tag:consumerist.com,2010:/1/tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326- 2010-01-09T04:26:57Z Comments for Maxim Fires Peter Hammond, Movie Critic Shill Extraordinaire Shoppers bite back. Movable Type 4.32-en tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326 2008-01-09T00:48:23Z 2008-05-01T09:39:03Z Maxim Fires Peter Hammond, Movie Critic Shill Extraordinaire -->As far as we are concerned, the function of a movie critic is to let you know (in as entertaining way), whether or not you should drop your hard earned cash to see a movie in a theater, if you should wait for cable, or if you should run screaming in the opposite direction. Meg Marco As far as we are concerned, the function of a movie critic is to let you know (in as entertaining way), whether or not you should drop your hard earned cash to see a movie in a theater, if you should wait for cable, or if you should run screaming in the opposite direction.

Peter Hammond (formerly of Maxim) does not perform this function. He does not help the consumer make an informed decision. He says whatever will get his name splashed across movie advertising. Even his negative reviews contain ready-made blurbs, and he has been known to alter his wording at the request of studio executives.

Now he has been fired. eFilmCritic collected some of his 88 movie blurbs from 2007. Here are a few we liked:

One to see! (Resurrecting the Champ) Everyone should see it. (In the Shadow of the Moon) A must-see movie. (The Number 23) It's a must-see movie! (The TV Set) A must-see film that audiences will love. (The Bucket List) Do yourself a big favor and put this movie at the top of your must-see list. (Starter for 10) A movie you must see. (Reign Over Me) Do not miss this film. (Zodiac) This is a movie not to be missed (A Mighty Heart) The can't miss it, gotta see it feel great comedy of the year. (Dan In Real Life) A movie that should - and must - be seen. (Trade) This is one of those rare gems you must not miss. (Control)

A bone-chilling, disturbing thriller. (Trade)
A spellbinding, real-life suspense thriller. (Breach)
A psychological thriller full of great visual style... (Revolver)
A gripping psychological thriller that will have you guessing from start to finish. (Premonition)
A sleek, surprising and surefire thriller that will grab you by the throat. (Fracture)
A fiercely original shocker. (Alpha Dog)
An absolute shocker in every way imaginable. (Hannibal Rising)
A smart, highly entertaining non-stop shocker. (1408)
A true shocker that will shatter your nerves and get you talking. (The Brave One)

Maxim Fires Blurb Whore Peter Hammond [RADAR]
Maxim's Pete Hammond is a tool [Philmguy]
THE 2007 MICHAEL MEDVED BAG OF DOUCHE MEMORIAL AWARD [eFilmCritic via Philmguy]

PREVIOUSLY: Maxim Film Critic Changes Quote for CBS and Miramax

]]> tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3625788 Comment from banmojo on 2008-01-09 banmojo Hannibal Rising, the movie, sucked ass. Hannibal Rising, the book, rules, along with the other 3 books in the series. The only way to watch the movies is to watch them FIRST, THEN read the books. I enjoyed Hannibal, but when I read the book afterwards, my joy became complete.

]]> 2008-01-10T00:51:56Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3619359 Comment from Flibbetigibbet on 2008-01-09 Flibbetigibbet "In The Shadow Of The Moon" really is a great documentary.

All the rest of the movies on the list are crap...

]]> 2008-01-09T20:48:47Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3619137 Comment from xredgambit on 2008-01-09 xredgambit

Anyone else notice that all his movies were must see or else a shocker?

]]> 2008-01-09T20:39:47Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3614383 Comment from BuriedCaesar on 2008-01-09 BuriedCaesar I'm reminded of Sir Winston Churchill's quote - "It is better to be making the news than taking it; to be an actor rather than a critic."

Anyone can be a critic. About anything. All it takes is a minimal ability to string a few clever words together into a coherent sentence. And sometimes not even that.

]]> 2008-01-09T09:20:03Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3610724 Comment from neithernor on 2008-01-09 neithernor I liked "Dan in Real Life"...

