@u1itn0w2day: You think the perceived problems with HR might be more about bad management using HR as the bad guys? I've had to undo more than my share of bad management decisions. HR didn't think it was a good idea to hire the hottie for sales...it was some manager with clout.

One little known aspect of HR -- most pure "HR" people hate recruiting...it's a whole different skill set (kinda like sales and marketing -- same job family, different skills). I'm mostly a recruiter, and I hate the HR job -- whiny employees, time spent on "fairness", saying "no" all the time...

But it's the little things that really let you know that HR is usually the most clueless department in the building...

"We're looking for an experienced and professional phone service representative, with excellent verbal communications skills. Please apply by mail or fax."

"Need someone who can troubleshoot internet connections and networking issues. Must be able to demonstrate excellent computer skills, and must be on-call outside of normal business hours in case of emergency. Please apply by mail only."

Don't lie, even on the non-job-related stuff.

We also called the companies listed to verify employment. And references. It's stunning how few companies do this. How many of your companies check?

obviously african americaN, not african america. -sigh-

@mariospants: Not really nope. It's the racial markers people are discriminating against not where you're from. If your friend looks 100% white by GOD she should use that to her advantage. If I didn't look black, I wouldn't be scrawing african america across any application. But I am so I do.

I actually teach out of a business ethics textbook that says IT'S ALL RIGHT TO LIE ON A RESUME BECAUSE IT'S ALL PART OF THE GAME.

I spend a lot of time explaining to my students how this can get you fired at best and prison time at worst if you happen to be at a place that makes you sign affidavits when submitting your resume!

Lying about the number of work hours required & expecting you to work for FREE whenever asked.
Lying about your chances for promotion
Not disclosing the "REAL" job description (these are often written by professional advertising companies)
Lying about the corporate culture (telling you they only hire the brightest & best team-oriented people)
Lying about how much they can really pay you.
Lying about how their pay scale actually works
Telling you how "WONDERFUL" the management staff is when in reality they hire from for a pool of narcissistic, pre-madonna's
Lying about the level of confidentiality you can expect

@Snarkysnake: 100% agree.But they have to justify that degree or title.One exception though I think many HRs do a good job with the existing employees and problems but hiring new employees no way.

I think most companies spend too much time looking for the ideal candidate.You can't always categorize certain experiences,skills or degrees.Scary part is that I always see the same companies at jobs fairs with the same requirements.

I've seen idiots pass the police/civil service test after being coached on how to answer and getting a politician as reference.The samething goes on in corporate America as well,a networked applicant is told or coached as to what the company is looking for so those things wind up being emphasized on the resume and in the interview.

Lying on resume is one of the dirty little secrets of corporate America,it's been going for years.I've read many a survey where business majors are most likely to lie and probably expect you will lie as well.

@SinisterMatt: I remember that lady,I think it was an Ivy League School.Scarey part is that she apparently did her job quite well:WITHOUT the required degree.

Man if productivity matched the resumes that are turned in there would be no problems in America today.

I had a great resume once, it was all great until the last section

Likes: Blah blah blah running, etc, chicken and brocccoli

Pissed myself, memorable!

But, if you feel possessed to do such things, at least make it believable.

The school thing actually works at times, it seems, because HR doesn't verify the information that much. I recall reading a story about a woman who worked for a university somewhere. She had been there for like 30 years and was nearing retirement. The degree she had listed on her resume and the university she allegedly got it from were both fictitious. Apparently no one ever verified that she really did go there. Anyone know how common something like lying about schools is?

Cheers!

@malvones: Thank you for QuickBooks.

I should know - I developed it, not long after I invented Mensa.

You're not "bilingual" because you don't speak Spanish.

The whole thing just REEKS of people not knowing how to search...like not understanding how keyword searches work.

Is it actually physically possible to optimize a resume with stuff like this in mind without developing contempt for the whole process?

Oh, I absolutely would, for two reasons: They're all service organizations as well as social organizations, and they all show community commitment, which if you're interviewing locally is important.

Whatever! I'm 150% Inuit, and I speak Tagalog.

