Comments for NWA Worker Ejaculates On Passenger

NWA Worker Ejaculates On Passenger

2007-03-06T20:49:01Z

WCCO: An off-duty Northwest Airlines employee was arrested after a woman on a flight from Seattle complained that the man had ejaculated on her.

Copy of the complaint filed by, interestingly enough, an FBI agent assigned to the International Terrorism Squad, inside. Apparently, there might be some concern that a squad of these fellows could take over a plane with ejaculate. Think about it, the entire plane could be incapacitated by a clutch of capable gents, especially if they were violating the 3 oz rule.

This is really disgusting. NWA should fire the worker, he's only been suspended so far, give the lady a profuse apology, and a fistful of free tickets.

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Click to enlarge.

— BEN POPKEN

Off-Duty NWA Worker Charged With Assault On Flight [WCCO]

Comment from Paul on 2007-03-11

2007-03-11T09:50:10Z

Uh, synergy, if you clock out of work and then, while still at your desk, ejaculate on the night cleaning crew as they empty your trash, I don't think saying "hey, I was off the clock" will give you a pass on company property.

A plainclothed and off-duty cop urinating on people in a police station would be fired, regardless.

An off-duty airline employee on a flight is most likely jump-seating or otherwise using their status as an employee to either get a discount or fly for free. The flight manifest will not reflect them as a normal passenger, and there's no reason to think that even if it did that sexual misconduct on company property or in company vehicles is not a firing offense

Comment from synergy on 2007-03-09

2007-03-09T10:46:02Z

So why is he suspended again? How does this affect his work if he wasn't on the clock when this occurred?

Comment from cowboy_k on 2007-03-08

2007-03-09T01:44:10Z

Pepper. http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/91q4/sneeze.html

Comment from Atunu on 2007-03-08

2007-03-08T07:01:19Z

That has got to create some spasm on the Gonzalez dude. I mean, how awkward would it sound if someone reads out his felony charges like this "Felony charges: Ejaculation"...

Haa haa haa.

I feel terrible for the women though. It wasn't just the regular kinds of perv she encountered but someone much more deep (if you catch my drift).

Comment from superbmtsub on 2007-03-07

2007-03-07T08:04:27Z

My question is why didnt she move to another seat in the first place. But jackin off in a public??? This guy needs to be behind bars or have his dick shorted to 2 inches.

Comment from PBH on 2007-03-07

2007-03-07T05:49:38Z

Scored on the first date. And it usually takes months of stalking for me to pull the ol' ejaculate in their hair bit.

Comment from faust1200 on 2007-03-07

2007-03-07T05:33:26Z

@kerry: Could you say that again a little slower...

Comment from chickymama on 2007-03-07

2007-03-07T05:06:07Z

@Paul:

True.....how about a quick jab then.

Comment from Trai_Dep on 2007-03-06

2007-03-07T04:54:53Z

...I hope this doesn't mean that next time I'm wading thru airport security, I need to put my thingie in a see-thru plastic baggie and show it to the Security Theater people.

(and gosh, where would I possibly buy a bag that h-u-g-e!?)

Comment from lizluv on 2007-03-06

2007-03-07T04:20:41Z

Paragraph#6 strikes me as odd... if i were sleeping on a plane and felt ANYTHING touch me anywhere, i would wake up to see what it was. Particularily if my clothing was moved. This is a tough sell for me...Sounds fishy. He would have had to step over her legs to get past her aisle seat, lift the arm of the seat to get in a 'spooning' position, and move her clothing all while she remains 'asleep'.

Comment from sizer on 2007-03-06

2007-03-07T03:59:48Z

Don't call it a comeback!

Comment from globlor on 2007-03-06

2007-03-07T02:39:06Z

It's "Further your affiant sayeth naught." that you should end your emails with, for "not" don't make no sense.

Comment from michaeldillon on 2007-03-06

2007-03-07T02:04:49Z

"Come on Eileen..."

Comment from kerry on 2007-03-06

2007-03-07T01:52:44Z

@Mr. Feller: I've known some guys who could ejaculate very quickly with little friction, granted they were aroused enough to begin with. If this guy is a crazy pervert (which he appears to be), I can see quietly unzipping and ejaculating within seconds of the initial contact.

Comment from And0 on 2007-03-06

2007-03-07T00:19:35Z

Wait, where does it say that he's an NWA employee?

Comment from Ass_Cobra on 2007-03-06

2007-03-07T00:03:47Z

Hey, at least he likes to cuddle afterwards. I really hope he had his palm pre loaded otherwise he can add quick trigger to the laundry list of his problems.

Comment from critical_matt on 2007-03-06

2007-03-07T00:00:45Z

Well, I think she got a fist full of something already, not sure if she has room for tickets. I think we're missing the big question here - was the plane on time?

Comment from MarcAnthony on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T23:56:12Z

**Shakes head in disbelief**

I can't understand how you can't feel someone spooning with you, and touching your clothing. Let alone the sensation of someone ejaculating on you? Cum on! lol...No Seriously thouhg, this sounds kinda weird...Sounds like a really sticky situation!

Comment from thejbs on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T23:33:05Z

"Further your affiant sayeth not."

I'm going to start wrapping up all my emails with this!

Comment from Scuba Steve on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T23:29:04Z

Its digustingly hilarious.

I'm sure that woman is traumatized, I hope she gets a fair settlement.