]]> 2008-01-09T05:39:32Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3609792 Comment from Gaambit on 2008-01-08 Gaambit

Maxim also needs to stop "reviewing" video games months before they even hit the shelves.

]]> 2008-01-09T04:42:21Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3609257 Comment from faust1200 on 2008-01-08 faust1200 http://consumeristforums.com A few years ago didn't they discover that there was a "famous" film critic being quoted in newspapers etc. who didn't even exist? And I DID see Hannibal Rising and it was a steaming pile of guano to be sure.

]]> 2008-01-09T04:10:22Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3608474 Comment from lostalaska on 2008-01-08 lostalaska Don't miss this firing as it is the firing of the year!

]]> 2008-01-09T03:33:28Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3607803 Comment from revmatty on 2008-01-08 revmatty @lincolnparadox: If as a food critic you are eating with hands down, it's gonna get messy.

]]> 2008-01-09T03:05:14Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3607182 Comment from forever_knight on 2008-01-08 forever_knight Do not miss this film. (Zodiac)

Zodiac is a film you shouldn't miss! rent it today!

]]> 2008-01-09T02:42:35Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3606860 Comment from Kishi on 2008-01-08 Kishi http://mvn.com/mlb-diamondbacks/ @lincolnparadox: I don't know... Movie critics may only have to suffer for a couple hours at once. Food critics could face much longer lasting pain.

]]> 2008-01-09T02:31:07Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3606818 Comment from Pop Socket on 2008-01-08 Pop Socket http://popsocket.blogspot.com Sad to see him go. He was an Oscar-tastic disciple of Walter Monheit.

]]> 2008-01-09T02:29:41Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3606415 Comment from jamesdenver on 2008-01-08 jamesdenver

Actually this site is the definitive answer for movie reviews:


[capalert.com]

]]> 2008-01-09T02:16:38Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3606318 Comment from Uh oh... Cleveland on 2008-01-08 Uh oh... Cleveland Wait, that was a real guy? I thought it was just a bunch of writers under one pseudonym, like Dear Abby or something.

]]> 2008-01-09T02:13:51Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3606023 Comment from topgun on 2008-01-08 topgun I was bored just reading the list. The good news is that I see a job opening that also gets you into the Maxim parties. Time to polish up the old resume.

]]> 2008-01-09T02:04:49Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3605736 Comment from LeopardSeal on 2008-01-08 LeopardSeal

@cmdr.sass: "You'll be fired... Out of a cannon... Into the sun."

]]> 2008-01-09T01:55:48Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3605567 Comment from Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!) on 2008-01-08 Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!) http://eyebrowsmcgee.blogspot.com/ @curiosity: I often have good luck at the US Catholic Bishops website (USCCB something), where they review movies, and also rate them based on a somewhat different ranking system than the MPAA's system. I like it for a couple of reasons -- first, they TELL you why the rating and are more concerned about things like violence, which bother me (I could give a shit about bare boobs) -- a lot of parents use it because they're more explicit in discussing age-appropriateness. But also because the main reviewer has a super-dry sense of humor that cracks me up. And he's good at distinguishing brainless-but-fun from just plain brainless.

They do rate movies "O" -- morally offensive, and frequently I'm sure most Americans would disagree with that rating. But I find the review of the movie itself typically to be fair even when the movie is rated "O"; the reviews and ratings are kept fairly separate.

I use it a lot to find old movies I've never heard of when I'm looking for something to rent. Whoever does it has a fantastic mental catalog of classic movies.

]]> 2008-01-09T01:50:03Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3605425 Comment from PaulMorel on 2008-01-08 PaulMorel http://www.thisisnotalabel.com @EricaKane: Yep. The more times ANY publication says "-Maxim" after a reference, the more people will think of it as a legitimate publication and not just 'socially acceptable boobies'.

]]> 2008-01-09T01:45:58Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3605097 Comment from hi on 2008-01-08 hi

it shocked you to sleep!

]]> 2008-01-09T01:34:51Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3604929 Comment from bunnymen on 2008-01-08 bunnymen

I fell asleep during Alpha Dog, the "fiercely original shocker"...