@P_Smith: Technically, he was being evasive - he was snuggled deep inside a womb, working on physical development.

Also, fun fact - friend of mine visiting from Australia recently told me that they call all non-Aboriginal black people in Australia "African-American" as well. The mind boggles.

Anyways, great list of lies! Love it when people try to claim work that I did myself unbeknownst to them. =0)

When did a person's race or ethnic identity become the right of an employer to decide? "Oh, he looks white, I'll check the box 'Caucasian' for him."

how unlucky would you be to have included samples of work done by the person conducting your interview? What are the chances of that? Amazing. Small town I guess, or a pretty unique field...

After that one, I snagged one of my wife's textbooks from her business school information systems class for managerial types. I used it to make sure I was using the right "buzz" words on my resume, along with the actual software I was using.

You've got to figure that with 1 in 50 people being eligible for membership you're going to get a pretty wide variation in personalities.

I don't put it on my resume, nor do I actively talk about being a member. Or for that matter even mention it in passing.

Not only that, but when I see "bilingual" in a job listing, they are almost always looking for and ONLY for Spanish.

Should I say I'm "bilingual" in Japanese and Korean? Hell, do most HR people know what "bilingual" actually means? I think this whole article proves a hell of a lot of them are retards...AND that there are people out there dumber still.

I was recently on jury duty in a case where the defendant allegedly (in this case, almost certainly) did that. A LOT.

In his application for an engineering job, he claimed to have a Mechanical Engineering degree from an "Apache University" in Florida. He also claimed something like 10 years experience. He got the job, BTW.

On his mortgage broker license application, he claimed some OTHER degree from them, AND he claimed a bunch of years experience as a mortgage originator (the case involved money and equipment stolen in order to set up a mortgage broker business...yes, during the height of the bubble), which occurred CONCURRENT with his engineering experience, halfway across the country. He got his mortgage broker license, too.

Oh, and the best part was the prosecutor alleging (but not really pursuing, because it wasn't relevant to the charges) that the guy's DAUGHTER also had a "degree" from Apache University. And the defendant replying "you'd have to ask her, she's got warrants for her in Wisconsin."

@backbroken:
Good, I thought I was the only person who thought there was something fundamentally wrong with that.

Also...is being a Mensa member actually an asset? The story about Isaac Asimov resigning because they were a bunch of dicks makes them sound like a bunch of dicks.

Maybe people embellish for other reasons,like...

1) The dumb shit people in HR are easily impressed.

2) The dumb shit people in HR have stupid,unrealistic expectations.("I'm a professional pornstar but still technically a virgin")

3) The dumb shit people in HR are so busy screwing up their department that they wouldn't know the truth from applesauce.

Okay,we've etablished that the folks in HR use their good offices to wreck the company. No shame in that.But there are some accomplished people that don't fit into any precooked templates dreamed up by the HR staff as a quick and dirty screening device that would make damn fine employees. Those people,needless to say,never get a return phone call,much less serious consideration.Maybe that is why some people put outlandish claims on their resumes.

i resigned shortly after that & cited her dismissal as one of the reasons. i don't tolerate crap like that.

@friedgold: Actually the only races that I have seen on forms are: 1.) White 2.) African American 3.) Asian 4.) Middle Eastern. Hispanic people is an ethnicity within a race, mostly under White or African American.

I love Soledad O'Brien's bio. Member of (and awards from) Irish-American, black and hispanic organizations, as well as a more general 'minority' organization.

Had an applicant that indicated flying experience with the Concorde 4 years before it came into service, while flying for the military and an airline at the same time. I was suprised he didn't claim a few hours in the Spruce Goose

@linbey: I've actually seen including a picture as a "don't" on lists of resume do's and don'ts. the reasoning being that it gives none of the information needed to fairly evaluate you as a job candidate, and a lot of information that could be used to unfairly discriminate. However, I could see it being included in certain fields where the appearance of the applicant could be important.

@linbey: It's very common in Europe. When I worked for a German company, all the German kids would apply to work in the US with the nice shiny photo on top. Some people do this in the US, but it's much less common.