Comment from faust1200 on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T23:28:31Z

I wanted so bad to think of the perfect humorous comment but so far I've cum up short.

Comment from jgodsey on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T23:09:32Z

tell me again why this guy isn't behind bars?
scuse me need to take a shower ew......

Comment from Yozzie on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T22:35:35Z

Actually, it's a pretty nifty metaphor for the state of air travel today - the NWA guy got what he wanted, without putting any effort into satisfying her...

Comment from Aeroracere on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T22:34:44Z

Not to, you know, ruin the 'let's string him up' party, but this guy deserves due process in the legal system just like everyone else.

Unless he's confessed, or there's been some instant DNA testing to link the 'liquid in question' with this guy, this might as well be the Duke Lacrosse case.

Comment from Mr. Feller on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T22:34:06Z

1) ewwwwwwwww
2) the way the affidavit describes it, it makes it sound like he had a handful or whatnot of specimen and put it on her...did he actually pleasure himself in the seat next to? How did anybody else not notice? The situation in it's entirety is very odd.

Comment from mackjaz on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T22:24:47Z

I am sick of these *&&%^%&* sperm on this %$#&() plane!

Comment from joopiter on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T22:14:07Z

Well this certainly takes the cake in the "dumbest criminals" category. At least if they were on a subway and the woman fought back, he'd have a chance of getting off the train and running out through the station. Where the hell did he think he was going to go on a plane?

I echo everybody else here with a resounding "Ew." I hope they prosecute the hell out of him.

Comment from Paul on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T22:03:15Z

chickymama: why didn't she kick him in the balls?

On an airplane? There's barely room to put your legs, let alone swing them.

Comment from Nygdan on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:54:36Z

There's no reason to think that she calmly and cooly sat there while being molested. It says she was asleep, she could've been accosted, woken up, seen him walk to his seat, and then realized what happened and started raising holy hell over it. The affidavit isn't going to 'capture' the emotions of the scene.

Comment from DeleteThisAccount on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:48:41Z

I thought NWA stopped serving warm nuts in a cost saving effort.

(groan)

Comment from chickymama on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:47:40Z

In agreement with everyone here....eewwwww.

Was there anyone sitting in the window seat?

And, why didn't she kick him in the balls? He got his pleasure, she should get hers.

Comment from Yozzie on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:42:30Z

"I am tired of these motherf@#king trouser snakes on this motherf@#king plane!"

Who did this guy think he was, Ralph Fiennes?

Comment from olegna on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:40:24Z

Wow, now that's what I call a single-serving buddy!

Comment from formergr on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:40:22Z

While I think I'd be in the hitting and screaming club if this ever happened to me, I've heard so many stories about women being fondled and groped on crowded subways and not knowing what to do that it's clear many are just too intimidated or surprised to react.

The other part of it is that (just like on a crowded subway) initially you don't know if the person just accidentally brushed up against you in crowded conditions. If you're not sure, it makes you pretty hesitant to yell something out in case the poor bastard really did do it accidentally.

In this woman's case, spooning is definitely past the point of wondering if it's intentional, but I can see that if she'd been sleeping and woke up to it, by the time she'd processed what could be going on she already had the evidence "deposited" on her back. And not to be gross, but I hope that someone had the foresight to save whatever she wiped it off with in a bag for future evidence.

Comment from kerry on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:35:57Z

Sometimes people get weirdly polite on airplanes, as concerned about disturbing others' personal space as they are about their own. Have you ever had someone fall asleep on your shoulder on a packed flight? You don't want to be rude, even though you're uncomfortable. If this woman woke up to being spooned and touched, she probably spent enough time thinking "what should I do? Push him off? Yell?" that before she acted he'd already finished. But, yeah, ew. Eeeeew.

Comment from katana on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:33:57Z

@homerjay:

very nice, Homerjay

Comment from VA_White on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:31:50Z

Why did she not scream something at him like, "Get the eff off me and take your jizz with you!!"

Maybe my sense of personal space is more well-defined than others and maybe the incident happened faster than described but I would notice immediately if some yahoo was spooning me and moving my clothes.

I hope they nail the guy's balls to the wall. He can spoon all he wants to with his buddies in jail.

Comment from RapperMC on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:27:53Z

Both Gonzalez and the victim's back and side qualify, homerjay.

Comment from bambino on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:23:09Z

@ Nature Boy:
My thoughts exactly. Who lets themselves be 'spooned' and touched by a complete stranger?

Comment from homerjay on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:23:06Z

Does this mean they both qualify for the Mile High club or just him?

Comment from The Bigger Unit on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:18:13Z

Good lord!! The thing I don't understand is why didn't the woman immediately punch Gonzalez in the face and yell out once he began touching her, "spooning" her, and playing with her shirt?!

There's some crazy dudes out there. Man.

Comment from Pelagius on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:15:58Z

Will this be covered in the Passenger Bill of Rights?

Comment from acambras on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:15:41Z

Eeeewww -- that is nasty.

The affidavit says the victim was moved to another seat, toward the front of the plane. I hope they put her in first class. And I hope they gave her a hot towel.

Again -- ewwww.

Comment from Youthier on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:10:05Z

I do actually give the flight crew credit here. They handled this situation as well as they possibly could.

But, ew.

Comment from Lilyara on 2007-03-06

2007-03-06T21:08:50Z

Wow... I'd like to say that I'd jump up and cry bloody murder in this situation, but I honestly don't know what I'd do if I woke up and it was happening to me. Poor woman.