]]> 2008-01-09T01:28:33Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3604902 Comment from Chese on 2008-01-08 Chese

I enjoy SickBoy's reviews www.sick-boy.com but unfortunately lately it seems he doesnt see as many. He is pretty brutal but its funny.

]]> 2008-01-09T01:27:24Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3604876 Comment from gte879p on 2008-01-08 gte879p This bozo sounds like he's just a quote whore past his prime.

My favorite movie reviewer is the filthy critic (www.bigempire.com/filthy/)

It's written from the perspective of a crotchety old drunk guy. I find myself agreeing with most of his reviews. Check out his archives to see what the thinks about the movies. It's always an entertaining read, and he gives you HIS opinion on the movie.

]]> 2008-01-09T01:26:22Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3604861 Comment from sled_dog on 2008-01-08 sled_dog

Maybe he REALLY like all those films?

]]> 2008-01-09T01:25:53Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3604603 Comment from jamesdenver on 2008-01-08 jamesdenver

This has to be my favorite movie review of all time.


[www.nypost.com]

]]> 2008-01-09T01:18:08Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3604567 Comment from lincolnparadox on 2008-01-08 lincolnparadox Being a movie reviewer is the second best job ever.

Many reviewers end up saying the same thing, but honesty is what separates good reviewers from bad reviewers. Every review should state if a movie is worth your time and cash.

In my opinion, everyone should use a site like rottentomatoes.com or mrqe.com to find a reviewer that has your tastes in film. Maybe you're high-brow? Maybe you think that Adam Sandler is an artistic genius? These two site can help you find that critic that speaks your language and then return to their reviews for advice.

First best job ever? Food critic. Hands down.

]]> 2008-01-09T01:17:08Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3604526 Comment from Skeptic on 2008-01-08 Skeptic @curiosity:
I'd suggest [www.metacritic.com] . It is an aggregation (meta) site that shows you all the major reviews and gives you links to the originals, summaries and individual and averaged scores. The structure helps eliminate the relevance of quote whores.

]]> 2008-01-09T01:15:42Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3604472 Comment from suburbancowboy on 2008-01-08 suburbancowboy Maxim and the now defunct stuff both have so called reviews with stars and all, for movies that are months from being released, and have not been screened for critics yet.

]]> 2008-01-09T01:14:01Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3604446 Comment from cmdr.sass on 2008-01-08 cmdr.sass I was hoping to read that he had been fired out of a cannon. This is almost as good.

]]> 2008-01-09T01:13:16Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3604434 Comment from chili_dog on 2008-01-08 chili_dog Isn't telling the reader what to think the sole job of any reviewer?

]]> 2008-01-09T01:13:08Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3604314 Comment from EricaKane on 2008-01-08 EricaKane maxim knew exactly what they were getting with this guy. they wanted their name in ads too.

]]> 2008-01-09T01:09:09Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3604226 Comment from Skeptic on 2008-01-08 Skeptic "The can't miss firing of the year!"

Yea! Reviews should be honest. Quote whores don't deserve legitimate outlets of their tripe. Perhaps Hammond can find a job quote whoring at the nearly imaginary quote whore rag, Wireless Magazine?

]]> 2008-01-09T01:05:55Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3604148 Comment from Curiosity on 2008-01-08 Curiosity So he can't invest in a thesaurus? [thesaurus.reference.com]

I personally like [www.rottentomatoes.com] or [www.avclub.com], but I suspect there are better resources to tell when you will not waste your time. Suggestions?

]]> 2008-01-09T01:03:03Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3604095 Comment from Lmam on 2008-01-08 Lmam A lousy reviewer not fit to be published in a magazine about beer and boobs!

- Me, Here

]]> 2008-01-09T01:01:19Z tag:64.14.177.195,2008://1.342326-comment:3603977 Comment from Pancakes?? FRENCH TOAST!! on 2008-01-08 Pancakes?? FRENCH TOAST!! So was he fired for being a weak critic, or was he fired because Maxim realized that "film critic" was an unnecessary function of their magazine?

]]> 2008-01-09T00:57:07Z