So you weeded him out because he put a somewhat-clever joke on his resume? Perhaps it was the applicants way of weeding out a humorless or overly stuffy potential employer. Looks like it worked.

"That percentage would be a lot higher if they counted all the people who claim to be "proficient in Microsoft Word" but can't do anything besides change the font and spellcheck."

Stop being mean to my assistant!

@johnva: To be honest, anyone who puts their ethnicity on their resume, correct or not, is not going to get an interview from me.

[www.census.gov]

On the question of whether or not club memberships should be listed . . .

I doubt I would list Mensa (if I were a member) not just because it is a social club, but also because there is a sour taste left by members (probably a small minority) who feel they have to work this fact into every conversation. My sister has stated an active desire not to join on the basis that membership simply says, "I'm smarter than you. Nyah!"

Surely, I would not list Rotary, Elks, Moose, etc. for the simple reason that, while they do, in fact, do good public works, they are still basically a social club. There might be exceptions, depending on relevance, in which you might list some project you specifically worked on within one of these clubs, though.

If it seemed relevant to the job, I might list membership in an amateur radio association, fire department, ambulance corps, or other technical or emergency service organization.

I would however, list Toastmasters (of which I am a member) because Toastmasters is all about personal development, and implies that you have and/or are working on your communications and leadership skills.

Your mileage may vary.

At least that is how the US government defines it. I do contracting work for the US federal government, and deal quite a bit in race/ethnicity statistics -- that's how we handle Hispanics.

So yes, I'd agree that whoever submitted that line and wrote the article apparently did not know what he was talking about.

@linbery, most college career offices will train you in the 1 page gold standard, but there are many people with whom 1 page really is insufficient. Anythign more than 3 though really is overkill don't hand recruiters a book.

After getting hired, I went back and recruited at a career fair at my Alma Mater. I foudn out that the career services office had been using my resume as a 'template' or 'example' becasue I got handed my resume with somebody elses name at the top.

Well he WAS being evasive... he was gestating. Sheesh.

It's great to see that "hiring managers" are morons. I cannot believe the Hispanic thing. God what an insult. Clearly reflects an absolute lack of cultural literacy. Unfrigging believable.

On another note, it sucks that people lie on their resumes. It makes life for us non-liars harder. Personally, my resume is very public. I fa former employer tells me I have exaggerated something I would be utterly mortified.

The dumbest one on that list I've ever heard of involved my brother when he was joining the military (mid-1990s). He wasn't being stupid, the military recruiter was.

Applicants have to give a life's history for investigation. The recruiter said (in our living room), "Why haven't you listed what you were doing before the year 197_?"

My brother said, "That's the year I was born."

The recruiter claimed my brother was being evasive. 9_9

@silencedotcom: I was wondering if people really think it helps to be a Kennedy

Apparently it's a bigger issue than I ever realized. I work with a fellow from Colombia, who's got reddish blond hair, light skin, and no accent since he moved here to the US when he was seven. I would have never guessed unless he told me.

I came in here to mention the Hispanic/Caucasian problem, but I see we have that covered.

Good job guys!

@linus: It just makes me angry that I can put "proficient in Excel," but it means absolutely nothing because some other douchebag will put the same thing along with the other 50 white lies on his resume, but he wins in the end because he'll get the job, and as far as I know, nobody's been fired for not knowing how to use boolean logic in Excel.

Hmm. I am Hispanic, but I am also white. I also have a name that is in English and not Spanish, thanks to one rogue American in my family tree. I'd hate to be thought of as a liar just because of that!

Hispanic isn't a race, it's an ethnicity. And there can be various kinds of races within that group. Perhaps it should say "Don't say you're Hispanic when you really aren't."

# Claimed to be Hispanic when he was 100 percent Caucasian

No affirmative action for you, whitey! You'll be the last person we consider because we have racial quotas here at XYZ MegaCorp.

Im just wondering who in the hell puts their picture in their resume. Is this something new to do? Its hard enough just fitting the whole text of a resume on 1 sheet of paper unless they changed that unwritten rule too and can now have a 30 page resume.

