?

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oregongal

January 22, 2009 9:15 PM

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LOL my hubby could use one for sure. Come to think of it so could my 2nd hubby (now deceased). Neither one has/had enough ass to make a pair of jeans look yummy.

1 replies

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January 22, 2009 9:32 PM

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@oregongal: Same with mine; now if only I could get him to wear it.

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acrobatic rabbit

January 22, 2009 9:57 PM

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Ok, hypothetically, if you wore one of these and accidentally sat on something and it stuck to your butt how would you know? i mean if you sat on a tack and then got up and walked into a store people would like, be curious as to why you aren't in tremendous pain. \"That lady's got an ass of steel!\"

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January 23, 2009 3:18 AM

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@acrobaticrabbit: If you were ever confronted by someone tactfully pointing out the tact, you could always thank them and then segue into a dramatic origin story of your super power.

You know that would be hilarious, don't deny it.

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Squeezer99

January 22, 2009 10:21 PM

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my gf needs something like this. she's 5'1, 96lbs and her pants keep falling off of her because she has no ass and doesn't like wearing belts

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FuryOfFirestorm

January 22, 2009 10:49 PM

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\"I like fake butts and I cannot lie

You other brothers can't deny!\"

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batfutt

January 22, 2009 10:55 PM

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Maybe all these people milling around in Times Square are actually wearing these and did NOT just eat the Chili's Smokehouse Bacon Triple-The-Cheese Big Mouth Burger.

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downwithmonstercable

January 22, 2009 11:27 PM

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@Eyebrows McGee: My wife just about stayed the same weight overall after losing some weight at first with our baby. Then suddenly she gained weight at around 25 weeks. In her boobs.

It was awesome.

Congrats on the baby by the way!

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evilhapposai

January 22, 2009 11:54 PM

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Wait....you mean there are people in America that do NOT have a galactic McDonald's butt? Who knew!

Seriously though I could see Medicare if these were for some medical problem like sitting with no rear would cause extreme pain or damage bones. But if its just cosmetic then not so much.

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January 23, 2009 9:35 AM

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my wife is always making fun of my flat ass. I gotta get me one of these to shut her up.

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