Then our excitement took a big hit: Drank costs $3 per can, plus tax. Still, we wanted to find out how it tasted and if it actually had any soporific effect, so we proceeded.
Ingredients
Drank contains several roll-slowing supplements: valerian root, melatonin, and rose hips. Oh, and lots of high-fructose corn syrup. My fiancee is getting a Pharm.D., and she helpfully went on Lexi-Comp to check these ingredients out. What follows is not medical advice, and may not be entirely accurate, as I was leaning pretty hard while I took notes on what she was saying.
Valerian Root: Used for restlessness and sleep disorders. The effect is in the same class (anxiolytic) as Xanax and Valium, but considerably weaker. Valerian root is what the doctor in Fight Club advised Tyler Durden to chew when he couldn't sleep. Taking it with alcohol increases the "risk" of sedation. Seems pretty legitimate.
Melatonin: We release melatonin throughout the day, and supplements may help regulate deficiencies that might occur from jet lag or other sleep disorders. My fiancee says, "Some study found that melatonin gives you a rash on your junk, and it took 10 days to go away." Apparently the proper medical term for this is "fixed drug eruption."
Rose hips: Rose hips are pretty much worthless, but they contain a lot of vitamin C and may help prevent urinary tract infections, which is a common affliction among certified gangstas.
Taste
We did two taste tests: first we drank Drank straight, then later at night we mixed it with vodka to see if it was an acceptable anti-substitute for Red Bull (yes, we know Red Bull and vodka is disgusting, but we were curious if Vodka Drank would be just as gross or something worse). After pouring two Dranks, neat, I inhaled deeply. It had a distinctly grapey bouquet with a grapish nose tastes like grape soda. Nothing but grape soda. When you mix it with vodka, it tastes like vodka and grape soda, although it reminded me more of a Sparks than Red Bull and vodka. Anyone buying Drank for taste is probably better off spending $3 on grape soda, which would probably purchase a few liters.
Effects
After my first drink of Drank, I felt pretty sleepy. I'd only been up for three hours, but I ended up taking a sixty-minute nap. This was probably a placebo effect, and there were several confounding variables that dispel any causality, e.g., my couch is really comfortable, my dogs were already napping on the couch, and joining them looked like a good idea. So the first Drank drinking was inconclusive. When I mixed a drink of Drank with vodka and drank that Drank drink, I didn't feel anything. Nonetheless, I went to bed almost five hours earlier than I did the night before, and was only up for about eleven hours total. I really hope that was the effect of Drank; otherwise I'm a lazy sloth.
Conclusion
It's probably no surprise—Drank isn't worth it. Three dollars is pretty expensive for a can of sugar water, so unless its supplements actually work, it's a rip off. The effects are nowhere near what I've experienced when I've been prescribed opiates like Vicodin or Codeine; it's not even comparable to doxylamine succinate, the sedative found in NyQuil and some over-the-counter sleeping pills, although there was no groggy hangover the next morning. Bottom line: if you're looking for the taste of Drank, buy some grape soda; if you're looking for the effects of Drank, have a glass of red wine.
Thanks for taking one for the team, Alex.
]]>The last thing we need is a PharmD spreading FUD.
]]>The AVClub did this first.
The real question is whether you'll man up and face the Rain.
]]>Are you referring to that noise in your ears whilst under the influence of Vicodin?
I thought I was the only one who experienced that!
]]>I've been an insomniac most of my life and recently started on a medication that made it much worse. I started taking melatonin, I think in 3 mg doses, each night and it's made a huge difference.
There's really no sleepy period before falling asleep. I'm awake, and then I'm asleep. So using it recreationally doesn't really make sense.
It does give you very vivid and strange dreams though. Last night I was hanging from a helicopter with Jon Favreau. The night before I was making salad with Marilyn Manson when a worm came out of the lettuce and chased us around. He screams like a girl, by the way.
]]>So congratulations Drank if you can make that stuff drinkable. Children of old school European Peasants around the world will thank you.
]]>@defeatism: plus 1!
]]>Excellent review, Consumerist. I would like to hawk my own liver for testing the next round of pseudopharmadrinks.
]]>Damn, for $1 I can get a large Arizona can of Grapeade, for $3 I can have a party.
]]>This stuff sounds ridiculous. If you really want nearly the exact possible effects of this Drank drink, just go buy a bottle of Valerian Root capsules and take a few of those...
]]>I needs this "EL YESTERDAY" it will help get through those..."let's move the couch over here" discussions with the misses
]]>I'm surprised no one has pointed out yet that the doctor didn't tell Tyler Durden to chew on Valerian root - he told "The Narrator" to chew it. Duh.
]]>gotta love that vicodin vrrriiinnnggg vrrriiinnnggg vrrrriiiinnnggg . i loved it too much as a result i would do anything to get it. things are better now tho. grape soda
]]>All I know? Alex, you're cordially invited to my next party. We'll try to brew up something with a stronger kick for you than Drank.
And boy are we well-practiced!
@Egg Yolkeo: Yep. Alternately, you can use water, though making a traditional hot tea is (as I understand it) not the best thing for preserving its properties.