Based on your resume idea, here's mine... : )

50 percent
44 percent
34 percent
32 percent
30 percent
27 percent
26 percent
20 percent
14 percent

At 277%, I'm obviously the best candidate, and I should be hired at 277% of the mandated salary for the position. Thank you.

I don't understand why race needs to be on anyone's resume.

@Geekybiker: True or not, I don't think putting 'member of MENSA' on a resume would be a net positive. The fact someone would seek out and advertise membership in that organization tells me, while they may have a high IQ, they are likely arrogant yet insecure assholes. Picture the stereotypical help desk genius with a superiority complex.

Well, my son is considered Hispanic (my wife is part Cuban), but he appears as WASPy as I am.

If I ever have a daughter, she'll be eligible for both Hispanic-based scholarships AND the Daughters of the American Revolution scholarships. I can't wait to laugh at that.

As for using Word, I always thought "Microsoft Office Suite" was the way to go.

@RodAox: i think the fact that it appears on this list thoroughly disproves your point. i know that legally your correct, but then i witnessed a woman get fired because she was "a distraction to the other workers", so i tend to be a little jaded on these matters.

How the hell does one determine tan individual is "100% Caucasian"? Unless a DNA test is part of the application, you can't.

It is asking for serious trouble to question a job applicant's stated race when their physical appearance doesn't correlate with what you think they should look like. I've known several mixed race (one white parent, one black) people, who identified themselves as African-American, whose appearance ran the gamut. Some had traits that would be typical of having two black parents. Some could easily be taken for southern Europeans.

Likewise, when I was in college I dated a woman who was 1/4 Fond du Lac Chippewa. She was pale and had red hair. One time I was with her in the financial aid office while she was discussing a scholarship with the staff. This guy in a line next to us turns around and asks, "What kind of minority are you?!?" I could have throttled that jackass.

@johnva: Either way, I've actually told people this and they accept it without batting an eye. Always think that's funny.

I'm a CEO/former baseball player/Kennedy family member with great problem-solving and decision-making skills.

HIRE ME!

@johnva: It's possible. I say that I'm 7/19th German.

I helped get my cousin John Kennedy into Mensa back when I was the CEO of the the Spanish military baseball team.

@A.W.E.S.O.M.-O: I've always felt funny typing in all of the software that I know how to use. Word, PP, Excel, Access, etc...the list goes on and on...

But you're right. People who often write "proficient in Microsoft Word" often use a Word resume template to begin with...that's not proficient.

@legotech: That's just funny and sad at the same time.

I am Hispanic although I look very very caucasian. In all fairness, I am only half hispanic, but I hope I don't get written off as a liar

You can see there that the government refers to "Hispanics" as an ethnicity, not a race.

@TracyHamandEggs9 is the bitchiest banana: Exactly. I consider MENSA a social club, like the Elks or Rotary. Also, certifications are to only be noted on the resume. Once you get the position I don't need to know the list of your certs every time you send out an email.

We had a resume come through with the statement that the candidate was "Time Magazine's Man of the Year for 2006" and while technically true...it didn't win him any points

That percentage would be a lot higher if they counted all the people who claim to be "proficient in Microsoft Word" but can't do anything besides change the font and spellcheck.

@Chris Walters: That's right! I could print these suckers on business cards.

Next applicant please.

@johnva: Likely, it was a hispanic taking offense that someone would label them hispanic when they don't have the requisite darker skin, brown eyes and dark hair... discriminatory because I know some blond-haired blue eyed pasty girls who were born and lived in Spain... are they not 100% "hispanic"?

I once interviewed at a company where one of the guys interviewing me claimed to have done some work that I knew from first-hand experience was done by someone else. Perfect time to name-drop, but I held back because embarassing one of your interviewers is probably not a good idea.

I personally would never lie about my qualifications in a resume or interview, simply because if I did, I wouldn't know how to do the actual job and would probably get fired anyhow.

Well I suppose those lies fit the "go big or go home" mentality.

Here's my new resume:

problem-solving and decision-making skills
oral and written communications
customer service or retention
performance and productivity improvement
leadership
technology
team-building
project management
bilingual

Yes, I'm ALL these things.