And yes, it smells and tastes like dirt. Or feet. I've found, though, that it mixes quite well with Bushmill's Black Bush, which tastes like alcoholic feet.
]]>@SkokieGuy: Can't believe you missed 'Stun Yer Bun'.
]]>Purple Drank far predates Britney and her madness.
]]>So you bought the product, went to sleep twice after drinking it, and proclaimed it worthless? Yes, the product is likely crap, but how can you come to that conclusion from your test unless you set about writing a column disparaging that product from the beginning?
]]>If you want something that will really chill you down drive or walk to the closest Hispanic store and ask for "Linden Tea". It comes in a package that cost, on average $0.99 and it is way more powerful than Valeriana.
In regards to "Drank", it works, and it works fine. When I read that it costs $3.00 I thought....that I....what the ....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
]]>I also had nightmares all night.
What fun. Especially when you can't quite wake up.
My guess is that there's much less valerian in this stuff. But I'm not going anywhere near it.
]]>Dr. Suess, awesome!
]]>I love this sentence far too much.
]]>I made it to the bottom of the comments and I'm still laughing out loud.
Best product review on Consumerist.
Ever
@RabbitDinner: Maybe because Heath did enough to kill an adult water buffalo?
]]>NOT obligatory, but even funnier:
...swaaaaaaaaaangin'.
]]>Another friend of mine sews it into sachet bags/toys for kitties - they LOVE the smell. My older cat will actually hold the bag against her head and drool all over it. Yick.
]]>"The poison is free... but how much would you pay for the ANTIDON'T?"
]]>/Meaning I'm not going to be productive for a while
//Not Drank induced
Toss in a few more, and you have a recreational hallucinogenic.
]]>When I've used it, I've mixed it with Chamomile, which smells kind of funky anyway, IMO.
Fun fact #2: My cats love the dried root more than catnip.
]]>@AlteredBeast: Drank, the purple color, the flavor, all come from the 'real' drank, which is some 'street' conconction that has killed at least two prominent rappers. (I use the word prominent very loosely)
]]>@VA_White: WTF with the drug abuse? How come Heath Ledger can't get away with it but she can
]]>Of course, it was the late 90s and my memory...he not so good, eh?
]]>This will go down in history as the best sentence that was ever written on the Consumerist.
Congrats. You win an internet.
]]>Awesome. I wish I was a blogger, sleeping on the couch with the dogs and getting paid the big blogger bucks.
Did you try setting it on fire a la a Flaming Moe (or more accurately a Flaming Homer)?
]]>JUICE? WHAT THE FUCK IS JUICE???
]]>Britney Spears makes a special "purple drank" that's a mix of Diet Sprite, prescription-strength cough syrup with coedine, and sometimes painkillers. She also takes the anti-depressant Zoloft and sleep aid Ambien, which is why she's often spaced-out. A source says "she brags to everyone about her 'purple drank'"
]]>Grape Soda
Liquid Valerian root Extract (2oz): $11.59
[www.vitaminshoppe.com]
Liquid Melatonin (2oz): $7.98
[www.vitaminshoppe.com]
Rose Hips (4oz): $16.97
[www.vitaminshoppe.com]
$36.54 for Supliments
+ Grape Soda, Mix to taste/Strength
VS
12-pack of Drank: $36
]]>Ha, New Or"LEANS".
]]>@RabbitDinner: Really? All that is missing are the Grape Flavored Stoggies (awesome blunt wrappers) and some watermelon starbursts and a brother is set.
]]>@AlteredBeast: Seems like a conscious nod to Chapelle, putting it in a purple can. And not to mention the name itself, while the correct past tense of drink, is clearly ebonics
]]>God why did I read this? Now I must have some for my own trials!
]]>Besides the health reasons to avoid high fructose corn syrup (and the artifical flavorings and colorings) HFC, like any sugar is a stimulant. This kinda negates the effects of the valerian.
Melatonin must be taken on a regular basis, and timed in relation to night and day, to help your sleep cycle. It's often recommended for international travelers to reset their internal clocks, but it has to be used in a specific wall.
I suspect that both the valerian and melatonin are in token amounts anyhow.
All that being said, I don't want to buy a product that requires a slang dictionary to understand the product benefits. Slow my roll? I see potential marketing opportunities for a whole family o products. What about a drink to brake my biscuit? Make my croissant crawl? Make my crepe creep?
]]>I'd love to be at the design meeting..."what flavor should we make this drink for our target demographic?" "Grape drink!" Something about that just strikes me as stereotyping.
]]>I think it's like the fake ecstasy scene in "Go": It works better if you smoke lots of weed while you're dranking it.
]]>Just buy some Valerian root online or from an herb store. Soak it in vodka in a jar in the sun (seriously) for a couple weeks. Drain the vodka into a medicine dropper bottle through a funnel and add a few drops of the tincture to your favorite herbal tea. I've used it to help me sleep and I wake up feeling super chilled-out.
Warning: may smell like feet.
]]>Good write up! You are correct, anyone over 21 need not apply to these nonsense energy or anti-energy drinks when we can get wine 2 for $10 and get T to the ANKED in a hurry.
]]>That's Orson Swindle-esque product testing.